The Villagers And The Beast

For Doug: Thank you for always keeping life interesting!

The Villagers And The Beast

By Lisa Hoffman

2011

From a village far away,

Comes a story that is still told today.

In this village lived gentle folk,

Who loved to laugh, play, and joke.

But these gentle folk were deprived of sleep,

Due to the beast living in mountains deep.

Each night it would come in search of a new victim.

The villagers never knew if it would be Ali Meagan or Tim.

The beast would come not to terrorize or slay.

It just needed different things, sometimes it just wanted to play.

Sometimes the beast wanted a tummy rub or a head scratch.

It's boundless energy no one could match.

But the people were so tired they didn't know what to do.

They just wanted to sleep. They were so very blue.

The beast meant no harm. He was just lonely.

There was no cause for alarm. He needed a friend only.

So they sent the beast to the giant that lived by the shore.

So both giant and beast were lonely no more.

Sleepless nights soon came to an end,

Once the village folk found the beast a new friend.

The Web of Obsession (Noval In Progress)

The Web of Obsession

 By Lisa Hoffman

        Chapter One

              Tate

My name is unimportant at this point in the story. All you need to know is that I am a loyal fan of Catherine Baker’s writing. One might even call me obsessed. I caught my first glimpse of her while I was watching late night television. She was attending the release of her new book. She had sea-colored eyes that sparkled with innocence. Her face seemed to radiate with kindness and love.  Every time she smiled, it seemed as if Catherine was smiling at me. It was at that exact moment that I realized that I simply had to investigate into Catherine’s life.

Catherine Baker is a 22-year old girl who has Cerebral Palsy and Epilepsy. Since birth, her mind was filled with the strength and the importance of the Catholic faith. Within every book that she writes, Catherine explains how powerful and how loving she believes God to be. Personally I never believed in God myself because he never seemed to be there when needed Him the most.
Not all of Catherine’s information was available on the Internet of course. I had to go digging in other places. Catherine was always in the media spotlight for some reason or another. Every time I went to the store which wasn’t very often, I’d see her face in the cover of People or Entertainment magazine. I decided then to begin to read them.

In interviews she often claimed that she disliked all of the attention but secretly I think the Catherine soaked it up like a sponge.

She also loved it when reporters asked about her family. She would probably go on about them for hours if the reporters allowed it. That’s how I found out about them.
Her mother, Anne operates a sculpting business teaching classes. On the side, her mother also attempts to sell her sculptures in order to gain at least a small amount of recognition for herself. Catherine’s father, Dominic, died of a sudden heart attack when she was only five.
Therefore, she never really knew him. However, thanks to the substantial life insurance policy that Dominic left behind, Catherine and her family were always financially secure.

It wasn’t long before Catherine’s first novel became published.  It soon became a best seller. During the time of Catherine’s blossoming success her mother was traveling with her artwork, attempting to market it. When the news of Catherine’s success circulated to Anne’s ears, she was ecstatic. It was then that Catherine’s mother informed her that there was a house in Michigan on the market.
I became intrigued with Catherine Baker when I just so happened to read one of her many suspense thriller novels. The stories that she wrote were so filled with purity and fantasies that I became extremely envious of her and the sheltered life that she existed in. I sometimes found myself desiring that Catherine could have known the pain of being unwanted and uncared for as I did.
The best way that I can think of to summarize my life is by describing it my own personal hell on earth. My father is a worthless alcoholic, who floated from job to job. He only kept my mother around to be his personal slave.
Of course let’s not forget that she was also used for his favorite pastime. That is how I came to be in this miserable existence. Throughout my childhood, my father never once bestowed any affection upon me nor did he give me any praise. Instead, he only abused me and constantly told me how worthless I was.
My mother wasn’t the nurturing type either. She would continuously tell me that I was simply nothing and that she thought of me as a ball and chain dangling around her neck that was just weighing her down. She also often told me that she wished I had never been born. Of course, I knew that it was just the poisonous booze talking. Even though I was treated as if I was both a worthless dog and a human punching bag at the same time, I still stuck around. Perhaps it was to prevent my parents of killing one another or perhaps it was simply because I had nowhere to go.  I’m not sure.

 Over the years, the excessive amount of alcohol that my father contaminated his body with eventually led to liver failure.
After my father’s death, my mother began treating me with ever increasing cruelty and contempt.  I suppose I reminded her too much of her deceased and drunken husband. Soon she began compensating for her loss by frequenting the singles bars. Often, she would come home in a blurred drunken stupor with some intoxicated stranger. Sometimes if I were fortunate enough, she wouldn’t return home for two or three days.
Since no one really cared if I lived or died, I slipped into my own little world which revolved around computers and cyberspace.

I quickly learned my way around Web and I would frequently haunt various chat rooms late in the evening when all of the people who had no life would ascend from their dark places. Since I had failed to receive any type of affection from my parents, I attempted to search for it in cyberspace. Not to mention also attempting to find some since of identity. It wasn’t long before I became so intertwined and so involved in the world of cyberspace that I no longer felt that I identified with the real world. The Internet became my entire universe and my security blanket. I soon became known only by my screen name, which was Darkman555. I would often enter singles chat rooms hoping to meet other women who shared an interest for things of a mysterious nature. However, I was really using the Internet and the various women whom I met as a substitute.

The one whom I truly longed for was Catherine. She quickly clouded my mind. I could think of nothing else but Catherine Baker. The image of her enchanting and innocent face constantly floated into my mind and intoxicated my dreams.  It was as if I were addicted to some sort of drug. I spent numerous days and nights desperately attempting to rid myself of the addiction and the passion that I felt toward Catherine.

 During my attempted recovery, I slipped even deeper into the realm of cyberspace in the hopes of completely cleansing myself of my present desire, Catherine Baker. My desperation and longing finally fully consumed me as I slept one night.
When I awoke one humid summer’s night, I sat up in bed. I then glanced around the darkness of my bedroom. As I scanned the room, I suddenly noticed that my bedroom door had been slightly opened.
My eyes quickly darted around the room. It was then that I saw her.

There Catherine sat directly across from me in the darkness of my room. My body was frozen while my mind raced. The only thing that I could think about was how ravishing she looked in her long white dress that flowed with the breeze. Before I even had a chance to realize what was happening, Catherine had wheeled herself to my bedside. Her eyes then met mine and it was as if she could see into my soul. At first only silence floated between us and then Catherine’s velvety touch graced my hand. Another moment of silence and anticipation passed as my eyes became even more absorbed into hers. A moment later, Catherine leaned closer to me. She was so close to me that I was able to feel her warm moist breath against my face and her long hair against my skin. Suddenly, I felt her warm and velvet-like lips press against mine.  Her kiss was filled with passion and desire. As I returned the kiss, Catherine wrapped her arms around me and I entangled mine into her hair. When she kissed me yet again, it was harder and filled with increasing passion. This time, Catherine seemed to kiss me until I had lost all sense of reason and could concentrate on nothing but her. Finally, when she pulled away I found myself gasping for breath. 

I was scarcely able to believe what had recently taken place. Our eyes were still fixated on one another as if we were both hypnotized. Before I could say anything, she leaned close to me once again and kissed my forehead. Without another word Catherine suddenly rolled away from me and out of my bedroom.
When I awoke from my feverish dream, I found myself drenched in sweat. I quickly sat up in the faint hopes that Catherine truly might be there. Unfortunately, my hopes were quickly dashed when I discovered that I was alone.  Yet I still found myself longing for Catherine’s touch and yearning for her kiss. For what seemed like ages, I lay in bed reminiscing about the intimate moment Catherine and I had shared.

 It was at that moment that I realized that I had allowed this maddening obsession to consume my entire being. It abruptly dawned on me that if I didn’t confess my obsession to somebody, I was destined to go insane. I quickly arose from bed and ran to my computer. I then swiftly booted it up and went online. As I began to compose an E-mail message I noticed that my hands were trembling violently and my thoughts still continued to race with the vivid images of my recent dream. Yet I forced myself to concentrate on the task at hand and so I proceeded to feverishly compose my e-mail message:
To: Maskedman

  From: Darkman555
Subject: Time for a meeting
Maskedman, you know the deal. Meet me at our usual spot at 1:30 on Tuesday
Dark man

The day came for my friend and me to meet.  As we listened to the soft and calming sound of rain tapping against the restaurant window, we both sat in silence stirring our Cokes. During that period of silence we simply glared at one another, attempting to guess what the other was thinking. After several moments had passed between us, Justin finally spoke with eagerness.
“Okay, you tell me to meet you here so what’s up? “
 I briefly felt a twinge of guilt knowing that I was only using Justin for my own purposes while spinning a tale of innocence and concern. Still, I continued.
“Well, I was seeing this girl by the name of Catherine Baker and I thought we had something together. Unfortunately, she seems to have disappeared, and I’m really concerned about her.”

I paused for a moment to take a bite of my still steaming cheeseburger and nibble on one of my crunchy french-fries. After a few sips of my now warm and watered down Coke, I continued my story.
“I was hoping that you could help me to track her down through the Internet. Then when you find her, tell me what her screen name is so that I will be able to find her too. “
When I had finished with my fraudulent tale and request, I happened to notice that Justin wore a queer expression of suspicion upon his face. This reaction prompted my next question.

 “Are you okay with this? “
Once he heard my voice, Justin seemed to transcend from trance that he had slipped into. He looked somewhat startled when he answered.

 “No problem.” I thanked him and then we began discussing our favorite topic: our latest hacking adventures. As I was just about to exit the restaurant, I heard Justin’s voice call out.
“Hey Tate, is she worth it? “
Justin’s question caught me off guard. I glared at him.  My expression must have startled him a bit because he then explained the reason quickly.
 “All I’m saying is that maybe she doesn’t want to be found. Is she worth the chance and the pain of rejection? “
I stood in silent contemplation for a moment, thinking about what Justin had said. Then I saw an image of Catherine’s face in my mind. The image of her peach-colored skin, her ocean tinted eyes, and soft brown hair brought a dopey smile to my face. I returned from my thoughts and my gaze to Justin as I quietly replied to his question.
“Yeah, she’s worth it. “

                                                                 Chapter Two

                                                                       Justin
As I arrived home that night, my mind raced with warnings and what ifs concerning the meeting that I had with Tate that afternoon. I desperately wanted to assist Tate in his search. Recalling our conversation that afternoon, I realized that Tate had never mentioned a girl by the name of Catherine before.

 His brutal and abusive upbringing also flashed through my mind. Throughout the course of our five-year friendship, Tate has shown his dark side numerous times through his fierce temper. Whoever this mysterious Catherine woman may be, I knew that it was my obligation to warn her before Tate could actually get a chance to do her any harm.
Despite the thoughts that continued to race around within my mind, I became overwhelmed with mental exhaustion. I then decided to put aside my concerns for Tate and his latest romantic challenge and attempt to find a new hacking project. While I conducted my excursion online I received an instant message from my friend Catherine. We met a few months ago months online.  

Forgetting my excursion, Catherine and I began to chat about the general things. Unlike Tate, I was a generally honest person, (sometimes a bit too honest). Catherine knew about my hacking.  She was seemed to be cool with it.

 She was 25 and earned a living as a well known author in Marquette. I realized that I had only known her for a few mouths but I felt a connection with her.
The conversation that I had with Tate earlier the afternoon suddenly flashed through my mind and I recalled that he said that the woman who he was searching was named Catherine Baker. My heart raced and panic gripped at my throat as I asked:
Maskedman: Catherine is your last name Baker?
Cyberwriter: Yes. How did you know that?
Maskedman: Well, I went to the library and found a book by a woman named Catherine Baker. Since you’re a writer and everything, I wondered if you might’ve written that.
Cyberwriter: Oh okay, you scared me there for a minute. Did you read it yet?
Maskedman: No. I checked it out of the library but I just haven’t had time to read it. I really want to though. It looks good.
Cyberwriter: Thanks. {Blushing}. Sorry, but I have to go. My Characters are calling me. Goodnight.
Maskedman: {Laughing}. Okay Catherine, I’ll talk to you later. Goodnight.
Her answer only confirmed my worst fear when she said that her last name was indeed Baker.
Unable to sleep that night, I spent it in fearful anxiety.  Something in Tate’s eyes sent chills though me.   I made a decision at that moment.  I would withhold what I knew Tate’s true intentions.   
Contrary to Tate, my mother raised my sister Emily and me with strong Catholic morals. Throughout my childhood and part of my manhood, I spent most of my days in a small backwater town somewhere in Mississippi. My father died in a car accident when I was only seven and my sister was five. After my father’s sudden death, we found ourselves absolutely penniless. We were then forced to flee from our house and move into cramped rundown shack. My family endured a hard life, and although each of us suffered our share of hardships, the bound that my family shared was only straightened by our ever-increasing faith in God. The years of my childhood were brief however.  At the age of fourteen, I was forced to find work wherever I could to keep my mother and Emily from utter starvation.
From that point on, I was the one who supported the family. When Emily was only fifteen, she became sick with a cold. As time passed, Emily grew increasingly weaker as her cold began to settle into her lungs. It wasn't long before her cold developed into a fatal case of Phenomena. We spent every dime that we had to our name on medicine and food to try and help Emily to overcome her illness. However, Emily’s frail body soon ran out strength to fight.

 Emily died a seemingly peaceful death soon after. The coroner concluded that Emily’s illness and death was due to a severe case of malnutrition. When my mother heard that, it was as if she had just received a mortal wound to the heart.
Soon after Emily’s death it seemed as if my mother slowly slipped a chronic depression. She slowly became withdrawn and rarely left the house.  It seemed as if she was constantly zapped of energy. It wasn’t long before I noticed that her appetite seemed to be deteriorating. I feared that what happened to Emily was beginning to affect my mother as well.

That summer, Mississippi was suffering from a horrible drought, which made food and water scarce. As my mother’s health and state of mind continued to decline, I soon found myself working twice as hard just to be able to pay the doctor’s medical bills and also to keep food in our mouths.
Several of our friends and neighbors offer their help when they noticed that I was struggling to make ends meet. However, like the prideful fool that I was, I refused their help. Even when my best friend attempted to offer his

 I angrily pushed him away, convinced that he didn't think that I was man enough to provide for my own family. Looking back on it now, it was no wonder why I was behaving so erratically. Since I was work three jobs, I mainly lived on caffeine and no sleep!
The drought soon worsened. The food shortage now forced me to be absent from home for the entire day due to my desperate search for a third job. Unfortunately, the doctor advised me against this. He warned me that because of my mother’s mental instability, she should not be left alone. He also said that if it was absolutely necessary for me to be away, I should hire someone to come into our home.  I then brought it to his attention that if I could afford to hire someone, I would.
What harm could mama possibly inflict on herself in one day anyway?
Little did I know that later that day I would have the horrific misfortune of finding out.
When I came home that night, I found the house to be completely silent.

I called out for mama several times. I was answered only by continuous silence.  Not only was my mother not at the door to greet me, but there seemed to be an eerie feeling that lingered in the air as well.

  An extremely faint sound of running water echoed from the bathroom at the end of the hallway.  A knot of uneasiness formed within the pit of my stomach.  It then transformed into alarm as I suddenly noticed the pool of water that was slowly flowing into the hallway.

 A moment later, I noticed that the water was diluted with blood. With fear in my heart, I slowly and cautiously began to walk towards the door.  It creaked and gave way as I pushed past it. What I saw placed a lump of horror in my throat.   I desperately wanted to erase the nightmare before me.  I wanted the red liquid to be paint.  I wanted this to be a sick joke but it wasn’t.  The blood was real.  My mother was dead 

Only one question screamed in my mind.
Why!

 I forced my eyes to look up from the blood tainted water that now covered the entire floor. I found the body slumped against the overflowing bathtub. New emotions of horror and dread suddenly overwhelmed me as I quickly realized that the blood was flowing freely from my mother's own self inflicted wounds.  

My entire body began to tremble violently from shock as I slowly knelt down to examine her further. Horror engulfed me as I discovered that my mother had sliced both of her wrists repeatedly.
Although I had forced myself to look at my mother’s slashed wrists, I could not bring myself to look into her eyes. I could only look at the ever-flowing blood. After several moments of this, I finally forced myself to look at her entire body.  I slid a few inches away from her.  I forced my mind and my eyes to focus on my mother. A sickening feeling overwhelmed me and entered my heart.
Tears filled my eyes and overwhelming grief filled my heart as I looked at her. The only parts of my mother body that weren’t completely saturated in blood were her face and her long brown hair. Then I passed out
 I found myself lying in a hospital bed when I finally came back to reality. Confusion clouded my mind I as struggled to figure out what had happened and how I got there. It was then that I felt a gentle tap as a warm hand came to rest upon my shoulder. When my blurriness finally melted away, I saw that my best friend Kyle was standing over me. When I spoke my voice sounded weak and shaky.
“Kyle, what happened? How did I get here? “
Kyle remained silent for a moment as he continued glance down at me with concern and tenderness in his eyes.
“Do you remember anything about today Justin? “
I tried to recall the events that had taken place that day but it was no use. Seeing that my answer was no, Kyle slowly sat down on the bed. There were tears in his eyes now.
“Justin, your mother is dead. “
At first I couldn’t understand. How could she be dead?   Then I glanced down at my hands and saw the blood. When I saw my blood stained hands, a wave of horror washed over me as the thought that I might have killed my mother invaded my mind. With trembling hands and tears in my eyes, I firmly grasped Kyle’s and imploringly asked him this question.
“Did I kill my mother, Kyle? “
I could tell that Kyle's answer was no by the cloud of sorrow that had formed within his eyes. He then slowly shook his head in reply.
“No, no Justin you didn’t kill her. “
 Like a lightening bolt, all of the forgotten events of that horrific day flooded my memory. Greif and guilt swallowed me.  My entire body trembled as I wept uncontrollably.
Instead of sleeping that night,  I continued to descend further and further into my own abyss of guilt. Within my mind, I repeatedly caught myself stumbling over the same two questions.
Why didn’t I see this coming sooner, and how could I allow this to happen?

 I eventually cried myself into a sound slumber. My conscious then became filled with dreams of my family and a life that was once ours

  A life that I knew I would never have again.
On the day of my mother’s funeral, a looming darkness seemed to descend over the entire state of Mississippi. The entire town had gathered to pay their respects and to lay her at peace. I felt completely numb as I stood in the cemetery. Although, my friends offered hugs and condolences, I could give no reaction. I was completely numb to any emotion whatsoever. My body simply went through the motions, while my mind remained in a dreamlike state. I felt as if none of this was truly happening.
After the funeral, I spent most of my time hiding from the people whom I once called my friends. I even avoided Kyle as much as I possibly could.
My only comfort was the memories of my family that I had engraved within my heart. There was a special place along the banks of the river that held great significance for me. It was there that my father would take Emily and me fishing every Sunday before his accident. It was also there that Kyle found me.

 He quietly approached the bank and sat down beside me.
For a while, only silence passed between us. Then Kyle's quiet voice had finally managed to break through my dark trance of sorrow and blame.
“You can’t hide forever, you know. “
I remained silent for a moment.
“I know that, but it’s just… "
My voice was suddenly caught in my throat.
How can I leave this place? I thought, as memories of my happy childhood continued to race through my mind. Unfortunately, I also knew that Kyle was right. If I stayed in Mississippi, I would only be haunted by the memories of my family.  So, I left and never looked back.

                                                          Chapter Three

                                                                   Catherine
My name is Catherine Baker, and I am 22 years old. I was born with cerebral Palsy and Epilepsy, due to complications during labor.
I was blessed with many things in my childhood. The two that were the most important to me were my faith in God and my family. My father died when I was five.  My mother raised my brother Ryan and myself.  She cared for us so well that we wanted for nothing

Our family had always shared tightly woven bond, which I believe could have come from my disability and our closeness with God.
I grew up forever surrounded by the beauty of Mother Nature. My family lived on a small farm in an apple orchard. Although the seclusion of the woods was very blissful at times, it also felt very isolating as well. Much of the time, I was left to depend on either my family or my own devices to keep me occupied.
Growing up, I would have to say that it was mostly my mother to whom I was the closest. Most of the time, I considered her to be my best friend.

Ryan helped care for me whenever he could but my physical needs were left to my mother.  This was fine for me as a child. As I got older though, tension grew between us.

My mother was an extremely gifted artist in more ways than one. Although she loved me, my mother would often grow frustrated at her lack of freedom. She in turn would use her anger and frustration as fuel for her creativity. As a result of that method, she has produced some of the greatest works of art that I have ever seen.
 Growing up, my brother, Ryan played a big part in my life.  Unique is the word to describe him.  It seemed that he was always searching for something.  Often times his eyes would have that faraway look to them.  It was as if he was seeing something no one else could.

I just thought he was incredibly weird.  My mother had another theory though.  She believed that Ryan was gazing into the eyes of God.  That made sense.  Everyone who knew him sensed that there was something special about Ryan.

It seemed that almost everything Ryan did reflected his deep faith, from his beautiful drawings to his lively and fun loving personality.  He had a way of connecting with people. 

My course in life was not so clear however.  For as long as I could remember, people have always told me how special I was.  I hated that word because it only reconfirmed that I was different from everyone else.

It was my grandmother that made me see things differently.

“But you are special Catherine, “she explained one day.

 I didn’t understand so I waited for her to continue. She smiled sweetly and covered my hand with hers. 

“Sweetheart, God never does anything without purpose.  Don’t you see? “

I didn’t see so she continued, eyes sparkling.

“You’re disability is a gift that He’s given you. “

Now I was totally lost.

“How is it a gift? “ I asked.

Grandma gave me a patient smile.

“Because my dear,” she explained”You have a unique opportunity to show people that having a disability will in no way prevent you from having a normal life."

A comfortable silence settled between us.  As always, my grandma had given me something to think about.  Such was her way. She never told us what to do.  Instead she would listen patiently, interrupting little.  After some thought, she would impart her wisdom and leaving us to decide for ourselves.

I thought about this as Grandma refilled my tea.

“But Grandma, I’m not normal,” I complained.

  She chuckled and kissed my head as she set my cup back down.

“No one is, katydid, “she told me, “In my opinion, there’s no such thing. “  

Still confused, I waited while she sat down.

“Where does that leave me? “ I asked

My grandmother gave me a sad smile.

“I can’t answer that for you, dear, “ she answered, “ you will have to figure that out for yourself. “

I knew she was right.

“That’s it? “ I asked miserably, “so I’ll never be normal? “

“Sure you will. Just in a different way. “

Before I could say anything she continued.

“You’ve always been in a wheelchair and unless God grants you a miracle, that’s not going to change, right? “

I nodded, wondering where she was going with this.

“Well then, that’s normal for you. Thus, you are normal. The key to this life, my girl, is to make the best of what God has given you despite your disability. “

At the time, I didn’t really understand what she meant and maybe I wasn’t supposed to at the time.

Sometimes I felt like a mouse navigating a maze. This feeling was especially apparent in school. Although my friends treated me like everyone else, it wasn’t possible to include me in everything they did, like sports for example. Thus, like the mouse forced to find a different way to the maze, I found different ways to fit in.

A perfect example of this would be when my mom suggested that I join the writing club at school. Before this, I had never even thought about writing for fun. To me, writing meant work.

It was then that I discovered my passion for writing. Not only did I find it surprisingly easy, but it gave me a constructive way to give vent to my frustrations.

At the age of 20, my mom and I finally decided that the time had come for me to attempt a life on my own. At first I lived in an apartment complex for the physically disabled. Being as how I had never lived on my own before, my mother would often over to visit and help me. These visits helped ease both her loneliness and mine. Although writing was my one true love, I knew that I could not make a living on that alone. Therefore, I turned to my second love, which was designing web pages. While I would spend my days producing web pages, as soon as night would fall, I would suddenly be transformed into an entirely different person.

 After this transformation would take place, I no longer obeyed my sense of logic. Instead I simply allowed the passion of my writing self to overtake me and control my thoughts. I would therefore surrender completely to the voices that called to me and to the stories that demanded to be written. The night quickly became my friend and also my inspiration. It was during these long and sleepless nights that I was able to complete my first novel, which was entitled “The Web of Obsession “. The plot was a simple one. It was centered on a disabled girl, (much like myself), who would be stalked and eventually become the victim of a demented fan’s obsession though the Internet. My goal in writing this book was both to terrify people and also to reveal to them the realism of this crime.
Soon after its publication, “The Web of Obsession” became a best-selling book.

Over the course of the months that followed, my mother and I called one another constantly. It was as if we had rekindled the connection that had been severed. It during one of our many phone conversations, that my mother informed me that there was a house for sale in Marquette. 

 They insisted that I comply with a single condition.  They wanted my best friend, Jody to be my caregiver.  I liked the idea.  Having Jody live with me would help ease my loneliness for my family.   Jody accepted the offer.

This new chapter that I had opened in my life was filling me with a tremendous amount of uncertainty as I made my way to Marquette. Even though I had Jody by my side, my heart still felt sick with loneliness for my family. I longed for the familiar sound of their voices and the warmth of their laughter. I suppose that part of me still longed to remain a child. However torn I may have felt I was doing the right thing. With eagerness and Jody by my side, we began to search for our new place of residence.
Although the house that my mother spoke of constantly flashed through my mind, Jody and I both felt that it was important to keep our options open.

Of all the houses that we had examined, not a single one of them had that warm, home-sweet-home feeling that I longed to keep with me.

After an exhaustive search, we both decided to examine the house of which my mother still spoke. I would later come to discover that my mother took it upon herself to personally examine the house beforehand. Simply to make sure that it would be suitable for me.

Several modifications had to be made before we could move in though. First of all, we had to remodel the house so as to make it completely accessible.  These modifications included installing a state-of-the-art computer system that enabled me to operate things within the house with just a touch of a button. I also ordered a boardwalk to be built along the shore. Thus, I would be able to roll along the shoreline at will without having to worry about getting stuck in the soft sand of the beach.
It wasn’t long before I began to settle into my new home. Inspired by the true magnificence and beauty of God, every night at dusk, I would sit on my porch and write furiously. The crashing waves would be the only music to fuel my creativity. It was there that I did some of my best work.
Sleep never did come easy for me. It seemed that if I had been creatively blocked that day, ideas and plots would always reveal themselves that later that night.
It was on one of those nights that I was feverishly working on my up-in-coming novel entitled The Web of Deception.

The plot meant to be a simple one, turned out to be a sick and twisted look into the mind of a tormented man. This man was so completely tormented by the love that he could not have that he drove himself to madness.

 I had not meant for this book to become this involved or this complicated. However, it seemed as if the story had ceased to be my own and had taken on its own life. The Plot is not really a plot at all, but rather a journey into the mind of an obsessed and tormented man turned stalker.
The stalker, presumed to be dead, is merely in hiding. Over time, he slowly and carefully plotted his next move. Then one day, he unexpectedly revealed himself to those whom he had terrorized and stalked for so long. Thus, he began taking his revenge out on the people whom had condemned him so unjustly
I had been so completely engrossed in my novel that I had completely forgotten about reality. The most frightening scene thus far had just been written. In this scene, Marie, our former victim, had just lit some scented candles within her bathroom. Soothing music from the CD, which Marie had placed into the stereo, began to play. She then proceeded to draw a warm bath, and as the tub was filling, Marie poured a capful of bubbles into the water. Absent-mindedly she undressed, as she reflected on the stresses of the day. Marie’s mind was fully focused on forgetting about that particular day. Once the bath was full, Marie gingerly stepped into it, allowing the warm water to caress her legs as she did so. Slowly, Marie allowed herself to become fully immersed within the water. As she slowly lay back within the bathtub, Marie’s head came to rest upon a pillow of bubbles. Forgetting about the matters of the day, Marie allowed the stressful thoughts to float out of her mind, just as the warm and soothing water floated over her entire body.
After a few moments had passed, Marie’s mind began to drift. It wasn’t long before Marie’s thoughts became fuzzy, and she soon became hypnotized by the by the soothing sound of music that had so easily seduced her. In no way was Marie prepared for what was about to take place.
As she lay there, allowing the soothing music to fill her mind with dreams, Marie failed to notice the dark and mysterious man who slowly crept into her bathroom. With silent footsteps, the stranger made his way over to the bathtub. Being completely silent and still, the stranger then stood there for a moment, gazing upon the beautiful and slumbering Marie.
The stranger in question was in fact, the stalker. His name was Matthew Brown. Matthew had secretly watched her every move for the past year. He had known when she ate, drank, slept, and even dated. Matthew had noted that her dating habits were few, if any at all. Therefore, within his twisted mind, that meant that she loved him and only him. Despite his undying love for her, Matthew knew that Marie must be punished for her betrayal. He had done everything possible to show his love for her, but still Marie rejected him. However, she did not refuse the attention and advances of Brian Mills. A romance quickly developed between them. They’re romance was to be short-lived however, for Brian suddenly and mysteriously disappeared. Of course, the shooting would later be ruled out as a suicide, but only Matthew and Brian knew what had truly taken place on the night of Brian’s death. The dead tell no tales after all…
There would be no one to hear her cries of fear or her pleas of mercy. He had secretly killed everyone that she loved. That had been they’re punishment for keeping Marie from him.
Suddenly his mind was called away from the past, and back to the task at hand. As the memories slowly faded away, Matthew’s eyes became fixed upon his beautiful and slumbering Marie. He allowed this thought to seep into his brain
Oh, how I hate doing this.
His mind continued to unravel.
But Marie must be punished for her betrayal…
Matthew then proceeded to pull a thick leather strap out from behind his back. Slowly he placed it around Marie’s neck, careful not to wake her. For, she would be awake soon enough, crying and pleading for mercy. After a moment more of hesitation, Matthew slowly began to tighten his grip upon the leather strap. Matthew had allowed pure madness to overtake his mind, giving no thought to right or wrong.
There was only one thought that coursed through his madness-driven mind.
Marie must pay for her betrayal.
Without warning or reason, Marie awoke from her serene sleep coughing and gasping for breath. Fear and confusion raced through her mind, as she desperately tried to figure out why she was being deprived of breath. “I’m being straggled, “Marie realized when she suddenly felt the leather strap around her neck with a shaky hand. Panic suddenly filled her brain. Frantically, her mind raced to find the answers to the three questions that plagued her.
Who is strangling me?
Why is this happening to me?
What motive could this person have for trying to murder me?
Suddenly, the answer to her questions revealed itself. As terror engulfed her entire being, Marie realized that the suspect could only be Matthew, the man who had stalked her and had filled every moment of her life with fear.
While her mind raced with panic and her heart pounded with fear, Marie frantically searched for a way to stop Matthew’s madness. It was within that spit second that she spotted her newly sharpened razor, which was laying on the vanity beside her.
With a quivering hand, Marie reached over and grabbed hold of the razor. Without the slightest bit of hesitation, Marie quickly sliced Matthew’s contorted face. He then allowed a primal scream of pain and rage to escape his lips. Matthew ignored the fact that fresh blood was gushing from the gaping wound. In fact, the wound only fueled his rage. As his rage increased, the force and strength in which he used to strangle Marie also increased. As every breath of life was slowly being drained from her, Marie desperately tried to think of what to do next. Unfortunately, Marie’s thought process was quickly becoming hazy. One final thought invaded Marie mind before she allowed the last bit of strength to be pulled from her. The image of her deceased love, Brian forced its way into Marie’s mind. It was within that moment that she realized that the cause of Brian’s death was not a suicide at all. Instead, it was cold-blooded murder that ended his life. Marie also realized that within a matter of moments, she would meet the same fate. It was then that Marie prayed weakly but quietly.
“God, please don’t let me die at the hands of this madman. “
It was after she had made this silent plea that Marie was forced to succumb to unconsciousness as darkness slowly surrounded her…
I was suddenly and rudely pulled back into reality when I heard the cheerful ring of an instant message. Since I was in desperate need of a break anyway, I decided to answer it. Although, my head still felt hazy from being absent from reality for so long, I forced my eyes to gaze at the screen. To my surprise and delight, the instant message was from a friend that I had met online named Justin, who had typed:
Maskedman: Hello Catherine, how are you tonight?
Cyberwriter Fine thanks, and you?
Maskedman: I’m just fine, but why are you up so late?
Cyberwriter: Because the night inspires me.
Maskedman: Well, I understand that. I just have my own reasons for not wanting you to be Online so late.
Justin’s latest reply filled me with a feeling of dread. He just didn’t seem to be acting himself tonight. Even though we had only communicated through E-mail messages and chat sessions, I felt that the qualities of innocence and kindness radiated from within him. In our usual chat sessions, Justin would normally be j joking with me, and making me laugh so hard that tears would be streaming down my face uncontrollably. Not to mention, we would also do a little playful Cyber-flirting. It was nothing shameful or impure, simply innocent fun. Tonight however, he seemed distant and afraid. It was as if he was afraid to tell me something. The thought weighed heavily on my mind as I typed:
Cyberwriter: Justin, you seem distant tonight. What’s wrong?
Maskedman: Nothing. I just want you to watch who you talk to at night. People aren’t always who they seem to be when they’re Online.
At this point, I was growing increasingly nervous as I read what Justin was typing. Not to mention, a little annoyed. Why couldn’t he be honest with me as he usually was, and tell me what was really going on? What was he hiding from me and why? As all of these unsettling questions stirred within my brain, and as my annoyance with Justin increased, I typed in reply:
Cyberwriter: Look Justin, You’re really starting to scare me. What are you trying to tell me? Are you trying to tell me that I can’t trust even you, the person who I consider to be my friend?
Maskedman: No, I didn’t mean that at all. I just meant that you should be careful of whom you speak to over the Internet.
Once more, the reply that Justin gave me had left me more confused than ever before, as more questions invaded my thoughts.
Why is he being so vague?
Yet there was still another question that lingered within my brain.
Is he hiding something from me and if he is, then why?
I could take no more. I had to have answers to these nerve-wracking questions. With resolute fingers, I quickly typed:
Cyberwriter: All right Justin, enough with the head games. Why don’t you tell me what’s really going on? What are you hiding from me?
There was a long pause after I asked my question. It was as if he didn’t know actually what to tell me. I thought that maybe he was debating whether to tell me the actual truth this time or yet another lie. I waited for what seemed like an eternity before Justin answered me, as he typed:
Maskedman: Catherine, I’m not playing head games with you. Nor am I keeping any secrets from you. I simply want you to be careful.
Cyberwriter: Are you worried about psychos and stalkers just because I’m a famous writer?
Maskedman: Yes that’s part of the reason….
I smiled as I read Justin’s reply. I now understood why he had been acting so strangely. Justin was merely trying to protect me in his own innocent way. That explained his mysterious behavior. I should have known better than to believe that Justin was the type to play head games. Before I apologized however, I wanted to find out why he did not finish his explanation. With quick and nimble fingers, I typed:
Cyberwriter: What was the other part of your reason, Justin?
Once again, there was a lengthy pause before Justin replied. I sensed that he was working up the courage to tell me. I could barely stand waiting for his answer. Like so many nights before this, I was allowing the hopeless romantic within me to run wild. Although I knew perfectly well that we had only communicated through E-mail and chat sessions, I still felt an indescribable connection to Justin. I dearly hoped that he felt the same way about me as well, although I tried not to get my hopes up. Several more anxiety-filled moments passed before he replied once again:
Maskedman: The other part of the reason is that I really care about you, Catherine, and I just would hate if anything happened to you.
As I read his reply, a wave of happiness and relief washed over me. My relief came from knowing that Justin wasn’t hiding anything potentially dangerous from me. My happiness sprang from the knowledge that Justin did in fact care for me, (on a friendship basis at least). It also came, as a relief to know that all of these nightly chat sessions was not in vein. I no longer believed that myth which, said that it was impossible to form true Internet friendships. I truly believed that Justin was an honest person, who would never lie to me. Feeling at ease with this newly found feeling of mutual friendship I swiftly typed:
Cyberwriter: Well thank you for your concern Justin, but you needn’t worry about me. I’m perfectly safe where I am. No one aside from my family knows where I am. Besides, my friend and caregiver, Jody is always with me. The only time that I’m left alone is when she has errands to run and even then, she’s only gone for two or three hours at the most.
I had hoped that explanation would cure Justin’s attack of sudden and rather annoying case of paranoia. I had failed to mention to Justin that I cared about him for a reason. He had already said that he thought that I was naive. How could he possibly say that I was naive? That was purely beyond my comprehension. I mean sure, maybe I haven’t been able to go all around the world like my MOTHER has. By no means however, does that make me naive. Besides, through all of the research for my novels that I have done over the years, I feel that I have experienced much of the world already. If not visibly, then with my imagination, which I think is far better anyway. Since I’ve seen the world through my mind’s eyes, I no longer considered myself sheltered from the realties of the world or the dangers it can often hold. Who is HE to say that I am naive!
I had been so busy venting to myself, that I failed to notice that Justin had typed a reply to my explanation. I almost dreaded seeing what he had typed, for I knew that he was not done acting like an over-protective mother hen. As a heavy sigh of frustration escaped from my lips, I once again forced my eyes to focus on the computer screen. In reply to my rather detailed explanation, Justin had typed:
Maskedman: That’s all well and good, Catherine but there are other ways to get to people no matter how projected they think they are….
Well by this time I was beyond angry. I was seething as a matter of fact. Did he think that I was so naive to the ways of the world that he had to coddle me as if I was a baby? Deeply within my heart I knew that Justin was only trying to be a good friend, but if I wanted to be sheltered from everything, I would move back home with my parents. It was about time that this conversation about stalkers and people invading my privacy came to an end. With that in mind, I politely typed:
Cyberwriter: Look Justin, I appreciate your concern. I truly do, but the only thing that you’ve managed to do since this conversation started, is to scare me. You’re also starting to sound like an annoying nag. (I mean that sweetly by the way.)
I hated being so blunt because by nature, that’s not how I usually am. In this instance however I had to be blunt because Justin was secretly freaking me out. I just hoped that I didn’t hurt his feelings. A moment later my question was answered when Justin typed in reply:
Maskedman: (Laughing) Okay, okay Catherine, we’ll change the subject. I just want you to be careful.
Cyberwriter: I will. Thanks Justin.
The conversation lightened up after that, and it seemed that Justin had returned to his light-hearted self. Although I always listened to what Justin had to say before, I chose to ignore him this time. I chose rather to concentrate on the conversation at hand. We talked about many things, including my latest writing endeavor. Justin’s latest hacking excursion also came into the discussion. Justin openly confessed to me that The First National Bank of Seattle hired him to break into their security system to test how secure it actually was. He further went on to explain just how surprisingly easy it was to break into the bank’s computers and navigate through their system files. If he wasn’t such a moral man, Justin also confessed that he would have copied information from classified files. Intrigued, I asked him why he didn’t. Justin’s reply was simple. He said that it would be going against his upbringing completely, and that his mother would be ashamed of him. Although I admired his honesty, I couldn’t help but wonder if he was not secretly trying to warn me just how easy it would be for him or any other hacker to invade my computer system, which surrounded my entire house.
After our conversation ended, I attempted to return to my writing. It was useless to try, however. One simple question continued to lurk within my mind.
Could such a moral man like Justin truly bring himself to hack into my computer system?
Since I knew that Justin was such an honest man however, I swiftly banished it from my thoughts. As Jody was putting me to bed that night, I told her about the conversation and asked her what she thought. Her answer made sense to me. She said that Justin was probably just trying to scare me, and like the gullible person that I am, I fell for it, hook, line and sinker. I agreed with her and wished her good night. I then drifted into an uneasy sleep

                                                        Chapter Four

                                                                   Tate
Two weeks had passed since I met with Justin in the diner, and still there had been no word from him. I was growing anxious waiting for him. Only one question was going though my mind.
What could possibly be taking so damn long?
“He probably has a lot of work to catch up on. “
I then began laughing to myself as I spoke aloud with a hint of sarcasm.
“Some people have a thing called a life, Tate. “
Then almost unconsciously, I placed my face in my hands and rubbed my bloodshot eyes.
I had left my computer on just in case Justin chose to reach me via e-mail or send me an instant message if he happened to be online. Those were the two ways in which we usually contacted one another. As I impatiently waited for Justin to contact me, I couldn’t help but recall how we had first met.
I frequently haunted a nightclub that was called "The Dark Side. “ It was a nightclub in which local hackers would gather to gloat about their latest hacks. They would also gloat about their latest code-breaking triumphs. Others would simply come to trade their hacking secrets and the software that they had just created. I however would never trade my secrets or my software. The only reason that I ever bother to show up there at all was for the music and the beer. As I sat upon the stool nursing my beer, I nonchalantly turned my head to the side. Glancing to the left of me, my eyes happened to fall upon yet another solitary and shadowy figure, who was sitting three stools away from me. Like me he was also nursing a beer for all of its worth. I sat there silently staring at him, wondering what his story was. Was he yet just another hacker like me who just didn’t want to share his secrets of the trade? Or was he just yet another desperate soul who just had nowhere else to go? (Also like me.) After several more moments of silently watching him, my curiously was screaming at me to stop sulking and just find out who he is. However, we hackers reside by a certain code. This code is one of secrecy, which prevents any respectable hackers from introducing themselves normally. With this in mind, I decided to play a game with my mystery friend…
Before I go any further, I must explain that at every, table, booth, and bar stool within this nightclub was a laptop. Each hacker and hacker wannabes was free to hack into different networks, create programs, and whatever else they pleased. As long as they didn’t break the laptops that is. Some hackers would even hack into the computers of Seattle’s office of Personal Records. They did this to dig up dirt on the many hackers that haunted The Dark Side. This is exactly what I planned to do to my little friend.
Before I did this however, I needed to know what his name was. The bartender, Tony Varsalli was a good friend of mine who just happed to know the names of every person in this nightclub. Not to mention, what their drink of choice was. As Tony was refilling my Bud Light, I asked him this question.
"Hey Tony, who’s that guy sitting three stools down from me? “
Tony then glanced to the left of me for a moment. When he returned his gaze to me, Tony handed my beer to me and he replied with a nod and a smile.
“Ah that one is my latest customer. He calls himself Justin. He’s new to the hacker’s circuit I think. I've never seen him here before at least. “
This new information only heightened my curiosity. I then quickly decided to hack into the computers of The Seattle Police Department to see if Justin had any pending or prior police records. I’ll be honest; I was secretly hoping that he would have a record. I also hoped that he wasn’t an undercover cop. Finding none, I quickly searched my brain, trying to figure out what other places of importance might hold information about him. Suddenly, The County Courthouse flashed through my mind. Wasting no more time, I hacked into The Seattle County Courthouse. After a lengthy search, I was still unable to find any existing record of the mysterious Justin. Feeling frustration and anger begin to creep up on me, I closed the laptop with slight force, and turned my attention to my now-flat beer. Noticing that I had closed my laptop with slight force, Tony said with a warning in his voice.
”Hey Tate, you break it you pay for it, remember? “
Completely ignoring Tony’s warning for the moment, I drowned my frustration with a sip of my beer as this thought ran through my mind.
” Damn, there has to be some kind of record of him somewhere! “
As I glanced up from my beer, I noticed that Tony was starring at me. After a few moments of not speaking to one another, Tony broke the silence when he asked this question.
”What’ya thinking about? “
I replied to his question as a heavy sigh of frustration escaped my lips.
"Sorry Tony, I didn’t mean to almost break the laptop. It’s just that it seems like there are no damn records of this guy’s existence. “
Tony's expression then transformed from one of curiosity to deep contemplation. A few moments later, Tony’s expression of contemplation faded and his eyes suddenly brightened. His voice was suddenly filled with excitement as he revealed what had just flashed through his mind.
”I just remembered! One of my regulars, who just so happens to be a good friend of mine as well, told me that he thinks Justin just moved here. She also told me that he had a crucifix around his neck so he might be Catholic. He also said he has a little bit of a southern accent.”

I didn’t really care what was his religion was. You don’t need to know what religion a person might or might not be in order to investigate their past or whether they have a police record or not. With this in mind I shrugged.
“Catholic and southern. Thanks Tony, that helps me a lot,” I grumbled.
“Look, I’m just telling you what I was told,” he said sharply, “take it or leave it.”
I mauled over his words. It wasn’t much to go on, but it was a start.
“Ok. Say that I do this,” I said, “Where do you think I should start. I mean, where do you think he’s from?”
“I have no freaking idea,” Tony sighed, rolling his eyes in annoyance, “try Mississippi   It’s just a guess.”.

“ Good guess,” I said, nodding.
My eyes turned to the screen again with my fingers hovering over the keyboard, and my racing. Suddenly, I hit a mental wall. I realized that I had no idea where to begin my search.
“So, where do I start looking?”
“You’re supposed to the expert, not me,” he fired back.
“Come on, Tony,” I pleaded, “Give me some help here.”
Ok,” he said shrugging,” try all the Catholic churches in the state. Mississippi’s full of bible thumping Baptists, so there should only be a few Catholic churches.”
“Why a church,” I asked, still confused.
“Because you idiot, a church holds the baptism record of every person that has ever been baptized within that parish. Therefore if you hack into the computers of all of the Catholic churches in Mississippi, you’re bound to find his baptism records within one of the computers. Then, that’s all the more information that you have on him. Get it? “
I had to admit to myself that Tony had a point. This thought also flashed though my mind.
Hey, what could it hurt?
I then looked at Tony, shrugged once more and as I gave him this reply.
“Yeah okay, so maybe I’ll check out the baptism records thing. After all, what could it hurt, anyway? “
Not two minutes after saying this did I power up the laptop once more, and reconnected to the Internet.
After searching through various church directories and Web sites with still no avail, I logged into Yahoo! Not really expecting to find anything. Within the search box, I then quickly typed in Catholic Church Directories. Within seconds my search results were returned. Under the Yahoo! Categories, I found a promising web site. A thrilling chill went up my spine as my fingers swiftly began to dance across the keyboard. After hacking into several church computers within various counties and still finding no record him, frustration began to seep into my being once more. Suddenly, it occurred to me! I had gone through every church computer within that directory, except for those of the Jackson diocese. With tremendous anticipation, I clicked on the link that would take to The Diocese of Jackson Web site. After searching for The County of Jackson on an accessible map, I found it and it wasn’t long before I was presented with a list of Catholic churches within that diocese. Glancing at the list of churches that I had to choose from, I decided to try my luck with St. Francis of De Sales Catholic Church. With a little maneuvering, I was able to bypass the security lock that protected the computers program files. Instead of wasting time scrolling down the list of names, I simply typed in the name Justin
The search engine found two Justins. I clicked on the first link entitled Brown, Justin Arthur, and found that he was an 82 year old widower with two children and eight grandchildren. He was defiantly not the guy I was looking for, so I clicked on the next link: Carlson, Justin Michael.
Seconds after I opened the link, information about Justin’s family and his baptism instantly materialized on the screen.
It seemed that Justin was the first child to be born of Michael and Suzanne Carlson. Justin Michael Carlson was born and baptized in 1978. As I read further into the Carlson’s family history, I discovered that two years after Justin had been born; Mrs. Carlson gave birth once more. She gave birth to a baby girl, and gave her the name Emily Suzette Carlson.
I could’ve dug into Justin’s past and personal life further, but I decided against it. For one thing it would’ve taken up too much of my valuable time. My other reason was that something told me that if I gained Justin’s trust over time, he would eventually tell me himself. For now it was time for our little game of cat and mouse to begin.
Before I allowed the game to begin however, I had to wait for just the right moment to strike. I watched Justin for several minutes, waiting for him to let his guard down. Just when I noticed that he was starting to relax, I decided that it was time for the game to begin. Attaching the information that I found on his fa0mily, I sent Justin a message saying:
Darkman555: First rule of hacking: Never let your guard down.
A smile slowly formed on my lips as I watched Justin suddenly come out of his relaxed trance. It brought me further pleasure to see his eyes widen and fill with shock as they darted about the room. Apparently, Tony was also watching Justin’s reaction and responded to it with a disapproving voice.
”That was a rotten thing to do, Tate. “
I glanced up to see Tony, glaring down at me with an angry expression upon his face. After a moment of angry silence, Tony added this remark.
“Justin needs a friend, not a psycho guy like you playing hacker games with him! “
I must admit that Tony’s harsh words shocked me. He was usually such an easy-going kind of guy. You rarely ever heard him speak badly about anybody.
Once I had recovered from my initial shock looked up at Tony with a surprised expression upon my face, and replied, “Whoa Tony, cool it! I’m just trying to have a little fun with him that’s all. “
Tony must not have believed me because he retorted in a sarcastic and somewhat angry tone.
“Yea right…”
After one last angry glare, Tony walked away and so, ended our rather unsettling conversation. When my eyes finally returned to the computer screen, I found this message waiting for me:
Maskedman: Who are you?
I thought up a response to this question right away. Within seconds my fingers were swiftly dancing across the keyboard as I typed:
Darkman555: You’re in a nightclub that’s filled with hackers, so I could be anyone. You’ll just have to guess who I am.
I promptly sent the message and eagerly waited for Justin’s reply. While I waited however, I watched Justin’s eyes as they anxiously darted about the nightclub, searching for me. He tried to act casual but I could see that I had spooked him. Justin watched everyone whom he suspected to be his mysterious tauter very carefully. Now, it was my turn to try and act casual just in case he should actually look my way. Having no luck in discovering me, Justin turned his attention back to the computer as his fingers began to dance swiftly across the keyboard. Although I watched him closely, I failed to see what he was typing.
After a few moments of trying to see what Justin was up to, I gave up and once more, turned my attention to my computer. A few moments later, an image of a manila envelope appeared on my screen. The envelope was sealed and the words TOP SECRET could be read across the front. Above the envelope, I saw a message that read:
Maskedman: Two can play at this game.
By now my mind had filled with curiosity. I then slowly moved my mouse cursor over the words TOP SECRET To my surprise, the cursor instantly turned into a pointer finger. This only served to incite my curiosity further. After a moment of hesitation, I clicked onto the envelope.
The digital documents which then emerged from that envelope caused my breath to be taken from me and heart to thunder within my chest. Justin had somehow managed to hack into the security-tight police department and steal police records, which proved that my father was in fact, an abusive man.
I sat paralyzed with memories of fear as I read over the report. More memories of fear engulfed me as I stared at the photographs that were attached to the report. The photographs that I speak of showed the bruised, bloody and cigarette-burned teenager at used to be me. I then realized that Justin had hacked into the Riverside County Hospital’s patient records department. He then must have downloaded and scanned my medical records into his computer. I had to admit to myself that he was even smoother than I had given him credit for.
As I glared back at the mentally and physically abused version of myself, the memory of every punch, every slanderous word and cigarette burn seemed to come rushing back to me. The memories of pain and fear came rushing back with such force that everything seemed to fade into darkness but them. I was then forced to relive the physical and mental pain of my past. Not to mention the fear that went along with it.
My entire body trembled as the painful memories of my abusive past continued to rush through my mind. As I relived the painful moments of my past, I suddenly heard an echoing voice that was calling me.
“Tate, earth calling Tate…”
To my relief, the memories began to slowly melt away. As I slowly returned to reality, I found that a heavy haze had descended over my mind. After the haze had lifted, I saw that Tony was starring at me with a concerned and confused expression upon his face. He continued starring at me for a moment longer. In a voice that was filled with concern, Tony asked, “Hey Tate, are you OK? “
It took me a minute to comprehend what Tony had asked me. However, once I regained control of my senses I quickly replied to his question.
"Yea…Yea I’m OK. Why do you ask? “
Tony relaxed a little at my reply and answered me. “Well, you just look a little shaken up that’s all. Maybe you should stop this little game that you’re playing with Justin. “
This was my reply as I tried desperately to act casual.
“No. No, it’s not that. It’s just that I started remembering things that happened a long time ago. “
Knowing full well that I had deliberately lied to him, Tony simply shook his head and walked away. Now, I was able to return to the task at hand.
I wasted no more time as I returned to the cyber war, which I had started. It took me only seconds to contemplate on the proper reply to Justin’s brutal retaliation. The words of my response flashed through my mind and my fingers raced across the keyboard as I typed:
Darkman555: All right you Son of A Bitch, you got my attention. It’s clear to me that I have underestimated you. However, you did not have to dig so deeply into my past. I certainly did not dig so deeply into yours. I don’t appreciate you getting so personal.
My hands were still shaking as I pressed the enter key and sent the message. A knot of anxiety had formed within my stomach while I sat there, awaiting his reply. Perhaps Justin intimidated me, for it had become clear to me now that I had met my match. I knew now that I should’ve started this game of cyber-tag. It seemed as if an eternity had passed before I received Justin’s reply. Before I could read it however, I found that I had to calm myself first. The beating of my heart had quickened its pace and the knot within my stomach felt as if it had increased in size. After I had taken a few deep breaths, I could feel my heart slowing and the knot began to melt away. My hands even stopped shaking after a few seconds. It wasn’t long before I calm enough to read Justin’s message, which read:
Maskedman: Sorry, but I was only trying to make a point.
Darkman555: oh yea and what point is that exactly?
Maskedman: It means that some things in the past should just be left alone. In other words, you stay out of my past and I’ll stay out of yours. Deal?
As I read Justin’s latest reply I realized that due to his curt answer, that he must be hiding something. This only served to increase my curiosity as far as Justin was concerned. There was much more to Justin then a computer could tell. It then suddenly occurred to me that perhaps it would serve both Justin and I better to consider one another as friends rather than as enemies. Besides, I thought that he was cool and cunning, simply by our conversation so far. With this thought in mind, I began to type my response to Justin’s answer and proposal:
Darkman555: All right, it’s a deal. Now, I have a deal to make with you. Instead of throwing emotional daggers at one another, wouldn’t it be better if we tried to work together as a team? Who knows maybe we could even start to like each other somewhat.
As I sent my latest reply, I had high hopes that his response would be positive. After all, he wasn’t the only one who needed a friend. During the course of my childhood and most of my adolescent years, there was someone who cared for me and I cared for her very deeply. Then, just as everything seemed to be perfect between us, tragedy struck.
She wanted me to take her to the movies one rainy Saturday night. Unfortunately, I had to work that night, so I couldn’t take her. When I told her this, she simply smiled sweetly and told me not to worry about it. She then informed that she would go with a few of her friends instead. That of course eased my guilt somewhat. With one last sweet, love-filled kiss, she said that she loved me and then parted from me forever.
That night, when I returned home from working at Sparky’s Computer Store, there was a message on my answering machine from one of her friends saying that they had collided with another car, which caused her to die instantly.
The news of her death caused my fragile world to shatter around me. Aside from her, no one cared who I was or even if I lived or died. Therefore, I returned to the world of darkness and have never left since then.
As I desperately tried to rid myself of that painful memory that was continuing to haunt me, I had failed to notice that Justin had typed a response to my proposal. Turning my attention back to my computer, I saw his reply as it read:
Maskedman: How do I know that I can trust you?
I thought carefully about how I should respond to his question. Then an idea suddenly flashed through my mind. Instead of giving a cynical and sarcastic response, I decided to try and be nice for a change. After a moment of thought, I began writing my reply, which read:
Darkmam555: Well, to be honest, you don’t know if you can trust me. However, I don’t know if I can trust you either.
I sent the message and casually sipped my beer while I awaited Justin’s next response. As I patiently sipped my beer and waited for Justin’s answer, I speculated on what it might be. Fortunately for me, I did not have to wait long. His reply came while I was deep in thought I turned my eyes back to the computer screen as I eagerly began to read what he had to say:
Maskedman: You have a good point there. However, I can’t help but wonder about something. Why is it that you’re so interested in having me become your partner in crime?
I examined what he had typed carefully and tried desperately to come up with a good answer for him. I had to admit though, he was right. Justin had absolutely no reason whatsoever to place his trust in me. I sat thinking of a way to gain Justin’s trust, when suddenly I recalled that Tony had told me that Justin had just moved here from Mississippi. I also remembered that he had told me that Justin was a newbie to the underground world of hacking, cracking king and phreaking. A plan then began to form itself within my mind. I decided to offer myself as a friend and guide to Justin. What I mean by “guide” is that I would show him the ropes and further tutor him in the ways of the cyber world. As far as being a friend to him was concerned, I decided to simply wait and see if he was truly worthy of friendship and trust. With this idea in mind, I commenced to type my answer:
Darkman555: Well, let’s look at this logically. You’re new to the city of Seattle, aren’t you?
Maskedman: Yea, but so what?
As this conversation progressed, it was becoming blatantly clear to me that Justin was not as naïve as I had first assumed. I could already sense that he would make a worthy partner in my various hacking schemes. This would only happen after I had gained his trust and he had gained mine, of course. It also became clear to me that if I failed to gain Justin’s trust, he could become a lethal advisory as well. As I pondered all of these possibilities, it occurred to me that winning his alliance would require a great deal of time and patience. As all of these thoughts filled my mind, I considered my reply very carefully.
Darkman555: Well, I could be very useful to you and you could be useful to me as well.
Several moments passed before he answered me again, and by the way that he replied, I could tell that Justin had developed a gift extreme discernment. I admired that in him. I then suddenly realized that we were more alike than I first thought. Wanting to sound as convincing and as friendly as possible, I reread his latest reply and contemplated what my next answer would be:
Maskedman: Look, I really don’t like games. Either you tell me exactly what it is that you want or just leave me alone!
Rereading Justin’s reply, I decided that it was time to reveal my intentions. Choosing my words carefully, I began to type:
Darkman555: Look, I’m not playing any games with you. You just seem like you could use a friend that’s all.
After I had finished typing my answer, I eagerly pressed the enter key and waited. While I sat there waiting for my next message, I casually turned my glance to the right and watched Justin, to see how he would react to my latest message. As he received and read my message, his demeanor stayed calm. A few moments passed before he began to write his response with quick precession. I think less then a minute had passed before I received my next message, which read:
Maskedman: Alright, who was it that told you that had just moved to Seattle and how do YOU know that I need a friend?
After reading his ninth message, these frustrating words rolled though my mind.
“DAMM I thought by now by now that this guy would crack, but I guess that I underestimated him.”
By this time, I was grasping at straws. At this point, I was trying to think of anything that would cause that concrete wall of his, to crumble. Suddenly, yet another thought occurred to me.
“All right, just level with him and see where it goes from there. “
I then decided to try that approach. The reply that I was going to give raced through my mind as my fingers danced across the keyboard yet again:
Darkman555: Ok, so maybe a mutual acquaintance told me a little bit about you. Is that so horrible?
Maskedman: Now we’re getting somewhere. Who was it?
Darkman555: Tony varsailli, the bartender.
By this time, adenine was coursing through my veins as I sat there anxiously waiting for Justin’s next response. It was then that I realized that Instead of luring him in, it was I myself that was being drawn in by this mysterious game I had started. While, I was busy thinking about this, I had failed to notice that Justin’s next response had popped up on my screen. When my thoughts finally returned to those of reality, I allowed my gaze to fall upon my screen as I read his response:
Maskedman: {laughing} I suppose that he told you every little detail of my personal life too, huh?
I had to laugh at his last sarcastic comment, as this thought flashed though my mind.
“Well, at least this guy has a sense of humor. “
As I quickly gathered my composure, I swiftly wrote the answer to his question:
Darkman555: Nah, I had to do some of my own digging.
I no longer had to wait for extended period of time for Justin’s replies. By now, he had become caught up in this twisted game just as much as me. I now anticipated every one of his replies with baited breath and a thundering heart. When his next message arrived, I could tell that he was slowly allowing that concrete wall to crumble. My heart still thundered within my chest, as I read:
Maskedman: Ok, just wondering here. Did you find out everything about me?
As I read Justin’s question, it suddenly occurred to me that he wad more mysterious than I had first thought. The question was, what horrible secret lay in his past that he was trying so desperately to keep hidden? Well, I knew that I could simply hack into the JPD police records. Or, I could simply take the less evasive approach, which would be to befriend him and find out that way. Eventually, I opted for plan B. Once I had come to this decision, a shocking possibility suddenly occurred to me.
“Man I must be going soft or something. “
I then swiftly typed an answer to Justin’s question:
Darkman555: No, not everything. I thought that you that you might tell me…When you’re ready. of course.
Somehow I knew that the time to end our little cyber mind games had come. We now only had time for directness within our conversation. I think Justin sensed that as well, for his next IM was short but his sarcasm still lingered:
Maskedman: {sarcastically said} Of course
Darkman555: Ok good, so understand one another then?
Maskedman: Not exactly. First, I need to know something.
Darkman555: {Sighing frustratingly } Ok, fine What?
Maskedman: Why me? I mean out of all of the lammers and suckers in this night club, why target me to play your little mind games with? Not to mention the fact that you invaded my personal life where you obviously don’t belong!
Darkman555: {Getting a little pissed off now } All right you little jack ass First of all, I did not target you! I simply chose you because you didn’t look like a punk like every one else in this place. Secondly, I respected your privacy, so I didn’t dig as far as you did! Besides, you looked like you had an interesting story to tell.
Maskedman: Look, I’m really sorry. I had no right to accuse you of targeting me. I also had no right to dig so deeply into your past. I guess that I’m just being overly defensive.
Darkman555: That’s ok. I would be defensive too if some jerk whom I’ve never met suddenly IMED me and started playing head games with me.
Maskedman: All is forgiven then?
Darkman555: Yes…. So, will you at least consider my proposal for partnership?
Maskedman: Maybe…I’ll keep in touch.
Our conversation suddenly ended as quickly as it had begun. I felt as if his departure had given me whiplash. As I sat there breathlessly starring at computer screen, a dazed feeling suddenly washed over me as I was left with this question lingering within my mind.
“Where in the HELL did he go so fast! “
Still feeling completely mystified, I bid Tony goodnight, left the night club and wondered into the night.
For days the memory of meeting Justin haunted the recesses of my brain, but I knew that my chances of meeting him again were next to zero. As the weeks passed I tried desperately to push that night out of my mind, but it was of no use. The memory of that fateful night was firmly embedded into my brain. I had given up all hope of bumping into him again, though.

                                                         Chapter Five

                                                                   Justin
The rain pelted heavily against my living room window as I sat couch with my computer on my lap. I was too busy searching the Internet to even concern myself with the rain anyway. What was I doing that was so important? I knew that Tate was desperate to posses any scrap of personal information that Catherine might have lingering around in cyberspace. I in turn, was desperate to get him off my back. The trouble was finding any information that wasn’t already available to the public. Since Catherine was a very open person, that made my quest all the more difficult.
Then a lighting bolt struck me. My fingers then began to fly furiously over my keyboard as I typed: Mt.Ceder.com into the address box. You see, Mt.Ceder General Hospital was the hospital where Catherine went to receive all of her medical care. It was only natural that her complete medical history would be held there as well. If I was fortunate enough to find Catherine's medical records and copy them, I could have some piece of mind knowing that Tate would be temporarily off of my back. Thus, with a determined mind, I began my tedious task.
After what seemed like ages of breaking code and guessing various passwords, a surge of joy rushed through me. My search for what I thought to be patient records had finally come to an end. Adrenaline rushed through me as I set to
the task of breaking through the computerized shield that protected those records. My fingers flew across the keyboard as I desperately tried to uncover and kind of trapdoor that would allow me to gain access, and to copy, those patient records.
At least half an hour had passed before all of my swift maneuvering and intense concentration had paid off. I had finally gained access to, (or what I thought to be ), the patient records. My fingers flew as I began my exploration of the tremendously large database. As I scrolled down the seemingly endless list of names within the database, my eyes watered and blurred from exhaustion as they strained to find any trace of Catherine’s name. Finally, as frustration quickly began to overshadow me, I located a search box. As I typed Baker, Catherine into the box, I was mentally berating myself for not thinking of this sooner.
After I had typed Catherine’s name into the entry box, I pressed enter and anxiously waited for the results. However, I didn’t have to wait long. Moments after I had typed Catherine’s name into the search box, a discouraging message popped up.
Name not found within nurses directory.
For a moment, I simply sat there, starring at the screen in utter bewilderment. I could feel heat rising within my cheeks as my feeling of bewilderment suddenly gave way to agitation and frustration. The heat within me suddenly rose to the boiling point as I allowed a moan of utter rage to escape my lips.
“Aw shit, I can’t believe this! “
Then, this thought suddenly dawned on me.
Wait a minute, I can believe it, actually. Only someone like me would posses the sheer stupidity it takes to hunt for patient records in the nurse’s directory without checking to see which directory he’s actually hacking into, first!  

Suddenly, several small knocks at my door prevented me from throwing my computer out of the window.
I breathed a slow sigh of relief as I heard the soft knock at my door. After I gently placed my computer aside, I wearingly got up, and began walking towards the door. As I approached the door of my apartment, this question flashed though my mind.
Who in the heck would that be at this time of night and why are they out in this kind of weather?
I then opened the door slowly and cautiously. As I opened the door, my eyes fell up the one person that I thought was lost to me forever. My mouth fell open in disbelief and it seemed as if my voice had been taken from me. I simply stood there in idiotic silence. Standing in the dimly lit hallway was my childhood friend, Kyle. Soaked to the bone by the pouring rain, he looked like a drowned rat. Neither of us noticed, however. We were simply overjoyed to see each other once again. As he smiled, Kyle was the first to shatter the silence that had formed between us.
"Hey, Justin, It's been a long time hasn't it?”
Muted by a combination of shock and utter stupidity , the only response that I could give him was to sweep him up into a warm and long overdue embrace As we embraced, I felt at least one void within my heart slowly begin to heal. It felt as if nothing had changed between Kyle and I.
When our warm embrace finally ended, both of us stepped back and smiled at one another. It was during this second lapse of silence that I finally regained my voice. Although I was able to speak again, these were the only words that came from my mouth.
"What are you doing here, Kyle? "
After I had stupidly stuttered those words, I felt the flush of embarrassment instantly washed over me. I then quickly attempted to cover up my stupidity.
"Sorry, that didn't come out right. I mean I'm just surprised to see you, that's all. What are you doing here? “
Kyle simply smiled yet again as I received this reply.
"I'm surprised to see you too. I actually didn't think I'd be able to find you. "
As he talked, it suddenly dawned on me that Kyle was still soaked to the bone and most likely freezing. I then hastily invited him in. He accepted with another warm smile. Kyle had stopped talking long enough for me to him this question.
"I'm just wondering here, but just how actually did you find me?”
When I asked this question, Kyle glanced at me with a childish sparkle within his eyes. Kyle then jokingly replied to my inquiry with a note of sarcasm in his voice.
"Well you see Justin, there's this wonderful new invention called the Telephone book."
This sarcastic comment caused me to roll my eyes and laugh.
" OK, ok, I deserved that one."
Kyle laughed along with me as he explained further.
"Well, I actually had to track you down through the Internet. You were very hard to find. What's up with that? “
I didn't answer Kyle's question. Instead I simply remained silent, and somehow Kyle knew not to press the subject.
After Kyle had seated himself on the couch, I quickly ran out of the room without a word. When I returned several moments later, I had, within my hands a steaming cup of hot chocolate. I also carried a fresh white towel, which was draped over my left arm.
With a broad smile, Kyle gratefully and carefully accepted the hot chocolate. He then laughed quietly as he spoke. "I can't believe you remembered."
Without responding, I silently sat down beside him. A moment of silence passed between us before I decided to shatter it.
"Hey Kyle it's great to see you again after all these years, but what are you doing here?”
Kyle only answered me with silence. Because of his silence, I thought that my words might have sounded harsh.. I then decided to rephrase my question.
"Look, as I said, its great to see you. My only question is, why after all these years, did you decide to show up now? “
Another lapse of silence followed my question. It seemed as if Kyle was thinking of the best way to answer my question without revealing too much of the truth. Finally the silence between us was broken, as Kyle slowly and quietly began his explanation.
"I completely understand why you would ask me that. You're right; it has been a long time. Shortly after you left, many things changed. After too many years of abuse, my mother finally left my bastard of a stepfather. I can't say that I blame her, of course. Heck, the only reason that I stayed around there for so long was to protect her from him. Half of the time, I was the one who got beaten to a bloody pulp, not her. Anyway, in a note that my mother had written, she said that she was going to Louisiana to stay with my Aunt Rose. The note didn't mention to part of Louisiana that my mother had fled to. She was probably trying to conceal her whereabouts from Devin.
Immediately after reading the note, I tossed it into the fire so that Devin would never be able to discover where my mother was hiding. I crept out of the house that night while Devin was passed out, drunk. I've never returned since then. Well, the journey to Louisiana left me exhausted and without a dime to my name. I was living by sheer wit and street smarts by the time that I finally reached Louisiana. I was bound and determined to find my mother, though. However, my determination was swiftly killed as I realized that I had no idea where my aunt was living at the moment. I was beginning to think that the search for my mother was an utterly hopeless one.
My eyes suddenly spotted a nearby phone booth. I wasted no time as I dashed to the phone booth and began flipping through the phone book. I didn't have to flip for long before I found my aunt's name and address. She apparently was living on St. Charles Avenue. I then rushed to the bus depot. Luckily, rush hour had just started and no one saw me as blended in with the crowd and snuck onto the bus.
I failed to notice how long the bus ride was. That was most likely due to the fact that my mind was clouded with thoughts of you, my mother and not to mention, my turbulent childhood. Before I knew it, I had arrived at my stop. When I stepped off of the bus, I turned east and began walking towards my aunt’s house. My mother and aunt welcomed me with open arms, of course and I’ve been staying with them ever since. Up until now, that is.“
Even though I was captivated by Kyle’s story, one question kept echoing within my mind. With curiosity lingering within my voice I then posed this next question to Kyle.
“That’s great Kyle, but what does that have to do with why you’re here? ”
Kyle simply chuckled with I asked him this question. He then replied as this comment escaped his lips..
"I see that your level of patience hasn't improved. If you wait a second, I'll tell you."
That statement prompted me to shut up and listen as he continued.
“Well, it must have been by the grace of God, but I somehow managed to work my way through night school. After night school, I applied the med school in New Orleans. By some miracle, I made it through the hell that is med school and became a certified doctor. “
I felt my mouth fall open from shock at this point. Kyle must have noticed this as well because the soft sound of laughter escaped his lips as he continued.
“I’m as shocked as you are, believe me. “
The shock that had overwhelmed me slowly began to melt away. As it melted away, I was able to reclaim my voice once again. I then smiled and exclaimed with voice that was filled with both happiness and utter surprise.
“Wait a minute Kyle, you’re kidding me, right? “
I half expected him to tell me that he was kidding. To my surprise, however he shook his head and replied to the contrary.
“Nope, I’m not kidding. I’m actually a real doc. “
A smile graced his lips and his eyes began to twinkle. It was then that I offered him my warmest congratulations.
The expression upon my face must have told Kyle that my question still lingered because after a short pause, he continued.
"Well as I've said, I just survived the hell that is medical school and I did my internship at Sisters Of Mercy Hospital in New Orleans. The good part about that was that I was able to stay with my mother and my aunt. The bad thing was, the doctors whom we were training under instantly regarded us as their own personal slaves. Now to the point. I graduated from med school, I was assigned to Mt.Ceder County Hospital. "
At the very moment at which Kyle had spoken these words, a bell of enlightenment began dinging within my mind. Just then an idea slowly began to form itself within my brain. This idea that was brewing prompted me to ask my next question.
"So, what part of the hospital do you work in right now? "
Kyle took a sip of his coca and then replied with pride in his voice.
"I’m an ER. Resident. "
A smile graced my lips as I laughed as I commented in a kidding tone.
"Boy, you are a glutton for punishment, aren’t you? "
At this remark, Kyle simply laughed as he gave me his answer.
"Yeah, I guess that I am now that I think about it. "
Then the reason for Kyle's sudden reappearance hit me like a bolt of lightning, and without thinking first, these words flew from my mouth.
"You're out of money, aren’t you, Kyle."
As I said these words, Kyle literally froze in mid sip and looked at me with widened eyes. He then slowly placed his mug upon the coffee table. He then replied to my assumption with a hint of amazement within his voice.
"Yeah I am. How did you know? “
I had been through this a countless number of times with Kyle, so I actually knew why he was broke. Even though I was extremely tempted to tell Kyle what I was thinking at the moment, I also knew that I would come to regret my words later. In the end, I was able to restrain myself from blurting out the harsh words that Kyle deserved and I so desperately wanted to say. Instead I simply looked at Kyle with that piercing and icy glare that he was all too familiar with.
Kyle's face quickly turned to one of anguish once my icy glare met his gaze. To avoid my eyes completely, he swiftly lowered his head to the floor. Then after a moment of silence Kyle then entered this pathetic plea in a voice that was muffled and filled with desperation.
"Please Justin, it's not what you think. I kicked the ponies’ habit.
To this remark, I retorted, swiftly and curtly.
"Yeah, where have I heard that one before ? "
The moment that those words had escaped my lips, Kyle inhaled deeply and sharply. It was as if my words had pierced his very soul. Kyle then moaned as he allowed a sigh of frustration to escape his lips.
“Justin, will you please just shut up and listen to me for a sec? “
I really didn't want to listen because I knew what was coming. Kyle was about to give me the same lame excuses that he always gave me whenever he owed someone money or needed money himself However because I was his friend, I listened silently as Kyle continued to plead his case.
"You see, both my aunt and my mom are able to work, but a waitress's salary isn't much to live on. I have been sending them money whenever I can afford to. Plus, with all of the expenses that come with a life of independence like rent and, not to mention, med school loans. By the time I'm done paying off my bills for the month, I'm flat broke. “
After Kyle had finished, I simply remained silent contemplating what he had just told me. Although I had heard several tall tales from Kyle before, somehow this story was believable. The only reason that I had for believing Kyle's story was because I was in the poor house myself at the moment. With this in mind, I was able to make my decision. Weather it was the right one or not, I had yet to find out. I gave Kyle a deliberate but yet compassionate glance as I searched his pleading eyes. It was then that I delivered my verdict.
"OK Kyle, you can stay as long as you like.”
The clouds that had loomed within Kyle's eyes suddenly evaporated. They were instantly replaced by radiant sparks of happiness and relief. His frown had gone through a transformation as well. It had transformed into that bright and infectious smile that I knew so well
However, before he even say the words" thank you,” I held up my hand to stop him. Kyle was just about to express his gratitude. I then continued in a stern but yet compassionate voice.
"You can stay here, Kyle, but I will not, (and I repeat), I WILL NOT, SUPPORT YOUR GAMBLING HABIT.”
I partly expected Kyle to protest my verdict insisting yet again that he didn't gamble anymore. His response to my decision surprised me instead.
“All right, man. That's fair. Thanks.

Besides, heaven knows the last thing you need is to be dragged down by my financial problems. “
With that said, the discussion was closed. We then began to reminisce about our childhood, and all of the trouble that we would get into.
Later that night, after Kyle had fallen asleep on my couch, I silently slid behind my computer. I then began my quest to find a trapdoor within the hospital computer security system. If I was fortunate enough to locate one, I could then maneuver my way though the network's database. With a few keystrokes, I could then easily obtain a copy of Catherine's medical files. It was just a matter of time and patience......

                                                         

Chapter Six

                                                                Catherine 
I felt the thick dampness that hung in the air as the September wind blew around me. As I sat upon my wrap around porch, writing, the peaceful music of the crashing waves serenaded me. Lake Superior always did seem to awaken the writer's voice that lived within me.
I was just about to begin the next chapter within my next spine-chilling thriller, when suddenly, Jody came outside and handed me the phone. Before I greeted the caller, I silently asked Jody who it was. Jody replied to my question by simply shrugging as if to say that she had no clue. She then turned and went back inside, leaving me alone to wonder who could possibly be calling. The cautiousness within my voice was blatantly obvious as I answered the phone.
"Hello.... "
The voice that answered both surprised me and filled me with delight.
"Hey baby doll, what's up?
It was Ryan's voice that I heard on the other line. The nickname "baby doll” had been with me since early childhood. Ryan often acted as if I were a porcelain doll. Not to mention the fact that I often whined like a baby. Suddenly, my thoughts returned to our conversation. I quickly gave him an eager reply.
"Hey choirboy, it's been a long time.”
I heard Ryan chuckle on the other line. He then answered me through his laughter.
"Don't you think that I'm a little bit too old for that name?”
A sarcastic and taunting reply quickly formed within my mind.
"Well, I'm not the one who would run around in a bathrobe, pretending to be a Franciscan while singing at the top of my lungs, now am I?”
Yet another laugh was heard on the line as I said those words. Ryan then allowed a few moments to float between us while he collected himself. He then continued in a light-hearted and chuckling voice.
“Let’s just keep that an inside the family kind of joke, shall we?”
I thought that Ryan had finished saying his peace, but the he decided to add another little tidbit.
“Because if you don’t, I may be forced to make your existence utterly miserable….in that annoying brotherly way, of course. “
That cute but childish little comment of Ryan’s caused me to laugh as I replied
“Yea, yea, whatever you say. “
`Thus, that portion of the conversation was ended. A short silence then passed between us. During this silence, a question flashed through my mind. Why did Ryan suddenly decide to call me? Suddenly a horrible thought flooded my mind. I then quickly asked Ryan this question in a panic-filled voice.
“Ryan, is mom all right?  Has anything happened to her?”
Hearing the utter panic within my voice, Ryan quickly and calmly eased my anxiety
“Calm down Katie. Mom’s just fine. That’s not why I called. “
Relief suddenly washed over me as I heard those words. Once I had fully collected myself, I then asked Ryan the real question.
“All right, then Ryan, why are you really calling me? Because we haven’t really talked since before I moved away from home. “
Ryan swiftly answered me with yet another question.
“ What do you call e-mail and chatting online then? “
I allowed a heavy sigh of frustration to escape my lips as I gave my reply.
“You know what mean, Ryan. Now would you please tell me what’s on? “
Silence fell over the telephone line as I awaited Ryan’s explanation. After only a moment’s time, I received my explanation.
“Well actually I’m on the expressway right now. The traffic is awful. “
My cheeks began to boil with frustration Ryan always did this to me. He always interrupted me when I was in the mist of doing important, particularly when I was writing. After a few more moments of silence, I had finally reached my boiling point. My voice was filled with hint anger as I shattered the silence that had developed between us.
“Look Ryan, unlike you, some of us actually have deadlines to meet. I have to finish this novel, so would you please tell me what’s going on?”
Ryan was silent for just a moment more before he spoke again. When he spoke again, Ryan sounded as he was both hurt and shocked by my words.
“Geez Catherine, I can tell that fame served you well.”
Afar Ryan had said this, I instantly regretted my sharp words. A heavy lump of guilt then formed in the pit of my stomach. I then commenced with scolding. myself for being short with one of my dearest friends. My voice was filled with shame and regret as softly replied to Ryan’s statement.
“I’m so sorry, Ryan. I really didn’t mean to snap at you like that. The stress of this novel and everything surrounding it has really gotten to me, I guess. “
Ryan accepted my apology gracefully as usual, that still didn’t ease me of my guilt. Nor did the lump of regret leave the pit of my stomach. Yet another awkward silence had developed between us. I then abrupt broke the silence as I spoke in a casually curious voice.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on or do I have to beg?”
Ryan, considered my question for a moment, and gave me his reply.
“Well, if I must…”
To this remark, I obviously replied.
“Yes Ryan, you must, so spill it!”
He then proceeded to share some shocking but wonderful news
“Well Katie, I have finally found my true calling in life.”
My heart leapt as I heard Ryan say this. In the following moments, my mind raced with Ryan’s possible career choices. Although, nothing could have prepared me for what Ryan was going to say next.
“Well, I’m heading to Marquette as we speak.”
I gasped with delight as I heard this. I then demanded to know more.
“Really, why? Tell me!”
The excitement within my voice prompted him to continue.
“Well I’ve decided to enter the seminary, and join the priesthood.”
For a moment, I thought that I was dreaming. For as long as I could remember, my mother had always wanted Ryan to become a priest. Despite her attempts to persuade him, Ryan always shunned the idea. Now, here he was, on the other line, telling me that he was completely devoting his entire being to God.
My mind was reeling, and my heart was filled with pure joy at Ryan’s news. I then realized that I had given any sort of reaction. The silence was then broken was suddenly broken as I spoke in a voice that was filled with sheer elation.
“Oh Ryan, I’m so happy for you. You must be so excited!”
My words of congratulations and feeling of excitement were suddenly shattered as something clicked within my brain. In a voice that was filled with suspicion, I posed my next question to him.
“Ryan, don’t take this wrong. I’m really happy for you and everything. The only thing that I want to know is why are you coming all the way to Marquette to join the seminary? I mean why don’t you enter one that’s at least somewhat closer to mom?”
It seemed to me that Ryan was trying to choose his words carefully before he answered me. He then spoke in a casual sounding voice as he replied to my question.
“Because, I’m hoping to join The Franciscan order of the Sons of Mary, and their order is in Negaunee.”
His answer seemed reasonable to me. Therefore, due to my excitement for Ryan, I did not think to ask him anymore questions. Just as I was about reply to Ryan’s explanation, he stopped me before I could speak.
“Plus, you and I have always been close, and I have missed you, Katie. This way, we can spend a lot more time together.”
As he said this, something suddenly occurred to me. This sudden thought caused my cheeks to flush with anger I waited for a moment before I gave my reply in an angry tone.
“Babysitting me is more like it!”
Ryan’s silence was the only thing that greeted me after I had uttered these words. Then he spoke in a soft and calming voice.
“Now Catherine, you know very well that’s not what I meant.”
Realizing that I had overacted just a tiny bit, I calmed myself before I answered him.
“I’m sorry Ryan. I truly didn’t mean bite your head off like that. I suppose the stress of public life is getting to me.”
Ryan quickly accepted my apology he responded with an easy going chuckle.
“That’s ok Katie. I understand. Actually, I can fully relate with you. Being in the seminary is hardly a vacation itself.”
A good twenty minutes passed as Ryan and I chatted about the past and how greatly our lives have changed due to God’s plan. When it seemed as if Ryan and I had discussed everything under the sun, Ryan suddenly sighed as he spoke with a light-hearted voice.
“Sorry Katie but I have to scoot here. I’m almost to my exit, and you have a deadline to meet.”
Because of Ryan’s abrupt call, all thought of deadlines had faded from my mind. With a heavy sigh, I said farewell to my brother.
“Ok Ryan, I’ll talk to you later. Love you.”
Once I hung up the phone, I was filled with a feeling of instant dread as the thought of my upcoming deadline reentered my mind. Fortunately, words were quickly flooding my mind once more. I was just to start writing again when yet another interruption came my way.
An instant message had suddenly popped onto my screen. It was not Justin as I had hoped. Instead, it was someone whom I had never chatted with before by the name of Darkman555. Their message was very simple but friendly.
Darkman555: Hey Cyberwriter, what’s up? Want to chat?
I was hesitant to answer at first, but then this thought ran through my head.
What could it hurt? After all, that’s how Justin and became such great friends.
With that thought in mind, I began to type my response
Cyberwriter: Who are you first of all?
It seemed to take forever before a reply was returned to me. It was short, but to the point.
Darkman555: My name’s Tate. Am I bothering you?
After he had given me his name, somehow I felt more at ease. I then quickly typed my next message.
Cyberwriter: Hey Tate, I’m Catherine. No, you’re not bothering me and I’d love to chat with you.
Sending my message, I eagerly waited for his reply. The nagging feeling that I should be writing had filled my mind. However, the prospect of finding a new chat buddy was far too intriguing for me to pull away now. On the other hand, I knew that I was facing an up and coming deadline. After an intense mental debate, I finally decided to stay online. A message had arrived for me as I had ended my debate.
Darkman555: Great. So, what do you do for a living, Catherine?
When he asked me that question, a feeling of apprehension arose within me. A string of questions then quickly flowed through my mind
Should I tell him the truth, that I’m a famous writer? Would he eventually realize who I actually am? Or, should I just give him a false profession?
Since I detested lying and liars in general, I decided to scratch off that last option completely. In the end, I opted to simply tell him that I was just a writer. If he eventually figured out whom I was, ah, so what? He’d either be another fan or another critic. With that decision made, I began to type my reply.
Cyberwriter: Oh, I’m a writer. What do you do?
After a few moments, Tate’s reply popped up. A great sense of relief washed over me as I read his message. He had not realized who I was. The fact that was a writer simply amazed him. As it turned out, we had something in common already.
Darkman555: You’re a writer, really? What a coincidence. I happen to be a freelance artist, myself.
As I read this, my heart leapt, and fingers quickly flowed over the keyboard as I typed my next question.
Cyberwriter: Oh really, what medium do you work in?
It wasn’t long before my curiosity was eased as Tate answered my question.

Darkman555: I mainly work with charcoal. I find that it allows you to see the true soul of the subject.
Memories of Ryan’s exquisite charcoal creations and my mother’s beautiful clay sculptures suddenly flooded my mind. This caused a smile to slip onto my face. As those wonderful images floated though my mind, I began to type my next message.
Cyberwriter: My mother and my brother are both artists. Growing up, I was surrounded by it. For some reason, I grew to envy their artwork.
I sent that message with divided emotions. Part of me knew that it was foolish of me to reveal such personal information about myself to a complete stranger. Then again, there was something about this mystery man that intrigued me. There was not that instant and unexplainable connation that I felt towards Justin, but there was a feeling of comfort just the same. When my moment of contemplation had ending, I found Tate’s next message waiting for me.
Darkman555: Why did you envy them?
I replied swiftly to this question with my next message.
Cyberwriter: Well, I suppose it’s because I was never blessed with an artistic gift as they were.
The next message that I received from Tate filled me a pleasant shock. I wouldn’t have expected a complete stranger to say something like this.
Darkman555: Now, that’s just not true, if you don’t mind me saying so.
Still amazed by his comment, and hoping for an explanation, confusion swam in my brain as typed my next question.
Cyberwriter: What do you mean by that?
Tate then promptly sent me a message with his explanation.
Darkman555: Well, just you don’t possess their kind of artistic abilities, doesn’t mean that you’re not an artist. I mean, writing in a unique art onto itself.
That comment caused me to smile and blush. It also caused me to wonder. Who actually was this man to give such a personal compliment? After giving it an immense amount of thought and undergoing a mental debate, I decided to ask what he meant by that comment After all, we had only just met.
Cyberwriter: Thank you but who are you to say something so personal like that to me? We only began talking just a few moments ago. Therefore, you have no idea whether I’m a skilled writer or not.
I sent the message, hoping for a swift response. As I was waiting, it suddenly occurred to me that I may have overreacted just a tiny bit. It also occurred to me that my message may have sounded much too harsh. Feeling ashamed and embarrassed, I then sent a deep and heartfelt apology.
Cyberwriter: Look Tate, I’m really sorry. You only gave me your honest opinion. I had no right to jump down your throat like that.
With a knot in my stomach, I anxiously pressed the send button and sat back and waited for Tate’s reply. It wasn’t long before a new instant message popped up onto my screen. I was of course a message from Tate. After reading it, my twinge of guilt still remained, my heart did somewhat warm towards him.
Darkman555: Sorry about that. I didn’t mean to get too personal or anything.
I then promptly another sent an apology
Cyberwriter: No, I’m the one who should be sorry. I totally overacted. Would you mind chatting again sometime?
I pressed send and waited. Almost instantly, a reply came.
Darkman555: Its ok, I understand. I mean you’re right. I don’t really know you. I had no right to presume anything about you. I’m sorry.
I received Tate’s message and read it carefully once of twice. Whether any of it was true or not, I had no way of knowing. Still, I was greatly moved by his apology. Once my thoughts were sorted, I swiftly sent my response.
Cyberwriter: All’s well. No harm done. Can I have your e-mail address so that we can keep in touch?
I didn’t have to wait long for his reply. A smile formed upon my face as I read his latest message.
Darkman555: Sure, I’d like that. We only just met, I know, but I can already tell that we’re going to be friends. My e-mail address is: Darkman555@aol.com
The feeling of excitement then rushed through me at the prospect of meeting a new friend. My mind was whirling with a million thoughts as my fingers swiftly typed their final message.
Cyberwriter: I think you’re right. I mean sure, we don’t know each other. However, the mystery aspect of this whole thing could be cool. Anyway, my e-mail address is: Cyberwriter@aol.com. I’ve got to go for now, but e-mail me soon and IM me anytime...Bye.
As I logged off, a feeling of happiness warmed me. It seeped into the recesses of my brain. The knowledge that I had made another online connection thrilled me. Furthermore the mystery of meeting people in such a way intrigued me.
Although I am grateful for it, the fame that I was blessed with can often be a burden to me. My public life allows me little or no time for friends. The few friends that I do have are often subjected to the limelight and scrutinized within the tabloid pages. My friends and I have therefore taken to meeting in secret. The paparazzi often seem to find us nevertheless. In the end, I eventually began seeking friendship connections on the Internet. I knew that there was great risk involved in doing this. However it seemed like the only way to save my friends from the harsh realities of public life. I still meet with my friends when they or I have the time but, that’s very rare these days.
Thus, I began my search for friendship upon the Internet. At first, my exploration did not go so well. I encountered quite a few shady characters. In fact, I almost gave up entirely. I was almost convinced that only losers and perverts lurked on the Internet. No friendships could possibly be made here.
That was until I met Justin. He seemed to be different from the other people I had chatted with. He seemed to be caring and intelligent. As time passed, we began to chat more and more. With each chat session, I got to know Justin a little more. Even through Justin and I had been talking for a while, I was still afraid that I might reveal too much about myself. When I finally told that I was a writer, I braced myself for the worst. I was expecting him to act like some crazed fan. Instead, Justin simply acted casual. I mean, he was indeed intrigued by the fact that I was a writer. However, he didn’t make a big deal about it either. At that moment a tremendous weight was lifted from my shoulders. From that moment on, Justin and I were able to discuss anything and everything.
I reflected upon these memories for some time. Then, it suddenly dawned on me. I’ll just ask Justin what I should do. Popping up my buddy list, I saw that Justin was online. Wasting no more time, I swiftly wrote my first instant message to him.
Cyberwriter: Hey Justin, can you talk for a minute?
In no time at all, Justin sent his reply.
Maskedman: Sure Catherine, what’s up?
Thus, our discussion began. I then sent him a very lengthy message explaining my dilemma.
Cyberwriter: Well I had just gotten off the phone with my brother when a message suddenly popped up on my screen. I thought it was you, but was bummed to find out that it wasn’t. It was someone whom I’d never talked to before. He went by the screen name Darkman555. I’m wondering if I should trust him or not. What do you think?
I sent the message, sat back and waited. While I waited, one thought continued to spin around in my mind like a broken and scratchy record. What am I doing? How will Justin be able to help with this? I can’t run to him every time I’m indecisive about something. I should handle this on my own.
Just then, a smaller and weaker voice echoed within my mind. What if you start to trust this guy and he turns out to be a complete psycho. Then what? He’ll probably turn out to be one of the stalkers that Justin’s always warning you about. You’ll have nowhere to turn then. Then you’ll be trapped within a nightmare of your own making, Catherine!
These conflicting voices of doubt and confidence continued to wage war in my head. They grew so loud that I felt as if my head was about to explode. Suddenly, the voices were silenced as a message from Justin appeared.’ As I read the message, a smile formed on my lips. Leave it to Justin to find humor in any situation.
Maskedman: (Stunned) you mean I’ve been replaced! Catherine, how could you?
I laughed as I read his message. After a moment of thought, the perfect sarcastic rushed into my mind.
Cyberwriter: Sorry, but yes. You’ve become tiresome. Thus naturally, you have been replaced. I don’t need you anymore. It’s been fun, Justin.
In no time at all, Justin came back with yet another sarcastic reply.
Maskedman: Well fine then! I don’t need you either! Goodbye, Catherine.
After my fit of laughter had submitted, I sent Justin yet another message. This time, the tone of it was a little more serious.
Cyberwriter: Thanks Justin, I really needed that today. You have no idea how stressed I’ve been. However, I could really use your help right now.
As I sent my latest message I authorized his answer with great eagerness. Meanwhile, the same conflicting voices of confidence and fear resumed their battle within my mind. It wasn’t long before Justin’s next message came. As always he was ready to off his services.
Maskedman: You seem stressed, Catherine. What’s up?
I then commenced to explain the rest of my situation in the next message that I sent.
Cyberwriter: Well, it has to with this new guy I met today. He seems nice and everything, but I just don’t know if I can trust him.
Sending the message off to Justin, I sat back and waited patiently for his response. The wishful part of me hoped that Justin would be able to help me with this. However, the logical part of me knew that could do no more than offer me advice. In his next message, Justin offered both his advice and his help.
Maskedman: Hmmm. You don’t know if you can trust this new guy, huh? Well, let’s think about this for a minute. Did you really trust me when first met?
As I read that question, the answer to instantly rushed through my mind. I didn’t want to admit to it, though. However, I believed in being honest whenever it was possible.
Cyberwriter: Well, that was only because I hardly knew you at the time.
As I sent my latest reply, I knew instantly that I had proven Justin’s point. Before I even had a chance to send a message saying that I got his point, I found a reply waiting for me.
Maskedman: Ok then, point made.
Granted, my next comment was a stupid one. However after several minutes of searching my brain, it was the only one I could seem to come up with at the time.
Cyberwriter: Well that was completely different, Justin.
After I sent my pathetic excuse for an answer, I simply sat back and waited for his next sarcastic come back. Waiting for a response, I read over our conversation thus far. Something then suddenly occurred to me. It was happening again. I was digging myself into a hole again and I felt baked into a corner. This always happens to me. I always seem to get myself into situations that are almost impossible to get out of. I have this stupid illogical fear of new people. This fear in question is confusing even to me since I am almost always in the spotlight. I hate this fear! I also hate how it makes me feel vulnerable.
As these thoughts and feelings came rushing back to me, my mother’s voice also began to echo within my head. Before I left home, she gave me one last piece of advice. She warned me to be careful of whom I trusted. She believed that due to my disability, I would be more likely to be victimized. At the time, I simply brushed her off. Now however, her voice echoed loudly in my head like a booming stereo. Just when I felt as if my head was going to explode, I was rescued by Justin’s latest message.
Maskedman: different, huh? Ok then. Please explain how I was different from this guy?
I was running out of explanations at this point. Unfortunately, Justin was waiting for an answer. After probing my brain, I finally produced one out of pressure.
Cyberwriter: Well, you were kind, honest and open. It was easy to talk to you and get to know you. This new guy is a complete mystery. I have a feeling he wants to stay that way too.
I found myself holding my breath as I sent the latest message. During, my wait, these questions ran though my mind. What is it about these games that Justin and I play? I get very nervous whenever he pops online. This couldn’t be a crush. I mean other then talking to him constantly, I barely knew him really. Before I had a chance to process these thoughts, another message from Justin suddenly popped up.
Maskedman: Well, Catherine, maybe you should try talking to this guy first. Get to know him a little. Then just maybe he won’t be such mystery anymore. Who knows, you might even grow to like him. That’s just my suggestion, though. Do whatever you think is best.
After pondering these words for a moment, they began to make sense to me. Who was I to play judge and jury? I had only chatted with guy once after all. Besides as Justin said, I might even like him. With this in mind, I quickly sent Justin a cheerful message of thanks.
Cyberwriter: you’re right, Justin. Maybe I will give this guy a chance. If he ever shows up again that is. Thanks a lot.
With a smile upon my face, I pressed the send button. While I waited, a silent yawn was suddenly expelled from my lips. It suddenly occurred to me just how late it was. As I realized this, exhaustion slowly began to creep up on me. I felt drained of all energy. I could also barely keep my eyes open. Thus with my last ounce of energy, I typed one of my last messages to Justin.
Cyberwriter: Hey Justin, It’s really late here and I can hardly keep my eyes open. Can we talk later, please?
Yet another yawn escaped from my lips as I pressed send. Only a few moments passed before Justin’s casual and kind reply came.
Maskedman: Sure Catherine. Talk to you later.
With a smile upon my face, I read his reply. Justin was always so sweet to me. In turn, I sent him my final message of the night, thanking him for his help.
Cyberwriter: Thanks for all of your help. I really appreciate it. Good night, Justin.
It was late now, and the cold and damp weather was finally getting to me. Thinking that Justin had gone offline, I opened my mouth to call for Jody. Before I could expel Jody’s name from my lungs, I heard another instant message arrive. Grumbling, I turned to see what the message was. The frown upon my face instantly transformed into a smile as I read it.
Maskedman: You’re welcome. Now, get some sleep!

 Laughing, I finally called Jody to bring me in for the night. I explained my entire dilemma to Jody while I was getting ready for bed. I asked her what she would do in my place. However, Jody simply shrugged and gave me a nonchalant answer.
“Sure, if you want. It’s your life.”
Annoyed by her cold and careless answer, I turned my head and mumbled these words under my breath.
“I really hate it when she does that! When I don’t want her opinion, she gives it anyway. However, when I ask for her opinion, Jody just clams up and doesn’t help me.”
I think Jody sensed that I was miffed at her, because after a soft good night she silently crept from my room.
At first, my thoughts began to spin wildly within my mind. However, after saying my evening prayers, the chaos that surrounded me slowly began to melt away. I felt that God was truly helping me at this moment. My assurance came from the gentle calm that suddenly washed over me as I made my final decision. I had decided to chat with Tate more before making any snap judgments.
                                                                 Chapter Seven
                                                                             Tate
The evening lights filled my living room with a soft yellow glow. Sitting upon my couch, an evil laugh escaped my lips. The memory of my most recent endeavor began to unfold itself within my brain. During our conversation, I secretly planted something in Catherine’s C drive. It was a worm of my own making. It was designed to transport the user’s personal information into my system. The beauty of this worm is that it can remain within the system dormant and undetected. Only when a Word document is opened, will the worm be activated. In Catherine’s case, the worm will be running almost constantly. I suddenly felt immense pleasure at just the thought of it. A smile was still upon my face when suddenly reality came crashing down on me.
I would soon possess everything but Catherine’s medical history. It wasn’t really crucial at this point really but I like to be through. There was just a tiny problem though. A short time ago, I was placed on probation for breaking into a hospital database. The conditions of my probation were very clear and not negotiable. I was sentenced to two months of community service.
Everyday after work, I am forced to drag myself to the community center on 5th and main. I then am reduced to work among other slaves like myself, painting and doing basic remodeling. With all of my time tied up, how can I possibly pursue Catherine? I suddenly realized that I had no chance in hell of doing this. Unless I pay someone to do it for me that is. It was then that Justin’s face flooded into my mind. He could do my work for me. After all, he’s always starving for money. With that thought in mind, I quickly called him up.
After two rings, he answered with a calm and friendly voice.
“Hello . . . ?”
I tried my best to act casual.
“Hey Justin, what’s up?”
He was silent for a moment ash he was debating how to answer that. Justin finally answered hesitantly.
“Nothing yet. What do you want now?”
As I replied, I pretended to sound hurt, but he didn’t buy it. Justin then quickly came back with curt answer.
“Gee I don’t know. ‘Maybe that’s because every time you call it’s only because you want something.”
He was right of course. It was then that I decided to come clean.
“Ok fine. I actually do need something from you.”
“Why I am not surprised.”
At this point, I was ready to tell Justin off. However, I needed his help, so I decided to keep my mouth shut.
“Look, I need your help. I was looking for Catherine’s medical records in the hospital records. I must been careless in covering my tracks because traced. To make a long story short, I am now doomed to spend two hellish months of community service!”
I ended the first part of my story and waited for Justin to say something. However, I only heard laughter at the other end.
“Wait, wait. Let me get this straight. You got caught? How? I mean, you’ve accessed systems thousands of times without being traced. What happened?”
“Do I have to tell you?” I asked, hoping the answer was no.
“If you want my help, yes, “Justin replied in a determined tone
Sighing, I told him the whole story, knowing full well that I’d only get laughed at.
“Well I had just accessed some bank records when-”
“Who’s records,” Justin interrupted.
“Does it really matter,” I sighed, somewhat annoyed
“No, I was just curious,” he answered
“They belonged to Dominic Baker.” Deciding that secrecy was pointless.
“Dominic, but why,” Justin asked confused,” I thought you were just after Catherine?”
“Well I am but I decided to investigate he entire family,” I explained, ”that way I can find out if there are any skeletons in the family closet.”
“Oh. Do you plan to exploit any secrets that you find?”
“No, not unless I have to.”
“So., what does this have do with me?” he asked suspiciously.
“Well you see,” I said, choosing my words carefully, “I’m now allowed near a computer for two months, so I was hoping you could help me.”
“Why I not like the sound of this,” Justin moaned.
“Justin, don’t you trust me?” I asked in a sarcastic tone
“No,” he quickly fired back, “ the words trust and you will never belong in the same sentence.”
“Oh ouch,” I replied trying to sound hurt, “why don’t tell me how you really feel?”
“Whatever,” he sighed, “just tell me what you want from me.”
I could see that these mind games weren’t going to get me anywhere. He clearly wasn’t in the mood for it today
“Well ok,” I began, “Since I’m on probation, I was wondering if you would mind doing some research for me. Just until my time is up, that is. “
“What kind of research,” Justin asked after a moment of silence.
“Just some research on Catherine,” I replied, trying to sound nonchalant.
“Oh no,” Justin cried, “I’m not getting in the middle of this. This is your sick little game, your obsession and your mess. Keep me out of it.”
I knew that Justin was serious, but I was desperate.

“Don’t do it, don’t do it”! A voice within me screamed, but I had no choice. Justin had forced my hand.
“I’ll pay you,” I pleaded, forcing the words out.

There was silence on the other end.
“This is good, this is good,” I told myself, “this means that he’s considering it.”
At last, Justin gave his answer.
“How much,” he asked sharply
I hesitated. I didn’t think he’d take me seriously since I always lie to him. My mind raced as I tried to come up with a fee that I could actually afford
“I’ll give ten bucks for every little piece of info you can find.” I offered.
“Twenty,” Justin fired back
“Twenty, are you crazy!” I cried in disbelief, “where do you expect me to get that kind of cash!”
“If you want my help bad enough you’ll find it, won’t you?” He replied coldly.
“At right, you son of a bitch, I’ll get the money!”

 Without another word, I slammed the phone down.

“This better be worth it,” I told myself as my blood continued to boil.

                                                          Chapter Eight

                                                                 Justin      
Tate’s phone call had unnerved me, causing me to lose sleep. I just couldn’t shut my mind off. The conversation continued to revolve in my mind On one hand, I wanted to help Tate. However, I knew that helping him would mean hurting Catherine. I was getting myself in too deep. I needed help. I had to tell Kyle my secret, but how? After thinking for a while, I decided not only tell him, but to show him.
I decided to take him to The Dark Side, saying that we needed a night out. The was hidden. Only a chosen few knew where it was. Kyle slowly walked beside me as we headed down a damp ally.
“Hey, would you just relax,” I sighed, sensing Kyle’s uneasiness. Kyle looked at me warily. “Ok fine,” he said, “but well you please tell me where in the hell we’re going?” This question was getting old. I was getting tired of telling him no, but I wanted him to shut up.
“If I told you, I’d have to kill you,” I said with a smile.
Kyle remained silent, obviously not in the mood for jokes. After another moment of tense, I made one last attempt to ease his mind.
”You know, you should really have some faith in me. Besides, have I ever gotten us into real trouble before?”
“Yes, “Kyle replied finally cracking a smile, “and I was usually the one to get us out of it. Or, did you forget that?”
“A minor detail,” I said, “that’s beside the point anyway.”
“Whatever,” Kyle laughed.
We walked in silence for quite some time. Soon, we stood in front a rusty metal door, which was embedded into a grimy ally wall. I signaled for Kyle to stand back as I approached the door. Giving the door a rhythmic Knock, I Stepped back a few inches and waited. Moments later, a thin wooden board slid open. The eyes that peered at me from behind the opening looked bright and black in the moonlight, even though they were really brown.
“Hey Kevin,” I said, giving him a casual smile.
“Hey Justin, what’s up?” Kevin replied, “Haven’t seen you around lately.”
“Yeah, I know,” I answered nonchalantly, “I’ve been a little preoccupied.”
There was a slight pause in our conversation. During which, I noticed that Kevin’s eyes drifted away from mine. Following his gaze, I saw that he was looking suspiciously at Kyle.
“Who’s this guy? “ Kevin asked in a rough tone.
“He’s with me, “I reassured him.
“Can we trust him though? “, Kevin fired back.
“Come on, Kevin, “I replied rolling my eyes, feeling slightly annoyed, “would I bring  anyone who was untrustworthy? “
“Well I guess not, “he replied slowly.
“Let us in then “
Slowly, Kevin opened the door. As we walked into the dark entryway, Kevin’s eyes still followed Kyle suspiciously. As the heavy wooden door closed behind us, It became pitch black all around us. After a moment of complete silence, Kyle tugged on my arm.
“Are you sure this place is OK? “he asked nervously.
“Of course it is, “I replied confidently, “ I come here all the time. Don’t worry, everything will be fine.”
As I listened to the pounding base of the music beyond the door seemed to match the pounding of my own heart.
“Am I doing the right thing by bringing him here?” I thought to myself.
My heart told me not, but I could think of no better way than this. Gathering my courage, I opened the door and walked in with Kyle following close behind.
I can only imagine Kyle’s reaction when we stepped into the club. He must have been in shock. Aside from the mind numbing music that screamed all around us, strobe lights and neon lights blindly flickered above us.
As I led Kyle through the crowd of dark clad strangers with tattoos and countless piercings, my guilt hung over me like the cigarette smoke circulating in the air. Kyle did not seem to notice any of this however. I doubt he noticed anything but noticed but the strange environment that he found himself in. I watched with mounting guilt as Kyle’s gleaming eyes as they darted this way and that. It looked as if he was trying to absorb everything all at once.
When I just couldn’t take any more, I excused myself, yelling” I’m going to get some beer!” Kyle must not have heard me because he continued to stare into space hypnotically. Seeing that I wasn’t going to get an answer, I slowly began pushing my way through the crowds.
As I inch my way towards the bar, more guilt-fueled questions pop into my mind.
What are you doing? Why did you bring Kyle here? Do you really think he’ll stick around once he finds out you’re a thief?
These questions swirled around in my mind like a tornado. My mind was racing so fast that I felt dizzy. I felt as if I was spinning wildly out of control, unable to stop. Then suddenly, someone began to call me. The voice sounded familiar, but it also seemed to be echoing from far away. At first, my brain failed to register who was speaking. After a few moments, however, the cloud of confusion began to lift. It took a minute for me to get refocused, but I realized who was calling me .The sweet velvety voice belonged to a woman who was standing behind the bar. Her name was Andorra, and she was easily one of the most beautiful women I had ever known
“Justin…,” she called repeatedly, “are you OK, Justin?”
I tried to speak, but I couldn’t. My words were stuck in my throat. I tried to make some sort of sound, anything to let her know that I heard her, but nothing would come out. All I could do was stare at her.
Even though, the club was dark, the red, orange and yellow lights illuminated most of her features. Everything about Andorra had a gothic quality to it. Her deep brown eyes held a mysterious knowledge within them, as if she knew something you didn’t. Her long, black lace dress fit perfectly over her shapely body, and trailed gracefully behind as she walked. Andorra’s face was covered with black makeup I didn’t usually find dark makeup attractive on a woman, but she wore it well. The mascara around her eyes accentuated the mystery that they already held, and her lipstick made her lips glimmer in the light, which made them irresistibly kissable, I could’ve looked at her all night, but she brought me back me to earth.

“Justin, earth calling Justin,” she called, “Are you gonna order something or what?”
I suddenly realized that Andorra was waiting for me to respond.
“Oh hi, Andorra…Sorry,” I said quickly, trying to sound cool, “I’ll have a pitcher of Bud Light.”
I watched as Andorra pulled a pitcher down from the shelf behind her. Her oversized bracelets clinked together as she moved. A second later Andorra handed me the pitcher.
“Here you go sweetie,” she called with a smile
I yelled my thanks, and began to weave my way back to the table. On the way back, the angel and devil inside of me began to wage war with each other. You have to tell him, you have to! My angel had a good point, but my devil’s idea was just as tempting. You don’t have to tell him what you really are. He doesn’t have to know. Ignorance is bliss after all.
I weighed each option carefully. On one hand, telling Kyle the truth could ruin our friendship. He just got here. If I tell him what I’ve became, he might split on me again. On the other hand however, I had always confided in him. Maybe he could help me. He knows me better than anyone after all. If I just explain things and how desperate I’ve been, he’ll forgive me. My angel liked this idea. Yes, yes, he’ll forgive you. Just he honest. My devil just laughed. Yeah right!
Both choices appealed to me, but which one to pick? As I approached the table, the answer became clear to me. Kyle was still sitting there, looking as if he was lost in Disney World. I didn’t want to tell him, but I couldn’t let Kyle think that this was just another cool night club. My angel had won.
I slid into the booth, and pour the beer. He must have heard me because he around and smiled.
“This place is great!” he yelled
Yea, great,” I yelled back, handing him a beer.
We toasted to our renewed friendship and drank wordlessly. I drifted into my own thoughts once again. Yea, you’d better drink to friendship because you won’t have it for long. He deserved the truth, but how? Oh screw it! I’ll just wing it, and hope everything comes out OK. I cleared my throat and began.
“Kyle, I gotta tell you something,” I yelled.
“What is it?” he yelled back.
“I. . .”
While searching for the right words, my eyes began to wander around the club. My gaze was casual. I wasn’t looking at anything or anyone in particular. I was simply trying to avoid Kyle’s eyes, fearing their judgment. Looking over Kyle’s head, I saw something that made my breath was sudden caught in my throat. Through the smoky haze, I could see Tate standing at the bar, talking to Andorra. The lights above the bar were not overly bright, but they allowed me to see his sharp eyes. They flashed like burning coal. I could see that he was angry by his sudden and jerky movements. I hope Andorra doesn’t tell him I’m here!
I had been avoiding Tate for weeks. He knew that I had new information about Catherine to give him, but Kyle’s sudden reappearance had thrown everything off kilter.
I watched him carefully, praying that he wouldn’t come this way. My prayers went unanswered however, because Tate began coming towards us. I began to panic. I didn’t want Kyle and Tate to meet yet. It wasn’t time, but what should I do? I had to think fast.
“Justin?”
Kyle’s call suddenly brought me back to reality, and I realized that Kyle was still waiting for me to speak. Just then, it came to me.
“Do you want to get out of here?” I shouted.
Kyle nodded in assent, and without a second thought, I bolted out the door. We walked home in silence. Both of us seemed lost in thought. Kyle was probably still absorbing everything. I was thinking about the same thing, only in a different way. Instead of being in awe, I kept thinking about what would have happened if Tate had found us. I had pretty good idea, in fact.
I knew Tate better than he knew himself; I also knew how he would react. If he had met Kyle this way, Tate would become jealous. He hated anything that took the spotlight away from him. His jealousy would then give way to anger, and he would then retaliate in some way. I didn’t even want to think about what would happen then. What I needed was time.
“Thanks for the good time, “Kyle said, giving me a pat on the back as we came home.
I didn’t say anything. I just stood frozen in the doorway, looking at my apartment. As my eyes scanned the apartment, I realized just how bare and dark it really was. Slowly, it occurred to me that my apartment seemed to be a reflection of my life. The walls were a cloudy off-white color. They reminded me of fog that now hid wrong and right from me. My black couch was old tattered. It reminded me of how tired and worn I felt inside. The next thing I noticed was just how dimly lit the place was. I laughed inside as it dawned on me that my emotions worked just like the lights: I could turn them on and off at will. At last, my eyes fell upon my putrid orange carpeting. It was as stained and rotted as my soul.
“Hey man, are you ok?”
Kyle suddenly pulled out of my daze. I almost forgot that he was there His was looking at me with concerned eyes, and his hand was resting gently on my shoulder. It only took a moment for my confusion to lift.
“Yea, yea, I’m fine. I just feel a little weird. Maybe I’m coming with something”
“Well, stay away from me,” Kyle laughed, backing away slightly. Then with a yawn, Kyle added, “Well, I don’t know about you, I’m going to take a shower and go to bed. I’m beat.”
We said goodnight, and as Kyle headed towards the bathroom, I turned to my computer. I opened my e-mail program, began to read my messages.
The first one was from a company entitled InfoTech. They were a newly developed investment firm that catered to high profile clients. They wanted to be certain that they’re clients’ information was protected, so they wanted Justin to break into they’re network and fix any security leaks that he might find.
The second message was from the company that I currently worked for, survware: a company that developed software for corporations and small businesses. They hired me to debug and deglitch their latest firewall and anti-virus programs. The e-mail was inquiring about my progress, and to send my finding.
My third and final message made my stomach lurch. It was from Tate, and just by reading the subject heading, I knew that he was pissed at me.
To: Maskedman@aol.com From: Darkman@aol.com
Subject: Where in the hell are you!
Hey Justin, where the hell are you? I got your e-mail saying you found something for me, but you disappeared on me. What’s up with you?
Darkman
After reading Tate’s message, I leaned back and tried to catch my breath. Putting my hands over my face, a slow and heavy sigh escaped from my lips. I had to do something. I was getting in way too deep. I still wanted to protect. Maybe I could even uncover some good in him, but at what cost? At the cost of Catherine’s safety or even her life? I couldn’t risk that. I cared about her too much. The damage had already been done, however. Tate had her screen name, and who knows what Catherine had told him? All I could really do was act as a protective shield. Or was there more to be done?
Like a flash of lighting, it suddenly hit me. Occasionally Catherine sent me forwards like jokes or poems that she wrote. She also sent them to all of her friends and family including Jody, her friend and caregiver.
Maybe if I e-mailed Jody, warning her about Tate, she could look out for Catherine. It was worth a shot anyway. Opening my e-mail, I quickly located one of the forwards I had saved. Jody’s name was one of the first listed. Clicking on it, I quickly began to compose my warning:
To: PrincessJodyPrincessJody@aol.com@earthlink.net

 From: Maskedman@aol.com
Subject: Watch over Catherine
Jody,
You don’t know me, and please don’t delete this. I’m writing you to warn you about a dangerous situation I know that you are not Catherine’s keeper, but you are friend, so she might listen to you. Catherine has been in contact with a very dangerous man whose name is Tate. He is obsessed with her, and he has the potential to ruin her life, or to even cause her physical harm.
This is not a hoax, nor am I trying to scare you. I am just a concerned friend, so please watch over her.
A concerned friend
Just as I was about to press send, I heard Kyle come into the room.
“Well goodnight. I’m going to hit the sack.”
“You tired,” I asked, looking up.
“Yeah, it’s sort of been sort of been a long day,” he said heading to the couch.
“Well, I have some work to do yet. Will that keep you up?
“Nah, I’ll just pull the covers over my head. Just put it on mute if you start chatting with somebody, ok?”
“Ok. Goodnight, “I said turning back to my screen.
“Night,” Kyle yawned.
Moments later, Kyle began to snore softly, leaving me no more reasons to procrastinate. Letting out a deep sigh, I gave myself up to my work, spending most of the night writing and e-mailing reports.

                                                            Chapter Nine

                                                                Catherine

It was just about seven in the morning, and the colors from the rising sun were beautiful. They seemed to decorate the cotton candy clouds with brilliant pink and orange colors. It was chilly morning: chilly enough for a fleece and jeans anyway.
I was sitting on my porch with coffee and a book, listening to serenity of the waves as they gently lapped upon the shore.
This was my time to relax before the day began It was my time to sit alone with my thoughts. It was also my time to listen for God’s voice, and to ask Him what He wants of me. Sighing deeply, I allowed myself to drift into contented and peaceful thought. I was suddenly startled by the creaking of the screen door.
“Phone for you,” Jody said, standing over my shoulder.
I sighed with annoyance.
“Don’t people know not to bug me before nine,” I grumbled, yanking the phone from her hand.
“Well, it’s your publisher or your agent,” She said, walking away
“Well, whoever it is needs to be shot,” I mumbled.
Sighing, I put the phone to my ear, and said hello with all the politeness I could muster. The cherry voice that answered was unmistakable.
“Hey baby doll, what’s up?”
As always, a smile crossed my face when I heard Ryan’s voice.
“Hey choir boy. This is a surprise, “I said, relieved that it wasn’t a business call.
“Yeah, just thought I’d check in,” he replied in a casual but loving tone.
“That’s sweet. So, how’s life treating you?”
“Fine…”
There was a short pause, during which it seemed that Ryan was trying to collect his thoughts. Then, the silence was broken.
“That’s actually why I’m calling,” he said slowly.
I was confused. I thought he had called to chat. It was his recreation period after all. I began to run though different reasons in my head, but I didn’t to wait long to hear Ryan’s story
“You’d better sit down for this,” he said stupidly
“Ha ha,” I answered sarcastically
“Sorry, I had to” he said, “I have big news and I want you to be prepared.”
“I‘m prepared already,” I fired back impatiently,” so spill it.”
“Well,” he said slowly as if he were choosing his words carefully,” you know how last I called I was on my way to The Sons Of Mary?”
The slowness with which Ryan was speaking made me nervous and suspicious. Usually when he spoke like this, it meant that he had bad news. I really didn’t the rest of his story. However, I didn’t want to be rude, so I braced myself.
“Yea…”
“That part was true,” he continued,” but I was just going there for orientation “
“Ok and…” I said, urging him to get the point.
“And now, I have a few days before I have to move in, so I was wondering if I can come and visit. After all, you won't see me for a while wants my training begins."
“Let me think about it.”
Even though my answer yes, I decided to have a little fun and leave him hanging, allowing him to think that I was truly debating it. After a suspenseful silence, Ryan’s spoke again, sounding a desperate. Just the effect that I was going for.
“Listen, I know you’re busy with the new book about to come out and everything, but I'm sure you can spare one few days for your one and only brother.”
His last few words sounded as if he was almost pleading. I thought about ending this game I had started, but I was having too much fun.
“I’d really appreciate it, Katie,” he added
A smile crept across my face as I thought of what to say
“Well, as you know, I have a very busy schedule,” I said importantly. I then began to list my seemingly important tasks.
“Let’s see… I have to take Prince Ritz to the groomers. You know how gets if he doesn’t receive weekly treatments. Then there are my daily trips to Starbucks. You know how I need my latté’ fix. Oh yes, and I do have to make my weekly trips to Boarders. With my habitual reading, I constantly have to restock my library. My weekly visit to mall takes me at least three hours. I’m always being invited to one social function or another. Therefore, my wardrobe constantly has to be updated. You can’t expect me to where the same dress and shoes to everything can you? You have no idea how hard it is to be me….pause...I just don’t know if squeeze you in.”
My voice was filled with sarcasm, and I couldn’t help laughing at my own cleverness.
A deep sigh echoed over the line, and I could just picture Ryan rolling his eyes.
“You’re a real brat, you know that,” he said at last with a chuckle.
“I know,” I replied, “but teasing you is just so much fun.”
“So, can I come or not?” he asked, sounding a little more serious.
“Of course you can,” I said excitedly.
“Great, it’ll be fun,” he replied, echoing my excitement.
A short pause followed, which Ryan soon broke by asking me for another favor.
“Hey, do you mind if I someone with me to help lift and stuff?
“Oh Ryan,” I said trying to sound hurt, “you don’t want my help? I’ve been working out.”
“Ok,” he said, copying my sarcasm, “you can help move the stereo.”
“Ummm…Let me get back to you on that.”
“That’s what I thought.”
I suddenly realized that I had just agreed to let Ryan bring a complete stranger into my home. Ryan always had good judgment when it came to making friends, but I still had my apprehensions.
“So, who is this person you’re bringing with you,” I asked, trying to sound casual, “your new roommate?”
“No, but it’s a friend.”
“Oh, that narrows it right down then,” I sighed, mentally going through his endless list of friends.
“It’s someone we both know,” he said in a hinting tone.
That helped a little but not much. Since Ryan and I have been glued at the hip since childhood, we had many of the same friends, so began going down the list.
“Suzie?” I asked, recalling one of our friends from school.
“Nope,” Ryan replied, apparently enjoying this little guessing game.
Ok, strike one. Moving down the list… It took a minute for another face to flash though my mind, but suddenly another face appeared.
“Matt, “I stated matter of factly, remembering Ryan’s partner in crime. He and Matt were well known for the pranks they pulled.
“Strike two,” he fired back.
Darn, I’m usually so good at this! I normally get it on the first or second try I’ll try one more time. Then I’ll ask for a hint.
Within seconds another face popped into my head. It was the rosy cheery face of my former priest, Fr. Douglas Malone. He played an important role in Ryan’s life and in his spiritual development. He was one of Ryan’s closest friends, his mentor, and his inspiration for entering the priesthood.
“Father Malone, “I shouted certain that I was right.
“Nope, wrong again.” Ryan answered with a sigh.
I was shocked, utterly shocked. I was sure that if Ryan were to pick anyone to help him get settled, it would be would be Fr. Malone. I had to have an explanation for this.
“Why not Fr. Malone?” I asked shocked and a little disappointed. Before Ryan could answer however, I continued ranting.
“I mean he’s one of your closest friends, and he was reason you wanted to become a priest. You said so yourself. Now, that you’re actually moving into the seminary, you don’t want him there to help you get acclimated? What’s wrong with you?”
When I had finished ranting, I realized that I was breathing quite heavily. I also hadn't realized how upset I sounded until Ryan up to spoke again.
"Easy Katie, calm down," Ryan said in getting concerned tone, "why are you with getting a so upset?”
I took a few deep breaths before answering. My voice sounded a lot softer when the spoke again.
“ I’m sorry, Ryan, “ I answered apologetically, “ It’s just that I really wanted to see Fr. Malone again. I really miss him. “
“ I know, Ryan said softly with a sigh, “ I did want him to help me, but he had to go on a mandatory retreat. He really wanted to come but he thought it would be best if someone else came with me.
“Who?“ I asked impatiently.
"Guess," Ryan said again.
I could tell that he was enjoying this, but I wasn't. I was tired of guessing, and I decided to tell him so.
"Come on, Ryan," I whined, "I'm tired of guessing! Will you just tell me already?"
I heard laughter on the other line, which meant no.
"Nope, sorry," he said with a chuckle, "you still have to guess, but I'll give you a hint. It's a relative."
I was a little miffed that Ryan still wouldn't tell me, but I decided to play along a little bit longer. After naming short pause, I started going down the relative list.
"Aunt Mary," I said, naming one of my dad's many sisters.
"No, she had to work," Ryan answered quickly.
I suddenly realized that due to work and family, none of my aunts and uncles would have the money or time to help him move. That only left me with one other option.
"That only leaves…" my stomach began to churn just thinking about it. For a moment, I left the sentence unfinished. She can't be coming now. I don't have the time or the energy to put up with her! What was he thinking!
"Is it mom...?”
I allowed my words to come out slowly taking deep breaths in order calm the butterflies fluttering in my stomach.
"Ding, ding, ding!," was my answer.
"But Ryan," I asked pleadingly, " why now, why her!"
"Because, I won't see her for a long time, so by bringing her I can visit both of you and the same time. Besides, she really wants to see you, and if I'm not mistaken, you two are long overdue for a visit. "
A loud groan of dread echoed from my and the line. Ryan responded to my groan with a sigh as he spoke.
"Come on Katie, she's not that bad!"
"Oh yeah right," I fired back quickly, "she still thinks that I'm hurting for money, and that I can’t take care of myself!"
“She’s only trying to look out for you,” Ryan reminded me kindly, “after all; she devoted most of her life to you. It must be hard for her to let go. You can’t expect it to happen overnight, Katie.”
I paused for a moment, realizing that I had never considered what my mother must be going through.
Ryan’s right. I shouldn’t have judged her so harshly. I’ve only been thinking of myself. Maybe we could reconnect while she’s here.
“I guess you're right,” I said finally, "it might be fun."
"Great", Ryan said enthusiastically, "we'll see you soon. Love you."
"Love you too," I said quickly
I was just about to hang up when I realized that Ryan hadn't told me when they might arrive.
"Ryan, wait” I called hoping that he was still on the line, and luckily he was.
"Yeah," he asked.
"When do you guys think you'll be here?"
"Umm, around five or so I think," he answered.
"OK thanks! Bye!"
After I hung up the phone, I just sat there trying to absorb what I had just agreed to. I couldn't wait to see Ryan and to help him get settled. However, seeing my mother was quite different story.
Even though I had long since proven my ability to live independently while maintaining a successful career, my mother still treated me as if I was dear defenseless child.
The moment she walks through the door, she'll say "Catharine, dear, you look so thin and pale. You're not taking care of yourself properly!"
These and other nagging comment whirled around in my head like a raging tornado, and my head began to swim, causing me to become dizzy.
I knew that I had to calm myself down in order to start thinking clearly. Spinning in circles with my chair often helps me to relieve stress, so that’s I did. As soon as I stopped, I let out a scream. It wasn’t just a scream of frustration, but also a scream of pain. I hadn’t realized that while spinning, I had moved closer to the porch railing. Therefore, when I stopped, my foot collided with railing.
When I did this, Jody came out running.
"Katie," she cried, running to the doorway, "are you all right?"
"Yes," I answered, embarrassed by my own stupidity
"What happened?" Jody asked sounding a little concerned.
My hands ached as I slowly turned my chair around to face her.
"I hit my foot on the railing."
"How’d you do that?" she asked bending over to examine my foot.
"Well," I began, trying to choose my words carefully, "I was sort of spinning around, not really paying attention, and my foot kind of got in the way."
"I wish you wouldn’t do that,” Jody sighed
“It’s how I unwind,” I said, rolling my eyes, “we’ve been over this a million times!”
"I know it's how you unwind," Jody sighed, "but more often than not, you end up hurting yourself. Why can't you just play video games or knit like normal people?"
"You're one to talk," I retorted, "at least I don't change my socks and million times a day."
Jody smiled and sighed,” You’ve got me there."
We fell into a moment of silence and then Jody suddenly broke it as she began exiting the list off my chores of the day.
"Well, come on. You have about busy day. You have that conference call with your publisher Then you have that signing at Book World, and…"
I cut her off in mid-sentence.
"No time. Cancel everything," I said quickly as I rolled myself into the house.

Jody stood in the doorway, stunned.
"Cancel everything," Jody stammered, "but why? You never..., "
"Ryan's coming," I said abruptly, cutting her off once again as I rolled into the kitchen. Excitement  echoed within Jody's voice when she spoke again.
"Oh, that's great! It'll be wonderful to see him again! I haven't seen him in so long!"
She paused for a moment and then asked, "Why is he coming again?"
I then realized that I had left that part out.
"He has a few days before his training begins, so he's coming for visit before he disappears from the world."
Jody was clearly happy about this because when I turned to see her reaction, she was smiling from ear to ear. I almost didn't tell her the rest of the news because she looked so happy. However, I knew that not telling her would be just as cruel if not more so. She did have to get the rooms ready after all. Sighing, I began to reveal the news slowly.
"He's not coming alone," I added.
"Really," she said in a surprised tone,” who else is coming?”
I wasn't going to subject her to a guessing game. I wasn't in the mood for games anymore. Therefore, I decided to just a spill it.
"Mom's coming too."
I could tell by Jody's response that she now understood my unhappiness.
"Oh…," she said slowly as the reality of the situation began to sink in.
“Hence the spinning,” Jody asked as she approached the kitchen.
“Hence the spinning,” I repeated while pulling several cookbooks and pans from the cabinets.
“What are you doing?" Jody asked when she saw me, "you can't be hungry already! You just ate!"
"It's not for me. It's for them," I explained while flipping through my cookbooks.

Then I paused

“Do you think I should make lasagna or a stir fry?"
Jody sighed before she answered.

 “I think you should…,” but I spoke before she could finish.
“You’re right. I’ll make both. That way they’ll have a choice.”
Jody simply sighed in frustration and she began to walk out of the room. Before she left however, I called her again.
"Jody, could you please get their rooms ready?"
"Which ones?"
"The ones upstairs, by the bathroom."
"OK," she said, heading down the hall towards the elevator. When I heard the elevator doors close, I returned to my cooking.
Hours passed, but they seemed like years. With each passing minute, I became even more nervous. When I get nervous, I become picky and demanding. I had poor Jody running here and there as I called out my list of demands.
Exhausted, Jody collapsed onto the soft green couch that sat against my living room wall. As she breathed a sigh of relief, I examined everything she had done. I must say that I was quite impressed. Everything was immaculate. She had done everything that I had asked. I turned around and smiled at Jody.
"Thank you Jody. Everything looks wonderful!"
"You're welcome," she sighed tiredly.
"There's only one more thing that we have to do," I said brightly.
"What's that," Jody asked.
“I have to change of course.”
After thinking for a moment, the perfect outfit came to me.
“I think I’ll wear my emerald green dress,” I declared
Jody looked shocked when I said this, and she expressed it when she spoke.
"Catherine," she said with a sigh, "that's one of your best evening dresses. Shouldn’t you wear something a little more casual? I mean, it's just your family. It's not like we're entertaining the President of the United States or anything."
I knew that she had a point. Maybe I was overreacting. Still, I couldn’t help feeling that a visit from my mother was almost like entertaining Miss Piggy.
“Listen,” I replied kindly, “maybe I am overreacting just a little bit, but you know how complicated our relationship is. I have to show her that I’ve done well, and that I can manage life on my own.”
“But, you can’t live on your own,” Jody quickly pointed out,” I think you forget that sometimes.”
I sighed heavily and gave Jody an annoyed look.
“That’s not what I meant,” I said finally” I just mean that mom still treats me like a child who needs to be cuddled and guided at all time. It’s almost as if she refuses to acknowledge that I can live a life separate from her!”
Jody could see that I upset so she stayed quiet until she saw that I calmed down a little. Then, as always, she came back as the voice of reason.
“Katie,” she replied kindly but firmly, “if what you say is true, then why did your mother allow you to move away and pursue your dreams?”
I didn’t know what to say. Jody’s question had thrown me of guard. She left me speechless as I desperately search for an answer. Finding none, I shrugged and threw out this possibly:
“I don’t know. Maybe she did it just to see me struggle. Then, she can come to rescue, and treat me like the child she thinks I am. “
After I finished ranting, I looked up at Jody and saw her face was fixed with a stony scowl, and she was glaring at me with fierce and disapproving eyes. When she spoke, her voce had an angry tone to it.
“Well, right now, I wouldn’t blame her. I mean, listen to yourself. You’re having a fit just because your mother’s coming. If that’s not childish, then I don’t know what is!”
I couldn’t say anything after she finished. Jody had never spoken to me like this, and her words crushed me like an angry wave. I slumped in my chair and lowered my head. At that moment I felt like a child who was being punished. Although I was trying to prevent any tears from falling, I soon felt one sliding down my face. Jody must have seen this too because she grabbed a Kleenex and gently wiped my cheek. Looking up I saw that Jody’s face had changed. It was no longer angry, but soft and kind at it usually was. As Jody dried my eyes, she spoke softly, giving my a little hug.
“It’ll be all right. You’ll see.” After throwing the tissue away, Judy turned towards me with a smile on her face.
“Now come on,” she said in a determined tone, “let’s go get you ready.”
Taking a deep breath, I followed Jody to the end of the hall where my elevator was waiting. Silence filled the air as the elevator carried us to my room. I don’t know what thoughts were spinning in Jody’s head, but I was busy trying to calm mine.
When the doors slid open, they revealed a beautiful and spacious hallway. After all these years, I still couldn’t believe that this house was actually mine. As I rolled onto the wood paneled floor, I couldn’t help marveling at its simple elegance. My favorite colors are blue and white. Therefore, most of the house was decorated with these colors in some way or another. The walls of this hallway were painted in a delicate baby blue with antique crown molding which was connected to the plain white ceiling.
My bedroom was the first room on right, it was sponge panted with cobalt blue and white. This effect made me feel like I was floating on the lake. My floor was covered in plush white carpeting, which reminded me of sand on a warm summer day.
It only took a moment for me to find my formal green dress, but when I went to grab it, Jody stopped me. I looked at her with surprise, but before I could say anything, Jody explained herself.

“I’ve been thinking. . . . Maybe you shouldn’t wear the green dress.”
I opened my mouth to protest this but before I could speak, Jody stopped me.
“Let me finish,” she said, holding her hand up, “you want your mom to think everything’s cool and casual, right?”
I nodded slowly, wondering where she was going with this.
Well,” she continued, pointing towards the dress, “that dress defiantly does not say casual.”
I examined the dress and instantly that Jody was right. The dress in question was emerald green and was covered with a shimmering beaded design. Victorian lace decorated the hem of the skirt, giving it a classy old fashioned look. I remember wearing it to an award ceremony a while ago but I hadn’t worn it since then.
“What do you suggest,” I asked, hoping that she had an idea.
“Well, I was thinking . . . . . ,” she said slowly, fumbling through my closet, “of this one.”
Jody then pulled something out and turned to show me. She was holding my second favorite dress. The sleek silk dress had been delicately hand dyed in two shades of purple. A beautiful layer of lavender draped itself across my front, which seemed to be floating on little white wisps of circling clouds. The lavender continued to cascade towards my waist like a waterfall.
The waterfall then gracefully spilled into the lake of royal purple that filled my skirt.
“Good choice,” I said with a smile
despite my disability and weakness, I had great strength in my legs. Growing up, my mother had insisted on exercising my legs to keep them strong and agile. She always said that the worst thing that I could do was allow my muscles to atrophy. I hated these exercises and they pain they caused, but mom ignored my whining so I had no choice.
When I moved out, I decided to stop doing them completely. That however was a mistake, because my legs soon began to ache and stiffen. It was then that I realized just important those exercises were. Therefore I began doing them again.
Using my regained strength, I pulled myself up using a support bar attached to my wall. Rising slowly, I felt my feet sinking into the warm softness of the carpet as I put weight on them. Once I was at my full height, the clock began to tick Even though I had strength in my legs, I could only stand for a short time. After five minutes, my feet began to burn like fire, and I became weak again
Therefore Jody and I had to a system. When I would wear a dress, Jody would slip it over my head while I stood. As she slipped the dress over me, I felt the silk fabric cover me like a refreshing wave.
Then Jody would tap my foot, which told me to raise it. She would then quickly slip on my socks. We would also put my pants on this way, but since I wasn’t wearing any tonight, I was able to sit down sooner. With a sigh of relief, I sank back into my chair. Even though my skirt covered my feet, I decided to wear a pair of classy but plain white shoes. The last thing to conquer was my hair, and Jody knew actually what to do with it.
In no time, Jody’s nimble fingers began to dance within my hair, only pulling slightly. Within minutes my once my plain, loose hair had been woven into an intricate double French braid. She had also sprayed glitter in it to add some sparkle. In addition to that she wove a silk ribbon into the braid that matched the dress perfectly. To tie the braids together, Jody used a black velvet hair tie.
When the last minute touches were done, we hurried back down. To my surprise, we were greeted by a by a silvery voice.
“Katie!”
Looking up, I saw my mom and Ryan standing by porch door, smiling at me.
“How long have you guys been here? We didn’t here you come in?”
“Like I keep telling you, Katie,” mom said smiling, “you need a guard dog. Not a guard cat.”
I lowered my gaze from my mother’s face to the black and white bundle of fur that was resting in her arms. There he was. In all his glory, Prince Ritz was lying belly-up, purring contentedly while my mother stroked his head. He only moved occasionally as if to say,” Oh, you missed a spot….Yeah right there.”
“Well,” I said, laughing, “he’s still in training.”
This remark brought a big mocking smirk to Ryan’s face.
“In training for what,” he asked,” the big annual Friskies eat off?”
At this, Ritz raised his head and glared at Ryan with his piecing green eyes. He then suddenly leapt from my mother’s arms and landed with a plop on the floor, and smugly walked out the room while his belly jiggled with every step. It probably didn’t help that we laughed at Ritz as he left.
After a moment, Ryan was finally to speak through his laughter.
“That cat is always good for a laugh.”
After the hugs and hellos had been shared, I looked for Ritz. I knew he wasn’t a people cat, but he wasn’t on his sunroom pillow, and I couldn’t hear the tapping of his claws on the hardwood floor.
“I wonder where Ritz went.” I said aloud.
I wasn’t looking for an answer, but Jody offered one anyway.
“Oh don’t worry. He’ll be back when he smells food.”
“Dinner!”
With all of the excitement, I had forgotten about the lasagna that was still sitting in the oven. Whirling around, I quickly grabbed a mitt, and opened the oven. Black smoke billowed out as soon as I did this, making me cough. Along with the smoke came the bitter smell of burnt food. Once the smoke cleared, I saw just how bad the damage was. What was once a mouth watering masterpiece was now a blackened mound of charcoal. By now everyone was laughing at my misfortune. Whether my face was flushed from heat or embarrassment, I wasn’t sure, but I had to think fast.
“Pizza anyone”

                                                        Chapter Ten

                                                                 Tate
I sat in my crummy apartment working on my third beer and second cigarette of the night. The room had two sources of light: dim yellow light came from two lamps that stood across from each other and the light coming from my monitor. My eyes flickered from the can I was holding to the flickering screen. The calming ripple of tiny waves popped out of a flowing stream. Water was the only thing that gave me temporary peace. It also reminded me that some things in the world still held into innocence. That’s how I thought of Catherine too.
Unlike most people, she retained her innocence somehow, letting it show in everything she did. At that moment, I realized that it was Catherine’s innocence which drew me to her so intensely.
I was jealous of her, I realized. I was robbed of it as a child by my self-destructive parents. Another thing that I resented about Catherine was the love that surrounded her. I wanted those things for myself. Maybe by sneaking into her life, I’ll get to taste love and compassion at last.
However, I couldn’t do anything at moment because I was still being punished for my stupid mistake. It wasn’t that I had any respect for the law. How could I since the government concealed information that should be available to the public? I couldn’t risk it though. If I got caught again, that meant jail time, which would keep me away from Catherine even longer. Therefore, I was stuck waiting on Justin’s lazy ass!
Justin said that it would only take two weeks to get E-mail and online journal passwords. That had been four weeks ago, and still nothing! At first, this only annoyed me, but now, I was pissed!
Getting up from my chair, I stomped across the room and angrily sat down at my computer. I watched my screensaver dissolve rapidly, revealing AIM which still hung open. Justin was online and I quickly sent him an angry message.
Darkman555: Where the hell have you been?
I tapped my fingers impatiently waiting for his answer. I didn’t have to wait long. As usual, Justin sent me a sarcastic, smart ass answer.
Maskedman: Coming master! Anything you wish master! How may I serve you?
Despite my anger, I couldn’t help but laugh as I pictured Justin as Igor, coming to Dracula’s call.
Darkman555: All right, all right, but did you get the stuff I asked for?
Maskedman: Not yet, but I’m working on it.
The anger that was melting away returned with a vengeance, and as my blood boiled, I typed out the question that raged on in my mind.
Darkman555: No! What in the hell have you been doing then? I’m not paying you to sit on your ass all day!
I must have hit a nerve, because his next message was an angry one.
Maskedman: Listen closely moron! I have more important things to deal with right now than you! Secondly, paid or not, I’m doing this as a favor to you. Are you stupid enough to think that I haven’t been watching every move you make or tracking every keystroke? Mess with me, and the police will be at your door quicker than you can say “Catherine.” As for me, I can easily disappear, leaving you to rot in a jail cell. Think about it!
I sat stunned for a second. Apparently I underestimated Justin again. My shock suddenly gave anger as I realized that he was right. In frustration, I slammed my fist painfully on the table. Justin had me cornered!
For the rest of the night, I tried to figure out my next move. Everything I thought of wouldn’t work. We knew each other too well, and mind games on Justin. Justin would block any trick I tried to pull. I had catch him off guard, but how? He was always on his guard with me. All this thinking made my head heavy and crowed, so I decided to head to The Dark Side to clear it.
When I got there, I instantly climbed on a stool and ordered a beer A few moments later, Andorra handed me my beer, giving me a sexy smile.
“Here you go, cutie, “she yelled.
Andorra was big but beautiful. Her sparking black eyes were very mysterious, and I liked that. She was like a puzzle waiting to be solved. I usually retuned her flirting games, but tonight, I was too distracted.
After taking a sip of my beer, I opened the laptop and inserted a CD into it. I had been working on a monitoring program that I hoped to watch Catherine with. As I took another drink, I looked around.
The place was busy as usual, and the bright flashing lights placed a mask over every face. I knew that Justin came almost every night, so he had to be here somewhere. Just then, it hit me. Ask Andorra. She knew almost everyone in here, and when they showed up. The music was always blasting, so it was nearly impossible to talk over it. Still, I had to try.
“Andorra…Andorra….Andorra!”
After calling her three times, I was about to give up, but I tried again.
“Andorra!”
This time, she heard me.
“Yeah,” she called, leaning over the bar.
“Did Justin show up tonight?”
“Yeah,” she shouted back, “and he brought someone with him.”
This was interesting. Justin was a very private person. If I even tried to get a little personal, he would instantly change the subject. Therefore, I couldn’t imagine him having any friends.
“Man or women,” I asked, as if it really mattered.
“It’s a guy,” she answered, “and he must be new cause I’ve never seem him before.”
Now I was really interested. Who was this mystery friend, and did he know what Justin really was? I had to find out.
“Where are they?”
“They’re sitting in the back.”
“Thanks,” I yelled, sliding off the stool.
The tables along both sides of wall were taken as usual, but Justin wasn’t at any of them. He’s got to be around here somewhere. Just when I was about to give up, Andorra’s words came back to me. They’re in the back.

Of course, why didn’t I think it before! There was another section to The Dark Side. It was a big half ridden room where people traded secrets and dealt with blackmail.
It was harder to see now that I reached the back wall, so I had to feel my way along. I felt my way along the wall until I felt a part of it give way. With just a little force, I was able to push the wall aside like a door. Ducking slightly, I stepped inside the room. I had never been in this room before, so to me, it was like entering another world.
Unlike to noisy and chaotic one that I had just left, the atmosphere of this room was subdued and almost eerie. At first, I couldn’t see much of anything. As my eyes adjusted however, I was able to take in my surroundings a little better.
The room was dark. The soft glow of table lamps seemed to be the only light. As I began to work my though the room, my eyes started to roam. At some tables, four or five dark figures were hunched over their laptops, mumbling. Other tables only had two people, and those were the ones that I was scanning.
I was nearing the back, something suddenly caught my eye. I saw something flicker in the lamplight. Turning my gaze to the right, I saw it: The crucifix that Justin wore. Bingo! There you are!
Across from him sat the guy that Andorra had told me about. Even though I couldn’t see his face very well, I could tell that this guy was a real downer by the way he sat slumped over the table. I had planned to play it cool, but seeing Justin sitting there like a dummy only made my blood boil again.
Without a second thought, I stormed over there.
“Where the hell have you been?” I shouted as rage poured though my veins
Justin’s eyes filled with shock when he saw me standing there. I watched with great satisfaction as Justin’s eyes darted from me to his friend. I couldn’t help laugh. You’re trapped now, you little bastard!
When Justin finally spoke, he asked the lamest question.
“What are you doing here?”
“Looking for you asshole! Where have you been? ” I fired back
I saw Justin’s flash with anger, but I didn’t care.
“I’m not your slave, Tate!” he angrily stated.
As always, a verbal war was starting, but I was ready
“You’re right,” I snapped, “You’re not my slave! Slaves don’t get paid!”
Suddenly, Justin shot up from his seat. Now we were standing inches from each other, and his angry, heavy breathing matched mine. His blue eyes were almost black in this light, buy they flashed like lightening.
“Listen, you dumb son of a….”
The ring of my cell phone cut him off.
“Oh shit,” I mumbled as I looked down at the glowing display.
It was my mother, and she usually called for two reasons: Either she had broken up the latest loser and was kicked out of his place needing a place to stay, or she needed money to feed her boozing habit.
“We’ll finish this later,” I warned before stomping from the room.
As I walked home that night, I kept looking down at my glowing phone where my mother’s number still taunted me.
Nothing but angry questions and thoughts raged war in my head. At first I managed to keep them in my head, but since the words kept pounding against my brain, I had to let them out.
“Great, just great,” I grumbled, “as if I don’t have enough to deal with! Now, I have to deal with HER on top of it all!”
Walking through the hallway to my apartment, I prepared myself. Over the years, I had grown numb to her stories and excuses. Every hope that she wasn’t really there was shattered when I opened the door.
There she was, sitting on my floor with several beer can lying at her feet. My mother’s head was down with her stringy, greasy hair covering her face. When I looked up, a familiar sight met my eyes. My mother’s stuff was all over the place.
“Nice of you to clean up,” I stated, slipping past her
My mother’s blonde hair fell back as she looked up, revealing her haggard mascara smudged face.
“Don’t start with me,” she shouted, slurring his words, “I don’t need your shit!”
I found the question ironic, and I had to laugh.
“Oh yeah, then why do you always show up here?”
“Cause, you’re all I got,” she whined pathetically.
“Lucky me,” I mumbled, throwing a heap of her clothes off the couch onto the floor.
Suddenly, I felt completely drained of energy. Being with my mother always did this to me. As I sank into the couch, a heavy angry silence fell over us as we both wallowed in our own misery. My mother wasted no time in getting another beer and sucked it down as if she were taking in a much needed breath. Meanwhile I closed my eyes and prayed that this was just a nightmare. Unfortunately, when I opened my eyes, she was still there, and I cursed God for it.
“So, how long are you staying for this time,” I asked numbly.
“Same as usual,” she said quietly.
I had to laugh again. We both know how she made her money, but never talked about it. It was easy and it was what she was good at, but I was the one who always paid for it. Usually, I left my bitter words unsaid, but not this time.
“Yeah, you bring the guy here, and then your asses end up wrecking all my stuff!”
“I told you last time that I’d be more careful,” she snapped.

A moment passé before she spoke again.
“Besides, it’s not like all your junk is worth anything.”
“Oh no, nothing at all. It’s only how I make a living. That’s all,” I replied sarcastically.
She didn’t make anymore comments, and I knew we were done. For now, at least….
I was now fully exhausted, but I was too wound up to sleep.
Sighing heavily, I leaned back and sat there, thinking. A thousand scenarios ran through my head, all of them involving damage either to my mother, me or my property.
Then, like a flash of lightening, the idea came to me. With renewed energy, I jumped from the couch, and went to my room. After a minute, I emerged from my room with a packed bad at my side.
“Where are you going?” my mother asked weakly.
“None of your business,” I snapped, slamming the door behind me.
Inside the cab, I let my mind rage as I swore under my breath. The cab was making its way across town to Justin’s. Instead of listening to mother whine and cleaning up her messes, I decided to crash at his place. Besides, I was tired of getting the brush off from him. He couldn’t away from me this time.
Justin made a little more money than me, but not much. Justin and I always kept a wall of secrecy between us. For the longest time, we were business partners and nothing more. Over the years, however, I had grown curious about his past. He had no idea that I knew about the death of his father, sister and his weak mother.
One of the many things that I learned about Justin was that he had a heart and morals. At first, it disgusted me. After all, morals and a heart never had a place in my life. Later on, I learned to use this to my advantage.
Even though Justin was smart and quick, it was easy to attack him. He kept those he cared about close and protected, and I was sure that mystery guy was family or something.
The mumbling of Justin’s T.V. was the only sound. Here we go. With that, I knocked three times.

                                             Chapter Eleven

                                                      Justin   
I groaned as I heard the knocks. My day had been excruciating. Kyle’s coming had thrown me off completely, including my workload. In addition to my five currant assignments, a high profile investment firm which had been ravaged by a group of hackers who called themselves The Liberators.
Slowly, I pushed myself from the couch, and trudged to the door. Taking a deep breath I opened the door, thinking I could deal with whatever was behind it. Boy, I was wrong.
A hard lump formed in my throat when I saw Tate standing. There. Oh great! He stood there as always with blank black eyes, and a stoic look.
“What in the hell are you doing here?” I asked quietly.
“Nice to see you too, sweetheart,” he said with a smile.
I wasn’t in the mood for this, and I wanted him gone
“Well, “I prompted, annoyance rising.
“Because I miss you,” Tate answered, enjoying this little game.
I sighed, knowing that he wasn’t going to make this easy.
“Look Tate,” I said, letting my annoyance show, “I don’t know what you’re up to and I don’t care. I’ve had a bad day, and I don’t need you’re….,”
I stopped in mid rant when I noticed that Tate was looking over my shoulder. Turning, I saw Kyle standing there, watching us.
I’d forgotten that Kyle was home, but now I remembered. Having come home from a midnight shift, Kyle wanted to go straight to sleep. Unfortunately, the couch was covered with my work documents and my laptop. I offered to move my stuff but he said no.
Emerging from my room, he now stood there with a questioning look.
“What’s going on?”
I had to think fast, so I said the first thing that came to mind.
“Oh hey,” I said, trying to sound cool, “Kyle, this is Tate. He’s an associate of mine from work. Tate, this is Kyle, an old friend of mine. “
Silence fallowed as they stood looking at each other. Tate spoke first.
“So are you from out of town?”
Kyle nodded as he answered.
“Yea, I am. Justin’s letting me crash here ‘till I find a place of my own.”
“What a coincidence,” Tate chimed in, “me too!”
“What!” I cried, suddenly pulled from my thoughts.
My brain was already fried when Tate slowed up, so I tried to ignore him by retreating into my mind. I was thinking about mundane things like what was on T.V and what to do for dinner. He had just decided on Chinese, when Tate made his announcement.
Now I stood glaring at him, not bothering to hide my surprise. Tate’s eyes bore into mine. His hard look told me to shut up and go along with it. Normally, I wouldn’t agree, but given the circumstances, I had to.
“Oh yeah. I forgot,” I answered lamely.
Still looking for an explanation, Kyle looked at me with questioning eyes. I was searching for anything that would help me. When I spotted my papers, the perfect cover story popped into my head.
“I’m sorry. I completely forgot to tell you. We’re working on a project together, and we thought that if Tate stayed here, we’d get it done sooner. It’ll only be for a few days.”
I don’t know if Kyle bought it. I couldn’t read him now like I could when we were kids. Maybe all the years of hardship and bitterness had jaded him too. For now though, he seemed fine.
“That’s cool,” was all he said.
Kyle offered to get us some beers, leaving Tate and I in heavy silence. I was still reeling from the surprise visit, wondering just what the hell he was up to. When Kyle was out of earshot, Tate spoke. “We’ll talk later,” he mumbled.
Oh, I can’t wait. Every word and thought that I held inside burned like fire. I knew that Tate was starting a new game, and I didn’t want to play. Because the timing wasn’t right however, I held my tongue.
As I lay in bed night, different thoughts and questions swept through my head, keeping me from sleep. Why did Tate show up now? What does he want? Probably to stir up trouble as usual.
Finally, I fell in a fitful sleep, knowing I’d find out later.
When I woke up the next morning, everything was quiet. I knew Kyle had already left for the day. Then I remembered. Tate! I’d almost forgotten about him. Sighing, I laid there for a second, preparing myself. For a minute, I let myself relax when I didn’t hear anything. Maybe he left! Sadly, my hope was shattered when I heard the clanging of pots.
I found him in my cramped kitchen squirming around.
“Aw honey,” I cooed sarcastically, “you’re making breakfast! How sweet!”
“You wish,” he replied, still fumbling around, “Where’s your coffee?
“You make coffee?” I asked, nearly falling over from shock
“Yeah, but that’s the extent of my culinary skills,” he admitted.
I didn’t say anything else, but I could swear that the smell of bacon was lingering in the air.
“I’ll do it,” I offered, seeing that Tate found the coffee and was about to make it
I was only anal about a few things, and coffee was one of them. My coffee had to be just right. Otherwise I couldn’t drink it.
“Hey man, it’s your kitchen,” Tate said as he baked away.
Once the coffee was made, I fill two mugs, and brought them to my rickety table.
“Milk or sugar?” I asked, handing Tate his cup.
Shaking his head, he took a sip. Two things we have in common. Thievery and straight caffeine.
“Do you think this is what being an old married couple feels like?” Tate asked after a minute.
“How should I know,” I laughed, “and if so, where’s my ring?”
“Don’t worry, sweetheart. You’ll get it…Eventually.”
I liked this side of Tate It was nice to his lighter side, and to hear playful banter instead of threats. Still, I was leery. What game is he playing? I had to know.
“What are you doing here Tate,” I asked point blank.
He didn’t say anything, at first, so I just waited.
“My mother showed up last night” Tate said finally.
Dread echoed in his voice as he said this, which prompted my next question.
“So…..this is not a good thing, I take it?”
“She an energy sucking vampire, “he said vehemently, slamming his fist in the table, nearly spilling our coffee.
Ok, definite mother issues. Just like me.
I found myself recalling the past a lot lately, and I kept coming to the same conclusion. If my mother hadn’t killed herself, I probably wouldn’t be in this mess. Why didn’t she think about me! Didn’t I matter?
Yes, I was angry at my own mother for abandoning me, so I knew how he felt, somewhat.
“Yea, I kinda know how you feel,” I said, leaving it at that.
We didn’t speak for a while, both lost in our own thoughts. I was mercifully pulled out of my memories when Tate spoke up next
“So, what’s the deal? Can I stay?” he asked, almost pleading.
“Yea, sure” I said, knowing that I’d regret it.
“Hey, thanks man,” he sighed, clearly relieved.
Suddenly, a single thought flashed through my mind. What about Kyle? I can’t let Tate get to him!
With that in mind, I decided to give Tate a little warning.
“You can stay,” I warned, “but if you tell Kyle anything, I will kick your ass!”
“Hey man,” he said, “you keep my secrets, so I’ll keep yours.”
I should’ve thanked him, but instead I kept quiet, mulling over things in my head.
“So, who’s this Kyle guy?” Tate asked
“He’s an old friend from Mississippi, “I answered
“Does he know?” he asked, referring to our secret
“No,” I said flatly, wishing Tate would shut up
“Maybe you tell him,” Tate advised, then fell silent.
At the time, I ignored Tate’s words, pushing them down, but they kept resurfacing.
Maybe you should tell him. I knew Tate was right. Kyle deserves to know the truth, but how do I tell him? What will he say?
Then my father’s words ran through my head.
Sometimes you just need to have faith in other people.
Okay dad, I’ll try.
Later on, after finishing some work, I decided to give Kyle a call. He picked up on the second ring.
“Hello?”
“Hey Kyle,” I answered
“Hey, what’s up?” he said cheerfully
I hoped my voice sounded calm, because my stomach was filled with knots of apprehension.
“Listen, are you hungry? We could meet for launch.”
“Yea sure man,” he said, “my shift was brutal.
“Ok great. See ya.”
We agreed to meet at a little place by the hospital. As I made my way there, I tried to think of how to explain my double life.
Kyle, I have to tell you something…. Or a lot has happened…. Or better yet, Kyle there’s this guy….
All of these sounded extremely lame of course. I continued to wrack my brain until it swam, but nothing sounded right
Standing outside the café, I decided not to say anything about Tate. Why make life more complicated?
The café’ was swimming with people. I checked my watch and saw that it 5:00 on the dot. Rush hour. Perfect! I had no desire wait in line, but my need for coffee overrode me. With my coffee in hand, I started my search for Kyle, which didn’t take me long. I found him sitting near the back.
“Hey,” he said when he saw me.
“Hey,” I nodded back, sitting down.
My eyes instantly focused on the mouth watering steak and cheese sub that sat in front of him.
“How in the hell did you get that so quick!” I said gaping at the sub, then at long food line.
“Subway,” he answered, before taking a big, juicy bite.
Figures. I tried to distract my growling stomach by drinking my coffee. It didn’t work. The caffeine only made things worse. I tried not to watch Kyle eat but my eyes continued to linger on the sandwich. Kyle must have noticed because he took a plastic knife and awkwardly cut it in half. He then offered one to me.
“No thanks,” I said, putting my hands up.
“Take it,” he insisted,” if you don’t, I’ll have to use my napkins to wipe up all the drool.”
“Okay, okay,” I laughed, gladly accepting the sandwich.
We ate in silence for a while, both enjoying our food. I was beginning to relax a little, thinking that maybe we could just talk. Finally, Kyle spoke up.
“So, why’d you wanna meet with me?” he asked.
“Just to chat,” I said, truthfully enough, “we never get to hang out anymore.”
“That’s true,” Kyle nodded, “work’s been a bitch lately.”
Kyle took another bite, and then sipped his soda. After wiping his mouth, a yawn came out.
“Yea,” Kyle sighed, “I need to catch up with another old friend.”
“Who?” I asked
“Sleep.”, he said simply
“Yes,” I pointed out, “but, it would be such a shame to get rid of those dark circles. They give your face some much needed color.”
“Shut up,” he shot back, smiling.
“I have an idea,” I said, “Why don’t you try to catch some sleep, and then later, we can rent an action packed no brainer?”
Kyle seemed to be considering it for a minute. Then his gaze turned serious.
“I have a better idea,” Kyle suggested, “Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”
“What do you mean?” I asked dumbly
“You know actually what I mean,” Kyle sighed, clearly tired but determined, “who’s that guy that barged in last night?”
And, there it is. It was the question that I both feared and waited for, but I wasn’t ready to answer it.
“I’m not gay if that’s what you mean,” I fired back, hoping to throw him off.
It didn’t work.
“I figured that,” Kyle said, forging ahead,” by the way you looked at him.”
Kyle paused, waiting for me to speak, but I couldn’t. My mind was racing, trying to think of anything to stop this conversation. Seeing that it was useless, he continued.
“You looked like you wanted to kill the guy, so he’s obviously not a friend.”
Kyle stopped again, and this time, I managed to say something.
“He is an associate of mine.” I said
“Ok, so you work with him?” Kyle asked impatiently.
I nodded.
Kyle broke then.
“Come on, Justin,” he demanded, “I told you about Devin to warn you. You could at least do the same for me! Is he dangerous?”
This question hit me like a ton of bricks, and I knew Kyle was right. He had come clean with me. It was time that I did the same. But this is different. Tate wouldn’t try to kill me…I hope.
“Not to you,” I said at last
Kyle seemed to accept that, and thus, the conversation ended.
Sleep would not come that night. Instead, every lie, secret, and mistake that I held wreaked havoc in my head. Finally, I gave up. Sitting up, I rubbed my eyes, and reached for the only photograph I owned. It was black and white and my mother stood behind Emily and me with her arms around us protectively. I traced my finger over our smiling faces as my mind wondered back to that time
We had a reason to smile back then. A year before my father died, he bought an old camera. He loved that thing, taking it everywhere, and constantly bugging us with it.
After his death, we sold everything that would bring us money, and the camera was one of them. When I left, this was the only picture that I took with me, the only one mattered.
Sighing, I put the picture back, and spoke into the air, praying that my mother could hear me.
“Oh mama,” I whispered, “I wish you would’ve stayed with me! I could really use some of your advice right about now.”
I then told her about Kyle, Tate, and Catherine, not to mention the lies that I was keeping from all of them.
“I’ve told so many lies that I barely know who I am anymore. Am I a protective friend or a vindictive liar?”
Closing my eyes, an image formed in my mind. I was back in our little shack, sitting at the old round table. Mama and I were having coffee and talking like we used to after Emily went to bed. Wiping tears away, I whispered into the dark once more.
“Oh, I miss you so much. Wherever you are, I hope you’re happy again.”
As I drifted into sleep, I tried to hold on to our shack, to that table, and to Mama.

                                                           Chapter Twelve

                                                                  Catherine

To whom much is given, much is expected. Whenever I think of that scripture passage, my Grandmother always comes to mind. She repeated it whenever I complained about my life. For the longest time, I hated that saying, but now I understand what she meant. My blessings have been countless, but so have my obligations.
You’d think that since I’m my own boss, I could make time to spend with my family, but NO! That’s what I kept grumbling to myself. With all of the excitement of mom and Ryan’s visit, I completely forgot about The Web of Deception! It’s due to be released this week!
Now, instead of hanging out and catching up as I’d planned, I was going to book signing, holding conferences, and meeting with Nicholas Shafer, my publisher.
My new book had barely hit shelves, and Nick was already pushing for the next installment. Nagging Nick as I have so aptly named him has been my publisher from the start. Since then, we have shared a love-hate working relationship and a banter filled and fun loving personal one. Professionally, Nick is a thorn in my side, always suggesting, correcting, and nit picking. Our personal is a bit more complicated.
Nick is flirtatious by nature, and so am I. At first, we flirted just for fun as a way to break the tension that comes from working together. Now, three years later, things have changed slightly. Nick is still annoying, but he is no longer a brotherly figure to me. Instead, I now saw him as a warm, compassionate friend.
I will admit that I am attracted to Nick. Who wouldn’t be? With those soft deep caramel brown eyes, and his infectious smile, Nick is practically irresistible! Unfortunately, attraction’s where it stops. Any woman would be blessed to have Nick’s affections, but I will never be one of them. What makes it worse is that Nick is always telling me how beautiful I am, and I wish he’d stop! I know that he’s just being nice, and that he doesn’t really think that. How could he? Who would want someone with below average looks and a varity of medical problems?
My fans don’t help much either. As well intentioned as I’m sure they are, they only manage to make me feel worse sometimes. I am very grateful to my fans, and to show it, I try to read every letter and e-mail that comes my way. On very rare occasions, I even get a chance to respond to some of them.
For the most part, I enjoy fan mail. The messages often make me smile because most of them are aspiring writers seeking advice or just giving encouragement. However, some people send letters which just serve to annoy me. These letters are filled with sickeningly sweet praise and false admiration. They simply gush, saying how brave and strong I am for dealing with my disability and pursuing my dream in spite of it. I call these pity notes. Most of the time, I just shrug them off, chalking their comments up to ignorance. Other times, I just want to scream. I’m disabled, not dying, people! Jody is often quick to remind met hat not all people had experience with the disabled. Therefore, they don’t know any better. I know she’s right, but still it irks me. After all, haven’t we grown as a society?
Because of the book release, time with Ryan and mom was hard to come by. Tuesday, instead of seeing a movie with them, I was stuck at home making conference calls. The next day, I had to do interviews with both People and Entertainment magazine. It was then that I decided that enough was enough. I needed a break!
“I’m done,” I told Nick when he answered his cell.
“What do you mean you’re done?” Nick asked, confused.
“I need a break, Nick,” I stated flatly.
“But Catherine,” he said sounding surprised,” you can’t. Not now, anyway.”
I felt my frustration growing.

“Why not?” I asked, sighing loudly
“You’ve done this before, Catherine,” he pointed out,” don’t you remember what a book release entails?”
Before I could answer, Nick started going down the list. There were public appearances to be made, more interviews to be held, meet and greets with fans.
By the time he was finished, Nick had made my head throb. I could feel the thrill of success crashing down, making me dizzy. I refused to let him overwhelm me, however. I had to take control of the situation.
“Look Nick,” I said forcibly, “My brother is going into the seminary, and I won’t see him for a while. Plus, my mother’s here and I’m trying to work on our already strained relationship.”
A moment of silence elapsed before I drove my last point home.
“Besides I’m exhausted.”
Having stated my case, I fell silent and waited. Now it was Nick’s turn. Since this was a business call, I expected Nick to go pushy publisher mode. When Nick finally spoke, his words surprised me.
His voice was gentle and understanding.
“Look Catherine,” Nick said softly, “I completely understand how you feel. I know how time with your family is. Especially where Ryan is concerned, but a break is impossible.
“Why,” I snapped, “don’t I deserve a break?”
“Of course you do,” Nick replied gently, “but the ball is rolling now. The book has been written and published. Now, it needs to be promoted, and who better to promote it than the author?”
He was right of course, but I didn’t want to admit it. Mom had warned me years ago that the fame I craved came with a price. At the time, I simply ignored her the way I usually did. Time passed, and with it, so did her words. Now however, I was feeling their full weight. Ask and you shall receive. The simple bible verse rang in my head, taunting me.
I caved like he knew I would.
“All right,” I groaned, “I’ll do it.”
“That’s my girl!” Nick said enthusiastically.
“But Nick,” I warned, “After this, I’m done for a while.”
“Absolutely,” he agreed.
After a short pause, Nick asked me a surprising question.
“How long are Ryan and your mom staying?”
“Two weeks,” I answered softly, forcing a lump of sadness that had risen back down.
It wasn’t that I was sad for Ryan. On the contrary, I was thrilled that had followed God’s will for him. However, I would miss him terribly. I took a minute to steady myself before speaking again.
“He has two weeks before mom has to drive him to Negaunee.”
“Ok,” Nick said after a moment of thought, “give me a week of your time, and then you can rest, ok?”
“Ok, Nick. I’ll give you one week of promoting, signing, whatever you need. After that, I get time with my family.”
Once again, Nick told me how great I was. Then, he listed all of the things that I had to look forward to during the week. By the end of the conversion, I could think of one thing. I needed chocolate! Mocha cappuccino, here I come!
I knew that time with Ryan and mom would be scarce this coming week. Therefore, I decided to attempt dinner one more time. This time, I watched the oven like a hawk, ensuring that my lasagna came out perfect. With the table set and prayers said we all gathered around to eat and visit. I had hoped that the evening would go smoothly, but of course, that was asking too much.
Just as I was going to pass the salad around, there was a knock on the front door.
“Who could that be?” Jody huffed as she went to answer it.
“Did we interrupt date night, Katie?” Ryan teased, helping himself to the lasagna.
“Not a chance, “I laughed, shaking my head.
“Gift for you, Katie,” Jody called as she came back.
She was followed by a beautiful but ridiculously large flower arrangement. The bouquet of lilies and pink roses were practically spilling out of the vase. At fist glance, it looked the flowers were floating, but when I looked at the floor, I could see the delivery guy’s feet..
Setting the flowers on the table, the gentleman wiped his face, and smiled at me.
“Boy,” he said in a deep and friendly voice, “you have some admirer, miss.”
I instantly knew who they were from without looking at the card. Before he left, the delivery man, who’s name was Michael, asked if he could get autograph for his daughter, Jamie.
I didn’t mind, but my mother did. She gave him a dirty look that clearly said, “Do you mind?”
“Doesn’t that bother you?” mom asked once the man left.
“Doesn’t what bother me,” I asked, playing dumb.
“You know what I mean,” she said crossly,” people always bothering you, asking for autographs?”
I shrugged in answer.
“Not really. It comes with the territory.”
I turned my attention towards my meal, thinking that the subject was closed. It wasn’t.
“Well, it bothers me. It’s as if people think just because you’re famous; we can stop everything and focus on them.”
“Without the fans, there’d be no fame,” I said simply
Silence followed my statement, which with mom, meant the subject was dropped. Tension filled the room for a second, and I felt my mind racing, preparing to argue.
“This lasagna is very good, Katie,” my mother said.
Turning, I saw her scraping her plate.
“Why thank you,” I replied with a smile, “it should be. It’s yours after all.”
Mom’s eyes widened in surprise when I said this.
“You mean you actually listened to me about something?” She asked, shocked, “I thought you just ignored me.”
I shrugged again.
“Not always. I listened when it came to food and makeup. You know the important stuff.”
That brought laughter around the table, breaking the ice finally.
“Well Katie, my mother laughed, “I’m glad that all my motherly wisdom has served you so well.”
There was a lull in the conversation, during which, Jody reached for flowers. Before I could stop her, she took the card!
“Until tomorrow night,” Jody cooed.
I tried to snatch it from her, but she held it out of reach. Oh great! And let the teasing begin…
“What’s tomorrow, Katie,” Ryan asked, mischievously, “Hot date perhaps?”
“Hardly!” I scoffed
“Then, what’s with the flowers?” my mother asked with a smile.
Oh mother, not you too!
I was trapped! There was no escaping the torment!
“It’s not a date,” I informed them “it’s a fundraiser for the library!”
“That still doesn’t explain the flowers,” Ryan probed.
“Are you sure being a priest is your calling,” I retorted, “because you’re noisy like a private investigator!”
Well, that did it. The next thing I knew Ryan was wearing the wounded puppy look. He knew it always got to me.
“I was just curious” He whined giving me that irresistibly cute pouty face.
I sighed, shaking my head in defeat.
“You’re impossible!” I said, my lips curling into a smile.
“Well?” Ryan pried, gesturing to the flowers.
“If you must know, they’re from my editor, Nick.”
That confession brought an oooohhhh from around the table. I knew at once that I had made a fatal mistake. God, make them stop! Please just make them stop!
“He sounds very cute too,” Jody added
“What do you mean he sounds cute, “my mothers asked,” haven’t you met him yet?
“No,” Jody pouted, “Katie won’t let me.”
“And why not?” she asked, drilling me with her eyes.

"He's a very busy guy," I answered honestly.
I didn't tell them the real reason, though. It wasn't that I was ashamed of Jody. It wasn't that at all. I knew that Nick and Jody would hit it off instantly. That wasn’t the problem. Jody was not only one of my closest friends, but also my caretaker. If things went sour between Nick and me, I feared that she would be caught in the middle. It was a luxury I could not afford.
Suddenly, my mother's voice interrupted my thoughts.
"What, is Jody not good enough to meet your friends?" she asked.
I was getting tired of this conversation. What started out as fun and games was turning into a witch hunt. Why should I have to explain myself anyway?
"Mom," I sighed exasperated, "of course not, but I work with him. I don't think it's a good idea to mix businesses with pleasure."
Well, I regretted that statement as soon as it came out of my mouth. A knowing look came into Ryan's eyes.
"You're hiding," Ryan said, shaking his finger at me.
"What do you mean hiding?" I asked innocently, knowing perfectly well what he meant.

I looked at him, eyes pleading. Oh Ryan, please don't start.
"You know what I mean," Ryan said, ignoring my eyes, "every time someone tries to get close to you, you get scared and push them away."
"Ryan, please don't lecture me," I said, trying to remain calm.
He shrugged.
"I'm only telling the truth."
Heavy silence hung in the air for moment. Then, Jody came to the rescue.
"Who wants coffee cake?" Jody asked, jumping up from the table.
That made everyone smile. Thanks, Jody.
Just as desert was being dished out, my cell phone rang. I let Beethoven's Fifth play a little before answering.
"Hello?"
Nick's deep and reassuring voice filled my ears.
"Hey there," he said casually.
The sound of his voice gave me chills, and I really hoped that I wasn't turning red.
"Hey," I said, trying to keep the excitement out of my voice.
"How's your day going?" He asked.
I looked up quickly. They were all staring at me now, straining to hear the conversation. "Um, it's been interesting," I said, smiling. He laughed at this. Oh, that laugh! I wished I could bottle it.

"I know what you mean," he said, "my mother's Italian. If she's not pushing food on me, she's asking if he I've met anyone yet. To be honest, my family's a little crazy."

I looked back at the ones I loved so much.
"You have no idea," I replied.
Only silence answered back at the ones me, and for a minute, I thought my call had been dropped.
"Nick?" I called.
When Nick spoke again, he sounded nervous.
 "Catherine, about tomorrow night...,”
Then, he paused, causing my mind to race. Oh no! He's calling to cancel! I just know it!
I wanted to stop him before he said it, but I just listened
"I was wondering," he continued, "would you like to grab some coffee with me before the banquet? I mean, we'll have lots of time before dinner, and I don't want to spend all that time with a fake smile on my face."
That made me laugh. I knew exactly what he meant, and I didn't want to wear a plastic smile any longer then I had to.
"Sure, coffee would be great."
“Ok, great. I'll pick you up around seven then. See you tomorrow night. "
I willed my voice to remain calm as I said goodbye.
"Ok, see you then, Nick. Have a good night."
As I hung up the phone, my heart was beating so fast that I was sure everyone could hear it.
If they did, no one said anything. They did however, comment on the shade of my face.
"Why Katie, how strange! It looks as if you've gotten a little sun today. When did it come out, by the way?"
"Yeah," my brother smartly added, "you know Katie, you should really use more sun screen. Remember, you've always had very sensitive skin."
Well, they certainly weren't helping.
"Shut up," I said playfully, "now listen to me, all of you."
I uttered this announcement with a sense of dread, knowing full well that it was going to fall on deaf ears.
"Nick is coming here tomorrow night,"
Jody interrupted me before I could continue.
"He is?” She asked, a big smile spreading across her face.
"Yes, he is," I sighed heavily.
"Oh, goody, "she squealed, clapping her hands with childish delight.
Oh Lord, please give me patience!
"May I please continue?" I asked, starring at her.
Being the drama queen she always was, Jody lowered her eyes like a scolded child.
"Yes," she mumbled, "go ahead."
I cleared my throat and sat straight.
"Now, as I was saying. Nick is coming here. We're going for coffee before the banquet."
I paused and gave them a pleading look.
"Please, please don't embarrass me. I'm begging you."

Ryan pretended to be hurt.
"Katie, we love you. We would never embarrass you," he said with a smile.
"Yeah right," I laughed, "remember my high school graduation. You guys were the loudest in the auditorium. I wanted to die.”
“Can’t a family be enthusiastic about their girl graduating from high school? “ Ryan asked
“Enthusiastic yes, “I said, “Not obnoxiously embarrassing! “
“Well, no one from that school expected you to graduate, “Ryan reminded me, “So that was quite an accomplishment. “
“Yes, I know, “I sighed, “The point is please don’t embarrass me. I really like this guy. “
“We noticed, “Jody snickered.
This is Hopeless!
I looked to my mother for support.
“Mom, please,” I said, looking at her with imploring eyes, “make them behave! “
“Don’t worry, dear, “she reassured me, patting my hand, “We’ll be our charming, lovable selves when Nick is here. “
“That’s what I’m afraid of. “
I spent most of the next day running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Not only did I have to prepare for my date with Nick, but I also had a book signing at the bookstore downtown. Before I did that however, I needed to spend some time with God.
As we’ve gathered on the porch to pray, a lump of sadness arose in my throat. Despite the fact that I had a few more days with them, I knew that time with mom and Ryan was shrinking. During the rosary, I couldn’t help but in think about God’s plan for Ryan and I and how it was taking us in two completely opposite directions. He was headed for a peaceful, meditative life. I however had to been chosen to lead a public and often worldly one. For a brief moment, I found myself wishing that we were children again, untouched to by the reality of the world.
“How about I make us some waffles for breakfast, “he suggested after we had finished.
“Great idea, “my mother agreed.
I, on the other hand was a bit more apprehensive.
“Hold on, you want to cook in my kitchen?” I stuttered, “I don’t thank so. “
“Why not, “Ryan asked, “consider it my going away gift since I’m leaving tomorrow.  Besides, you’ve done so much for us, it’s the least I can do.
“I know, and I appreciate that, “I assured him, “However, I don’t have catastrophe insurance.”
“Brat! “ Ryan said, kicking my chair playfully.
Before I could stop him, Ryan got up, and headed into the house. I gave mom a worried look. “He’ll be fine, “ She said, waving her hand dismissively
Just seconds after she said that, there came a loud crash from the kitchen.
“Or, maybe not, “she corrected herself.
“Sorry, “Ryan called.
“I’m going to miss him, “I sighed.
“Me too, “mom smiled, reaching for my hand.
“I’m proud of you, Katie, “my mother said after a long silence.
I turned and looked at her with both surprise and disbelief.
“Really I am, “she said, seeing that I didn’t believe her.
I didn’t know what to say, and I can tell that she had a lot on her mind so I just waited.
“I know this may be hard to believe, she continued after taking deep breath, “but I’ve always only had your best interests at heart. “
“I know that, mom…, “I started to say.
“Please, “She said, cutting me off, “I need to get this out. “
Tears trickled down my mother’s cheeks she as continued.
“When I found out that I was going to have you, I started of making all these plans, “she said softly.
I could tell that whatever mom had to say wasn’t coming out easily so I started to pray.
“However, those plans were for someone who could walk, “mom admitted, pain and guilt clearly evident in her voice. I was speechless. In all of our years together, mom had not once mentioned any of this, and I could tell that doing so now was hurtful but somehow necessary “The day you were born, “she continued softly, “was one of the happiest, most terrifying days of my life. They didn’t tell me until later, but the doctors were having a hard time delivering you. For some reason, you just didn’t want to come out. “
I couldn’t resist my next remark.
“Well, can you blame me, “I asked, “Look at the circus I was born into! “ I said.
That made her laugh a little bit.
“Give us some credit, “mom retorted, “at least your life is never boring!”
“That’s an understatement, “I mumbled.
We were both quiet for a minute, during which, I looked at the water again. It was A little rough today, but beautiful. It was a beautiful stormy blue. Huge whitecaps rose and fell with the waves. Today, the water reminded me of the uncertainty that raged within my own self.
When I looked back again, mom was watching me intently, probably wondering what I was thinking. She looked as if she wanted to continue with her tale, so I started to listen again.
“After you were born, “she began, calmer now, “the doctors told me that because of a lack of oxygen to your brain, you would be severely brain damaged. They also said that it would be better if I put you some place and forgot you even existed. “
“What did you say? “I asked, even though I had a pretty good idea.
Mom gave a little smile, love showing in her eyes.
“I said no, of course. How could I turn my back on my own child? “
She sighed heavily before continuing.
“Everyone in the hospital thought I was crazy. They said that a child with your amount of brain damage would have virtually no quality of life. “
She sighed again, heavily as If she was trying to rid herself of an unwanted weight.
“I guess I just wanted to protect you from those kind the people,“ she added, “ So I tried to mold you into what I want you to be. “
She laughed a little at this statement, and the irony of it.
“I thought that would be easy to make you into what I wanted, but the more I tried, the more you fought me. You were very headstrong, even as a little girl. You were determined to be your own person, and nobody, and I mean nobody could tell you what to do. “
Even though her eyes were Tender and her expressions soft, I felt that I Had hurt my mother somehow by not being what she wanted or expected. I also felt that it was my turn to say something.
Grouping her hand firmly but gently, I looked into my mother’s eyes and spoke from the heart.
“Mom, I’m sorry if I hurt you. I never meant to be so.., “
Here, however, she stopped me by holding her hand up.
“No, Katie, “she said gently, placing a hand on my cheek, “you didn’t hurt me, sweetie. I’m glad you didn’t listen to me. “
She paused for a moment. Then, she gently and lovingly kissed my forehead.
“I’m proud of the woman you’ve become. I’m prouder than any mother has a right to be. Not only do I have a son who is completely devoting his life to God, but I also have a daughter who is using her God given talent to help people.”
Now it was my turn to cry. Never before had mom opened up to me like this. It was simply overwhelming. I also felt as if a huge weight had bee been lifted from my shoulders. The approval that I had so longed for had finally come. I could see, too that this visit had been good for mom. Relief clearly showed on her face. Mom was finally able to see for herself that I was doing well, and that I was fully capable of looking after myself. She could finally let go.
There was no need for any more words. Everything that needed to be said had been. Now there was peace in our silence instead of tension. I took this opportunity to thank God for the gift of understanding He had given us. One question kept running through my mind. I write fiction. How exactly is that helping people? She was clearly mistaken.
“Mom, I said, gently “thank you for telling me all those things. I really needed to hear them. Especially now. You’re giving me far too much credit, though. However, I hardly think writing stories qualifies as helping people.”
My mother looked at me with surprise
“You don’t, do you? “
She was pensive for a moment. Then, a bright smile appeared, as if she had just remembered something.
“Do you remember The Chronicles of Narnia books? “
I smiled as the warm, almost forgotten memory floated back into my mind. Suddenly, I remembered that time with such clarity.
“Of course I do, “I replied, remembering my favorite book series.
Whenever life seemed overwhelming, especially during my high school years, I allowed myself to become lost in the magical world.
“They allowed me to escape reality. For a little while, at least.”
“Exactly,” my mother pointed out, “and now, you do with the same thing for other people!”
She smiled again, eyes twinkling with something I’d never noticed before. Was that admiration?
“Thanks mom, “I said as we embraced once more.
As my mom held me, the anger and resentment that I felt seemed to melt away. Replacing them now were friendship and understanding. Then, without warning, it happened. My body suddenly went limp, and I felt as is I was being drained of all energy. My mother pushed me back, concerned.
“Are you all right? “She inquired, still supporting me.
“Yeah I think so, “I said, weakly.
I looked down, and saw myself shaking. A wave of panic washed over me. This can’t be happening! I can’t get sick! Not now! I looked up, and saw that mom had noticed too. Even though I was alarmed, I tried not to show it. The last thing that I needed was my mother to become it worked up again.
“I guess I’m a little more tired than I thought. I haven’t been sleeping well lately, “I explained, partially telling the truth.
She didn’t buy it, though. My mother knew me too well, despite our differences. To her credit though, she remained calm.
“If you’re sure, “she said, even though her eyes had a beseeching look to them.
“Yes, “I confirmed, “I am. “
Just then, Ryan called us, announcing that the waffles were ready. I gave my mother quick smile before heading into the house, hoping that she didn’t see my fear. As I turned away, I said a little prayer.
“Please Lord; just give me a little more time and strength. Let me make it through tonight! “
Although the waffles, toast and sausage were wonderful, they only added to my exhaustion. After breakfast, I excused for a nap
“Are you all right, baby doll?” Ryan asked
“Yes, “I lied, “I just need to rest up for tonight. “
As I turned around in the elevator, I saw mom and Ryan exchange worried looks.
Jody joined me a moment later. The instant she saw me, her cheerful expression vanished
“You’re so pale, “Jody exclaimed, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I said, hoping that she’d let it go, “I’m just a little tired, that’s all.”
Jody didn’t say anything, but just shook her head and sighed.
Although I tried to summon some strength, none came. I was nothing but dead weight, and poor Jody had to practically throw me into bed. Once I was comfortable, Jody stood there, glaring at me.
“You’re getting sick!” she stated, waving an accusing finger at me.
“No I’m not,” I answered weakly.
I was trying to convince myself of this as well as her. It didn’t work however, because I still felt awful. Plus, Jody knew me too well.
“Don’t give me that,” Jody retorted angrily, “whenever you’re like this, it means you’re getting sick!”
Just then, she turned to leave.
“Jody, wait!” I called after her.
She stopped in the doorway, and turned around. I could tell that she was annoyed with me.
“What,” she asked somewhat coldly.
“Please don’t tell mom or Ryan, “I pleaded,” I don’t want them to worry.”
I waited for an answer, but Jody said nothing. Instead, she just left the room.
“Here we go,” I sighed, resigned to my fate. Pulling the covers over my head, I waited for sleep to come.
Sadly, it was not to be. No sooner had I covered myself than Jody returned.
“Katie, open up,” she said, tapping me.
Thermometer in hand, she stood over me, looking grave. Jody had a way of switching from friend to caregiver when it came to my health. I hated that.
“I don’t . . . ,” I started to protest.
Before I could finish however, I felt hard plastic being shoved under my tongue.
“Have a temperature, “I mumbled around the thermometer.
“It’s better to be safe then sorry,” Jody gently reminded me in a motherly tone.
Since my question had been left unanswered, I decided to ask it again.
“You won’t tell them, will you Jody? “ I pleaded.
Jody looked at me silently for a moment as if contemplating her answer.
“I won’t tell, “she promised, falling silent again.
“Oh thank you, Jody,” I cried, relief running through me.
My happiness was short lived, however. With her promise, came a condition.
“I won’t tell anyone. That is, if you stay in bed and rest.”
My heart sank. Jody knew I couldn’t do that. She knew how important this banquet was. Not for the new book, but for the library as well.
“You know that I can’t do that, Jody,” I sighed, “tonight’s too important.”
“It’s not worth forsaking your health! “She argued.
Jody was right, of course, but I couldn’t do that to Nick. I made him a promise, and I never break my promises.
“Listen,” I said, leveling with her, “I’ll tell you the same thing that I told Nick. After tonight, I’m taking some much needed time off. Tonight will be it for a while. I swear it. “
Jody only snickered at this.
“Yeah right,” she snorted in disbelief, “I’ve heard that before, Katie. Even when you’re on vacation, you never rest! I don’t think you know how!”
This debate was only making me feel worse. It was affecting me both physically and emotionally. My head felt heavy, as if something was slowly trying to crush it. Emotionally, I felt trapped, unable to escape the microscope that I was under.

“Just let me sleep for an hour,” I said as my eyes started to get heavy, “maybe I’ll feel better after that. Okay?”
Jody sighed and nodded reluctantly, bending down to kiss my forehead.
“You’re very lucky that I love you, you know that?”
“Yes I am,” I smiled.
“Don’t forget,” I reminded her, “one hour.”
Soon after Jody left, I fell into a heavy and dreamless sleep.
It seemed as if I had just fallen asleep when suddenly, I felt someone or something shaking me. What or who it was, I did not know. They were trying to wake me up, though. Try as I might, I could not pull myself from sleep. My exhaustion was like an undertow pulling me down.
I could hear Jody calling me, telling me to wake up, but I just couldn’t. Finally she stopped and left the room. A second later, I felt cold water being splashed upon my face. That single action served to shock my system. Ever so slowly, the fog began to lift.
Turning onto my back, I saw Jody standing over me, immense relief etched within the lines of her face.
“Thank God,” she whispered in a shaky voice, “you scared for me to death!”
She stood over me for a moment more, stroking my head. Suddenly, she turned and marched from the room again.
“Where are you going,” I called after her, “I need to get ready!”
“I’m calling Dr. Peters, “she answered, returning, phone in hand, “something’s not right with you.”
Panic gripped me as I saw that she meant business. I knew that she was right, of course. Despite my nap, I still felt incredibly weak and drained. I also knew that if Jody called my doctor, all hell would break loose. Not only would my mother completely overreact, but Dr. Peters would order me to go on an immediate sabbatical. Poor Nick would be left to deal with the mess that all of this would cause. All because it was difficult for Jody to wake me up. I couldn’t let that happen.
“Jody, no!” I begged “I’m all right, I swear!”
“Oh sure you are, Catherine, “she sarcastically shot back, “never mind that I almost couldn’t wake you up!”
I sighed heavily and just looked at her. Jody had made her point. Now, it was time for me to make nine.
“Jody, look,” I said desperately, “I agree with you. I’m worried too, but we’re not calling the doctor. Not yet, anyway.”
Jody’s reaction didn’t surprise me in the least.
“What,” She cried, clearly shocked, “are you serious?”
I motioned for Jody to keep her voice down.
“Completely,” I answered softly, “Just hear me out. “
Her face relaxed a little, and she crossed her arms, taking a waiting stance
I waited a second and tried to calm my own self before continuing.
“I am concerned as I’ve said, but I want alert the doctor unless was absolutely have to.”
Jody was about to argue with me, but I cut her off, already knowing what she was going to say.
“I know that you had a difficult time waking me up, but that could very well because I fighting something off. Or maybe I’m just really, really tired. If we call the doctor now, it will only send mom into panic mode, which neither of us need. And for what? So Dr. Peters can run a barrage of useless tests that tell what I already know? That I’m just extremely tired and in desperate need of a restful vacation? No thank you! I can think of several other more pleasant, more useful was to spend a thousand dollars!”
By the end of my tirade, Jody was holding her hands surrender and smiling Good, I got her to relax a little.
“Ok, ok, I give,” she smiled, “so what do you suggest we do?”
“Nothing,” I said, “just act normal, and help me get ready.”
Jody walked over and touched my arm.
“My dear, normal is not possible for us. Besides, being normal is no fun!”
“You know I mean, smart Alec!” I laughed, uncovering myself.

 After a quick shower, Jody helped me into a sapphire blue cocktail dress. This spaghetti strapped dress was not only beautiful but it had a sliming affect. A gift from my mother, it had always had been one of my favorites.
“Wow Katie, you look great!” Ryan exclaimed
“Thanks Ryan, “I said, feeling suddenly self conscience and excited all at once.
Will Nick like it too? I hope so! My stomach fluttered thinking about it. Mom, who had been petting a contented Ritz, jumped up and came over.
“Oh Catherine, you look absolutely beautiful, “she said, giving me a little hug.
“Thanks mom,” I repeated,” I just hope Nick thinks so.”
“He’d be a fool not to,” Jody said, slapping my arm playfully.
She crossed the room to the kitchen, calling over her shoulder, “How about some coffee while we wait for prince charming?”
“That’d be great, thanks,” I said casually.
Mom, who had been standing beside me, now looked at me, clearly confused.
“Coffee?” she said somewhat surprised, “at this hour?”
It had long been a rule of mine that I never drank coffee past six in the evening. Otherwise, when mixed with my medication, it made me too jittery to sleep.
“It’s only out of pure desperation,” I said quickly,” These fund raiser things are so boring that I have to have a whole pot in order to just stay away.”
My mother smiled knowingly.
“Yes, I know. I’ve attended my fair share.”
During the brief lull, my eyes searched for Ritz. I found him lounging lazily on one of the dinning room chair, one paw hanging down.
“Well,” I asked him, “Everybody else has said how nice I look. It’s your turn.”
We were all watching him now, waiting for a response.
“We’re waiting,” I prompted after a minute.
Turning his head slowly, he gave us a look of intense annoyance. You asked for it he seemed to say. Jumping down, he gave us one more dirty look before strutting off into the living room, snobbishly twitching his tail.
“So, you don’t like dress?” I called, shaking with laughter.
Everyone was laughing too.
The time seemed to crawl as I waited for Nick to arrive. I kept looking at the clock between sips. I tried to do so inconspicuously, but Ryan must’ve noticed.
“Why Katie dear,” Ryan said with a teasing smirk, “are you worried that Mr. Prince Charming won’t show up?”
“Oh shut up, you” I said, shooting him a dirty look.
“Make me,” Ryan challenged childishly.
Unable to think of a good comeback, I just stuck out my tongue, only to have Ryan copy me.
“Mommy, make him stop,” I whined weakly.
“Cut it out, both of you,” my mother scolded playfully.
Turning to me, she added, “It’s unbecoming and you’ll ruin your makeup.”
Then, to Ryan she said, “You’re older and you should be more mature.”
When she said this, we both burst out laughing.
“Ryan, mature?” I asked between fits of laughter, “yeah right! Like that’s ever going to happen!”
“Besides,” Ryan added, “Being mature is no fun. That would mean that I would have to grow up, and I refuse to do that.”
“Oh brother “mom muttered, rolling her eyes.
Ryan and I looked at each other and laughed again. When we stopped, the three settled into a comfortable silence. It was mom who finally broke it.
“Well, my boy, “she sighed getting up from the chair, “You should finish packing. I’ll help you in case forget something.”
It was then that I remembered. Our time together was growing short. Due to my late night and Ryan’s early morning, we all agreed to say goodbye tonight. Ryan would begin his life as a seminarian; mom would go home, and my life would go on as normal. Normal for me, at least. In the back of my mind, however, I had this nagging feeling that my life was about to change forever.
Ignoring this, I pulled myself back to the present.
“W-Wait,” I stammered in protest, “you’re leaving me to wait for Nick b-by m-myself?”
“Oh, come on, Katie, “my brother said, heaving a sigh, “Pretend to be a big girl, at least for tonight anyway.”
“Mom,” I whined again.
“Cut him some slack, Katie,” she said, “He is leaving tomorrow after all.”
“Yea,” Ryan fired back,” so there!”
As always, I ignored Ryan whenever he annoyed me. Just when I thought he had gone, I felt Ryan lovingly slip his arm around me.
“Oh, don’t worry little sis. We’ll be back,” he whispered.
The malicious tone in his voice filled me with dread. It was a tone that I knew all too well. It meant that he was up to no good.
Just then, the doorbell rang.
“Nick’s here, you guys,” I called.
I waited a second, but no one came.
“Guys,” I called again, almost pleading, “Come on guys! Don’t make me do this by myself!”
Still, there was nothing except the sound of thundering heart.
“Traitors!” I shouted as the doorbell rang again.
Starting for the door, I paused. In the mirror that hung over the fireplace, I saw my reflection. Outwardly, I looked fine. Calm, composed and beautiful. Inwardly however, I was a nervous wreck.
Breathe, Catherine, just breathe! Breathing deeply, I tried to steady my racing heart as I opened the door.
There he stood, like a dream upon my front porch. Nick really did seem like Prince Charming, standing there in a black and white tuxedo. His eyes glowed warmly in the fading light, illuminating his smile.
It was Nick who made the first move.
“Wow Catherine,” he said, smiling wider, “you look amazing.”
I smiled back, feeling myself grow red.
“Why, thank you, Nick,” I said, still blushing, “so do you.”
After an awkward moment, I backed up, inviting him in.
“Nice place,” Nick said, taking a quick look around, “it feels very homey.”
“Thank you,” I said, trying to hide the excitement in my voice.
After closing the door, I turned around to find Nick watching me and waiting.
“You should have seen it when we first moved in. Decorating was harder than I thought it would be. I kept changing my mind about things. Jody wanted to kill me.”
I smiled as the fond memory replayed in my mind.
To my surprise, Nick was smiling too.
“Where is Jody? I was hoping to meet her tonight. To finally put a face to the voice that always answers your phone”
Until that moment, I had forgotten about Jody, mom and Ryan. Annoyance at their behavior resurfaced, but I refused to let it spoil this night.
“Well,” I explained, “I had hoped that you’d have more of a welcoming committee, but they’ve disappeared on us.”
“Not all of them,” Nick said.
Confused, I fallowed Nick’s gaze. Ritz had come wandering into the room.
“Come to inspect him, have you,” I asked, “or to apologize? “
“Well, hello there, pretty kitty, “Nick cooed as he bent down, “what’s your name?
“That’s Ritz,” I volunteered, “Or more aptly Prince Ritz. He’s pretty spoiled.”
“I can see that,” Nick said, smiling and petting the cat.
“He likes you, “I pointed out as Ritz began his low and contented purring, “that’s unusual.”
“Maybe it’s a sign,” Nick said, flashing me a flirtatious smile matching the glint in his eyes.
Oh, if only!
“Well, “I said, trying to push the moment from my mind, “we’d better go. Just let me get my wrap”
“Here, let me,” Nick offered, getting up and taking it from the coat rack.
My heart was warmed be the gesture and I thanked him softly. A warm shiver coursed through my body as he wrapped it around me.
After doing this he stood before me, smiling. Lord, if this is a dream, please don’t wake me up!

 “You truly do look beautiful tonight, Catherine,” Nick said unexpectedly.
“Why, thank you sir,” I replied, returning the smile,” shall we venture forth?”
“We shall, my lady,” he replied
At the door, I paused.
“Bye guys. I love you,” I called over my shoulder.
Then, just as Nick was about to close the door, a deep voice boomed from the hallway.
“Wait!”
What on earth?
I knew the voce was Ryan’s, but it was deep and commanding, unlike his kindhearted, lively one.
Turning around, we waited as instructed, my nervousness increasing.
When Ryan came into the room, it took all the restraint I had not to burst out laughing. Ryan was dressed in a brown robe, like those of his future order. Around his neck, he wore the old cross of St. Francis that my grandmother had given him as a boy. In his hands, he lovingly carried a large wooden rosary.
His face was set like stone, serious and scrutinizing. His eyes gave him away, however. In them, I saw the familiar mischievous twinkle.
For a moment, there was only silence between the three of us.
“Ryan,” I laughed, unable to contain myself any longer, “what are you doing? “
Ignoring me, he extended one hand to Nick, while putting the other protectively on my shoulder.
“I am Brother Ryan, “he announced. Then, looking down at me, he quickly added “in more ways than one.”
Nick smiled and laughed politely, while I groaned and rolled my eyes, wanting to die. Ok Lord I lied. You can wake me up anytime. Just make him stop!
My wish was not to be granted however. Instead, things only got worse.
Ryan, enjoying himself immensely, gave me a quick wink before continuing his ridiculous charade.
“I was just going to say my evening prayers, and I thought I’d introduce myself, and say hi,”
“Great,” I said though gritted teeth and with a fake smile,” you have, you did. Now, time to say goodbye”
That was a mistake.
“Oh,” Ryan said, as his eyes grew wide, while his lips formed a smirk,” I see what’s going on. You want to be alone with him.”
My face grew bright red at the suggestion and I felt heat rising into my cheeks. I gave Nick an apologetic look. He only smiled and shrugged in reply. “Ok Ryan,” I said at last, “You’ve done your job. I’m thoroughly embarrassed now. I love you, but please go away”
Ryan gave a loud, exasperated sigh.
“All right, baby doll,” he said, “I’ll go. Before I do though, I’d like to extend a blessing to both of you. May I?”

“Sure,” Nick replied before I could stop him,” why not?”
“Katie?” Ryan asked, looking down at me.
I shrugged helplessly. Anything to get rid of you!
As Nick placed his hand in mine, I felt that familiar pleasant warmth rush though me.
As Ryan rested his hand upon my head, I inhaled deeply and prayed that he was done humiliating me. He wasn’t.
“Oh Eternal Father,” Ryan prayed earnestly,” please send Your blessing down upon Katie and Nick this night. Please also help Katie keep her purity intact, no matter how strong the temptation may be. In Your name, we ask this. Amen.”

“Ryan!” I cried, my mouth hanging open in horror.
Quickly, I glanced in Nick’s direction only to see that he too was glowing red.
RYAN IS A DEAD MAN!
My seething thoughts were interrupted however as I heard Ryan clearing his throat.
“Well, if you’ll excuse me,” he said, politely, as if he were completely innocent,” I really must be turning in. I’ve got a long day with an early morning. Nick, it was very nice to meet you. Goodnight sister dear. I’ll miss you.”
Not so fast, big brother!

“Oh Ryan,” I called out innocently,” aren’t you forgetting something?”
He stopped, just before leaving the room, and gave me a questioning look.
“My hug, silly,” I reminded him sweetly,” after all who knows when we’ll get to see each other again.”
As we embraced, I spoke to him sweetly, “You know, Ryan, I don’t think that I’ve ever been so completely humiliated by another person. My hat goes off to you, big brother. “
“Why thank you, baby doll,” he replied, pleased with himself, “I do try my best.”
Just before we parted, however, I gave him with this thought to ponder.
“Just remember Ryan. I don’t get mad. I just get even. “
“Bring it on, “he said, baking away.
Then, turning to Nick, he smiled.
“Watch out, and watch over her, Nick.”
“I will,” he promised, causing my heart to sing.
“Do you have any more surprises for me?” Nick asked, after Ryan left.
I turned my head to see that his face was still red but he was smiling!
He thinks this is finny! Thank you, Lord!
“Not if we leave now,” I said, winking at him.
“Departure take two,” Nick joked
“More like escape,” I corrected him.
We were seconds away from freedom when another voice stopped us.
“Oh good, you’re still here!”
It was my mother’s voice.
Oh Lord, when will this end?
“We were just leaving,” I called, a feeling of dread returning.
“Oh, that’s all right,” mom said as she came forward all smiles, “I just wanted to meet Nick and get a quick hug goodbye.”
This can’t be good.
“Another incoming,” I mumbled, which made Nick laugh softly.
“So, this must be Nick,” my mom said, beaming as she came in.
Shaking his hand, she then smiled at me.
“You’re right, Katie. He is gorgeous!”
“Mom!” I cried, wanting to die at that moment.
Ok, the floor boards can open up and swallow me any time now!
“What,” my mother asked, pretending to be obvious to my embarrassment,” I was only repeating what you told me!”
“She always was shy, this one,” mom explained, placing a loving arm around me.
“Not like her brother,” mom continued,” Ryan was always such a little ham.”
“Yes,” Nick spoke up quickly, laughing a little, “I had the pleasure of meeting him just a second ago. He’s quite a character all right.”
“Oh you have no idea,” I told him, “That was Ryan on his best behavior.”
“Oh Katie,” my mother laughed, giving me a little hug, “you say the most adorable things sometimes.”
She then flashed Nick a smile. “Isn’t she adorable, Nick?”
Nick gave my mother that warm, relaxed smile that made everyone fall in love with him.
“Yes she is, Mrs. Baker,” he replied,” she sure is.”
“Mom,” I begged, giving her a pleading look, “would you please stop embarrassing me?”
“I’m your mother,” she laughed, “it’s my job. Besides, I have to get my kicks in before I leave.”
“Speaking of leaving” Nick said suddenly, “we should do that if we want coffee before the banquet.”
“Oh that’s right,” my mother said, as if suddenly remembering our date.
As we hugged each other goodbye, mom whispered to me.
“Hold on to him, Katie. He’s a good man. I can tell.”
“I’ll try, “I whispered back, kissing her cheek.
Straightening up, she and Nick said their goodbyes.
“It was a pleasure to meet you, Nick,” mom said, “You take care of my girl now.”
“The same to you, Mrs. Baker, “he replied, smiling at her, and then, at me, “and don’t worry. I will. I promise.”
“Hey mom, where’s Jody,” I asked, suddenly noticing that she hadn’t come to say hello.
“Oh, well she isn’t feeling good so she went to lie down,” she explained.
“What a shame,” I said, although secretly I was relieved
I loved Jody like a sister, but I didn’t think that I could take anymore embarrassment. In truth, I just wanted to be alone with Nick.
“I’ll catch her next time,” Nick assured me
“Oh, ok,” I said,” Mom, will you tell Jody that I’ll check on her when I get back, please?”
“Well do,” she replied with a warm smile,” now you two kids have fun. I love you, Sweetie! Call me when you can!”
I told her that I loved her too and promised to call as Nick and I finally left.
As Nick lifted me from my chair to the passenger seat, I felt once again that I was dreaming. His arms were so tender, and yet, so strong. I felt that no harm could come to me as long as I was with him.
For the first minutes, we sat in silence, which I didn’t mind at all. I just back and tried to soak in everything. The inside of Nick car was impressive. Clean, black leather covered the seats, which my surprise and delight, were also heated! Classical music flowed from the satellite radio that softly serenaded us. However, what I savored most was the scent. The interior smelled of his cologne. It was sweet and spicy, but comforting. It warmed me and as it surrounded me, I sank into it, relaxing for the first time that night. “Sweet ride,” I said after a while, “Corvette?”
“Yeah good guess,” Nick said, smiling with pride,” I’ve always wanted one ever since I was a kid. Finally took the leap last year.”
I let out an impressed whistle.
“I bet it cost a pretty penny too,” I probed half joking, half curious.
“Yeah, she sure did,” he sighed happily, patting the dashboard affectionately, “but my baby’s worth it, though”
“Oh brother,” I said, rolling my eyes at him,” boys and their toys!”
“Oh yeah go ahead and laugh,” Nick teased,” We both know that your just JELOUS!”
“Jealous? Jealous of what,” I fired back laughing,” of a metallic gas guzzler that will lose its luster and start rusting in a few years? Oh please!”

“Deny it all you want, Catherine,” Nick laughed,” but we both know it’s true.”
Waiting a moment, I leaned a little closer and softly asked my next question.
“I bet your baby even has a name, doesn’t it?”
The answer didn’t come right away. It came in stages. He wouldn’t look at me at first. Then, from my side view, I saw a smile slowly form. Next soft, slow chuckle came bubbling up from his throat. When he finally did look at me, his cheeks were cherry red.
“Angelina,” He mumbled.
“What,” I asked, unsure that heard him right,” did you say that you named your car Angelina?”
Nick smiled and nodded sheepishly.
“Yep, I did.”
Silence passed between for a moment, while the wheels of thought turned in my head.
“Catherine Baker at a loss for words,” Nick said, snickering at my silence, “now that’s a first.”
Shaking my head in reply, I flashed him a knowing smile.
“I’m not lost for words,” I said innocently, “just thinking, that’s all.”
“I know that I will regret asking this, “Nick said, smiling at me, “but about what?”
“The name Angelina,” I replied thoughtfully,” it’s sexy, provocative, and mysterious. Yep, the name fits.”
Nick laughed softly.
“Are you surprised?” he asked
“Yes,” I answered in a falsely shocked voice, “I never knew this of you.”
Just then, Nick did something that truly did surprise me. He gently covered my hand with his.
“Catherine, my dear,” he said warmly, “The things you don’t know about me could fill one of your books.”
“Careful,” I warned him jokingly, “that sounds like a challenge.”
“Maybe it is,” He said softly.
There was a comfortable lull in the conversation, which didn’t last long. It was broken by Nick’s soft chuckling.
“What’s so funny?” I asked
“Nothing” Nick replied, “I was just thinking.”
“About what,” I asked
“Oh just about the how this is the most interesting date that I have ever had.”
I didn’t respond at first. My mind was too busy reeling at the fact that Nick had called our night out a date! Then I thought about what he said, and how he called our date interesting. I knew that he was talking about how both Ryan and mom had acted when they met Nick.
Oh no! Did they scare him?
I felt a rush of heat flood my cheeks.
“I’m sorry, Nick,” started to say softly, “My mom and Ryan were just…”
At that point, Nick stopped me.

            “Don’t worry about it, sweetie,” Nick assured me, “It’s all good.  That just showed me how much they love you.”

            I drew a silent breath of relief, feeling myself relax again.

            “Besides, “he continued with a shrug, “Being the baby of six boys, friendly banter and humiliation were a daily occurrence for me.”

            “Six boys,” I said, laughing in amazement, “Wow, your poor mother!”

                “Yeah,” Nick said, with a boyish smile,” My brothers and I were brats I’m sure that there were many days when mom wanted to pull her hair out.  Mom was, and still is, pretty much a saint”

            “She would have to be,” I mumbled, “Especially since she had to deal with you on a daily basis.”

That remark was met by a playful shove.

            “Well,” he replied rather calmly, “I guess my unruly days have come back to haunt me.”

“How so,” I asked

            “Because now,” he explained, matter of factly ,” I have to deal with you.  Compared to you, I was a picnic!”

“Why, Mr. Shafer,” I said, pretending to shocked by his comment, “Whatever do you mean?”

            “What do I mean?” he asked, “I’ll tell you what I mean!”

            He then proceeded to speak in a high, squeaky voice that was supposed to represent me.

            “What are you doing? Leave that alone! It’s part of the story! Don’t change that! Leave that part alone!”

            I had to laugh because that’s exactly how I sounded when we worked together.

            “Well!” I retorted,” If that’s how you feel, then I shall just have to take my business elsewhere!”

            “Good luck with that,” Nick laughed, “No one else will put up with you.”

            “Well,” I cried, acting insulted, “Now I really know how you feel!”

            “I feel many things, Catherine,” Nick said softly.

            Although this comment confused me, I couldn’t ignore the warm tingle I felt as he said my name.

“Was your father around much when you were growing up,” I asked, resuming the topic of families.

“Yeah,” Nick replied with a casual shrug, “Pop was around when he could be.  With eight mouths to feed, he had to work a lot, though.  Now I’m the one who works all the time, but I see everybody when I can.”

Nick laughed again then continued.

“We have a HUGE family though, so it’s more like a family reunion when we all get together.”

            We settled back into a comfortable silence as Nick turned his attention to the road.  I meanwhile, allowed my mind to drift to pleasant things.

            I was pulled from my reprieve by his next question however.

            “What about your dad?  You never mention him. Aren’t the two of you close?”

I felt as if the wind had been knocked out of me at that moment.  I just sat there in frozen shock.  All feelings of happiness left me, and were replaced by hurt. It took a moment, but my brain did start working again.  It started racing with questions.

This is some really cruel joke, right?  How can Nick not know that my father’s dead?  Doesn’t he watch or read my interviews?

Then another, more alarming thought occurred to me.

Maybe he really doesn’t know!

Just then, I heard Nick’s voice calling to me.

“Catherine?  Are you all right? Say something.”

There was concern in voice.  I wanted to answer, but I had to wait for my lips to form the words.  When they did come, my voce was almost a whisper.

“Yea, I’m fine.”

In that moment, I truly looked at Nick, maybe for the first time. This was the man whom I worked the closest with.  The one I teased and joked with all the time.  Yet, I began to question if I had ever known him at all.

Nick must’ve seen the question in my eyes.

“Did I say something wrong?” he asked, clearly confused.

            I looked into Nick’s eyes and nodded slowly.

            “My father died when I was five years old, Nick,” I said, not bothering to hide the hurt that I felt.

            I sat and watched Nick’s face as he realized his mistake.  At first, it held a look of confusion, but soon, it transformed into one of sorrow and deep regret.

            “I’m so sorry, Catherine,” Nick said sincerely, “I didn’t know.”

            I knew that he meant it.  Nick never said things he didn’t mean.  I knew him to be a very sincere and passionate person.  Still, I could not deny the hurt that I felt.

“Why didn’t you, Nick,” I asked, my voice quivering just a bit.

Seeing that he was lost for words, I continued, giving vent to my feelings.

“I mean its public knowledge.  I talk about it all the time when I’m asked what it was like growing up without a father.  Don’t you watch my interviews?  Or at the very least, read them in magazines?”

Nick sat there, dumbly silent as if he were searching for the right words. Then, in a quiet voice, the words came as he spoke honestly.

“It’s not intentional, I assure you,” he explained,” I work so much that I don’t have time to sit down and watch television.  As for magazines, I read all day long, so that’s the last thing I want to do when I get home.”

Of course!  How could I be so selfish?

I was suddenly filled with shame and embarrassment.  I scolded myself for jumping to conclusions.   Now it was my turn to apologize.

“I’m sorry, Nick,” I said sheepishly,” I was wrong to jump to conclusions.  For a minute there I thought that since you watch my interviews or read them that I was just…”

I could not bring myself to finish that thought, so I fell silent and waited.  Nick must have read my mind because he finished it for me.

“You thought that I just saw you as a job.  A way to make fast and easy money,” he added.

 Each word he spoke filled me with a renewed sense of guilt.  To hear him speak the words aloud made it even worse.  I found myself hoping that Nick couldn’t see my burning cheeks.

Did I just ruin things?  Oh, I hope not!

Again, Nick seemed to read my thoughts because he smiled at me.  Warmth echoed within his voice and his eyes twinkled as he spoke.

“No Catherine, that’s not it all.  That not how I feel at all,” he said, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze 

Giddiness and relief flooded through me and I knew that all was forgiven.   Thank you, Lord!

Just then, we pulled into the parking lot of the café`

“We’re here,” Nick announced,

Then turning, he gave me a serious look.

“Unless you’ve changed your mind, that is,” he said kindly.

I thought about giving his a serious answer, but thought better of it.  I asked him a question instead.

“If I say yes, then does that mean we can skip the long boring banquet?”

            Nick knew that I absolutely hated events like this.  He did too.  For a moment, he seemed to be considering it.

“Uh, no,” he answered as he slid from the car, “nice try though.

“Thank you,” I replied

Perhaps my exhaustion returned because of the chilly night air.  Or perhaps it was caused by the emotional car ride.  Either way, as soon as I exited the car, fatigue returned to me.  Again I prayed for God to help me.

Please God, not yet!  Just give me enough strength to make it though tonight!  I’m begging You!  

As we sat waiting for our coffee, I tried to act normal.  Like nothing was wrong.  Unfortunately, that was becoming incredibly difficult as the minutes crawled by. My head kept drooping, and my eyelids were heavy, begging me for sleep.  I willed myself not to give in however, and I prayed that Nick wouldn’t notice.

I must’ve dozed off at one point because I suddenly felt as if someone were hitting me.  Looking up, I saw that Nick was trying to get my attention.  He was looking a bit concerned too

“Hey, are you okay, sweetie?”  Nick asked, watching me carefully.

I nodded and smiled weakly outwardly, but inwardly, I berated myself for slipping. 

Nick didn’t seem convinced, however. 

“You sure?” he asked, skeptically, “You’ve been kind of quiet and far away ever since we arrived.”

“Oh sorry,” I said quickly, “I’ve just been thinking, that’s all”

Nick seemed contented with that.

“Well, all right,” he said, letting the subject drop.

During the quietness that fallowed, I reached for the coffee which Nick had kindly poured for me.  That was when things truly began to unravel.  I found that I could barely lift the cup, and my hands shook violently with the effort.

I prayed that Nick wouldn’t notice, but I wasn’t that fortunate.  His eyes grew wide when he saw that I was about to spill my coffee.  Instantly he reached for my cup, preventing disaster.  Putting the cup down, Nick then placed my trembling hands securely in his and held them there.

“Catherine, why are you shaking so badly,” Nick asked, clearly alarmed.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” I lied again, “I’m just nervous.  I hate public speaking.”

 I knew the jig was up by the forceful tone in Nick’s voice.

“Catherine, look at me!” he commanded.

Reluctantly, I raised my eyes to his.  They were filled with compassion and concern.  They also demanded to know the truth.

“I’ve been your editor and friend for two years now!  I know that you get nervous, but I’ve never seen you shake like this!  Now, at least have the courtesy to tell me what’s really going on with you!”

Nick was right.  He deserved at least that much. Before I could get the words out however, I was hit by a sudden and terrible wave of dizziness.  I could hear Nick calling to me, but I could not respond. 

I felt as if I was falling into deep well.  Nick’s voice faded from my mind while sweet darkness entered it completely until I was conscience of nothing.

Chapter Thirteen

Tate

I’m alone in Justin’s apartment surrounded by darkness.  The only light in the room is coming from the glow of the computer monitors.  The only sound is the mechanical gurgle of the computer motors. 

This is the only time I feel truly alive.  In this darkness, I am the hunter watching my prey.

Justin and his weasel of a friend, Kyle were out somewhere.  Where, I had no idea nor did I care.  Their absence meant temporary unadulterated access to Justin’s computer.  A month ago, I wouldn’t have even considered this.  Unfortunately, things had changed since then.  I didn’t know what it was, but something had had changed.  I could sense it.  Was he developing a moral code? Or did he betray me somehow? 

These were possibilities that I’d been toying with.  Either way, I didn’t trust him anymore.

    I decided to network our computers, linking them together.  Otherwise, it would take Justin no time at all to realize I had been on his computer.  Doing that would break a sacred trust.  A trust that I felt Justin had already broken.

 After establishing the network connection, I quickly set to work.  The first place I decided to look was in Justin’s e-mail.  I was told once that sometimes important information can be found within a person’s e-mail.  What I found there filled me with murderous rage!

 I was right!  Justin had betrayed me!  Among his contact list was Catherine Baker’s name!  She even had her own folder!

For a moment, I just stared at the screen in disbelief. At first, my mind was empty and numb.  Then slowly, the roaring began.  It was soft at first, growing louder and louder until it was all I could hear!  It was the roar of rage!  One maddening thought echoed in my head.  What the hell!

Pushing the chair back, I stood up and started to pace furiously.  A million thoughts whirled within my head. 

Justin lied to me! He knew about Catherine all along!  He’s trying to keep her from me! I’ll kill him, I swear! 

Then, I suddenly stopped pacing as another more reasonable thought entered my mind.

Maybe I’m wrong!  Maybe he’s not hiding anything from me.  The folder could be holding stuff he’s learned and collected!

That seemed to be more like Justin’s style.  He was smooth and secretive but not deceitful like me.  I began to relax a little and my rage began melt away.  Still, I had to be sure.

Sitting down again, I scooted to the computer again.  For a moment, I just stared at the folder.  Before I could click on it however, I was stopped by footsteps and laughter.  They’re back.  This’ll have to wait.

Noisily, Justin and Kyle stumbled through the door.  I could see that only Kyle was visibly drunk.

With Justin supporting him, Kyle stumbled forward.

“Hey Tate,” Kyle said with slurred speech,” what’s going on?  We just came from the coolest club ever!  Right, Justin?”

Justin grunted softly as he clumsily deposited Kyle onto the couch.  It might have been because he was focused on Kyle, but I sensed that Justin was trying to avoid me.  A suspicion began to form, but I needed to know more.

“Oh yeah,” I prompted, pretending to care, “Did you meet anybody?  Get any digits?”

Without even realizing it Justin gave himself away.

“Come on, Kyle.  Let’s sober you up first,” Justin said trying to pull Kyle to his feet.

Jackpot!

“I’m fine!” Kyle slurred, pushing Justin away. 

“Nah,” Kyle said with disappointment, “No digits.  The music was too loud for talking.  The lights almost blinded me.  They swirled all over the place…,”

At this point, I blocked Kyle out.  I had heard enough from him to know where they went tonight.  Rage burned within me like a fire, but I forced it down.  Just wait…

Later, when I was sure that Kyle was passed out, only then did I confront Justin.  Silently I waited in the kitchen.  Then when he entered, I cornered him.  Grabbing his arm, I forced Justin to face me as my eyes bore into his.

“What do you think you’re doing,” I asked, doing my best to keep my voice down.

“What are you talking about,” he asked, roughly twisting his arm from my grip.

“You know exactly what I mean,” I shot back, tilting my head toward the couch where Kyle slept,” with hick boy in there!”

“That’s none of your business, Tate,” Justin growled, piercing me with a back-off look.

Justin started to walk away, but I blocked his way.  I wasn’t going to back off though. Not anymore.

“Guess again,” I hissed, “When you start bring him into our world, it becomes my business!”

             Justin just stood there giving me a calm cold look, daring me to keep pushing.  Ok buddy, you asked for it!

Again my anger threatened to boil over, but still I controlled myself.

“I know that you’ve been taking to The Dark Side,” I stated angrily.

Justin just shrugged arrogantly in reply.

“Yeah, that’s right. So what?” he asked, matching my icy stare.

I couldn’t believe it Justin was actually challenging me as if this was some sort of game.

“This isn’t a game, Justin.  He doesn’t belong there, and you know it,” I reminded him.

“Relax,” Justin said,” Kyle’s harmless.”

He paused, still glaring at me.

“Besides,” he continued in an icy whisper, “He’s not an underhanded snake like you, Tate.”

All self restraint vanished in that moment as I pinned Justin against the wall.  His eyes filled with shock while mine filled with fiery rage

“Just be careful, Justin,” I quietly warned, “Because this snake has a very poisonous bite”

I released Justin and left him standing there as stormed out, slamming the door behind me.

For the next few hours, I wandered aimlessly around Seattle, not really caring where I ended up.  I was too enraged to care.  My mind was too crowed to even think straight. The fight with Justin kept playing in my mind.

When we stated our partnership, Justin and I both agreed to leave all personal issues aside.  This was business after all, and getting personal only complicated things. For a while our arrangement worked.  Until recently that is.  Then Kyle came into the picture, distracting him from our purpose of possessing Catherine!   What was it about this guy that threw Justin so off kilter? 

I didn’t know Kyle’s story, but I knew he had to go, but how?  I considered taking care of Kyle myself.  Beating him within an inch of his life would feel pretty good.  Maybe I should just kill him and get it over with!  Although tempting, I quickly shook that idea loose.

Not only was murder way too messy, but I’d have to deal with Justin. 

Just the thought of Justin made my blood boil!  Who the hell does he think he is, anyway!   When I first met Justin, he feared and respected me because of my skill.  I was in control!  Now with Kyle in the mix, Justin suddenly decides to get some balls and stand up to me.  The very thought of it made me see red! This was my game and Justin was my pawn!  I’ll decide what you do or don’t do, you little prick!  I needed to regain control of the situation but how?

Again, murder presented itself.  Why not kill both of them and be done with it?  Again the idea of it was tempting.  Then I wouldn’t have to deal either of them!  That idea was the most appealing.  It was also too easy.  I wanted Justin to cower in submission   Justin could not be intimidated easily.  That much was obvious.  I needed to send Justin a message that would be unmistakably clear  

Back at Justin’s I found the apartment empty once again.  Pacing, I tried to think of something that would make the deepest impact.  His computer!  Facing the couch, I saw it.  His precious laptop was just sitting there, taunting me.  I was just to grab it when something else occurred to me. 

I can’t break it.  He’ll just get a new one.  He probably has everything backed up anyway. 

A wave of frustration washed over me.  It was pointless to wreck his computer.  Besides, he’d be expecting an attack like this so it was probably a decoy.   He wouldn’t be stupid enough to leave the real one where I could find it.

Collapsing into a chair, I released a roar of rage and frustration. There has to be something that I can do!

Scanning the room, my eyes settled on a small metal waste basket.  Suddenly, everything became clear.  I was about to send Justin a message that he’d never forget….

Mechanically, I got up and started searching for a piece of paper.  Finding one on his desk, I turned it over and examined it.  What I found made me laugh.  I was holding Justin’s electric bill!  Most of the hackers that I knew wouldn’t bother with a dumb thing like this.  Especially someone with Justin’s amount of knowledge and skill.  Instead, they would find a way to rig it so that everything’s free of charge.  Then again, Justin was different.  He was honest.  Or at least I thought he was.

I was just about to drop my lighter into the basket when I froze.  I had to get my shit together before I lit this place up.

 Rummaging through Justin’s room, I had gathered all my stuff.  I was just about to leave when I noticed something out of the corner of my eye.  On Justin’s night table, there was something small and rectangular.   It was insignificant but something compelled me to take a closer look.

Inching closer, I saw it was a photograph.  Carefully, I picked it up.  The small wooden frame held a faded black and white picture of a much younger smiling Justin.  Standing proudly behind him, Justin’s mother smiled radiantly.  One arm rested lovingly on Justin’s shoulder while the other held his adorable sister Emily.  

His precious family… 

Just looking at made me them sick!  Justin didn’t deserve happiness or peace!  He didn’t even deserve the memory of it!

Standing over the waste basket, I paused.  I felt no remorse for what I was about to do.  Only cold hate.  I wanted to savor this moment.  Pleasure filled me as I recalled what I had just done. 

Holding that picture made me realize something.  I didn’t hate Justin as a person.  How could I really?  Like me, he did what was necessary to survive.  I could hardy blame him for that.

What I hated was the fact that at one time, he had known love and innocence.  Catherine had that too.  She still had it.  They had also known acceptance and security. That’s why I hated them.  What little happiness and peace they had, I would shatter!  Starting with Justin’s precious picture…

With relish, I broke the frame over my knee and listened as the shattered pieces fell musically to the ground.

Looking at the picture one last time, I spoke to smiling Justin.

“Just remember, Justin” I said coldly, “you brought this on yourself, buddy!”

I then allowed the picture to fall into the basket, followed my lighter.  I watched momentarily as the flames first licked, then hungrily devoured the picture, warping it beyond recognition.

Outside, I scouted around for a place to lay low and watch the fireworks.

Finding some scraggily bushes away from the building, I hunkered down and waited. 

Soon people came pouring out.  While I enjoyed watching them run like the pathetic idiots they were, I didn’t really care.  I was looking for Justin

After a few minutes, I spotted him standing only a few feet from my hiding place.  Hick boy was with him too.  Both were staring in shock at the blazing inferno.

This is perfect!  And this is only the beginning!

After waiting a moment more, I made my presence known by whistling softly. As Justin turned, our eyes met.  At first, there was confusion in Justin’s eyes, as if he didn’t understand why I was there.  Then, his expression slowly changed.  It became cold as everything began to sink in.  To confirm it, I stood and took a little bow.  Then with further ado, I disappeared into the night, leaving Justin to grapple with his new reality.

Chapter Fourteen

Justin

This can’t be happening!  This just isn’t real!  It can’t be!  This is just a really bad nightmare!  Like before, I tried closing my eyes, pushing all of this away.  Unfortunately, this wasn’t a nightmare.  This was real and it was happening.  Again, just like before, I stood helpless.

I stood there, stunned with Kyle at my side, watching my entire life burn away.  How could this happen again?  How can my life be turned upside down again? 

I was too stunned to feel any anger or hurt.  The only thing that I felt was confusion.  Along with the why questions echoing within my brain, there was also a how?

How could this have possibly happened?

The answers to all of my questions came at that exact moment.  Over the roar and crackle of the flames, I heard a new sound.  It was a whistle, came from behind me.  Soft and subtle, but distinct.

Further confusion washed over me when I turned around and saw Tate crouching in the bushes. 

At first, I was lost.  Everything was happening too fast.  My brain just couldn’t process it all.  Let alone, why Tate was hiding like a thief.  It was at that moment that the truth came crashing down on me. Because he is a thief! 

This fire was no accident!  Tate had started it in my apartment!  One look into Tate’s eyes, and I know it to be true.  The danced in the blazes light with a cold victory.  I suddenly felt cold all over despite the heat from the flames.  We just stared at each other for a spilt second.  In that second, Tate was undoubtedly savoring my defeat while I was still trying to absorb it all.  Then, with a twisted smile, Tate made a tiny bow and ran into the night.

Numbly, I turned back around and stared into the flames.    The rest of the night, was like a dream, a very bad dream that I wanted to wake up from.  It was as if I was sleep walking with one thought running though my brain.  This isn’t real.  This isn’t my life.  Tragically, this was real, and this was my life.  Or at least, what was left of it anyway.

I just couldn’t handle it.  Not right now, so I just shut down, going deep inside of myself.  My life literally was in ashes.  I had nothing left.  Nothing of my life remained that was left untouched by the chaos that I had invited into it.

Although conscience of everything happening around me, I was too numb to care.  Kyle must have sensed this because he seems to take charge of things for me.  Kyle eventually led me away from the fire, although neither had any idea of where to go or what to do.

 For a few minutes, Kyle and I walked in silence.  I may not have known exactly what Kyle was thinking.  I however, kept kicking myself for ever getting involved in his twisted games.

My thoughts were disrupted when I realized that Kyle was poking me, trying to get my attention.

“Hey,” he was saying, “Are you listening to me?

“What?” I asked, still dazed.

Kyle sighed heavily and repeated what he’d been trying to say.

“I asked you if you had a plan, “he said

If I had a plan?  He’s got to be kidding, right?

“Yeah sure, Kyle,” I snapped,”I’m constantly losing everything in a fire!  Naturally I have a plan!”

Heavy awkward silence was my only answer, which instantly made me feel bad.

“Look Kyle,” I apologized quietly,” I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to blow up like that.”

“It’s ok,” he replied,” I understand.  You’ve been though a lot tonight.  First, the fight with Tate. Then the fire….,”

Wait a minute…

I stopped walking and turned to face Kyle. 

“You heard Tate and me?” I asked, stunned

“Yep.”

“But, you were asleep,” I said dumbly

“I was awake,” he stated flatly

“How much did you hear?” I asked, my voice sounded more edgy then I intended.

“Nothing really,” he said,” Just enough to know that it wasn’t a friendly conversation.”

Kyle didn’t say anything more, but I knew he was waiting for me to explain things.  Kyle had always been like that.  Even as children, Kyle was always quietly patient, waiting for me to speak when I had a problem.  He deserved the truth.  All of it.  Soon…

We started walking again, and after a brief silence, Kyle spoke again.

“All I was saying before,” He explained,” is that we need some sort of plan.  I mean, I realize that everything you owned is burnt to a crisp, but still…,”

His words trailed off, and Kyle fell silent, as if he was thinking of what to say next.  I knew what he was saying and why.  Still, I thought it best to let him finish.

“Still,” Kyle continued after a minute, “a hotel and food can eat up your cash pretty damn quick.  Hence, the need for a plan.”

Kyle didn’t say anything else.  Like always, he was waiting for me to jump into the conversation.  When I didn’t respond, he asked the obvious question

 “Do have any money in the bank?”

“Some,” I mumbled in reply.

“Any savings?” he asked

I gave the same answer as before.

Kyle let the matter go after that, for which I was grateful. My brain was too tired and numb to think clearly anymore. In the silence that reformed between us, I could feel all of Kyle's unanswered questions swirling around me. Part of me wanted him to ask the obvious one.

What's going on Justin?

 That wasn't Kyle's way however. He preferred listening to talking. He always had, even when we were children. Sure, he had an adventurous streak a mile wide. Underneath that reckless spirit, Kyle was a truly caring person. This of course, made me feel worse about the mess that I dragged him into.

Soon, our aching feet brought us to a hotel.  We stood under a dim yellow light, and just looked at one another. The poor lighting made Kyle look old beyond his years. Studying him, I was yet again amazed to see that there was no anger in him. There was only genuine concern in his eyes. Concern that I did not deserve

Kyle looked towards the entrance then he turned back to me.

"Well," he sighed, "why don't you go get us checked in while I run and get some supplies."

"Ok,", I said, wanting to crawl under a rock and hide forever.

Kyle started to go then hesitated.

"Are you going to be ok?" he asked turning back to me.

"I'll be fine," I assured him.

After watching Kyle disappear into the night, I mechanically went to check us in. I ignored the starring clerk as I checked in. I guess that couldn't really blame him. I probably looked like death worn over. I sure felt like it.   After quietly thanking him and telling him about Kyle, I slinked off to the room.

Opening the door and gazing at my stark surrounding, I felt as if I was stepping into someone else’s life. Heck, I wanted this to be someone else's life. I was still praying that this was just one horrific nightmare. This wasn't someone else's life, however. Nor was it a nightmare. I had made my own mess, and now I was wallowing in the mire or it.

The reality of it all suddenly came crashing down on me like a crushing weight, filling me with pure exhaustion.

Collapsing onto one of the hard twin beds, I closed my eyes awaiting sleep to overtake me.

Sleep did not come, however. When I closed eyes, I only saw the hungry flames as they
devoured the building. Tate’s black, soulless eyes and his twisted smirk also haunted me.

Try as I might, I could not force the image from my mind. Tate’s sickening smile just kept getting wider while his demented laughter echoed from within my mind.  Loud knocking suddenly jarred me from my thoughts.  My chest ached.  I was breathed heavily, and my heart was thundering wildly.  Wiping cold sweat from my face, I slowly crossed the room and opened the door.

“Room service,” Kyle announced with a half smile.

He was holding two Subway bags and a bow of doughnuts under his left arm.  His smile was contagious and I couldn’t help but return it, feeling a little better.  Kyle always possessed that gift of making people feel better, even in the worst of situations.

“You shouldn’t have,” I said, stepping aside to let him in.

“Tuna right?” Kyle asked

“Huh,” I asked completely confused.

“You still like tuna fish, don’t you?” he clarified,” Cause that’s what I got you

“Oh…., I replied, trying to clear the cobwebs from my head,” Yeah.  Yeah, I do.  Thanks, man.”

“Sure,” he said, handing me the bag,” some things never change.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” I mumbled

Kyle gave me a sideways glance when I said that, and held my gaze for a second.  It was as he was trying to extract the meaning of my words.  Then, giving up, he looked away.

            I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until I took my first bite.  As soon as the coolness of the tuna met my mouth, the need to eat overcame me and I almost devoured the entire sandwich in one bite.  Kyle, on the other hand, seemed to be in no rush.  In fact, he didn't seem to be rattled at all.

We ate in relative silence, which gave me an opportunity to think for the first time that night.  I meanwhile, tried to think of ways to explain what had occurred tonight and why.

"Head's up,” Kyle said suddenly.

I looked up just in time to see a brown glass bottle coming my way.  Miraculously, I caught just in time.

"Good catch," Kyle said.

"What's this?" I asked dumbly.

"Desert," Kyle replied with a crooked smile.

"What about the doughnuts then?"  I laughed.

"That's breakfast," he said.

"Ok, then" I said, raising the bottle in a toast, and taking a long drink from it.

The whiskey burned its way through me as it worked its way down but it felt good.  Soon, I felt the dread that had settled over me begin to melt away, replaced by a pleasant fuzzy feeling.

We passed the bottle back and forth, laughing as we remembered the good old days and the trouble we got ourselves into and out of.

Eventually though, we ran out of memories and stopped laughing.  We sat silently regarding each other, waiting for the other to speak. When neither of us said anything, I knew that time had come.  It was time for me to tell Kyle everything.  I could tell that he was waiting too.  His eyes had sobered, and he just sat there, watching me.

I tried to search for the words that I had planned to use earlier but the whiskey had carried them away. Groping for words, I racked my brain, trying to search for the right ones.  My memory bank was empty however.  The words had left me, and at that moment, so had my courage.

As Kyle waited, my thoughts were waging war for the millionth the time.

How can possibly tell Kyle that I'm a thief?

 What do I say to him?  Gee Kyle, you wanna know what I'm really do for a living?  Why, I just invade people's privacy and steel their personal information.  It's really nothing.  I'm not hurting them, just their sense of security.

I can't tell him that. He'll hate me, and then I'll have no one.

Give the guy some credit.  He's your best friend, and not to mention, the only family that you have left.  You'll just have to trust him and hope that he helps you find a way out of this mess.

Kyle's voice suddenly broke into my thoughts.

"Justin?  Earth calling Justin......,"

When I looked up, I found Kyle's eyes boring into mine.

“Well, “he asked," are you going to tell me or not?”

"Tell you what," I asked, hoping that playing dumb would buy me more time.

Kyle didn't take the bait, however.  Instead, he just sighed, giving a disappointed look.

"Come on, Justin," Kyle said in impatiently "give me some credit here.  We've been best friends ever since we were kids.  We might have lost touch for a while but I can tell that something's not right with you.  I also have a hunch that tonight was no accident. "

Kyle then fixed me with a probing stare.

"Do you know how the fire started, Justin?"

I knew then that it was time for the truth.  I couldn't hold it in any longer.  It was like a sickness that was eating away at my soul.  If I didn't unburden myself now, I would lose my mind.

A low, almost inhuman groan escaped my lips.  It's now or never.

"You're right," I said quietly, "I do know something about the fire.  Or at least who started it."

"Who," Kyle prompted.

"It was Tate," I said with a heavy sigh.

Kyle's eyes grew wide.

"You're kidding," Kyle said.

He was quiet for a minute as if he were considering the prospect.

"Isn't Tate your business partner or something?"

I nodded silently in reply.

"But why would he do that?"  He asked, clearly confused.

"Because I didn't play by the rules of the game," I answered, slowly beginning to understand.

I expected Kyle to ask what I meant, but when he didn't, I decided to plunge ahead.

"Remember how much I liked puzzles and figuring things out when we were kids," I asked, choosing my words carefully.

"Yeah," Kyle said, smiling "you always used to kick my ass when it came to math.  Especially story problems. "

Shaking his head, Kyle chuckled.

“Man, I hated that.  For a while there, I thought you were cheating the system," he mumbled.

I then inhaled deeply, and for the first time since my mother's death, I prayed.

Please Lord, if you still care about me help me to find the right words to explain things to Kyle.

"After mama killed herself," I began to explain, "I sort of walked around in a daze.  I felt lost.

I'd been taking care of Emily and mama for so long that I really didn't know how to do anything else."

Pain and regret from the past threatened to choke me, but I forced it aside. If I had any hope for a future, I knew I had to let go of to the past. Or try to, at least.

"After I got my GED," I continued, "I started taking classes three nights a week at the local community college.  At first, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.  My roommate at the time was really into computers. I think he was a computer programmer or something.  Anyway, he suggested that I try working with computers.  So, I took his advice, and I was hooked instantly.  To me, computers were just like puzzles so naturally, I majored in computer science.

Specifically computer programming systems development.  Basically, I developed programs and systems according to a company's need. I also fixed whatever problems companies were having with their systems. "

"So you became obsessed with fixing computers because they were a lot easier than fixing the problems in your own life," Kyle interjected.

Damn, how does he still know me so well after all of these years?

"Yep, that's pretty much it," I answered.

"That still doesn't explain how you became involved with Tate," Kyle pointed out.

“Well, if you would stop interrupting and let me finish the story, you would know that I'm getting there," I said with a sigh of mock exasperation.

"Sorry, "Kyle said, dropping head in apology," please continue.”

"Thank you" I said.

Taking a deep cleansing breath, I said another silent prayer before continuing with the darkest part of my tale.

"There was this small banking and investment firm that I forget the name of but they hired me to create this anti hacking software in order to protect their client's portfolios.  Well I worked and worked on this program to try and make it as foolproof as possible, but somehow these hackers kept getting into the system.  The company was getting pretty pissed off and they said that if I didn't find a way to fix the problem, I wouldn't get paid. Well, of course I couldn't let happen, so I decided to start doing a little hacking of my own."

At this point, I stopped my story and looked the up at Kyle to gauge his reaction so far.  He was completely absorbed in the story and when I stopped, he quickly the motioned for me to continue.

"When I started hacking, it was only to find out how access to the system was being gained.  But, I'll tell you, Kyle that once I started, I honestly couldn't stop.  It was like this constant high, getting into forbidden areas.  It was the pure in thrill of doing it just because I could.  I became addicted to the fact that I could get in, take what I wanted and get out without getting caught.  Of course, there's always that possibility but you're so caught up in the game that you don't care about the risks."

I looked up again, and this time, I saw the faint traces of understanding etched into Kyle's face, which I took to be a good sign.

"Anyway," I went on confidently” Not only was I able to fix the glitches in the firm's network with my new found skill, but I also discovered that it was a quick way to make money.  You see, there are millions of people, mainly to higher class people who are afraid to get their hands dirty. "

Kyle's expression suddenly changed, and I could no longer tell what he was thinking.  After a moment of tense silence, Kyle spoke slowly.

"Let me get this straight.  Someone hired you to create a fail safe security program but in order to fix its flaws, you decide to break into the very computers you were supposed to protect."

When I nodded in ascent, he continued, speaking slowly and deliberately.

"In doing so, you got caught up in the game and in addition you play spy for anyone willing to pay the right price.”

"That's about it," I confirmed.

"That's still doesn't explain how Tate entered the picture," Kyle said.

"Do you remember that night club that I brought you to?"  I asked.

"Yeah, sure.  The dark side, right?"

"Right."  I said, feeling my heart race a little faster.

"What about it?" he asked.

"Well ...” I said slowly, "let's just say that it's not your average night club."

"I kind of already knew that, Justin," Kyle said.

When he saw my look of confusion, he rolled his eyes at me.

"Come on, Justin.  Dark alleys, secret passwords.  It was pretty obvious that no one was supposed to know about this place."

"Ok, point made.  Shall I continue?"

When he didn't say anything else, I took that as a yes.

"As I was saying, The Dark Side is not your average club.  It is actually a place for hackers like me to meet and trade codes, programs and general knowledge.  That's where I had my first encounter with the Tate."

"Why do you say encounter?  Kyle asked," I thought you guys were friends. "

"We were never really friends," I explained to him, "it was more like one big game of chess.  Or at least, it started out that way.  On the night we met, he instantly started playing mind games with me.  I mean, the guy was good.  Within a matter of seconds he had found my baptism record, who my parents were, and even how my dad died.  I in turn did the same to him and thus, we spent the rest of the night locked in a virtual battle of wills."

"It was Tate who called the truce, though.  He suggested that we should try working together and helping each out whenever the need arose."

I decided to stop there so that Kyle could digest everything I had just told him.  We sat in silence for the longest time.  Kyle's mind was no doubt reeling from my story.

Meanwhile, huge waves of relief crashed over me.  Finally, the truth was out.  Even if Kyle hated me now, at least he knew everything.  Now, it was up to him to decide what to do.

"That was quite a story," Kyle said after a while.

I waited for him to say more.  When he didn't however, I began to get nervous.

"Say something," I insisted.

"Like what," he asked.

"I don't know," I said, "maybe how I'm lower than scum, and you can't stand the sight, of me."

Kyle stared at the ground for a moment.  Looking up again, his eyes locked with mine.

"Look Justin," he said with a sigh, "I have no right to judge you.  Heaven knows, I've done despicable things in my lifetime.  At least you didn't steal from your own mother in order to pay off a gambling debt.”

I didn't say anything to that.  I didn't need to.  I already knew that Kyle's battle with gambling had taken it’s a toll on him.  In a way Kyle's admission had made me feel a little bit better about this whole thing.

Just then, Kyle's voice interrupted my thoughts.

"The truth is," Kyle said, "I've got a little confession of my own to make."

I couldn't let him finish, however because I kept hearing my mother's voice in my head.  Her words were nagging at me.  The truth will set you free, son.

I mentally argued that I had told the truth, but her voice came again.  Not all of it.

I hated that her words still haunted me but of course, I knew that she was right.

"Hold that thought because I'm not done," I said.

"What is it?"  Kyle asked when I didn't say anything more.

I quickly told him about Catherine and Tate's sick obsession with her.  He didn't show any reaction to the story until I mentioned my part in it.

At first, Kyle just looked confused, but then, the full weight of the situation came crashing down on him.

For a few moments afterward, Kyle just sat on the opposite bed staring at me. A million thoughts were racing through my head during Kyle's silence.  That's it.  You've just lost your best friend.  You deserve everything that happens to you.

"Why didn't you warn her, Justin?" Kyle asked, breaking the silence.

I don't know whether I was just shocked that Kyle was still speaking to me, or because I truly didn't know the answer, but I couldn't think of anything to say.

"I mean," Kyle a continued without waiting for me to speak, "if Catherine is truly your friend, and if Tate is as demented as you say he is then why didn't you warn her?"

Kyle's piercing eyes sent a sword straight through my heart.

"I don't know why I didn't do anything," I said fumbling over my words.

My eyes scanned the dirt encrusted floor, desperately searching for a reason for my cowardice.

I had no reason however, so I decided to admit as much.

"I really don't know why I didn't warn her," I admitted with a heavy sigh, "I just thought that if I waited long enough kept blowing him off, Tate would eventually forget the whole thing and move on."

"Well, that plan worked out really well, didn't it," Kyle retorted.

His words stung but I deserved it, so I didn't say anything.

"Sorry man," Kyle said after a minute "I didn't mean that."

"Don't be" I replied, shaking my head, "I deserve it."

"No, look dude," he by insisted, "I said that I wasn't going to judge you and I meant it."

"Thanks, man" I said, feeling truly grateful.

A moment of silence passed between us before Kyle spoke again.

"The truth is" he said, speaking slowly, "I'm kind of relieved that I know your whole story now because it'll be easier to tell you mine."

I was suddenly thrown into confusion.  What is he talking about?  What could he possibly have to be ashamed of?

"I've been keeping something from you too," Kyle explained when he saw the question in my eyes.

I sat and waited patiently for Kyle's confession, mentally bracing myself for it.

"I'm not in medical school," he blurted out suddenly.

I sat there, stunned.  I didn't know whether to laugh with relief or to offer my sympathy. 

Of course, I opted for sympathy.

"Man, I’m sorry, Kyle," I said simply "what happened?"

"Nothing really," Kyle shrugged, "I just couldn't cut it."

I wasn't surprised by this news.  While I knew Kyle to be incredibly smart, he was always more interested in having fun than studying.  Apparently, that hadn't changed.

"So, what do you really do?"  I asked him.

"I'm a home health aide," he replied.

"Really?"  I said with genuine interest.

The truth was that I truly admired people who chose that line of work.  From my experience looking after my mother, it was a completely draining and lonely existence.

"I think that's great," I told him.

"Do you really think so, Justin," he asked, apparently surprised by my answer.

"Yeah," I said, truthfully, "I could never do that."

I paused after I made that statement as an unwelcome image of my mother's lifeless and bloodied body invaded my mind.

"I tried it once and look how that turned out," I reminded him.

The happiness that was in Kyle's eyes suddenly faded.  Sadness and pity replaced it.

"You're not still blaming yourself, are you?"  Kyle asked.

"Of course I do!"  I said vehemently, "if I had been paying more attention to her, I would have seen it coming and I could have stopped her."

Kyle released an exasperated sigh but his tone was gentle as he spoke

"No one saw it coming, Justin.  You've got to stop blaming yourself.  Your mother made that choice, not you.  It's not your fault."

He was right, of course as always.  How many times had I told myself that very same thing?  No matter how much I tried however, I could not forgive myself.  I doubted that I ever would.

"She wasn't your mother, Kyle," I said with my finality.

"That's true," Kyle mumbled, letting the subject finally drop.

Since both of us were to keyed up to sleep, Kyle and I spent the rest of the night playing poker with food from the vending machine.

I was up to five bags of chips to Kyle's one.  Not to mention that two candy bars I had won in the last game.  Computers weren't the only thing that I was good at.  I was also a first class poker shark. Apparently, Kyle had forgotten that little fact, but I was only too happy to remind him.

"Oh man, you won again!"  Kyle groaned as we finished another hand.

"That's right," I gloated, enjoying my victory, "now hand over the goods, my man."

"Here, go ahead and take it, cheater," he grumbled, pushing his last chocolate bar my way.

"I'm not a cheater," I said pretending to be offended, "I'm just that good."

"Yeah, well you should have tried your luck at the tables instead of messing with the computer," he said.

"Nah," I said, biting into a chip, "too risky.  You usually get your ass kicked if you get caught at the tables.  With computers, you're indivisible. I'd like to keep my bones intact, thank you."

"Good point, Kyle said as we started another game.

We continued like this for while longer, and Kyle even managed to win a hand much to his amazement and mine.

"So, what's our next move," Kyle asked as he looked over his hand.

"Our next move?"  I repeated with surprise.

"Yeah, what's our next move?"

I was dumbfounded and Kyle must have seen it.

"What?" he asked, "you honestly didn't think you could go anywhere or do anything without me to, did you?"

I was at a loss for words.

"I thought that you....,"I stammered idiotically unable to finish my sentence.

"You thought what?"  Kyle insisted.

"Well," I said, fumbling for words, "I thought that once you knew the truth about me, you....., "

"That I wouldn't want anything more to do with you?"  Kyle said, finishing my sentence for me.

I could only offer a helpless shrug reply.

"I wouldn't blame you," I said softly.

"Come on, Justin, "I could never do that to you. We're brothers after all, remember?" he said, reminding me our childhood oath by holding up a calloused finger.

I was too overwhelmed to speak.  Just when I had lost faith in humanity, Kyle came to the rescue, offering a ray of hope.

"Besides," Kyle said with a crooked grin, "I'm sick of this town and you're my ride out of here."

"Ok then," I said, my spirits rising, "what did you have in mind?"

Without another word, he got up and walked across the room to retrieve something.

I took this opportunity to apply to glance at Kyle's now abandoned hand.  He had nothing.

"So that's why you called it quits.  You have nothing," I laughed, pointing to his cards.

"Plus, I wanted to save some food for myself,” he said with a smile.

Sitting down, Kyle cleared the playing field, spreading a map out between us.

"I was thinking that we should try Michigan," Kyle said, planting his finger on the map.

"Michigan?"  I asked.

"Sure, why not," he said.

Then, looking up, he fixed me with a strange look. "You weren't seriously thinking about sticking around here, were you?" he questioned.

"Well I....," I said slowly, "I kind of like here but....,"

"Oh sure," Kyle cut in, "what's not to like?  You've got great music, coffee capital of the world, great job opportunities and let's not forget a pyromaniac psychopath who is probably out to kill you!  You're right, Justin.  Why would you even think about leaving?"

I couldn't help it.  Maybe it was because I had to release stress, or because it was actually funny.  Wherever the reason, Kyle's last comment made me laugh.

"All right, all right, Confucius, you win," I managed to say between breaths.

"Good," Kyle said satisfied with himself.

Kyle pointed to the map again.

"I say we head for the Upper Peninsula," he suggested.

"Why there?"  I asked.

Kyle shrugged nonchalantly but there was a sparkle within his eyes.

"Didn't you say that Catherine lived up that way?"

"Yeah,” I said,” in the Marquette area."

"Well, there you go," Kyle said as a mischievous grin spread across his face, "what better reason to go up there.  Who knows, maybe you could even be her knight in shining armor."

I felt my cheeks grow warm, I quickly directed my gaze to the floor in order to hide my embarrassment.  However, this only encouraged Kyle further. "Aha, I knew it!," Kyle said triumphantly, "you like her, don't you?"

Kyle's declaration only made me more uncomfortable, and served to remind me that Catherine and I could never be.

"Knight in shining armor?"  I asked with a smirk, “Where in the hell did you come up with that one? Read too many romance novels?"

I expected Kyle to turn red just as I had done.  Instead, his expression turned wistful as if he were somewhere else.

"As a matter of fact, yes," he said proudly, turning his attention back to me. Curious now, I leaned forward and waited for him to explain.

"I used to work for an elderly woman," Kyle the explained, "and she suffered from severe migraines.  So, I used to read to her until they passed."

"And she liked romance novels," I guessed

"Yep," Kyle nodded, "actually some of them weren't half bad."

"It sounds like you're very fond of this woman.  If you leave here, won't you miss her?"  I asked.

A sad look came into Kyle's eyes as if I had just said something hurtful, which made me regret my question.  As quickly as it had appeared however, his sadness vanished.  It was replaced by a peacefulness that I had never seen in Kyle before.

"I'll always miss her, I suppose.  She passed away last year," he said softly.

"I'm sorry, Kyle," I said.

"Don't be," Kyle replied honestly, "Anna's not suffering anymore.  Those migraines that I told you about were caused by a massive brain tumor.  Now she's at peace.

"Hey," I said, trying to lighten the mood, "maybe Catherine's looking to hire another aide.  You would be perfect for her."

Kyle's face lit up with a smile.

"That would be great!" he said

"Maybe she might just need a knight in shining armor, too," Kyle said, giving me a playful shove

"It wouldn't work out with Catherine and me," I told him firmly, hoping that he would drop the subject once and for all.

"Why not?"  He persisted in that annoying brotherly way of his.

"Because," I sighed, "I don't want to complicate her life more than it already is, ok.  Everything that I touch seems to fall apart.  I'd only end up hurting her somehow and I refuse to do that.  Catherine is one of those rare people that I can truly open up to.  Even though we haven't actually met, she's been a really great friend to me.  I don't want to do anything to screw that up."

"You know what," Kyle said, giving me a knowing look, "everything you said might be true but you'll never know if you keep hiding from life."

I groaned inwardly.  Why did he always have to be right?

"All right, sensei.  When do we leave?"

"Now, that's more like it!"  Kyle said, clapping me on the shoulder and beaming. Even though we still weren't tired, Kyle and I both decided to try and get a few hours of sleep.  Then, after withdrawing money from the bank and grabbing my spare laptop, Kyle and I were ready to hit the road. At the last minute, Kyle suggested that I get rid of my cell phone.  That way Tate would not be able to track us as easily.  While I told him that this was a good idea and that being the expert, I was surprised that I hadn't thought of it, I also knew that it wouldn't take him long to find us again.  Someone of Tate's talent and caliber could easily find another way.

As we cruised down the expressway, I found myself battling with my emotions yet again.  On one hand, I felt liberated, ready to start a new life.  At the same time, I couldn't escape the nagging feeling that I was once again running away.  I also had the sinking feeling that it was only a matter of time before we were found.  When that happened, I knew without a doubt that the consequences would be fatal.

Chapter Fifteen

Catherine

I couldn't open my eyes.  It felt as if they were being held down by an invisible force.  Blinding, painful light flooded my vision when I was finally able to pry them open.  Once my eyes had adjusted, I found that everything was grey and fuzzy. A sharp pain shot through my head as I tried to move it.  What's wrong with me? I tried to speak but only a weak moan came out.  I heard footsteps coming towards my bed.  Someone was talking to me.  It took me a moment but soon I realized that the Nick was standing over me. Warmth spread through me as he took a hold of my hand.

"Thank God," he whispered as he kissed my forehead, "you had us so worried."

When I tried to say something, Nick stopped me by gently fingers over my lips.

"Shh," he soothed, "don't try to talk.  Just rest for now."

Normally, I would've argued with him but I felt completely drained of energy.  I did however manage to get at one word out.

"Where....," I asked, my voice coming out as a croak.

Nick's voice was kind as he spoke to me.

"You're in the hospital," he said, "Do you remember anything that happened?"

Slowly and painfully, I shook my head in reply.

He just stood there for a minute, looking down at me.  I could see the concern within his eyes, but there was something else too.  Something I could not quite identify.

Sighing deeply, he told me what had happened the night of the banquet.  I was mortified.

"Nick, I am so sorry," I said, my voice barely a whisper.

"Don't even worry about it," he told me, shaking his head, “who cares about some stupid dinner.”

He stopped a talking for a minute.  In that moment, we just stared at one another.  It may have been my tired eyes playing tricks on me, but I could have sworn that Nick was looking at me with something more than friendship within his eyes.

Gently, he started to stroke my forehead and I hoped that he could not hear my racing heart.

"The only thing that matters now is that you're ok," he said sincerely, "now please try to get some rest.  I'll be here when you wake up."

His words settled over me like a warm blanket.  Smiling, I closed my eyes.

I wasn't sure how long I had been asleep for, but looking around after I awoke, I found that my room was the empty.  I was filled with a sense of disappointment and loneliness.  Where was he?  He said that he'd be here when I woke up.  Suddenly, I was ashamed of myself.  Can you be more of a baby, Catherine?  Maybe he just wanted to get some coffee or something.

With great effort, I slowly lifted my head and peered into the hallway.  Sure enough, I recognized Nick's profile standing at a distance from my room.  He was talking to somebody, but whom?  Then, I recognized the second person as Jody. Nick was probably telling her that I didn't remember how I got here.  I was just about to put my head back down when I noticed a third person.  It seemed as if they were speaking in hushed tones.  At first, I thought that Jody and Nick were talking to a doctor about my condition.  Straining to see, I realized that it was not a doctor at all.  They were talking to Ryan.

What is he still doing here?  He should be at the Sons of Mary by now.

After a moment, the three of them started heading in my direction.  I quickly snuggled back into the pillow and tried to make a look like I just woke up.

Jody was the first to rush to my side.  Between smothering me with kisses, and joyful sobs, she managed to squeeze out a sentence.

"Oh Katie," she cried,” You had us so worried!  Thank God you're all right, though! "

It was Ryan who came to the rescue.

"Easy, Jody," he said, gently pulling her away, "what are you try to do, drown her?"

Jody responded by turning and giving Ryan a dirty look, which made me laugh.  Ryan replied to this by sticking his tongue out and giving her a little shove.  Ryan just stood there for a minute, looking down at me.  Suddenly, a smile slowly spread across his face.  "Hello," he said.

"Hi," I answered weakly.

"You know," he said shaking his finger at me, "that was quite a trick you played, Catherine."

He was obviously waiting for me to reply, but when I gave him nothing but a confused look, he explained himself.

"I know you said that you'd get even with me, but really," he said, waving his arms around the room, "isn't this a bit much? Even for you?"

I could always count on Ryan for a joke or a wise crack.  He usually made them at awkward or inappropriate times.  Normally, it annoyed me, but right now, I was grateful. Nick and Jody were acting like I had just cheated death or something.  Maybe I had but all I wanted was for them to act normal.  I hated being treated like I was fragile.

"Well," I said, giving him what I hoped passed for a wicked smile, "I have to keep you on your toes, don't I?"

"Well, next time," Jody chimed in, "let us in on the joke, would you?"

"I'll try," I said.

"Always the drama queen," Ryan snickered, shaking his head at me.

Ryan's smile vanished suddenly and he once again turned back into the caring big brother that I loved and needed.

"We're just glad that you're ok," he whispered as he bent down to embrace me.

Once Ryan had straightened back up again, I noticed the clouds that had entered his eyes.  This always happened when he was concerned for me.  Naturally, I did my best to console him

"Don't worry, choir boy, I'll be fine," I assured him. 

"I know you will be," he said, trying to sound confident. 

I didn't buy it however because as he spoke, a single tear slid down his face.

"Ryan, what's the matter?" I questioned, my insides filling with dread.

Before he spoke however, Ryan turned and exchanged looks with Nick and Jody. Glancing in their direction, I knew that something was definitely not right. Pale and drawn, both looked like they were going to be sick.

"Catherine," Ryan said, gently taking my hand, "I have something that I need to tell you."

Before he could continue however, a booming voice interrupted him, "you certainly do!"

I knew that voice instantly. 

It was the voice of doctor Stephen Peters, my friend and physician.  Doctor Peters and I first met when a friend recommended to me, saying that he specialized in developmental disabilities.  At first, I had misgivings about meeting him.  The last thing that I needed was another doctor who over medicated and talked down to me as I didn't know my own care.

Doctor Peters was different though.  Instead of addressing Jody, who often came with me in order to take notes, he spoke to me directly.  Not only was he personable but he was also extremely knowledgeable about Cerebral Palsy and Epilepsy.

From that day forward, he became my doctor and the father that I'd never known.

Right at that exact moment however, I wanted nothing more than to hide from him.  Ever since he had taken me on as a patient, Doctor Peters had been pushing for me to slow down and reduce stress.  Even though he knew the stress of my profession, he couldn't emphasize enough the importance of rest.  Otherwise my seizure activity would increase and eventually become hazardous.

Knowing that I was about to receive one of the biggest lectures of my life, I mentally braced myself. As doctor Peters marched in, his usually cheery face was set in a scowl

. "Why, hello doctor Peters," I said in my most innocent voice, "how were the Bahamas?  I hear that they're lovely this time of year.

"  My ploy failed to work, however.  He was still fuming when he answered me.

"You want to know how my vacation went, huh?"  He asked in a surprisingly calm voice, "Do you really want to know?"

I nodded slowly, knowing that I was going to regret it.

"Ok I'll tell you," he replied in a still calm voice, standing at the foot of my bed.

"The islands were great," he said,” especially St. Bart's.  Mary, my wife, loved it."

All of this time doctor Peters had managed to remain calm.  As he paused for affect however, his demeanor slowly changed.  His breathing seemed more rapid, and his left eye began to twitch.

"Everything was fine," he continued, somehow keeping his voice from rising, "until I got back, that is."

He was standing next to my bed so that I could avoid his piercing blue gray eyes.

"Imagine my surprise when I received a phone call saying that Catherine Baker was admitted to the hospital three days prior to my arrival home."

My breath was suddenly stuck within my throat.  Three days?  Have I really been here for three whole days?

I couldn't believe it. At that moment, the seriousness of my condition began to sink in.

"Will I be ok?"  I asked nervously as my heart raced.

"Thank heavens, yes."  he replied, "but you were lucky this time."

Relief spread through me and no doubt to everyone the room.  Closing my eyes, I silently thanked God for His mercy.

"Why did she collapse then?"  Jody questioned, breaking the silence.

"Exhaustion," doctor Peters announced, "pure and simple.

Doctor Peters had been pacing as he spoke, but now he stopped, spun around and walked back to me.

As he spoke, he addressed everyone in the room, while training his stern gaze directly on me.

"As usual," he continued, "she didn't listen."

"Our Katie not listen," Ryan said, his voice dripping with sarcasm, "you're joking."

"Ryan, please," I begged, "not now."

"Sorry," he mumbled.

Doctor Peters turned around and faced Ryan.  His expression hadn't changed, so I thought that he was going to yell some more.

"So you're the Ryan that I've heard so much about," doctor Peters said, extending his hand.

"Yes sir," he replied, shaking it firmly.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you.  Although, I wish that it could have been under more pleasant circumstances," doctor Peters said, fixing me with a hard look, making me wish that I could crawl under a rock.

"Same here, Ryan said," Although I am sorry to say that Katie never mentioned you nor did she say anything about her health.”

"That does not surprise me," the doctor replied curtly.

"Hey, come on guys," Nick said, coming over to my bedside, "I think we should all go easy on poor Catherine.  She's been through a lot and I think that she's learned her lesson.”

I gave Nick's hand a gentle squeeze of appreciation.  He squeezed it back, casting me a reassuring smile.

"And just whom are you?"  Doctor Peters asked, giving Nick a once over.

 "Nick Shafer," he said, holding out his hand.

When doctor Peters continued to scrutinize him, Nick offered more of an explanation.

"I'm a friend of Catherine's," he said.

The doctor seemed to accept this and continued speaking.

“Be that as it may, Nick," he went on in an authoritative tone, "Catherine still ignored my medical advice.  This is exactly what I was trying to avoid."

I started to protest but I was silenced before I could even get a word out.

"How many times have I warned you to avoid physical and emotional stress?  He asked.

"A million," I answered meekly, feeling like a child with each passing minute.

"That's right," he retorted, "I warned you that if you did not allow your body to rest and recuperate consistently, then it would eventually shut down."

"Yes, I know," I said dryly, "I'm lucky be alive.  Now, can we please move on?"

They were all looking at me in stunned silence.

I instantly regretted my words, and told them as much.

"I'm sorry you guys," I apologized tearfully, "I didn't mean to sound ungrateful or anything.  I know that I messed up, and I'm also sorry for worrying everyone.  I just don't like being treated like a child."

Then, turning my gaze towards doctor Peters, I addressed him.

"I am truly sorry, doctor Peters.  I should have listened to you.  Will you forgive me?

His expression softened and familiar warmth returned to his eyes.

Walking over to me, Doctor Peters covered my hand with his and spoke softly.

"There's no need for that, my dear.  In fact, it is I who must apologize.  I am supposed to uphold a professional demeanor with my patients at all times."

Here he stopped, and it looked as if he was trying to regain composure.

"But you," he continued in a shaky voice,” somehow captured my heart.  Mary and I were never able to have children, and in a way, you've become like a daughter to me.  I know that I speak for everyone here when I say that we couldn't bare it if anything happened to you."

I was too overwhelmed to speak and for a moment, I just let my tears fall.

 "Enough of this!"  Doctor Peters almost shouted, breaking the peaceful hush that had fallen over the room

Startled, we all looked at him with surprise and confusion.

"That's enough visiting for one day," he clarified in a softer tone, "Catherine needs her rest if she's going to be released tomorrow."

I couldn't believe my ears.

"Really," I asked hopefully, "are you sure?"

"I don't see why not," he answered, "on two conditions."

I had a feeling that I wouldn't like what was coming but what could I do?

"Such as," I asked wearily.

"One, you go on sabbatical for two months.  This means no interviews, book signings or anything related to the book business."

"Even writing?" I pressed, fearfully.

"You can write," the corrected, "after all perfecting ones craft is a never ending task and you wouldn't want you to become rusty."

A smile suddenly crossed his lips, filling me with absolute dread.

"My second condition is for Jody."  he announced.

At the sound of her name, Jody perked up.

"I want you and Nick here to watch over Catherine.  She obviously does not know her limits."

Oh great!  Just what I need, sentinels.

Jody nodded wordlessly and Nick just winked at me.

I offered him a weak smile in return and sighed.

Oh well.  At least I'll get to spend more time with Nick.

Doctor Peters’ voice broke into my musings.

"All right people," it's time to go.  Catherine needs her rest.”

I groaned in protest.  Despite my exhaustion, I didn't want to be left alone.  For as long as I can remember, I had hated hospitals. Especially at night.  I couldn't explain my fear, but hospitals just creped me out!  Mom had always said that my fear was a combination of early childhood trauma and too many scary movies.

A realization suddenly hit me, and I was now filled with a new fear.

Did mom know any of this?  If so, I was in for a bigger lecture than doctor Peters gave me.

“Ryan, does mom know that I'm in the hospital," I asked anxiously.

"No," he answered solemnly.

Something in the tone of his voice just wasn't right.  It was as if he was trying to hide a deeper truth behind his answer.  The look upon his face only served to confirm my suspicions.  A mask of pain covered his face.  I knew then, without a doubt that something was wrong.  Was he having second thoughts about the monastic life?  It was so unlike him to hide something for me.  I was usually the first to know about anything that was going on in his life. Well, he'll eventually tell me.

Doctor Peters broke into my thoughts again.

"Catherine," he said turning his attention to me, "I'll be in first thing to check on you and I'll give you the release papers myself."

Then, he spoke the three people that made up my entourage.

"Mr. Shaffer, Ryan.  It was a pleasure to finally meet both of you."

He then turned to Jody.

"Keep an eye on her, young lady." he said in a friendly tone, “I will be calling.”

Just before doctor Peters left the room, he stopped and spun around on his heels.

“I just have one more question for you Catherine, "he said" and its very important. "

By the look on his face and the tone of his voice, I thought that this was another medical question.

"What is it," I asked.

It took him a minute to answer as if he were thinking of the best way to phrase his question.  Therefore, I just waited patiently.

"Is Marie going to live or die?"

Instead of giving a reply, I'd just stared at him dumbly, completely caught off guard.  When I didn't answer, he decided to explain

“I'm only asking for my wife, of course, "he stated awkwardly," she’s on pins and needles not knowing if Marie will be able to fight back.”

When I realized what he was asking, it took everything I had not to the laugh hysterically.  Doctor Peters was of course referring to the heroine of my latest novel, The Web of Deception which was due to come out this week.  Of course now, the release would have to be postponed.

As a writer, I'm quite used to questions of this sort from devoted fans.  I did not however expect one of those fans to be an elderly Physician. I looked over at Nick, who was also struggling not to laugh.  I very much doubted that it was his wife who was seeking answers   I would however, keep my hunches to myself.

"Why, doctor," I said with mock surprise, "you of all people should know that dead men tell no tales."

"Please tell me," he pleaded, "it would mean so much to Mary.  She's been sick, you know."

I almost choked laughter as he said that, but I still managed to keep myself in check.

"I am very sorry," I said doing my best not to laugh, "sick or not, she will just have to wait like everyone else."

Dejected, doctor Peters turned around, and without a word, he left the room.  Only then did Nick and I allow ourselves to laugh until tears ran down our faces.

"That man never gives up does he?" Nick asked after he had caught this breath.

"No," I answered, trying to compose myself, "he doesn't.  It never gets old though."

"What do you mean he never gives up," Ryan asked, obviously confused.

"Its a little game they play," Jody explained.

"Yeah," Nick said, "he's always trying to get a sneak peak of Catherine's books before they come out."

"Doctor Peters is a good man and an excellent Physician," I told my brother, "but he has the patience of a two year old.  Honestly, his wife is a saint.".

"Then you two must be perfect for one another."  Ryan teased as he elbowed me.

I gave his arm a playful slap.

"Watch it, buddy," I warned, "don't make me write about you in my next book!"

"Oh," Ryan groaned mockingly, "what are you going to say?  That I wear socks with sandals?"

"All right you two," Jody chided as she walked towards us, "break it up."

Then, in true Jody fashion, she began to tuck me in.

To most people this would be annoying.  To the however, Jody's mothering was a comfort.  Especially at times when I was sick, like now.

"Get some rest now," Jody said as she kissed me goodnight, "and we'll see you in the morning."

"Ryan can you stay with me?"  I asked, hoping that I didn't sound too desperate.

An understanding smile came to his lips.  He more than anyone, knew the depth of my fear.

"Sure thing, baby doll," he replied.

Nick happily agreed to take Jody home.

"Don't forget to tell Ritz that I'm ok," I told Jody before they left, "he's probably worried."

“The only thing that cat ever worries about is his stomach,” Jody retorted with a laugh,” but I’ll pass it on.”

Later that night, I awoke with a start.  In the darkness, my mind raced.  Where am I?  Then it all came back me.  I was in the hospital, having been admitted for exhaustion.  Having reestablished this, I tried to still my racing heart. 

The strange and unnerving dream that I had kept filtering though my mind.  In the dream, my mother was calling me but I couldn’t find her.  Her voice sounded peaceful and content, but it also was becoming softer and softer until it eventually died away.  She was gone.

What did it mean?

I never usually thought about my dreams.  My grandmother always said that dreams were the opposite of reality.  I tended to believe this too.  This dream was different however.  It had left me feeling unsettled, as if something had changed.

I looked over at Ryan’s cot and was relieved to find that I hadn’t disturbed his sleep.  In fact, his soft snoring filled me with a sense of peace and comfort.

It took me quite a while to fall asleep but when I did, I slept fitfully and my dreams were unsettling.

I awoke the next morning to an empty room.  I knew Ryan wouldn’t have left, so I took this opportunity to wipe the cobwebs from my mind.  Physically I felt fine aside from feeling a little weak.  Emotionally, I still felt uneasy.  I continued to have dreams about my mother.  The last one was not troubling but peaceful.

Mom and I were sitting on my porch, drinking coffee and looking at the roaring water.

“Isn’t God’s creation beautiful?” mom asked me.

“Yes it is,” I agreed

Then, taking my hands in hers, mom looked at me with blue eyes that radiated with love.

“Always remember that I love you, my darling girl,” she said speaking softly, “God and I will always be here.”

I wanted to ask why she was telling me this, but I couldn’t speak through my tears.  Closing my eyes, I took a few deep breaths.  When I opened them again, mom was gone.  Instead of feeling distressed like in my previous dream. I felt the warmth of love within my soul.

Ryan suddenly appeared at the door, knocking softly and pulling me from my thoughts.

“I’m awake,” I announced with a yawn.

“I bring gifts,” Ryan said as walked into the room. 

My eyes traveled to his hands where I saw two Styrofoam cups.  My spirits suddenly soared.