tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-149015792012-01-31T12:13:53.827-08:00Lisa's MusingsHi. Welcome to my blog. A place for my stories, poetry, spirtual thoughts and feelings. And just a journy into my mind...Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16460515737839526886noreply@blogger.comBlogger681100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14901579.post-75009914408711867642011-04-04T12:56:00.000-07:002011-04-04T12:57:51.061-07:00The Villagers And The Beast<p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif"">For Doug: Thank you for always keeping life interesting!</span></i><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif""> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif"">The Villagers And The Beast<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif"">By Lisa Hoffman<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif"">2011<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif"">From a village far away,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif"">Comes a story that is still told today.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif"">In this village lived gentle folk,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif"">Who loved to laugh, play, and joke.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif"">But these gentle folk were deprived of sleep,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif"">Due to the beast living in mountains deep.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif"">Each night it would come in search of a new victim.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif"">The villagers never knew if it would be Ali Meagan or Tim.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif"">The beast would come not to terrorize or slay.<span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif"">It just needed different things, sometimes it just wanted to play.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif"">Sometimes the beast wanted a tummy rub or a head scratch.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif"">It's boundless energy no one could match.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif"">But the people were so tired they didn't know what to do.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif"">They just wanted to sleep. They were so very blue.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif"">The beast meant no harm. He was just lonely.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif"">There was no cause for alarm. He needed a friend only.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif"">So they sent the beast to the giant that lived by the shore.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif"">So both giant and beast were lonely no more. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif"">Sleepless nights soon came to an end,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <span style="font-size:11.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri;mso-ansi-language:EN-US;mso-fareast-language: EN-US;mso-bidi-language:AR-SA"><div style="text-align: center;">Once the village folk found the beast a new friend.</div></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14901579-7500991440871186764?l=misstresslisa.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16460515737839526886noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14901579.post-23537856591364317402011-04-01T14:21:00.000-07:002012-01-04T10:23:51.693-08:00The Web of Obsession (Noval In Progress)<br /><div align="center" style="line-height: 200%; margin-right: -9.0pt; text-align: center;">The Web of Obsession <o:p></o:p></div><div align="center" style="line-height: 200%; margin-right: -9.0pt; text-align: center;"> By LisaHoffman<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%; margin-right: -9.0pt; text-indent: 174.0pt;"> Chapter One<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%; margin-right: -9.0pt; text-indent: 174.0pt;"> Tate<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%; margin-right: -9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">My name is unimportant at this point in the story.All you need to know is that I am a loyal fan of Catherine Baker’s writing. Onemight even call me obsessed. I caught my first glimpse of her while I waswatching late night television. She was attending the release of her new book.She had sea-colored eyes that sparkled with innocence. Her face seemed toradiate with kindness and love. Everytime she smiled, it seemed as if Catherine was smiling at me. It was at thatexact moment that I realized that I simply had to investigate into Catherine’slife. <br /><!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br /><!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%; margin-right: -9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">Catherine Baker is a 22-year old girl who hasCerebral Palsy and Epilepsy. Since birth, her mind was filled with the strengthand the importance of the Catholic faith. Within every book that she writes,Catherine explains how powerful and how loving she believes God to be.Personally I never believed in God myself because he never seemed to be therewhen needed Him the most. <br />Not all of Catherine’s information was available on the Internet of course. Ihad to go digging in other places. Catherine was always in the media spotlightfor some reason or another. Every time I went to the store which wasn’t veryoften, I’d see her face in the cover of <i>People</i>or <i>Entertainment </i>magazine. Idecided then to begin to read them. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%; margin-right: -9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">In interviews she often claimed that she dislikedall of the attention but secretly I think the Catherine soaked it up like a sponge.<br /><!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br /><!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%; margin-right: -9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">She also loved it when reporters asked about herfamily. She would probably go on about them for hours if the reporters allowedit. That’s how I found out about them. <br />Her mother, Anne operates a sculpting business teaching classes. On the side,her mother also attempts to sell her sculptures in order to gain at least asmall amount of recognition for herself. Catherine’s father, Dominic, died of asudden heart attack when she was only five. <br />Therefore, she never really knew him. However, thanks to the substantial lifeinsurance policy that Dominic left behind, Catherine and her family were alwaysfinancially secure.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">It wasn’t longbefore Catherine’s first novel became published. It soon became a best seller. During the timeof Catherine’s blossoming success her mother was traveling with her artwork,attempting to market it. When the news of Catherine’s success circulated toAnne’s ears, she was ecstatic. It was then that Catherine’s mother informed herthat there was a house in Michigan on the market. <br />I became intrigued with Catherine Baker when I just so happened to read one ofher many suspense thriller novels. The stories that she wrote were so filledwith purity and fantasies that I became extremely envious of her and thesheltered life that she existed in. I sometimes found myself desiring thatCatherine could have known the pain of being unwanted and uncared for as I did.<br />The best way that I can think of to summarize my life is by describing it myown personal hell on earth. My father is a worthless alcoholic, who floatedfrom job to job. He only kept my mother around to be his personal slave. <br />Of course let’s not forget that she was also used for his favorite pastime.That is how I came to be in this miserable existence. Throughout my childhood,my father never once bestowed any affection upon me nor did he give me anypraise. Instead, he only abused me and constantly told me how worthless I was. <br />My mother wasn’t the nurturing type either. She would continuously tell me thatI was simply nothing and that she thought of me as a ball and chain danglingaround her neck that was just weighing her down. She also often told me thatshe wished I had never been born. Of course, I knew that it was just thepoisonous booze talking. Even though I was treated as if I was both a worthlessdog and a human punching bag at the same time, I still stuck around. Perhaps itwas to prevent my parents of killing one another or perhaps it was simplybecause I had nowhere to go. I’m notsure.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> Over the years, the excessive amount ofalcohol that my father contaminated his body with eventually led to liverfailure. <br />After my father’s death, my mother began treating me with ever increasingcruelty and contempt. I suppose Ireminded her too much of her deceased and drunken husband. Soon she begancompensating for her loss by frequenting the singles bars. Often, she wouldcome home in a blurred drunken stupor with some intoxicated stranger. Sometimesif I were fortunate enough, she wouldn’t return home for two or three days. <br />Since no one really cared if I lived or died, I slipped into my own littleworld which revolved around computers and cyberspace. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">I quickly learnedmy way around Web and I would frequently haunt various chat rooms late in the eveningwhen all of the people who had no life would ascend from their dark places.Since I had failed to receive any type of affection from my parents, Iattempted to search for it in cyberspace. Not to mention also attempting tofind some since of identity. It wasn’t long before I became so intertwined andso involved in the world of cyberspace that I no longer felt that I identifiedwith the real world. The Internet became my entire universe and my securityblanket. I soon became known only by my screen name, which was Darkman555. Iwould often enter singles chat rooms hoping to meet other women who shared aninterest for things of a mysterious nature. However, I was really using theInternet and the various women whom I met as a substitute. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">The one whom Itruly longed for was Catherine. She quickly clouded my mind. I could think ofnothing else but Catherine Baker. The image of her enchanting and innocent faceconstantly floated into my mind and intoxicated my dreams. It was as if I were addicted to some sort ofdrug. I spent numerous days and nights desperately attempting to rid myself ofthe addiction and the passion that I felt toward Catherine.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> During my attempted recovery, I slipped evendeeper into the realm of cyberspace in the hopes of completely cleansing myselfof my present desire, Catherine Baker. My desperation and longing finally fullyconsumed me as I slept one night. <br />When I awoke one humid summer’s night, I sat up in bed. I then glanced aroundthe darkness of my bedroom. As I scanned the room, I suddenly noticed that mybedroom door had been slightly opened. <br />My eyes quickly darted around the room. It was then that I saw her. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">There Catherinesat directly across from me in the darkness of my room. My body was frozenwhile my mind raced. The only thing that I could think about was how ravishingshe looked in her long white dress that flowed with the breeze. Before I evenhad a chance to realize what was happening, Catherine had wheeled herself to mybedside. Her eyes then met mine and it was as if she could see into my soul. Atfirst only silence floated between us and then Catherine’s velvety touch gracedmy hand. Another moment of silence and anticipation passed as my eyes becameeven more absorbed into hers. A moment later, Catherine leaned closer to me.She was so close to me that I was able to feel her warm moist breath against myface and her long hair against my skin. Suddenly, I felt her warm andvelvet-like lips press against mine. Herkiss was filled with passion and desire. As I returned the kiss, Catherinewrapped her arms around me and I entangled mine into her hair. When she kissedme yet again, it was harder and filled with increasing passion. This time,Catherine seemed to kiss me until I had lost all sense of reason and couldconcentrate on nothing but her. Finally, when she pulled away I found myselfgasping for breath. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">Iwas scarcely able to believe what had recently taken place. Our eyes were stillfixated on one another as if we were both hypnotized. Before I could sayanything, she leaned close to me once again and kissed my forehead. Withoutanother word Catherine suddenly rolled away from me and out of my bedroom. <br />When I awoke from my feverish dream, I found myself drenched in sweat. Iquickly sat up in the faint hopes that Catherine truly might be there.Unfortunately, my hopes were quickly dashed when I discovered that I was alone. Yet I still found myself longing forCatherine’s touch and yearning for her kiss. For what seemed like ages, I layin bed reminiscing about the intimate moment Catherine and I had shared. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"> It was at that moment that I realized that Ihad allowed this maddening obsession to consume my entire being. It abruptlydawned on me that if I didn’t confess my obsession to somebody, I was destinedto go insane. I quickly arose from bed and ran to my computer. I then swiftlybooted it up and went online. As I began to compose an E-mail message I noticedthat my hands were trembling violently and my thoughts still continued to racewith the vivid images of my recent dream. Yet I forced myself to concentrate onthe task at hand and so I proceeded to feverishly compose my e-mail message: <br />To: Maskedman<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> <a href="" name="_Hlt526584606"></a><a href="" name="_Hlt526584550"></a><a href="" name="_Hlt449273461"></a><a href="" name="_Hlt529942590"></a> From: Darkman555 <a href="" name="_Hlt529942634"></a><a href="" name="_Hlt449273956"></a><br />Subject: <i>Time for a meeting <br />Maskedman, you know the deal. Meet me at our usual spot at 1:30 on Tuesday</i> <br /><i>Dark man<o:p></o:p></i></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"><br />The day came for my friend and me to meet. As we listened to the soft and calming sound of rain tapping against therestaurant window, we both sat in silence stirring our Cokes. During thatperiod of silence we simply glared at one another, attempting to guess what theother was thinking. After several moments had passed between us, Justin finallyspoke with eagerness. <br />“Okay, you tell me to meet you here so what’s up? “ <br /> I briefly felt a twinge of guilt knowingthat I was only using Justin for my own purposes while spinning a tale ofinnocence and concern. Still, I continued. <br />“Well, I was seeing this girl by the name of Catherine Baker and I thought wehad something together. Unfortunately, she seems to have disappeared, and I’mreally concerned about her.”<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"><br /><!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br /><!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">I paused for amoment to take a bite of my still steaming cheeseburger and nibble on one of mycrunchy french-fries. After a few sips of my now warm and watered down Coke, Icontinued my story. <br />“I was hoping that you could help me to track her down through the Internet.Then when you find her, tell me what her screen name is so that I will be ableto find her too. “<br />When I had finished with my fraudulent tale and request, I happened to noticethat Justin wore a queer expression of suspicion upon his face. This reactionprompted my next question.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> “Are you okay with this? “ <br />Once he heard my voice, Justin seemed to transcend from trance that he hadslipped into. He looked somewhat startled when he answered.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> “No problem.” I thanked him and then we begandiscussing our favorite topic: our latest hacking adventures. As I was justabout to exit the restaurant, I heard Justin’s voice call out. <br />“Hey Tate, is she worth it? “ <br />Justin’s question caught me off guard. I glared at him. My expression must have startled him a bitbecause he then explained the reason quickly. <br /> “All I’m saying is that maybe shedoesn’t want to be found. Is she worth the chance and the pain of rejection? “<br />I stood in silent contemplation for a moment, thinking about what Justin hadsaid. Then I saw an image of Catherine’s face in my mind. The image of herpeach-colored skin, her ocean tinted eyes, and soft brown hair brought a dopeysmile to my face. I returned from my thoughts and my gaze to Justin as I quietlyreplied to his question. <br />“Yeah, she’s worth it. “ <br /><br /> ChapterTwo<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> Justin <br />As I arrived home that night, my mind raced with warnings and what ifsconcerning the meeting that I had with Tate that afternoon. I desperately wantedto assist Tate in his search. Recalling our conversation that afternoon, Irealized that Tate had never mentioned a girl by the name of Catherine before.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> His brutal and abusive upbringing also flashedthrough my mind. Throughout the course of our five-year friendship, Tate hasshown his dark side numerous times through his fierce temper. Whoever thismysterious Catherine woman may be, I knew that it was my obligation to warn herbefore Tate could actually get a chance to do her any harm. <br />Despite the thoughts that continued to race around within my mind, I becameoverwhelmed with mental exhaustion. I then decided to put aside my concerns forTate and his latest romantic challenge and attempt to find a new hackingproject. While I conducted my excursion online I received an instant messagefrom my friend Catherine. We met a few months ago months online. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">Forgetting myexcursion, Catherine and I began to chat about the general things. Unlike Tate,I was a generally honest person, (sometimes a bit too honest). Catherine knewabout my hacking. She was seemed to becool with it.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> She was 25 and earned a living as a well knownauthor in Marquette. I realized that I had only known her for a few mouths butI felt a connection with her. <br />The conversation that I had with Tate earlier the afternoon suddenly flashedthrough my mind and I recalled that he said that the woman who he was searchingwas named Catherine Baker. My heart raced and panic gripped at my throat as I asked:<br />Maskedman: Catherine is your last name Baker? <br />Cyberwriter: Yes. How did you know that? <br />Maskedman: Well, I went to the library and found a book by a woman namedCatherine Baker. Since you’re a writer and everything, I wondered if youmight’ve written that. <br />Cyberwriter: Oh okay, you scared me there for a minute. Did you read it yet? <br />Maskedman: No. I checked it out of the library but I just haven’t had time toread it. I really want to though. It looks good. <br />Cyberwriter: Thanks. {Blushing}. Sorry, but I have to go. My Characters arecalling me. Goodnight. <br />Maskedman: {Laughing}. Okay Catherine, I’ll talk to you later. Goodnight. <br />Her answer only confirmed my worst fear when she said that her last name wasindeed Baker. <br />Unable to sleep that night, I spent it in fearful anxiety. Something in Tate’s eyes sent chills thoughme. I made a decision at thatmoment. I would withhold what I knew Tate’strue intentions. <br />Contrary to Tate, my mother raised my sister Emily and me with strong Catholicmorals. Throughout my childhood and part of my manhood, I spent most of my daysin a small backwater town somewhere in Mississippi. My father died in a caraccident when I was only seven and my sister was five. After my father’s suddendeath, we found ourselves absolutely penniless. We were then forced to fleefrom our house and move into cramped rundown shack. My family endured a hardlife, and although each of us suffered our share of hardships, the bound thatmy family shared was only straightened by our ever-increasing faith in God. Theyears of my childhood were brief however. At the age of fourteen, I was forced to find work wherever I could tokeep my mother and Emily from utter starvation. <br />From that point on, I was the one who supported the family. When Emily was onlyfifteen, she became sick with a cold. As time passed, Emily grew increasinglyweaker as her cold began to settle into her lungs. It wasn't long before hercold developed into a fatal case of Phenomena. We spent every dime that we hadto our name on medicine and food to try and help Emily to overcome her illness.However, Emily’s frail body soon ran out strength to fight.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> Emily died a seemingly peaceful death soonafter. The coroner concluded that Emily’s illness and death was due to a severecase of malnutrition. When my mother heard that, it was as if she had justreceived a mortal wound to the heart. <br />Soon after Emily’s death it seemed as if my mother slowly slipped a chronicdepression. She slowly became withdrawn and rarely left the house. It seemed as if she was constantly zapped ofenergy. It wasn’t long before I noticed that her appetite seemed to bedeteriorating. I feared that what happened to Emily was beginning to affect mymother as well. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">That summer,Mississippi was suffering from a horrible drought, which made food and waterscarce. As my mother’s health and state of mind continued to decline, I soonfound myself working twice as hard just to be able to pay the doctor’s medicalbills and also to keep food in our mouths. <br />Several of our friends and neighbors offer their help when they noticed that Iwas struggling to make ends meet. However, like the prideful fool that I was, Irefused their help. Even when my best friend attempted to offer his<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> I angrily pushed him away, convinced that hedidn't think that I was man enough to provide for my own family. Looking backon it now, it was no wonder why I was behaving so erratically. Since I was workthree jobs, I mainly lived on caffeine and no sleep! <br />The drought soon worsened. The food shortage now forced me to be absent fromhome for the entire day due to my desperate search for a third job.Unfortunately, the doctor advised me against this. He warned me that because ofmy mother’s mental instability, she should not be left alone. He also said thatif it was absolutely necessary for me to be away, I should hire someone to comeinto our home. I then brought it to hisattention that if I could afford to hire someone, I would. <br />What harm could mama possibly inflict on herself in one day anyway? <br />Little did I know that later that day I would have the horrific misfortune offinding out. <br />When I came home that night, I found the house to be completely silent. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">I called out for mamaseveral times. I was answered only by continuous silence. Not only was my mother not at the door togreet me, but there seemed to be an eerie feeling that lingered in the air aswell. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> Anextremely faint sound of running water echoed from the bathroom at the end ofthe hallway. A knot of uneasiness formedwithin the pit of my stomach. It thentransformed into alarm as I suddenly noticed the pool of water that was slowlyflowing into the hallway.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> A moment later, I noticed that the water wasdiluted with blood. With fear in my heart, I slowly and cautiously began towalk towards the door. It creaked andgave way as I pushed past it. What I saw placed a lump of horror in my throat. I desperately wanted to erase the nightmarebefore me. I wanted the red liquid to bepaint. I wanted this to be a sick jokebut it wasn’t. The blood was real. My mother was dead <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">Only one questionscreamed in my mind.<br />Why!<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> I forced my eyes to look up from the blood taintedwater that now covered the entire floor. I found the body slumped against theoverflowing bathtub. New emotions of horror and dread suddenly overwhelmed meas I quickly realized that the blood was flowing freely from my mother's ownself inflicted wounds. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">My entire bodybegan to tremble violently from shock as I slowly knelt down to examine herfurther. Horror engulfed me as I discovered that my mother had sliced both ofher wrists repeatedly. <br />Although I had forced myself to look at my mother’s slashed wrists, I could notbring myself to look into her eyes. I could only look at the ever-flowingblood. After several moments of this, I finally forced myself to look at herentire body. I slid a few inches awayfrom her. I forced my mind and my eyesto focus on my mother. A sickening feeling overwhelmed me and entered my heart.<br />Tears filled my eyes and overwhelming grief filled my heart as I looked at her.The only parts of my mother body that weren’t completely saturated in bloodwere her face and her long brown hair. Then I passed out<br /> I found myself lying in a hospital bedwhen I finally came back to reality. Confusion clouded my mind I as struggledto figure out what had happened and how I got there. It was then that I felt agentle tap as a warm hand came to rest upon my shoulder. When my blurrinessfinally melted away, I saw that my best friend Kyle was standing over me. WhenI spoke my voice sounded weak and shaky. <br />“Kyle, what happened? How did I get here? “<br />Kyle remained silent for a moment as he continued glance down at me withconcern and tenderness in his eyes. <br />“Do you remember anything about today Justin? “ <br />I tried to recall the events that had taken place that day but it was no use.Seeing that my answer was no, Kyle slowly sat down on the bed. There were tearsin his eyes now.<br />“Justin, your mother is dead. “ <br />At first I couldn’t understand. How could she be dead? Then I glanced down at my hands and saw theblood. When I saw my blood stained hands, a wave of horror washed over me asthe thought that I might have killed my mother invaded my mind. With tremblinghands and tears in my eyes, I firmly grasped Kyle’s and imploringly asked himthis question. <br />“Did I kill my mother, Kyle? “ <br />I could tell that Kyle's answer was no by the cloud of sorrow that had formedwithin his eyes. He then slowly shook his head in reply. <br />“No, no Justin you didn’t kill her. “ <br /> Like a lightening bolt, all of theforgotten events of that horrific day flooded my memory. Greif and guiltswallowed me. My entire body trembled asI wept uncontrollably. <br />Instead of sleeping that night, Icontinued to descend further and further into my own abyss of guilt. Within mymind, I repeatedly caught myself stumbling over the same two questions. <br />Why didn’t I see this coming sooner, and how could I allow this to happen? <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> I eventually cried myself into a soundslumber. My conscious then became filled with dreams of my family and a lifethat was once ours<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> A lifethat I knew I would never have again. <br />On the day of my mother’s funeral, a looming darkness seemed to descend overthe entire state of Mississippi. The entire town had gathered to pay theirrespects and to lay her at peace. I felt completely numb as I stood in thecemetery. Although, my friends offered hugs and condolences, I could give noreaction. I was completely numb to any emotion whatsoever. My body simply wentthrough the motions, while my mind remained in a dreamlike state. I felt as ifnone of this was truly happening. <br />After the funeral, I spent most of my time hiding from the people whom I oncecalled my friends. I even avoided Kyle as much as I possibly could. <br />My only comfort was the memories of my family that I had engraved within myheart. There was a special place along the banks of the river that held greatsignificance for me. It was there that my father would take Emily and mefishing every Sunday before his accident. It was also there that Kyle found me.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> He quietly approached the bank and sat downbeside me. <br />For a while, only silence passed between us. Then Kyle's quiet voice hadfinally managed to break through my dark trance of sorrow and blame. <br />“You can’t hide forever, you know. “ <br />I remained silent for a moment. <br />“I know that, but it’s just… " <br />My voice was suddenly caught in my throat. <br />How can I leave this place? I thought, as memories of my happy childhoodcontinued to race through my mind. Unfortunately, I also knew that Kyle wasright. If I stayed in Mississippi, I would only be haunted by the memories ofmy family. So, I left and never lookedback.<br /><br /> Chapter Three<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> Catherine<br />My name is Catherine Baker, and I am 22 years old. I was born with cerebralPalsy and Epilepsy, due to complications during labor. <br />I was blessed with many things in my childhood. The two that were the mostimportant to me were my faith in God and my family. My father died when I wasfive. My mother raised my brother Ryanand myself. She cared for us so wellthat we wanted for nothing<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">Our family hadalways shared tightly woven bond, which I believe could have come from mydisability and our closeness with God. <br />I grew up forever surrounded by the beauty of Mother Nature. My family lived ona small farm in an apple orchard. Although the seclusion of the woods was veryblissful at times, it also felt very isolating as well. Much of the time, I wasleft to depend on either my family or my own devices to keep me occupied. <br />Growing up, I would have to say that it was mostly my mother to whom I was theclosest. Most of the time, I considered her to be my best friend. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">Ryan helped carefor me whenever he could but my physical needs were left to my mother. This was fine for me as a child. As I gotolder though, tension grew between us.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">My mother was anextremely gifted artist in more ways than one. Although she loved me, my motherwould often grow frustrated at her lack of freedom. She in turn would use heranger and frustration as fuel for her creativity. As a result of that method, shehas produced some of the greatest works of art that I have ever seen. <br /> Growing up, my brother, Ryan played abig part in my life. Unique is the wordto describe him. It seemed that he wasalways searching for something. Oftentimes his eyes would have that faraway look to them. It was as if he was seeing something no oneelse could.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">I just thought hewas incredibly weird. My mother hadanother theory though. She believed thatRyan was gazing into the eyes of God. That made sense. Everyone who knew him sensed that there wassomething special about Ryan.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">It seemed thatalmost everything Ryan did reflected his deep faith, from his beautifuldrawings to his lively and fun loving personality. He had a way of connecting with people. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">My course in lifewas not so clear however. For as long asI could remember, people have always told me how special I was. I hated that word because it only reconfirmedthat I was different from everyone else.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">It was mygrandmother that made me see things differently.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">“But you arespecial Catherine, “she explained one day.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> I didn’t understand so I waited for her tocontinue. She smiled sweetly and covered my hand with hers. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">“Sweetheart, Godnever does anything without purpose. Don’t you see? “<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">I didn’t see soshe continued, eyes sparkling.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">“You’re disabilityis a gift that He’s given you. “<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">Now I was totallylost.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">“How is it a gift?“ I asked.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">Grandma gave me apatient smile.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">“Because my dear,”she explained”You have a unique opportunity to show people that having adisability will in no way prevent you from having a normal life."<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">A comfortable silencesettled between us. As always, mygrandma had given me something to think about. Such was her way. She never told us what to do. Instead she would listen patiently,interrupting little. After some thought,she would impart her wisdom and leaving us to decide for ourselves.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">I thought aboutthis as Grandma refilled my tea. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">“But Grandma, I’m notnormal,” I complained.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> Shechuckled and kissed my head as she set my cup back down.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">“No one is,katydid, “she told me, “In my opinion, there’s no such thing. “ <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">Still confused, Iwaited while she sat down.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">“Where does thatleave me? “ I asked<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">My grandmothergave me a sad smile.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">“I can’t answerthat for you, dear, “ she answered, “ you will have to figure that out foryourself. “<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">I knew she wasright.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">“That’s it? “ Iasked miserably, “so I’ll never be normal? “<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">“Sure you will.Just in a different way. “<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">Before I could sayanything she continued.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">“You’ve alwaysbeen in a wheelchair and unless God grants you a miracle, that’s not going tochange, right? “<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">I nodded,wondering where she was going with this.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">“Well then, that’snormal for you. Thus, you are normal. The key to this life, my girl, is to makethe best of what God has given you despite your disability. “<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">At the time, Ididn’t really understand what she meant and maybe I wasn’t supposed to at thetime.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">Sometimes I feltlike a mouse navigating a maze. This feeling was especially apparent in school.Although my friends treated me like everyone else, it wasn’t possible toinclude me in everything they did, like sports for example. Thus, like themouse forced to find a different way to the maze, I found different ways to fitin.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">A perfect exampleof this would be when my mom suggested that I join the writing club at school.Before this, I had never even thought about writing for fun. To me, writingmeant work.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">It was then that Idiscovered my passion for writing. Not only did I find it surprisingly easy,but it gave me a constructive way to give vent to my frustrations. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">At the age of 20,my mom and I finally decided that the time had come for me to attempt a life onmy own. At first I lived in an apartment complex for the physically disabled.Being as how I had never lived on my own before, my mother would often over tovisit and help me. These visits helped ease both her loneliness and mine.Although writing was my one true love, I knew that I could not make a living onthat alone. Therefore, I turned to my second love, which was designing webpages. While I would spend my days producing web pages, as soon as night wouldfall, I would suddenly be transformed into an entirely different person.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> After this transformation would take place, Ino longer obeyed my sense of logic. Instead I simply allowed the passion of mywriting self to overtake me and control my thoughts. I would thereforesurrender completely to the voices that called to me and to the stories thatdemanded to be written. The night quickly became my friend and also myinspiration. It was during these long and sleepless nights that I was able tocomplete my first novel, which was entitled “The Web of Obsession “. The plotwas a simple one. It was centered on a disabled girl, (much like myself), whowould be stalked and eventually become the victim of a demented fan’s obsessionthough the Internet. My goal in writing this book was both to terrify peopleand also to reveal to them the realism of this crime. <br />Soon after its publication, “The Web of Obsession” became a best-selling book.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">Over the course ofthe months that followed, my mother and I called one another constantly. It wasas if we had rekindled the connection that had been severed. It during one ofour many phone conversations, that my mother informed me that there was a housefor sale in Marquette. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> They insisted that I comply with a single condition. They wanted my best friend, Jody to be mycaregiver. I liked the idea. Having Jody live with me would help ease myloneliness for my family. Jody accepted the offer. <br /><!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br /><!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">This new chapterthat I had opened in my life was filling me with a tremendous amount ofuncertainty as I made my way to Marquette. Even though I had Jody by my side,my heart still felt sick with loneliness for my family. I longed for the familiarsound of their voices and the warmth of their laughter. I suppose that part of mestill longed to remain a child. However torn I may have felt I was doing theright thing. With eagerness and Jody by my side, we began to search for our newplace of residence. <br />Although the house that my mother spoke of constantly flashed through my mind,Jody and I both felt that it was important to keep our options open. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">Of all the housesthat we had examined, not a single one of them had that warm, home-sweet-homefeeling that I longed to keep with me. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">After anexhaustive search, we both decided to examine the house of which my motherstill spoke. I would later come to discover that my mother took it upon herselfto personally examine the house beforehand. Simply to make sure that it wouldbe suitable for me. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">Severalmodifications had to be made before we could move in though. First of all, wehad to remodel the house so as to make it completely accessible. These modifications included installing astate-of-the-art computer system that enabled me to operate things within thehouse with just a touch of a button. I also ordered a boardwalk to be builtalong the shore. Thus, I would be able to roll along the shoreline at willwithout having to worry about getting stuck in the soft sand of the beach. <br />It wasn’t long before I began to settle into my new home. Inspired by the truemagnificence and beauty of God, every night at dusk, I would sit on my porchand write furiously. The crashing waves would be the only music to fuel mycreativity. It was there that I did some of my best work.<br />Sleep never did come easy for me. It seemed that if I had been creativelyblocked that day, ideas and plots would always reveal themselves that laterthat night. <br />It was on one of those nights that I was feverishly working on my up-in-comingnovel entitled <i>The Web of Deception</i>. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">The plot meant tobe a simple one, turned out to be a sick and twisted look into the mind of atormented man. This man was so completely tormented by the love that he couldnot have that he drove himself to madness.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> I had not meant for this book to become thisinvolved or this complicated. However, it seemed as if the story had ceased tobe my own and had taken on its own life. The Plot is not really a plot at all,but rather a journey into the mind of an obsessed and tormented man turnedstalker. <br />The stalker, presumed to be dead, is merely in hiding. Over time, he slowly andcarefully plotted his next move. Then one day, he unexpectedly revealed himselfto those whom he had terrorized and stalked for so long. Thus, he began takinghis revenge out on the people whom had condemned him so unjustly <br />I had been so completely engrossed in my novel that I had completely forgottenabout reality. The most frightening scene thus far had just been written. Inthis scene, Marie, our former victim, had just lit some scented candles withinher bathroom. Soothing music from the CD, which Marie had placed into thestereo, began to play. She then proceeded to draw a warm bath, and as the tubwas filling, Marie poured a capful of bubbles into the water. Absent-mindedly sheundressed, as she reflected on the stresses of the day. Marie’s mind was fullyfocused on forgetting about that particular day. Once the bath was full, Mariegingerly stepped into it, allowing the warm water to caress her legs as she didso. Slowly, Marie allowed herself to become fully immersed within the water. Asshe slowly lay back within the bathtub, Marie’s head came to rest upon a pillowof bubbles. Forgetting about the matters of the day, Marie allowed thestressful thoughts to float out of her mind, just as the warm and soothingwater floated over her entire body. <br />After a few moments had passed, Marie’s mind began to drift. It wasn’t longbefore Marie’s thoughts became fuzzy, and she soon became hypnotized by the bythe soothing sound of music that had so easily seduced her. In no way was Marieprepared for what was about to take place. <br />As she lay there, allowing the soothing music to fill her mind with dreams,Marie failed to notice the dark and mysterious man who slowly crept into herbathroom. With silent footsteps, the stranger made his way over to the bathtub.Being completely silent and still, the stranger then stood there for a moment,gazing upon the beautiful and slumbering Marie. <br />The stranger in question was in fact, the stalker. His name was Matthew Brown.Matthew had secretly watched her every move for the past year. He had knownwhen she ate, drank, slept, and even dated. Matthew had noted that her datinghabits were few, if any at all. Therefore, within his twisted mind, that meantthat she loved him and only him. Despite his undying love for her, Matthew knewthat Marie must be punished for her betrayal. He had done everything possibleto show his love for her, but still Marie rejected him. However, she did notrefuse the attention and advances of Brian Mills. A romance quickly developedbetween them. They’re romance was to be short-lived however, for Brian suddenlyand mysteriously disappeared. Of course, the shooting would later be ruled outas a suicide, but only Matthew and Brian knew what had truly taken place on thenight of Brian’s death. The dead tell no tales after all… <br />There would be no one to hear her cries of fear or her pleas of mercy. He hadsecretly killed everyone that she loved. That had been they’re punishment for keepingMarie from him. <br />Suddenly his mind was called away from the past, and back to the task at hand.As the memories slowly faded away, Matthew’s eyes became fixed upon hisbeautiful and slumbering Marie. He allowed this thought to seep into his brain <br />Oh, how I hate doing this. <br />His mind continued to unravel. <br />But Marie must be punished for her betrayal… <br />Matthew then proceeded to pull a thick leather strap out from behind his back.Slowly he placed it around Marie’s neck, careful not to wake her. For, shewould be awake soon enough, crying and pleading for mercy. After a moment moreof hesitation, Matthew slowly began to tighten his grip upon the leather strap.Matthew had allowed pure madness to overtake his mind, giving no thought toright or wrong. <br />There was only one thought that coursed through his madness-driven mind. <br />Marie must pay for her betrayal. <br />Without warning or reason, Marie awoke from her serene sleep coughing andgasping for breath. Fear and confusion raced through her mind, as she desperatelytried to figure out why she was being deprived of breath. “I’m being straggled,“Marie realized when she suddenly felt the leather strap around her neck with ashaky hand. Panic suddenly filled her brain. Frantically, her mind raced tofind the answers to the three questions that plagued her. <br />Who is strangling me? <br />Why is this happening to me? <br />What motive could this person have for trying to murder me? <br />Suddenly, the answer to her questions revealed itself. As terror engulfed herentire being, Marie realized that the suspect could only be Matthew, the manwho had stalked her and had filled every moment of her life with fear. <br />While her mind raced with panic and her heart pounded with fear, Mariefrantically searched for a way to stop Matthew’s madness. It was within thatspit second that she spotted her newly sharpened razor, which was laying on thevanity beside her. <br />With a quivering hand, Marie reached over and grabbed hold of the razor.Without the slightest bit of hesitation, Marie quickly sliced Matthew’scontorted face. He then allowed a primal scream of pain and rage to escape hislips. Matthew ignored the fact that fresh blood was gushing from the gapingwound. In fact, the wound only fueled his rage. As his rage increased, theforce and strength in which he used to strangle Marie also increased. As everybreath of life was slowly being drained from her, Marie desperately tried tothink of what to do next. Unfortunately, Marie’s thought process was quicklybecoming hazy. One final thought invaded Marie mind before she allowed the lastbit of strength to be pulled from her. The image of her deceased love, Brianforced its way into Marie’s mind. It was within that moment that she realizedthat the cause of Brian’s death was not a suicide at all. Instead, it wascold-blooded murder that ended his life. Marie also realized that within amatter of moments, she would meet the same fate. It was then that Marie prayedweakly but quietly. <br />“God, please don’t let me die at the hands of this madman. “ <br />It was after she had made this silent plea that Marie was forced to succumb tounconsciousness as darkness slowly surrounded her… <br />I was suddenly and rudely pulled back into reality when I heard the cheerfulring of an instant message. Since I was in desperate need of a break anyway, Idecided to answer it. Although, my head still felt hazy from being absent fromreality for so long, I forced my eyes to gaze at the screen. To my surprise anddelight, the instant message was from a friend that I had met online namedJustin, who had typed: <br />Maskedman: Hello Catherine, how are you tonight? <br />Cyberwriter Fine thanks, and you? <br />Maskedman: I’m just fine, but why are you up so late? <br />Cyberwriter: Because the night inspires me. <br />Maskedman: Well, I understand that. I just have my own reasons for not wantingyou to be Online so late. <br />Justin’s latest reply filled me with a feeling of dread. He just didn’t seem tobe acting himself tonight. Even though we had only communicated through E-mailmessages and chat sessions, I felt that the qualities of innocence and kindnessradiated from within him. In our usual chat sessions, Justin would normally bej joking with me, and making me laugh so hard that tears would be streamingdown my face uncontrollably. Not to mention, we would also do a little playfulCyber-flirting. It was nothing shameful or impure, simply innocent fun. Tonighthowever, he seemed distant and afraid. It was as if he was afraid to tell mesomething. The thought weighed heavily on my mind as I typed: <br />Cyberwriter: Justin, you seem distant tonight. What’s wrong? <br />Maskedman: Nothing. I just want you to watch who you talk to at night. Peoplearen’t always who they seem to be when they’re Online. <br />At this point, I was growing increasingly nervous as I read what Justin wastyping. Not to mention, a little annoyed. Why couldn’t he be honest with me ashe usually was, and tell me what was really going on? What was he hiding fromme and why? As all of these unsettling questions stirred within my brain, andas my annoyance with Justin increased, I typed in reply: <br />Cyberwriter: Look Justin, You’re really starting to scare me. What are youtrying to tell me? Are you trying to tell me that I can’t trust even you, theperson who I consider to be my friend? <br />Maskedman: No, I didn’t mean that at all. I just meant that you should becareful of whom you speak to over the Internet. <br />Once more, the reply that Justin gave me had left me more confused than everbefore, as more questions invaded my thoughts. <br />Why is he being so vague? <br />Yet there was still another question that lingered within my brain. <br />Is he hiding something from me and if he is, then why? <br />I could take no more. I had to have answers to these nerve-wracking questions.With resolute fingers, I quickly typed: <br />Cyberwriter: All right Justin, enough with the head games. Why don’t you tellme what’s really going on? What are you hiding from me? <br />There was a long pause after I asked my question. It was as if he didn’t knowactually what to tell me. I thought that maybe he was debating whether to tellme the actual truth this time or yet another lie. I waited for what seemed likean eternity before Justin answered me, as he typed: <br />Maskedman: Catherine, I’m not playing head games with you. Nor am I keeping anysecrets from you. I simply want you to be careful. <br />Cyberwriter: Are you worried about psychos and stalkers just because I’m afamous writer? <br />Maskedman: Yes that’s part of the reason…. <br />I smiled as I read Justin’s reply. I now understood why he had been acting sostrangely. Justin was merely trying to protect me in his own innocent way. Thatexplained his mysterious behavior. I should have known better than to believethat Justin was the type to play head games. Before I apologized however, Iwanted to find out why he did not finish his explanation. With quick and nimblefingers, I typed: <br />Cyberwriter: What was the other part of your reason, Justin? <br />Once again, there was a lengthy pause before Justin replied. I sensed that hewas working up the courage to tell me. I could barely stand waiting for hisanswer. Like so many nights before this, I was allowing the hopeless romanticwithin me to run wild. Although I knew perfectly well that we had onlycommunicated through E-mail and chat sessions, I still felt an indescribable connectionto Justin. I dearly hoped that he felt the same way about me as well, althoughI tried not to get my hopes up. Several more anxiety-filled moments passedbefore he replied once again: <br />Maskedman: The other part of the reason is that I really care about you,Catherine, and I just would hate if anything happened to you. <br />As I read his reply, a wave of happiness and relief washed over me. My reliefcame from knowing that Justin wasn’t hiding anything potentially dangerous fromme. My happiness sprang from the knowledge that Justin did in fact care for me,(on a friendship basis at least). It also came, as a relief to know that all ofthese nightly chat sessions was not in vein. I no longer believed that mythwhich, said that it was impossible to form true Internet friendships. I trulybelieved that Justin was an honest person, who would never lie to me. Feelingat ease with this newly found feeling of mutual friendship I swiftly typed: <br />Cyberwriter: Well thank you for your concern Justin, but you needn’t worryabout me. I’m perfectly safe where I am. No one aside from my family knowswhere I am. Besides, my friend and caregiver, Jody is always with me. The onlytime that I’m left alone is when she has errands to run and even then, she’sonly gone for two or three hours at the most. <br />I had hoped that explanation would cure Justin’s attack of sudden and ratherannoying case of paranoia. I had failed to mention to Justin that I cared abouthim for a reason. He had already said that he thought that I was naive. Howcould he possibly say that I was naive? That was purely beyond mycomprehension. I mean sure, maybe I haven’t been able to go all around theworld like my MOTHER has. By no means however, does that make me naive.Besides, through all of the research for my novels that I have done over theyears, I feel that I have experienced much of the world already. If notvisibly, then with my imagination, which I think is far better anyway. SinceI’ve seen the world through my mind’s eyes, I no longer considered myselfsheltered from the realties of the world or the dangers it can often hold. Whois HE to say that I am naive! <br />I had been so busy venting to myself, that I failed to notice that Justin hadtyped a reply to my explanation. I almost dreaded seeing what he had typed, forI knew that he was not done acting like an over-protective mother hen. As aheavy sigh of frustration escaped from my lips, I once again forced my eyes tofocus on the computer screen. In reply to my rather detailed explanation, Justinhad typed: <br />Maskedman: That’s all well and good, Catherine but there are other ways to getto people no matter how projected they think they are…. <br />Well by this time I was beyond angry. I was seething as a matter of fact. Didhe think that I was so naive to the ways of the world that he had to coddle meas if I was a baby? Deeply within my heart I knew that Justin was only tryingto be a good friend, but if I wanted to be sheltered from everything, I wouldmove back home with my parents. It was about time that this conversation aboutstalkers and people invading my privacy came to an end. With that in mind, Ipolitely typed: <br />Cyberwriter: Look Justin, I appreciate your concern. I truly do, but the onlything that you’ve managed to do since this conversation started, is to scareme. You’re also starting to sound like an annoying nag. (I mean that sweetly bythe way.) <br />I hated being so blunt because by nature, that’s not how I usually am. In thisinstance however I had to be blunt because Justin was secretly freaking me out.I just hoped that I didn’t hurt his feelings. A moment later my question wasanswered when Justin typed in reply: <br />Maskedman: (Laughing) Okay, okay Catherine, we’ll change the subject. I justwant you to be careful. <br />Cyberwriter: I will. Thanks Justin. <br />The conversation lightened up after that, and it seemed that Justin hadreturned to his light-hearted self. Although I always listened to what Justinhad to say before, I chose to ignore him this time. I chose rather toconcentrate on the conversation at hand. We talked about many things, includingmy latest writing endeavor. Justin’s latest hacking excursion also came intothe discussion. Justin openly confessed to me that The First National Bank ofSeattle hired him to break into their security system to test how secure itactually was. He further went on to explain just how surprisingly easy it wasto break into the bank’s computers and navigate through their system files. Ifhe wasn’t such a moral man, Justin also confessed that he would have copiedinformation from classified files. Intrigued, I asked him why he didn’t.Justin’s reply was simple. He said that it would be going against hisupbringing completely, and that his mother would be ashamed of him. Although Iadmired his honesty, I couldn’t help but wonder if he was not secretly tryingto warn me just how easy it would be for him or any other hacker to invade mycomputer system, which surrounded my entire house. <br />After our conversation ended, I attempted to return to my writing. It wasuseless to try, however. One simple question continued to lurk within my mind. <br />Could such a moral man like Justin truly bring himself to hack into my computersystem? <br />Since I knew that Justin was such an honest man however, I swiftly banished itfrom my thoughts. As Jody was putting me to bed that night, I told her aboutthe conversation and asked her what she thought. Her answer made sense to me.She said that Justin was probably just trying to scare me, and like thegullible person that I am, I fell for it, hook, line and sinker. I agreed withher and wished her good night. I then drifted into an uneasy sleep <br /><br /> Chapter Four<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> Tate <br />Two weeks had passed since I met with Justin in the diner, and still there hadbeen no word from him. I was growing anxious waiting for him. Only one questionwas going though my mind. <br />What could possibly be taking so damn long? <br />“He probably has a lot of work to catch up on. “ <br />I then began laughing to myself as I spoke aloud with a hint of sarcasm. <br />“Some people have a thing called a life, Tate. “ <br />Then almost unconsciously, I placed my face in my hands and rubbed my bloodshoteyes. <br />I had left my computer on just in case Justin chose to reach me via e-mail orsend me an instant message if he happened to be online. Those were the two waysin which we usually contacted one another. As I impatiently waited for Justinto contact me, I couldn’t help but recall how we had first met. <br />I frequently haunted a nightclub that was called "The Dark Side. “ It wasa nightclub in which local hackers would gather to gloat about their latesthacks. They would also gloat about their latest code-breaking triumphs. Otherswould simply come to trade their hacking secrets and the software that they hadjust created. I however would never trade my secrets or my software. The onlyreason that I ever bother to show up there at all was for the music and thebeer. As I sat upon the stool nursing my beer, I nonchalantly turned my head tothe side. Glancing to the left of me, my eyes happened to fall upon yet anothersolitary and shadowy figure, who was sitting three stools away from me. Like mehe was also nursing a beer for all of its worth. I sat there silently staringat him, wondering what his story was. Was he yet just another hacker like mewho just didn’t want to share his secrets of the trade? Or was he just yetanother desperate soul who just had nowhere else to go? (Also like me.) Afterseveral more moments of silently watching him, my curiously was screaming at meto stop sulking and just find out who he is. However, we hackers reside by acertain code. This code is one of secrecy, which prevents any respectablehackers from introducing themselves normally. With this in mind, I decided toplay a game with my mystery friend… <br />Before I go any further, I must explain that at every, table, booth, and barstool within this nightclub was a laptop. Each hacker and hacker wannabes was freeto hack into different networks, create programs, and whatever else theypleased. As long as they didn’t break the laptops that is. Some hackers wouldeven hack into the computers of Seattle’s office of Personal Records. They didthis to dig up dirt on the many hackers that haunted The Dark Side. This isexactly what I planned to do to my little friend. <br />Before I did this however, I needed to know what his name was. The bartender,Tony Varsalli was a good friend of mine who just happed to know the names ofevery person in this nightclub. Not to mention, what their drink of choice was.As Tony was refilling my Bud Light, I asked him this question. <br />"Hey Tony, who’s that guy sitting three stools down from me? “ <br />Tony then glanced to the left of me for a moment. When he returned his gaze tome, Tony handed my beer to me and he replied with a nod and a smile. <br />“Ah that one is my latest customer. He calls himself Justin. He’s new to thehacker’s circuit I think. I've never seen him here before at least. “ <br />This new information only heightened my curiosity. I then quickly decided tohack into the computers of The Seattle Police Department to see if Justin hadany pending or prior police records. I’ll be honest; I was secretly hoping thathe would have a record. I also hoped that he wasn’t an undercover cop. Findingnone, I quickly searched my brain, trying to figure out what other places ofimportance might hold information about him. Suddenly, The County Courthouseflashed through my mind. Wasting no more time, I hacked into The Seattle CountyCourthouse. After a lengthy search, I was still unable to find any existingrecord of the mysterious Justin. Feeling frustration and anger begin to creepup on me, I closed the laptop with slight force, and turned my attention to mynow-flat beer. Noticing that I had closed my laptop with slight force, Tonysaid with a warning in his voice. <br />”Hey Tate, you break it you pay for it, remember? “ <br />Completely ignoring Tony’s warning for the moment, I drowned my frustrationwith a sip of my beer as this thought ran through my mind. <br />” Damn, there has to be some kind of record of him somewhere! “ <br />As I glanced up from my beer, I noticed that Tony was starring at me. After afew moments of not speaking to one another, Tony broke the silence when heasked this question. <br />”What’ya thinking about? “ <br />I replied to his question as a heavy sigh of frustration escaped my lips. <br />"Sorry Tony, I didn’t mean to almost break the laptop. It’s just that itseems like there are no damn records of this guy’s existence. “ <br />Tony's expression then transformed from one of curiosity to deep contemplation.A few moments later, Tony’s expression of contemplation faded and his eyessuddenly brightened. His voice was suddenly filled with excitement as he revealedwhat had just flashed through his mind. <br />”I just remembered! One of my regulars, who just so happens to be a good friendof mine as well, told me that he thinks Justin just moved here. She also toldme that he had a crucifix around his neck so he might be Catholic. He also saidhe has a little bit of a southern accent.” <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"><br /></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">I didn’t reallycare what was his religion was. You don’t need to know what religion a personmight or might not be in order to investigate their past or whether they have apolice record or not. With this in mind I shrugged. <br />“Catholic and southern. Thanks Tony, that helps me a lot,” I grumbled. <br />“Look, I’m just telling you what I was told,” he said sharply, “take it orleave it.” <br />I mauled over his words. It wasn’t much to go on, but it was a start. <br />“Ok. Say that I do this,” I said, “Where do you think I should start. I mean,where do you think he’s from?” <br />“I have no freaking idea,” Tony sighed, rolling his eyes in annoyance, “tryMississippi It’s just a guess.”. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">“ Good guess,” I said,nodding. <br />My eyes turned to the screen again with my fingers hovering over the keyboard,and my racing. Suddenly, I hit a mental wall. I realized that I had no ideawhere to begin my search. <br />“So, where do I start looking?” <br />“You’re supposed to the expert, not me,” he fired back. <br />“Come on, Tony,” I pleaded, “Give me some help here.” <br />Ok,” he said shrugging,” try all the Catholic churches in the state.Mississippi’s full of bible thumping Baptists, so there should only be a fewCatholic churches.” <br />“Why a church,” I asked, still confused. <br />“Because you idiot, a church holds the baptism record of every person that hasever been baptized within that parish. Therefore if you hack into the computersof all of the Catholic churches in Mississippi, you’re bound to find hisbaptism records within one of the computers. Then, that’s all the moreinformation that you have on him. Get it? “ <br />I had to admit to myself that Tony had a point. This thought also flashedthough my mind. <br />Hey, what could it hurt? <br />I then looked at Tony, shrugged once more and as I gave him this reply. <br />“Yeah okay, so maybe I’ll check out the baptism records thing. After all, whatcould it hurt, anyway? “ <br />Not two minutes after saying this did I power up the laptop once more, andreconnected to the Internet. <br />After searching through various church directories and Web sites with still noavail, I logged into Yahoo! Not really expecting to find anything. Within thesearch box, I then quickly typed in Catholic Church Directories. Within secondsmy search results were returned. Under the Yahoo! Categories, I found apromising web site<a href="" name="_Hlt526584473"></a><a href="" name="_Hlt526584483"></a><a href="" name="_Hlt529942541"></a><a href="" name="_Hlt510360587"></a>. A thrilling chill wentup my spine as my fingers swiftly began to dance across the keyboard. Afterhacking into several church computers within various counties and still findingno record him, frustration began to seep into my being once more. Suddenly, itoccurred to me! I had gone through every church computer within that directory,except for those of the Jackson diocese. With tremendous anticipation, I clickedon the link that would take to The Diocese of Jackson Web site. After searchingfor The County of Jackson on an accessible map, I found it and it wasn’t longbefore I was presented with a list of Catholic churches within that diocese.Glancing at the list of churches that I had to choose from, I decided to try myluck with St. Francis of De Sales Catholic Church. With a little maneuvering, Iwas able to bypass the security lock that protected the computers programfiles. Instead of wasting time scrolling down the list of names, I simply typedin the name Justin <br />The search engine found two Justins. I clicked on the first link entitledBrown, Justin Arthur, and found that he was an 82 year old widower with twochildren and eight grandchildren. He was defiantly not the guy I was lookingfor, so I clicked on the next link: Carlson, Justin Michael. <br />Seconds after I opened the link, information about Justin’s family and hisbaptism instantly materialized on the screen. <br />It seemed that Justin was the first child to be born of Michael and SuzanneCarlson. Justin Michael Carlson was born and baptized in 1978. As I readfurther into the Carlson’s family history, I discovered that two years afterJustin had been born; Mrs. Carlson gave birth once more. She gave birth to ababy girl, and gave her the name Emily Suzette Carlson. <br />I could’ve dug into Justin’s past and personal life further, but I decidedagainst it. For one thing it would’ve taken up too much of my valuable time. Myother reason was that something told me that if I gained Justin’s trust overtime, he would eventually tell me himself. For now it was time for our littlegame of cat and mouse to begin. <br />Before I allowed the game to begin however, I had to wait for just the rightmoment to strike. I watched Justin for several minutes, waiting for him to lethis guard down. Just when I noticed that he was starting to relax, I decidedthat it was time for the game to begin. Attaching the information that I foundon his fa0mily, I sent Justin a message saying: <br />Darkman555: First rule of hacking: Never let your guard down. <br />A smile slowly formed on my lips as I watched Justin suddenly come out of hisrelaxed trance. It brought me further pleasure to see his eyes widen and fillwith shock as they darted about the room. Apparently, Tony was also watchingJustin’s reaction and responded to it with a disapproving voice. <br />”That was a rotten thing to do, Tate. “ <br />I glanced up to see Tony, glaring down at me with an angry expression upon hisface. After a moment of angry silence, Tony added this remark. <br />“Justin needs a friend, not a psycho guy like you playing hacker games withhim! “ <br />I must admit that Tony’s harsh words shocked me. He was usually such aneasy-going kind of guy. You rarely ever heard him speak badly about anybody. <br />Once I had recovered from my initial shock looked up at Tony with a surprisedexpression upon my face, and replied, “Whoa Tony, cool it! I’m just trying tohave a little fun with him that’s all. “ <br />Tony must not have believed me because he retorted in a sarcastic and somewhatangry tone. <br />“Yea right…” <br />After one last angry glare, Tony walked away and so, ended our ratherunsettling conversation. When my eyes finally returned to the computer screen,I found this message waiting for me: <br />Maskedman: Who are you? <br />I thought up a response to this question right away. Within seconds my fingerswere swiftly dancing across the keyboard as I typed: <br />Darkman555: You’re in a nightclub that’s filled with hackers, so I could beanyone. You’ll just have to guess who I am. <br />I promptly sent the message and eagerly waited for Justin’s reply. While Iwaited however, I watched Justin’s eyes as they anxiously darted about thenightclub, searching for me. He tried to act casual but I could see that I hadspooked him. Justin watched everyone whom he suspected to be his mysterioustauter very carefully. Now, it was my turn to try and act casual just in casehe should actually look my way. Having no luck in discovering me, Justin turnedhis attention back to the computer as his fingers began to dance swiftly acrossthe keyboard. Although I watched him closely, I failed to see what he wastyping. <br />After a few moments of trying to see what Justin was up to, I gave up and oncemore, turned my attention to my computer. A few moments later, an image of amanila envelope appeared on my screen. The envelope was sealed and the wordsTOP SECRET could be read across the front. Above the envelope, I saw a messagethat read: <br />Maskedman: Two can play at this game. <br />By now my mind had filled with curiosity. I then slowly moved my mouse cursorover the words TOP SECRET To my surprise, the cursor instantly turned into apointer finger. This only served to incite my curiosity further. After a momentof hesitation, I clicked onto the envelope. <br />The digital documents which then emerged from that envelope caused my breath tobe taken from me and heart to thunder within my chest. Justin had somehowmanaged to hack into the security-tight police department and steal policerecords, which proved that my father was in fact, an abusive man. <br />I sat paralyzed with memories of fear as I read over the report. More memoriesof fear engulfed me as I stared at the photographs that were attached to thereport. The photographs that I speak of showed the bruised, bloody andcigarette-burned teenager at used to be me. I then realized that Justin hadhacked into the Riverside County Hospital’s patient records department. He thenmust have downloaded and scanned my medical records into his computer. I had toadmit to myself that he was even smoother than I had given him credit for. <br />As I glared back at the mentally and physically abused version of myself, thememory of every punch, every slanderous word and cigarette burn seemed to comerushing back to me. The memories of pain and fear came rushing back with suchforce that everything seemed to fade into darkness but them. I was then forcedto relive the physical and mental pain of my past. Not to mention the fear thatwent along with it. <br />My entire body trembled as the painful memories of my abusive past continued torush through my mind. As I relived the painful moments of my past, I suddenlyheard an echoing voice that was calling me. <br />“Tate, earth calling Tate…” <br />To my relief, the memories began to slowly melt away. As I slowly returned toreality, I found that a heavy haze had descended over my mind. After the hazehad lifted, I saw that Tony was starring at me with a concerned and confusedexpression upon his face. He continued starring at me for a moment longer. In avoice that was filled with concern, Tony asked, “Hey Tate, are you OK? “ <br />It took me a minute to comprehend what Tony had asked me. However, once Iregained control of my senses I quickly replied to his question. <br />"Yea…Yea I’m OK. Why do you ask? “ <br />Tony relaxed a little at my reply and answered me. “Well, you just look alittle shaken up that’s all. Maybe you should stop this little game that you’replaying with Justin. “ <br />This was my reply as I tried desperately to act casual. <br />“No. No, it’s not that. It’s just that I started remembering things thathappened a long time ago. “ <br />Knowing full well that I had deliberately lied to him, Tony simply shook hishead and walked away. Now, I was able to return to the task at hand. <br />I wasted no more time as I returned to the cyber war, which I had started. Ittook me only seconds to contemplate on the proper reply to Justin’s brutalretaliation. The words of my response flashed through my mind and my fingersraced across the keyboard as I typed: <br />Darkman555: All right you Son of A Bitch, you got my attention. It’s clear tome that I have underestimated you. However, you did not have to dig so deeplyinto my past. I certainly did not dig so deeply into yours. I don’t appreciateyou getting so personal. <br />My hands were still shaking as I pressed the enter key and sent the message. Aknot of anxiety had formed within my stomach while I sat there, awaiting hisreply. Perhaps Justin intimidated me, for it had become clear to me now that Ihad met my match. I knew now that I should’ve started this game of cyber-tag.It seemed as if an eternity had passed before I received Justin’s reply. BeforeI could read it however, I found that I had to calm myself first. The beatingof my heart had quickened its pace and the knot within my stomach felt as if ithad increased in size. After I had taken a few deep breaths, I could feel myheart slowing and the knot began to melt away. My hands even stopped shakingafter a few seconds. It wasn’t long before I calm enough to read Justin’s message,which read: <br />Maskedman: Sorry, but I was only trying to make a point. <br />Darkman555: oh yea and what point is that exactly? <br />Maskedman: It means that some things in the past should just be left alone. Inother words, you stay out of my past and I’ll stay out of yours. Deal? <br />As I read Justin’s latest reply I realized that due to his curt answer, that hemust be hiding something. This only served to increase my curiosity as far asJustin was concerned. There was much more to Justin then a computer could tell.It then suddenly occurred to me that perhaps it would serve both Justin and Ibetter to consider one another as friends rather than as enemies. Besides, Ithought that he was cool and cunning, simply by our conversation so far. Withthis thought in mind, I began to type my response to Justin’s answer andproposal: <br />Darkman555: All right, it’s a deal. Now, I have a deal to make with you.Instead of throwing emotional daggers at one another, wouldn’t it be better ifwe tried to work together as a team? Who knows maybe we could even start tolike each other somewhat. <br />As I sent my latest reply, I had high hopes that his response would bepositive. After all, he wasn’t the only one who needed a friend. During thecourse of my childhood and most of my adolescent years, there was someone whocared for me and I cared for her very deeply. Then, just as everything seemedto be perfect between us, tragedy struck. <br />She wanted me to take her to the movies one rainy Saturday night.Unfortunately, I had to work that night, so I couldn’t take her. When I toldher this, she simply smiled sweetly and told me not to worry about it. She theninformed that she would go with a few of her friends instead. That of courseeased my guilt somewhat. With one last sweet, love-filled kiss, she said thatshe loved me and then parted from me forever. <br />That night, when I returned home from working at Sparky’s Computer Store, therewas a message on my answering machine from one of her friends saying that theyhad collided with another car, which caused her to die instantly. <br />The news of her death caused my fragile world to shatter around me. Aside fromher, no one cared who I was or even if I lived or died. Therefore, I returnedto the world of darkness and have never left since then. <br />As I desperately tried to rid myself of that painful memory that was continuingto haunt me, I had failed to notice that Justin had typed a response to myproposal. Turning my attention back to my computer, I saw his reply as it read:<br />Maskedman: How do I know that I can trust you? <br />I thought carefully about how I should respond to his question. Then an ideasuddenly flashed through my mind. Instead of giving a cynical and sarcasticresponse, I decided to try and be nice for a change. After a moment of thought,I began writing my reply, which read: <br />Darkmam555: Well, to be honest, you don’t know if you can trust me. However, Idon’t know if I can trust you either. <br />I sent the message and casually sipped my beer while I awaited Justin’s nextresponse. As I patiently sipped my beer and waited for Justin’s answer, Ispeculated on what it might be. Fortunately for me, I did not have to waitlong. His reply came while I was deep in thought I turned my eyes back to thecomputer screen as I eagerly began to read what he had to say: <br />Maskedman: You have a good point there. However, I can’t help but wonder aboutsomething. Why is it that you’re so interested in having me become your partnerin crime? <br />I examined what he had typed carefully and tried desperately to come up with agood answer for him. I had to admit though, he was right. Justin had absolutelyno reason whatsoever to place his trust in me. I sat thinking of a way to gainJustin’s trust, when suddenly I recalled that Tony had told me that Justin hadjust moved here from Mississippi. I also remembered that he had told me thatJustin was a newbie to the underground world of hacking, cracking king andphreaking. A plan then began to form itself within my mind. I decided to offermyself as a friend and guide to Justin. What I mean by “guide” is that I wouldshow him the ropes and further tutor him in the ways of the cyber world. As faras being a friend to him was concerned, I decided to simply wait and see if hewas truly worthy of friendship and trust. With this idea in mind, I commencedto type my answer: <br />Darkman555: Well, let’s look at this logically. You’re new to the city ofSeattle, aren’t you? <br />Maskedman: Yea, but so what? <br />As this conversation progressed, it was becoming blatantly clear to me thatJustin was not as naïve as I had first assumed. I could already sense that hewould make a worthy partner in my various hacking schemes. This would onlyhappen after I had gained his trust and he had gained mine, of course. It alsobecame clear to me that if I failed to gain Justin’s trust, he could become alethal advisory as well. As I pondered all of these possibilities, it occurredto me that winning his alliance would require a great deal of time andpatience. As all of these thoughts filled my mind, I considered my reply verycarefully. <br />Darkman555: Well, I could be very useful to you and you could be useful to meas well. <br />Several moments passed before he answered me again, and by the way that hereplied, I could tell that Justin had developed a gift extreme discernment. Iadmired that in him. I then suddenly realized that we were more alike than Ifirst thought. Wanting to sound as convincing and as friendly as possible, Ireread his latest reply and contemplated what my next answer would be: <br />Maskedman: Look, I really don’t like games. Either you tell me exactly what itis that you want or just leave me alone! <br />Rereading Justin’s reply, I decided that it was time to reveal my intentions.Choosing my words carefully, I began to type: <br />Darkman555: Look, I’m not playing any games with you. You just seem like youcould use a friend that’s all. <br />After I had finished typing my answer, I eagerly pressed the enter key andwaited. While I sat there waiting for my next message, I casually turned myglance to the right and watched Justin, to see how he would react to my latestmessage. As he received and read my message, his demeanor stayed calm. A fewmoments passed before he began to write his response with quick precession. Ithink less then a minute had passed before I received my next message, whichread: <br />Maskedman: Alright, who was it that told you that had just moved to Seattle andhow do YOU know that I need a friend? <br />After reading his ninth message, these frustrating words rolled though my mind.<br />“DAMM I thought by now by now that this guy would crack, but I guess that Iunderestimated him.” <br />By this time, I was grasping at straws. At this point, I was trying to think ofanything that would cause that concrete wall of his, to crumble. Suddenly, yetanother thought occurred to me. <br />“All right, just level with him and see where it goes from there. “ <br />I then decided to try that approach. The reply that I was going to give racedthrough my mind as my fingers danced across the keyboard yet again: <br />Darkman555: Ok, so maybe a mutual acquaintance told me a little bit about you.Is that so horrible? <br />Maskedman: Now we’re getting somewhere. Who was it? <br />Darkman555: Tony varsailli, the bartender. <br />By this time, adenine was coursing through my veins as I sat there anxiously waitingfor Justin’s next response. It was then that I realized that Instead of luringhim in, it was I myself that was being drawn in by this mysterious game I hadstarted. While, I was busy thinking about this, I had failed to notice thatJustin’s next response had popped up on my screen. When my thoughts finallyreturned to those of reality, I allowed my gaze to fall upon my screen as Iread his response: <br />Maskedman: {laughing} I suppose that he told you every little detail of mypersonal life too, huh? <br />I had to laugh at his last sarcastic comment, as this thought flashed though mymind. <br />“Well, at least this guy has a sense of humor. “ <br />As I quickly gathered my composure, I swiftly wrote the answer to his question:<br />Darkman555: Nah, I had to do some of my own digging. <br />I no longer had to wait for extended period of time for Justin’s replies. Bynow, he had become caught up in this twisted game just as much as me. I nowanticipated every one of his replies with baited breath and a thundering heart.When his next message arrived, I could tell that he was slowly allowing thatconcrete wall to crumble. My heart still thundered within my chest, as I read: <br />Maskedman: Ok, just wondering here. Did you find out everything about me? <br />As I read Justin’s question, it suddenly occurred to me that he wad moremysterious than I had first thought. The question was, what horrible secret layin his past that he was trying so desperately to keep hidden? Well, I knew thatI could simply hack into the JPD police records. Or, I could simply take theless evasive approach, which would be to befriend him and find out that way.Eventually, I opted for plan B. Once I had come to this decision, a shockingpossibility suddenly occurred to me. <br />“Man I must be going soft or something. “ <br />I then swiftly typed an answer to Justin’s question: <br />Darkman555: No, not everything. I thought that you that you might tell me…Whenyou’re ready. of course. <br />Somehow I knew that the time to end our little cyber mind games had come. Wenow only had time for directness within our conversation. I think Justin sensedthat as well, for his next IM was short but his sarcasm still lingered: <br />Maskedman: {sarcastically said} Of course <br />Darkman555: Ok good, so understand one another then? <br />Maskedman: Not exactly. First, I need to know something. <br />Darkman555: {Sighing frustratingly } Ok, fine What? <br />Maskedman: Why me? I mean out of all of the lammers and suckers in this nightclub, why target me to play your little mind games with? Not to mention thefact that you invaded my personal life where you obviously don’t belong! <br />Darkman555: {Getting a little pissed off now } All right you little jack assFirst of all, I did not target you! I simply chose you because you didn’t looklike a punk like every one else in this place. Secondly, I respected yourprivacy, so I didn’t dig as far as you did! Besides, you looked like you had aninteresting story to tell. <br />Maskedman: Look, I’m really sorry. I had no right to accuse you of targetingme. I also had no right to dig so deeply into your past. I guess that I’m justbeing overly defensive. <br />Darkman555: That’s ok. I would be defensive too if some jerk whom I’ve nevermet suddenly IMED me and started playing head games with me. <br />Maskedman: All is forgiven then? <br />Darkman555: Yes…. So, will you at least consider my proposal for partnership? <br />Maskedman: Maybe…I’ll keep in touch. <br />Our conversation suddenly ended as quickly as it had begun. I felt as if hisdeparture had given me whiplash. As I sat there breathlessly starring atcomputer screen, a dazed feeling suddenly washed over me as I was left withthis question lingering within my mind. <br />“Where in the HELL did he go so fast! “ <br />Still feeling completely mystified, I bid Tony goodnight, left the night cluband wondered into the night. <br />For days the memory of meeting Justin haunted the recesses of my brain, but Iknew that my chances of meeting him again were next to zero. As the weekspassed I tried desperately to push that night out of my mind, but it was of nouse. The memory of that fateful night was firmly embedded into my brain. I hadgiven up all hope of bumping into him again, though. <br /><br /> Chapter Five<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> Justin <br />The rain pelted heavily against my living room window as I sat couch with mycomputer on my lap. I was too busy searching the Internet to even concernmyself with the rain anyway. What was I doing that was so important? I knewthat Tate was desperate to posses any scrap of personal information thatCatherine might have lingering around in cyberspace. I in turn, was desperateto get him off my back. The trouble was finding any information that wasn’talready available to the public. Since Catherine was a very open person, thatmade my quest all the more difficult. <br />Then a lighting bolt struck me. My fingers then began to fly furiously over mykeyboard as I typed: Mt.Ceder.com into the address box. You see, Mt.CederGeneral Hospital was the hospital where Catherine went to receive all of hermedical care. It was only natural that her complete medical history would beheld there as well. If I was fortunate enough to find Catherine's medicalrecords and copy them, I could have some piece of mind knowing that Tate wouldbe temporarily off of my back. Thus, with a determined mind, I began my tedioustask. <br />After what seemed like ages of breaking code and guessing various passwords, asurge of joy rushed through me. My search for what I thought to be patientrecords had finally come to an end. Adrenaline rushed through me as I set to <br />the task of breaking through the computerized shield that protected thoserecords. My fingers flew across the keyboard as I desperately tried to uncoverand kind of trapdoor that would allow me to gain access, and to copy, thosepatient records. <br />At least half an hour had passed before all of my swift maneuvering and intenseconcentration had paid off. I had finally gained access to, (or what I thoughtto be ), the patient records. My fingers flew as I began my exploration of thetremendously large database. As I scrolled down the seemingly endless list ofnames within the database, my eyes watered and blurred from exhaustion as theystrained to find any trace of Catherine’s name. Finally, as frustration quicklybegan to overshadow me, I located a search box. As I typed Baker, Catherineinto the box, I was mentally berating myself for not thinking of this sooner. <br />After I had typed Catherine’s name into the entry box, I pressed enter and anxiouslywaited for the results. However, I didn’t have to wait long. Moments after Ihad typed Catherine’s name into the search box, a discouraging message poppedup. <br /><i>Name not found within nurses directory.</i><br />For a moment, I simply sat there, starring at the screen in utter bewilderment.I could feel heat rising within my cheeks as my feeling of bewildermentsuddenly gave way to agitation and frustration. The heat within me suddenlyrose to the boiling point as I allowed a moan of utter rage to escape my lips. <br />“Aw shit, I can’t believe this! “ <br />Then, this thought suddenly dawned on me. <br />Wait a minute, I can believe it, actually. Only someone like me would possesthe sheer stupidity it takes to hunt for patient records in the nurse’sdirectory without checking to see which directory he’s actually hacking into,first! <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">Suddenly, severalsmall knocks at my door prevented me from throwing my computer out of thewindow. <br />I breathed a slow sigh of relief as I heard the soft knock at my door. After Igently placed my computer aside, I wearingly got up, and began walking towardsthe door. As I approached the door of my apartment, this question flashedthough my mind. <br />Who in the heck would that be at this time of night and why are they out inthis kind of weather? <br />I then opened the door slowly and cautiously. As I opened the door, my eyesfell up the one person that I thought was lost to me forever. My mouth fellopen in disbelief and it seemed as if my voice had been taken from me. I simplystood there in idiotic silence. Standing in the dimly lit hallway was mychildhood friend, Kyle. Soaked to the bone by the pouring rain, he looked likea drowned rat. Neither of us noticed, however. We were simply overjoyed to seeeach other once again. As he smiled, Kyle was the first to shatter the silencethat had formed between us. <br />"Hey, Justin, It's been a long time hasn't it?” <br />Muted by a combination of shock and utter stupidity , the only response that Icould give him was to sweep him up into a warm and long overdue embrace As weembraced, I felt at least one void within my heart slowly begin to heal. Itfelt as if nothing had changed between Kyle and I. <br />When our warm embrace finally ended, both of us stepped back and smiled at oneanother. It was during this second lapse of silence that I finally regained myvoice. Although I was able to speak again, these were the only words that camefrom my mouth. <br />"What are you doing here, Kyle? " <br />After I had stupidly stuttered those words, I felt the flush of embarrassmentinstantly washed over me. I then quickly attempted to cover up my stupidity. <br />"Sorry, that didn't come out right. I mean I'm just surprised to see you,that's all. What are you doing here? “<br />Kyle simply smiled yet again as I received this reply.<br />"I'm surprised to see you too. I actually didn't think I'd be able to findyou. " <br />As he talked, it suddenly dawned on me that Kyle was still soaked to the boneand most likely freezing. I then hastily invited him in. He accepted withanother warm smile. Kyle had stopped talking long enough for me to him thisquestion. <br />"I'm just wondering here, but just how actually did you find me?” <br />When I asked this question, Kyle glanced at me with a childish sparkle withinhis eyes. Kyle then jokingly replied to my inquiry with a note of sarcasm inhis voice. <br />"Well you see Justin, there's this wonderful new invention called theTelephone book." <br />This sarcastic comment caused me to roll my eyes and laugh. <br />" OK, ok, I deserved that one." <br />Kyle laughed along with me as he explained further. <br />"Well, I actually had to track you down through the Internet. You werevery hard to find. What's up with that? “<br />I didn't answer Kyle's question. Instead I simply remained silent, and somehowKyle knew not to press the subject. <br />After Kyle had seated himself on the couch, I quickly ran out of the roomwithout a word. When I returned several moments later, I had, within my hands asteaming cup of hot chocolate. I also carried a fresh white towel, which wasdraped over my left arm. <br />With a broad smile, Kyle gratefully and carefully accepted the hot chocolate.He then laughed quietly as he spoke. "I can't believe youremembered." <br />Without responding, I silently sat down beside him. A moment of silence passedbetween us before I decided to shatter it. <br />"Hey Kyle it's great to see you again after all these years, but what areyou doing here?” <br />Kyle only answered me with silence. Because of his silence, I thought that mywords might have sounded harsh.. I then decided to rephrase my question. <br />"Look, as I said, its great to see you. My only question is, why after allthese years, did you decide to show up now? “<br />Another lapse of silence followed my question. It seemed as if Kyle wasthinking of the best way to answer my question without revealing too much of thetruth. Finally the silence between us was broken, as Kyle slowly and quietlybegan his explanation. <br />"I completely understand why you would ask me that. You're right; it hasbeen a long time. Shortly after you left, many things changed. After too manyyears of abuse, my mother finally left my bastard of a stepfather. I can't saythat I blame her, of course. Heck, the only reason that I stayed around therefor so long was to protect her from him. Half of the time, I was the one whogot beaten to a bloody pulp, not her. Anyway, in a note that my mother hadwritten, she said that she was going to Louisiana to stay with my Aunt Rose.The note didn't mention to part of Louisiana that my mother had fled to. Shewas probably trying to conceal her whereabouts from Devin. <br />Immediately after reading the note, I tossed it into the fire so that Devinwould never be able to discover where my mother was hiding. I crept out of thehouse that night while Devin was passed out, drunk. I've never returned sincethen. Well, the journey to Louisiana left me exhausted and without a dime to myname. I was living by sheer wit and street smarts by the time that I finallyreached Louisiana. I was bound and determined to find my mother, though.However, my determination was swiftly killed as I realized that I had no ideawhere my aunt was living at the moment. I was beginning to think that thesearch for my mother was an utterly hopeless one. <br />My eyes suddenly spotted a nearby phone booth. I wasted no time as I dashed tothe phone booth and began flipping through the phone book. I didn't have toflip for long before I found my aunt's name and address. She apparently wasliving on St. Charles Avenue. I then rushed to the bus depot. Luckily, rushhour had just started and no one saw me as blended in with the crowd and snuckonto the bus. <br />I failed to notice how long the bus ride was. That was most likely due to thefact that my mind was clouded with thoughts of you, my mother and not tomention, my turbulent childhood. Before I knew it, I had arrived at my stop.When I stepped off of the bus, I turned east and began walking towards myaunt’s house. My mother and aunt welcomed me with open arms, of course and I’vebeen staying with them ever since. Up until now, that is.“ <br />Even though I was captivated by Kyle’s story, one question kept echoing withinmy mind. With curiosity lingering within my voice I then posed this nextquestion to Kyle. <br />“That’s great Kyle, but what does that have to do with why you’re here? ” <br />Kyle simply chuckled with I asked him this question. He then replied as thiscomment escaped his lips.. <br />"I see that your level of patience hasn't improved. If you wait a second,I'll tell you." <br />That statement prompted me to shut up and listen as he continued. <br />“Well, it must have been by the grace of God, but I somehow managed to work myway through night school. After night school, I applied the med school in NewOrleans. By some miracle, I made it through the hell that is med school andbecame a certified doctor. “ <br />I felt my mouth fall open from shock at this point. Kyle must have noticed thisas well because the soft sound of laughter escaped his lips as he continued. <br />“I’m as shocked as you are, believe me. “ <br />The shock that had overwhelmed me slowly began to melt away. As it melted away,I was able to reclaim my voice once again. I then smiled and exclaimed withvoice that was filled with both happiness and utter surprise. <br />“Wait a minute Kyle, you’re kidding me, right? “ <br />I half expected him to tell me that he was kidding. To my surprise, however heshook his head and replied to the contrary. <br />“Nope, I’m not kidding. I’m actually a real doc. “<br />A smile graced his lips and his eyes began to twinkle. It was then that Ioffered him my warmest congratulations. <br />The expression upon my face must have told Kyle that my question still lingeredbecause after a short pause, he continued. <br />"Well as I've said, I just survived the hell that is medical school and Idid my internship at Sisters Of Mercy Hospital in New Orleans. The good partabout that was that I was able to stay with my mother and my aunt. The badthing was, the doctors whom we were training under instantly regarded us astheir own personal slaves. Now to the point. I graduated from med school, I wasassigned to Mt.Ceder County Hospital. " <br />At the very moment at which Kyle had spoken these words, a bell ofenlightenment began dinging within my mind. Just then an idea slowly began toform itself within my brain. This idea that was brewing prompted me to ask mynext question. <br />"So, what part of the hospital do you work in right now? " <br />Kyle took a sip of his coca and then replied with pride in his voice. <br />"I’m an ER. Resident. " <br />A smile graced my lips as I laughed as I commented in a kidding tone. <br />"Boy, you are a glutton for punishment, aren’t you? " <br />At this remark, Kyle simply laughed as he gave me his answer. <br />"Yeah, I guess that I am now that I think about it. " <br />Then the reason for Kyle's sudden reappearance hit me like a bolt of lightning,and without thinking first, these words flew from my mouth. <br />"You're out of money, aren’t you, Kyle." <br />As I said these words, Kyle literally froze in mid sip and looked at me withwidened eyes. He then slowly placed his mug upon the coffee table. He thenreplied to my assumption with a hint of amazement within his voice. <br />"Yeah I am. How did you know? “<br />I had been through this a countless number of times with Kyle, so I actuallyknew why he was broke. Even though I was extremely tempted to tell Kyle what Iwas thinking at the moment, I also knew that I would come to regret my wordslater. In the end, I was able to restrain myself from blurting out the harshwords that Kyle deserved and I so desperately wanted to say. Instead I simplylooked at Kyle with that piercing and icy glare that he was all too familiarwith. <br />Kyle's face quickly turned to one of anguish once my icy glare met his gaze. Toavoid my eyes completely, he swiftly lowered his head to the floor. Then aftera moment of silence Kyle then entered this pathetic plea in a voice that wasmuffled and filled with desperation. <br />"Please Justin, it's not what you think. I kicked the ponies’ habit. <br />To this remark, I retorted, swiftly and curtly. <br />"Yeah, where have I heard that one before ? " <br />The moment that those words had escaped my lips, Kyle inhaled deeply andsharply. It was as if my words had pierced his very soul. Kyle then moaned ashe allowed a sigh of frustration to escape his lips. <br />“Justin, will you please just shut up and listen to me for a sec? “ <br />I really didn't want to listen because I knew what was coming. Kyle was aboutto give me the same lame excuses that he always gave me whenever he owedsomeone money or needed money himself However because I was his friend, Ilistened silently as Kyle continued to plead his case. <br />"You see, both my aunt and my mom are able to work, but a waitress'ssalary isn't much to live on. I have been sending them money whenever I canafford to. Plus, with all of the expenses that come with a life of independencelike rent and, not to mention, med school loans. By the time I'm done payingoff my bills for the month, I'm flat broke. “<br />After Kyle had finished, I simply remained silent contemplating what he hadjust told me. Although I had heard several tall tales from Kyle before, somehowthis story was believable. The only reason that I had for believing Kyle'sstory was because I was in the poor house myself at the moment. With this inmind, I was able to make my decision. Weather it was the right one or not, Ihad yet to find out. I gave Kyle a deliberate but yet compassionate glance as Isearched his pleading eyes. It was then that I delivered my verdict. <br />"OK Kyle, you can stay as long as you like.” <br />The clouds that had loomed within Kyle's eyes suddenly evaporated. They wereinstantly replaced by radiant sparks of happiness and relief. His frown hadgone through a transformation as well. It had transformed into that bright andinfectious smile that I knew so well <br />However, before he even say the words" thank you,” I held up my hand tostop him. Kyle was just about to express his gratitude. I then continued in astern but yet compassionate voice. <br />"You can stay here, Kyle, but I will not, (and I repeat), I WILL NOT,SUPPORT YOUR GAMBLING HABIT.” <br />I partly expected Kyle to protest my verdict insisting yet again that he didn'tgamble anymore. His response to my decision surprised me instead. <br />“All right, man. That's fair. Thanks.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">Besides, heavenknows the last thing you need is to be dragged down by my financial problems. “<br />With that said, the discussion was closed. We then began to reminisce about ourchildhood, and all of the trouble that we would get into. <br />Later that night, after Kyle had fallen asleep on my couch, I silently slidbehind my computer. I then began my quest to find a trapdoor within thehospital computer security system. If I was fortunate enough to locate one, Icould then maneuver my way though the network's database. With a fewkeystrokes, I could then easily obtain a copy of Catherine's medical files. Itwas just a matter of time and patience...... <br /><br /> <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"><br /></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"><br /></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"><br /></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"><br /></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"><br /></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"><br /></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"><br /></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"><br /></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"><br /></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"><br /></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"><br /></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"><br /></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"><br /></div><div align="center" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">Chapter Six<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> Catherine <br />I felt the thick dampness that hung in the air as the September wind blew aroundme. As I sat upon my wrap around porch, writing, the peaceful music of thecrashing waves serenaded me. Lake Superior always did seem to awaken thewriter's voice that lived within me. <br />I was just about to begin the next chapter within my next spine-chillingthriller, when suddenly, Jody came outside and handed me the phone. Before Igreeted the caller, I silently asked Jody who it was. Jody replied to myquestion by simply shrugging as if to say that she had no clue. She then turnedand went back inside, leaving me alone to wonder who could possibly be calling.The cautiousness within my voice was blatantly obvious as I answered the phone.<br />"Hello.... " <br />The voice that answered both surprised me and filled me with delight. <br />"Hey baby doll, what's up? <br />It was Ryan's voice that I heard on the other line. The nickname "babydoll” had been with me since early childhood. Ryan often acted as if I were aporcelain doll. Not to mention the fact that I often whined like a baby.Suddenly, my thoughts returned to our conversation. I quickly gave him an eagerreply. <br />"Hey choirboy, it's been a long time.” <br />I heard Ryan chuckle on the other line. He then answered me through hislaughter. <br />"Don't you think that I'm a little bit too old for that name?”<br />A sarcastic and taunting reply quickly formed within my mind. <br />"Well, I'm not the one who would run around in a bathrobe, pretending tobe a Franciscan while singing at the top of my lungs, now am I?” <br />Yet another laugh was heard on the line as I said those words. Ryan thenallowed a few moments to float between us while he collected himself. He thencontinued in a light-hearted and chuckling voice. <br />“Let’s just keep that an inside the family kind of joke, shall we?” <br />I thought that Ryan had finished saying his peace, but the he decided to addanother little tidbit. <br />“Because if you don’t, I may be forced to make your existence utterlymiserable….in that annoying brotherly way, of course. “ <br />That cute but childish little comment of Ryan’s caused me to laugh as I replied<br />“Yea, yea, whatever you say. “ <br />`Thus, that portion of the conversation was ended. A short silence then passedbetween us. During this silence, a question flashed through my mind. Why didRyan suddenly decide to call me? Suddenly a horrible thought flooded my mind. Ithen quickly asked Ryan this question in a panic-filled voice. <br />“Ryan, is mom all right? Has anythinghappened to her?” <br />Hearing the utter panic within my voice, Ryan quickly and calmly eased myanxiety <br />“Calm down Katie. Mom’s just fine. That’s not why I called. “<br />Relief suddenly washed over me as I heard those words. Once I had fullycollected myself, I then asked Ryan the real question. <br />“All right, then Ryan, why are you really calling me? Because we haven’t reallytalked since before I moved away from home. “<br />Ryan swiftly answered me with yet another question. <br />“ What do you call e-mail and chatting online then? “<br />I allowed a heavy sigh of frustration to escape my lips as I gave my reply. <br />“You know what mean, Ryan. Now would you please tell me what’s on? “ <br />Silence fell over the telephone line as I awaited Ryan’s explanation. Afteronly a moment’s time, I received my explanation. <br />“Well actually I’m on the expressway right now. The traffic is awful. “ <br />My cheeks began to boil with frustration Ryan always did this to me. He alwaysinterrupted me when I was in the mist of doing important, particularly when Iwas writing. After a few more moments of silence, I had finally reached myboiling point. My voice was filled with hint anger as I shattered the silencethat had developed between us. <br />“Look Ryan, unlike you, some of us actually have deadlines to meet. I have tofinish this novel, so would you please tell me what’s going on?” <br />Ryan was silent for just a moment more before he spoke again. When he spokeagain, Ryan sounded as he was both hurt and shocked by my words. <br />“Geez Catherine, I can tell that fame served you well.” <br />Afar Ryan had said this, I instantly regretted my sharp words. A heavy lump ofguilt then formed in the pit of my stomach. I then commenced with scolding.myself for being short with one of my dearest friends. My voice was filled withshame and regret as softly replied to Ryan’s statement. <br />“I’m so sorry, Ryan. I really didn’t mean to snap at you like that. The stressof this novel and everything surrounding it has really gotten to me, I guess. “<br />Ryan accepted my apology gracefully as usual, that still didn’t ease me of myguilt. Nor did the lump of regret leave the pit of my stomach. Yet anotherawkward silence had developed between us. I then abrupt broke the silence as Ispoke in a casually curious voice. <br />“Are you going to tell me what’s going on or do I have to beg?” <br />Ryan, considered my question for a moment, and gave me his reply. <br />“Well, if I must…” <br />To this remark, I obviously replied. <br />“Yes Ryan, you must, so spill it!” <br />He then proceeded to share some shocking but wonderful news <br />“Well Katie, I have finally found my true calling in life.” <br />My heart leapt as I heard Ryan say this. In the following moments, my mindraced with Ryan’s possible career choices. Although, nothing could haveprepared me for what Ryan was going to say next. <br />“Well, I’m heading to Marquette as we speak.” <br />I gasped with delight as I heard this. I then demanded to know more. <br />“Really, why? Tell me!” <br />The excitement within my voice prompted him to continue. <br />“Well I’ve decided to enter the seminary, and join the priesthood.” <br />For a moment, I thought that I was dreaming. For as long as I could remember,my mother had always wanted Ryan to become a priest. Despite her attempts topersuade him, Ryan always shunned the idea. Now, here he was, on the otherline, telling me that he was completely devoting his entire being to God. <br />My mind was reeling, and my heart was filled with pure joy at Ryan’s news. I thenrealized that I had given any sort of reaction. The silence was then broken wassuddenly broken as I spoke in a voice that was filled with sheer elation. <br />“Oh Ryan, I’m so happy for you. You must be so excited!” <br />My words of congratulations and feeling of excitement were suddenly shatteredas something clicked within my brain. In a voice that was filled withsuspicion, I posed my next question to him. <br />“Ryan, don’t take this wrong. I’m really happy for you and everything. The onlything that I want to know is why are you coming all the way to Marquette tojoin the seminary? I mean why don’t you enter one that’s at least somewhatcloser to mom?” <br />It seemed to me that Ryan was trying to choose his words carefully before heanswered me. He then spoke in a casual sounding voice as he replied to myquestion. <br />“Because, I’m hoping to join The Franciscan order of the Sons of Mary, andtheir order is in Negaunee.” <br />His answer seemed reasonable to me. Therefore, due to my excitement for Ryan, Idid not think to ask him anymore questions. Just as I was about reply to Ryan’sexplanation, he stopped me before I could speak. <br />“Plus, you and I have always been close, and I have missed you, Katie. Thisway, we can spend a lot more time together.” <br />As he said this, something suddenly occurred to me. This sudden thought causedmy cheeks to flush with anger I waited for a moment before I gave my reply inan angry tone. <br />“Babysitting me is more like it!” <br />Ryan’s silence was the only thing that greeted me after I had uttered thesewords. Then he spoke in a soft and calming voice. <br />“Now Catherine, you know very well that’s not what I meant.” <br />Realizing that I had overacted just a tiny bit, I calmed myself before Ianswered him. <br />“I’m sorry Ryan. I truly didn’t mean bite your head off like that. I supposethe stress of public life is getting to me.” <br />Ryan quickly accepted my apology he responded with an easy going chuckle. <br />“That’s ok Katie. I understand. Actually, I can fully relate with you. Being inthe seminary is hardly a vacation itself.” <br />A good twenty minutes passed as Ryan and I chatted about the past and howgreatly our lives have changed due to God’s plan. When it seemed as if Ryan andI had discussed everything under the sun, Ryan suddenly sighed as he spoke witha light-hearted voice. <br />“Sorry Katie but I have to scoot here. I’m almost to my exit, and you have adeadline to meet.” <br />Because of Ryan’s abrupt call, all thought of deadlines had faded from my mind.With a heavy sigh, I said farewell to my brother. <br />“Ok Ryan, I’ll talk to you later. Love you.” <br />Once I hung up the phone, I was filled with a feeling of instant dread as thethought of my upcoming deadline reentered my mind. Fortunately, words werequickly flooding my mind once more. I was just to start writing again when yetanother interruption came my way. <br />An instant message had suddenly popped onto my screen. It was not Justin as Ihad hoped. Instead, it was someone whom I had never chatted with before by thename of Darkman555. Their message was very simple but friendly. <br />Darkman555: Hey Cyberwriter, what’s up? Want to chat? <br />I was hesitant to answer at first, but then this thought ran through my head. <br />What could it hurt? After all, that’s how Justin and became such great friends.<br />With that thought in mind, I began to type my response <br />Cyberwriter: Who are you first of all? <br />It seemed to take forever before a reply was returned to me. It was short, butto the point. <br />Darkman555: My name’s Tate. Am I bothering you? <br />After he had given me his name, somehow I felt more at ease. I then quicklytyped my next message. <br />Cyberwriter: Hey Tate, I’m Catherine. No, you’re not bothering me and I’d loveto chat with you. <br />Sending my message, I eagerly waited for his reply. The nagging feeling that Ishould be writing had filled my mind. However, the prospect of finding a newchat buddy was far too intriguing for me to pull away now. On the other hand, Iknew that I was facing an up and coming deadline. After an intense mentaldebate, I finally decided to stay online. A message had arrived for me as I hadended my debate. <br />Darkman555: Great. So, what do you do for a living, Catherine? <br />When he asked me that question, a feeling of apprehension arose within me. Astring of questions then quickly flowed through my mind <br /><i>Should I tell him the truth, that I’m afamous writer? Would he eventually realize who I actually am? Or, should I justgive him a false profession</i>?<br />Since I detested lying and liars in general, I decided to scratch off that lastoption completely. In the end, I opted to simply tell him that I was just awriter. If he eventually figured out whom I was, ah, so what? He’d either beanother fan or another critic. With that decision made, I began to type myreply. <br />Cyberwriter: Oh, I’m a writer. What do you do? <br />After a few moments, Tate’s reply popped up. A great sense of relief washedover me as I read his message. He had not realized who I was. The fact that wasa writer simply amazed him. As it turned out, we had something in commonalready. <br />Darkman555: You’re a writer, really? What a coincidence. I happen to be afreelance artist, myself. <br />As I read this, my heart leapt, and fingers quickly flowed over the keyboard asI typed my next question. <br />Cyberwriter: Oh really, what medium do you work in? <br />It wasn’t long before my curiosity was eased as Tate answered my question. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">Darkman555: Imainly work with charcoal. I find that it allows you to see the true soul ofthe subject. <br />Memories of Ryan’s exquisite charcoal creations and my mother’s beautiful claysculptures suddenly flooded my mind. This caused a smile to slip onto my face.As those wonderful images floated though my mind, I began to type my nextmessage. <br />Cyberwriter: My mother and my brother are both artists. Growing up, I wassurrounded by it. For some reason, I grew to envy their artwork. <br />I sent that message with divided emotions. Part of me knew that it was foolishof me to reveal such personal information about myself to a complete stranger.Then again, there was something about this mystery man that intrigued me. Therewas not that instant and unexplainable connation that I felt towards Justin,but there was a feeling of comfort just the same. When my moment ofcontemplation had ending, I found Tate’s next message waiting for me. <br />Darkman555: Why did you envy them? <br />I replied swiftly to this question with my next message. <br />Cyberwriter: Well, I suppose it’s because I was never blessed with an artisticgift as they were. <br />The next message that I received from Tate filled me a pleasant shock. Iwouldn’t have expected a complete stranger to say something like this. <br />Darkman555: Now, that’s just not true, if you don’t mind me saying so. <br />Still amazed by his comment, and hoping for an explanation, confusion swam inmy brain as typed my next question. <br />Cyberwriter: What do you mean by that? <br />Tate then promptly sent me a message with his explanation. <br />Darkman555: Well, just you don’t possess their kind of artistic abilities,doesn’t mean that you’re not an artist. I mean, writing in a unique art ontoitself. <br />That comment caused me to smile and blush. It also caused me to wonder. Whoactually was this man to give such a personal compliment? After giving it animmense amount of thought and undergoing a mental debate, I decided to ask whathe meant by that comment After all, we had only just met. <br />Cyberwriter: Thank you but who are you to say something so personal like thatto me? We only began talking just a few moments ago. Therefore, you have noidea whether I’m a skilled writer or not. <br />I sent the message, hoping for a swift response. As I was waiting, it suddenlyoccurred to me that I may have overreacted just a tiny bit. It also occurred tome that my message may have sounded much too harsh. Feeling ashamed andembarrassed, I then sent a deep and heartfelt apology. <br />Cyberwriter: Look Tate, I’m really sorry. You only gave me your honest opinion.I had no right to jump down your throat like that. <br />With a knot in my stomach, I anxiously pressed the send button and sat back andwaited for Tate’s reply. It wasn’t long before a new instant message popped uponto my screen. I was of course a message from Tate. After reading it, mytwinge of guilt still remained, my heart did somewhat warm towards him. <br />Darkman555: Sorry about that. I didn’t mean to get too personal or anything. <br />I then promptly another sent an apology<br />Cyberwriter: No, I’m the one who should be sorry. I totally overacted. Wouldyou mind chatting again sometime? <br />I pressed send and waited. Almost instantly, a reply came. <br />Darkman555: Its ok, I understand. I mean you’re right. I don’t really know you.I had no right to presume anything about you. I’m sorry. <br />I received Tate’s message and read it carefully once of twice. Whether any ofit was true or not, I had no way of knowing. Still, I was greatly moved by hisapology. Once my thoughts were sorted, I swiftly sent my response. <br />Cyberwriter: All’s well. No harm done. Can I have your e-mail address so thatwe can keep in touch? <br />I didn’t have to wait long for his reply. A smile formed upon my face as I readhis latest message. <br />Darkman555: Sure, I’d like that. We only just met, I know, but I can alreadytell that we’re going to be friends. My e-mail address is: <!--[if supportFields]><spanstyle='font-weight:normal'><span style='mso-element:field-begin'></span><spanstyle='mso-spacerun:yes'> </span>":Darkman555@aol.com" <spanstyle='mso-element:field-separator'></span></span><![endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink">Darkman555@aol.com</span><!--[if supportFields]><spanstyle='font-weight:normal'><span style='mso-element:field-end'></span></span><![endif]--><br />The feeling of excitement then rushed through me at the prospect of meeting anew friend. My mind was whirling with a million thoughts as my fingers swiftlytyped their final message. <br />Cyberwriter: I think you’re right. I mean sure, we don’t know each other.However, the mystery aspect of this whole thing could be cool. Anyway, mye-mail address is: <!--[if supportFields]><span style='font-weight:normal'><spanstyle='mso-element:field-begin'></span><spanstyle='mso-spacerun:yes'> </span>Cyberwriter@aol.com" <spanstyle='mso-element:field-separator'></span></span><![endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink">Cyberwriter@aol.com</span><!--[if supportFields]><spanstyle='font-weight:normal'><span style='mso-element:field-end'></span></span><![endif]-->. I’ve got to go for now, but e-mail me soon and IMme anytime...Bye. <br />As I logged off, a feeling of happiness warmed me. It seeped into the recessesof my brain. The knowledge that I had made another online connection thrilledme. Furthermore the mystery of meeting people in such a way intrigued me. <br />Although I am grateful for it, the fame that I was blessed with can often be aburden to me. My public life allows me little or no time for friends. The fewfriends that I do have are often subjected to the limelight and scrutinizedwithin the tabloid pages. My friends and I have therefore taken to meeting insecret. The paparazzi often seem to find us nevertheless. In the end, I eventuallybegan seeking friendship connections on the Internet. I knew that there wasgreat risk involved in doing this. However it seemed like the only way to savemy friends from the harsh realities of public life. I still meet with myfriends when they or I have the time but, that’s very rare these days. <br />Thus, I began my search for friendship upon the Internet. At first, myexploration did not go so well. I encountered quite a few shady characters. Infact, I almost gave up entirely. I was almost convinced that only losers andperverts lurked on the Internet. No friendships could possibly be made here. <br />That was until I met Justin. He seemed to be different from the other people Ihad chatted with. He seemed to be caring and intelligent. As time passed, we beganto chat more and more. With each chat session, I got to know Justin a littlemore. Even through Justin and I had been talking for a while, I was stillafraid that I might reveal too much about myself. When I finally told that Iwas a writer, I braced myself for the worst. I was expecting him to act likesome crazed fan. Instead, Justin simply acted casual. I mean, he was indeedintrigued by the fact that I was a writer. However, he didn’t make a big dealabout it either. At that moment a tremendous weight was lifted from myshoulders. From that moment on, Justin and I were able to discuss anything andeverything. <br />I reflected upon these memories for some time. Then, it suddenly dawned on me.I’ll just ask Justin what I should do. Popping up my buddy list, I saw thatJustin was online. Wasting no more time, I swiftly wrote my first instantmessage to him. <br />Cyberwriter: Hey Justin, can you talk for a minute? <br />In no time at all, Justin sent his reply. <br />Maskedman: Sure Catherine, what’s up? <br />Thus, our discussion began. I then sent him a very lengthy message explainingmy dilemma. <br />Cyberwriter: Well I had just gotten off the phone with my brother when amessage suddenly popped up on my screen. I thought it was you, but was bummedto find out that it wasn’t. It was someone whom I’d never talked to before. Hewent by the screen name Darkman555. I’m wondering if I should trust him or not.What do you think? <br />I sent the message, sat back and waited. While I waited, one thought continuedto spin around in my mind like a broken and scratchy record. What am I doing?How will Justin be able to help with this? I can’t run to him every time I’mindecisive about something. I should handle this on my own. <br />Just then, a smaller and weaker voice echoed within my mind. What if you startto trust this guy and he turns out to be a complete psycho. Then what? He’llprobably turn out to be one of the stalkers that Justin’s always warning youabout. You’ll have nowhere to turn then. Then you’ll be trapped within anightmare of your own making, Catherine! <br />These conflicting voices of doubt and confidence continued to wage war in myhead. They grew so loud that I felt as if my head was about to explode.Suddenly, the voices were silenced as a message from Justin appeared.’ As Iread the message, a smile formed on my lips. Leave it to Justin to find humorin any situation. <br />Maskedman: (Stunned) you mean I’ve been replaced! Catherine, how could you? <br />I laughed as I read his message. After a moment of thought, the perfectsarcastic rushed into my mind. <br />Cyberwriter: Sorry, but yes. You’ve become tiresome. Thus naturally, you havebeen replaced. I don’t need you anymore. It’s been fun, Justin. <br />In no time at all, Justin came back with yet another sarcastic reply. <br />Maskedman: Well fine then! I don’t need you either! Goodbye, Catherine. <br />After my fit of laughter had submitted, I sent Justin yet another message. Thistime, the tone of it was a little more serious. <br />Cyberwriter: Thanks Justin, I really needed that today. You have no idea howstressed I’ve been. However, I could really use your help right now. <br />As I sent my latest message I authorized his answer with great eagerness.Meanwhile, the same conflicting voices of confidence and fear resumed theirbattle within my mind. It wasn’t long before Justin’s next message came. Asalways he was ready to off his services. <br />Maskedman: You seem stressed, Catherine. What’s up? <br />I then commenced to explain the rest of my situation in the next message that Isent. <br />Cyberwriter: Well, it has to with this new guy I met today. He seems nice andeverything, but I just don’t know if I can trust him. <br />Sending the message off to Justin, I sat back and waited patiently for hisresponse. The wishful part of me hoped that Justin would be able to help mewith this. However, the logical part of me knew that could do no more thanoffer me advice. In his next message, Justin offered both his advice and hishelp. <br />Maskedman: Hmmm. You don’t know if you can trust this new guy, huh? Well, let’sthink about this for a minute. Did you really trust me when first met? <br />As I read that question, the answer to instantly rushed through my mind. Ididn’t want to admit to it, though. However, I believed in being honestwhenever it was possible. <br />Cyberwriter: Well, that was only because I hardly knew you at the time. <br />As I sent my latest reply, I knew instantly that I had proven Justin’s point.Before I even had a chance to send a message saying that I got his point, Ifound a reply waiting for me. <br />Maskedman: Ok then, point made. <br />Granted, my next comment was a stupid one. However after several minutes ofsearching my brain, it was the only one I could seem to come up with at thetime. <br />Cyberwriter: Well that was completely different, Justin. <br />After I sent my pathetic excuse for an answer, I simply sat back and waited forhis next sarcastic come back. Waiting for a response, I read over ourconversation thus far. Something then suddenly occurred to me. It was happeningagain. I was digging myself into a hole again and I felt baked into a corner.This always happens to me. I always seem to get myself into situations that arealmost impossible to get out of. I have this stupid illogical fear of newpeople. This fear in question is confusing even to me since I am almost alwaysin the spotlight. I hate this fear! I also hate how it makes me feelvulnerable. <br />As these thoughts and feelings came rushing back to me, my mother’s voice alsobegan to echo within my head. Before I left home, she gave me one last piece ofadvice. She warned me to be careful of whom I trusted. She believed that due tomy disability, I would be more likely to be victimized. At the time, I simplybrushed her off. Now however, her voice echoed loudly in my head like a boomingstereo. Just when I felt as if my head was going to explode, I was rescued byJustin’s latest message. <br />Maskedman: different, huh? Ok then. Please explain how I was different fromthis guy?<br />I was running out of explanations at this point. Unfortunately, Justin waswaiting for an answer. After probing my brain, I finally produced one out ofpressure. <br />Cyberwriter: Well, you were kind, honest and open. It was easy to talk to youand get to know you. This new guy is a complete mystery. I have a feeling hewants to stay that way too. <br />I found myself holding my breath as I sent the latest message. During, my wait,these questions ran though my mind. What is it about these games that Justinand I play? I get very nervous whenever he pops online. This couldn’t be acrush. I mean other then talking to him constantly, I barely knew him really.Before I had a chance to process these thoughts, another message from Justinsuddenly popped up. <br />Maskedman: Well, Catherine, maybe you should try talking to this guy first. Getto know him a little. Then just maybe he won’t be such mystery anymore. Whoknows, you might even grow to like him. That’s just my suggestion, though. Dowhatever you think is best. <br />After pondering these words for a moment, they began to make sense to me. Whowas I to play judge and jury? I had only chatted with guy once after all.Besides as Justin said, I might even like him. With this in mind, I quicklysent Justin a cheerful message of thanks. <br />Cyberwriter: you’re right, Justin. Maybe I will give this guy a chance. If heever shows up again that is. Thanks a lot. <br />With a smile upon my face, I pressed the send button. While I waited, a silentyawn was suddenly expelled from my lips. It suddenly occurred to me just howlate it was. As I realized this, exhaustion slowly began to creep up on me. Ifelt drained of all energy. I could also barely keep my eyes open. Thus with mylast ounce of energy, I typed one of my last messages to Justin. <br />Cyberwriter: Hey Justin, It’s really late here and I can hardly keep my eyesopen. Can we talk later, please? <br />Yet another yawn escaped from my lips as I pressed send. Only a few momentspassed before Justin’s casual and kind reply came. <br />Maskedman: Sure Catherine. Talk to you later. <br />With a smile upon my face, I read his reply. Justin was always so sweet to me.In turn, I sent him my final message of the night, thanking him for his help. <br />Cyberwriter: Thanks for all of your help. I really appreciate it. Good night,Justin. <br />It was late now, and the cold and damp weather was finally getting to me.Thinking that Justin had gone offline, I opened my mouth to call for Jody.Before I could expel Jody’s name from my lungs, I heard another instant messagearrive. Grumbling, I turned to see what the message was. The frown upon my faceinstantly transformed into a smile as I read it. <br />Maskedman: You’re welcome. Now, get some sleep! <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> Laughing, I finally called Jody to bring me infor the night. I explained my entire dilemma to Jody while I was getting readyfor bed. I asked her what she would do in my place. However, Jody simplyshrugged and gave me a nonchalant answer. <br />“Sure, if you want. It’s your life.” <br />Annoyed by her cold and careless answer, I turned my head and mumbled thesewords under my breath. <br />“I really hate it when she does that! When I don’t want her opinion, she givesit anyway. However, when I ask for her opinion, Jody just clams up and doesn’thelp me.” <br />I think Jody sensed that I was miffed at her, because after a soft good nightshe silently crept from my room. <br />At first, my thoughts began to spin wildly within my mind. However, aftersaying my evening prayers, the chaos that surrounded me slowly began to meltaway. I felt that God was truly helping me at this moment. My assurance camefrom the gentle calm that suddenly washed over me as I made my final decision.I had decided to chat with Tate more before making any snap judgments. <br /> Chapter Seven <br /> Tate<br />The evening lights filled my living room with a soft yellow glow. Sitting uponmy couch, an evil laugh escaped my lips. The memory of my most recent endeavorbegan to unfold itself within my brain. During our conversation, I secretlyplanted something in Catherine’s C drive. It was a worm of my own making. Itwas designed to transport the user’s personal information into my system. Thebeauty of this worm is that it can remain within the system dormant andundetected. Only when a Word document is opened, will the worm be activated. InCatherine’s case, the worm will be running almost constantly. I suddenly feltimmense pleasure at just the thought of it. A smile was still upon my face whensuddenly reality came crashing down on me. <br />I would soon possess everything but Catherine’s medical history. It wasn’treally crucial at this point really but I like to be through. There was just atiny problem though. A short time ago, I was placed on probation for breakinginto a hospital database. The conditions of my probation were very clear andnot negotiable. I was sentenced to two months of community service. <br />Everyday after work, I am forced to drag myself to the community center on 5thand main. I then am reduced to work among other slaves like myself, paintingand doing basic remodeling. With all of my time tied up, how can I possiblypursue Catherine? I suddenly realized that I had no chance in hell of doingthis. Unless I pay someone to do it for me that is. It was then that Justin’sface flooded into my mind. He could do my work for me. After all, he’s alwaysstarving for money. With that thought in mind, I quickly called him up. <br />After two rings, he answered with a calm and friendly voice. <br />“Hello . . . ?” <br />I tried my best to act casual. <br />“Hey Justin, what’s up?” <br />He was silent for a moment ash he was debating how to answer that. Justinfinally answered hesitantly. <br />“Nothing yet. What do you want now?” <br />As I replied, I pretended to sound hurt, but he didn’t buy it. Justin thenquickly came back with curt answer. <br />“Gee I don’t know. ‘Maybe that’s because every time you call it’s only becauseyou want something.” <br />He was right of course. It was then that I decided to come clean. <br />“Ok fine. I actually do need something from you.” <br />“Why I am not surprised.” <br />At this point, I was ready to tell Justin off. However, I needed his help, so Idecided to keep my mouth shut. <br />“Look, I need your help. I was looking for Catherine’s medical records in thehospital records. I must been careless in covering my tracks because traced. Tomake a long story short, I am now doomed to spend two hellish months ofcommunity service!” <br />I ended the first part of my story and waited for Justin to say something.However, I only heard laughter at the other end. <br />“Wait, wait. Let me get this straight. You got caught? How? I mean, you’veaccessed systems thousands of times without being traced. What happened?” <br />“Do I have to tell you?” I asked, hoping the answer was no. <br />“If you want my help, yes, “Justin replied in a determined tone <br />Sighing, I told him the whole story, knowing full well that I’d only getlaughed at. <br />“Well I had just accessed some bank records when-” <br />“Who’s records,” Justin interrupted. <br />“Does it really matter,” I sighed, somewhat annoyed <br />“No, I was just curious,” he answered <br />“They belonged to Dominic Baker.” Deciding that secrecy was pointless. <br />“Dominic, but why,” Justin asked confused,” I thought you were just afterCatherine?” <br />“Well I am but I decided to investigate he entire family,” I explained, ”thatway I can find out if there are any skeletons in the family closet.” <br />“Oh. Do you plan to exploit any secrets that you find?” <br />“No, not unless I have to.” <br />“So., what does this have do with me?” he asked suspiciously. <br />“Well you see,” I said, choosing my words carefully, “I’m now allowed near acomputer for two months, so I was hoping you could help me.” <br />“Why I not like the sound of this,” Justin moaned. <br />“Justin, don’t you trust me?” I asked in a sarcastic tone <br />“No,” he quickly fired back, “ the words trust and you will never belong in thesame sentence.” <br />“Oh ouch,” I replied trying to sound hurt, “why don’t tell me how you reallyfeel?” <br />“Whatever,” he sighed, “just tell me what you want from me.” <br />I could see that these mind games weren’t going to get me anywhere. He clearlywasn’t in the mood for it today <br />“Well ok,” I began, “Since I’m on probation, I was wondering if you would minddoing some research for me. Just until my time is up, that is. “ <br />“What kind of research,” Justin asked after a moment of silence. <br />“Just some research on Catherine,” I replied, trying to sound nonchalant. <br />“Oh no,” Justin cried, “I’m not getting in the middle of this. This is yoursick little game, your obsession and your mess. Keep me out of it.” <br />I knew that Justin was serious, but I was desperate. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">“Don’t do it,don’t do it”! A voice within me screamed, but I had no choice. Justin hadforced my hand. <br />“I’ll pay you,” I pleaded, forcing the words out. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">There was silenceon the other end. <br />“This is good, this is good,” I told myself, “this means that he’s consideringit.” <br />At last, Justin gave his answer. <br />“How much,” he asked sharply <br />I hesitated. I didn’t think he’d take me seriously since I always lie to him.My mind raced as I tried to come up with a fee that I could actually afford <br />“I’ll give ten bucks for every little piece of info you can find.” I offered. <br />“Twenty,” Justin fired back <br />“Twenty, are you crazy!” I cried in disbelief, “where do you expect me to getthat kind of cash!” <br />“If you want my help bad enough you’ll find it, won’t you?” He replied coldly. <br />“At right, you son of a bitch, I’ll get the money!”<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> Without another word, I slammed the phonedown. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">“This better beworth it,” I told myself as my blood continued to boil. <br /><br /> Chapter Eight<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> Justin <br />Tate’s phone call had unnerved me, causing me to lose sleep. I just couldn’tshut my mind off. The conversation continued to revolve in my mind On one hand,I wanted to help Tate. However, I knew that helping him would mean hurtingCatherine. I was getting myself in too deep. I needed help. I had to tell Kylemy secret, but how? After thinking for a while, I decided not only tell him,but to show him. <br />I decided to take him to <i>The Dark Side</i>,saying that we needed a night out. The was hidden. Only a chosen few knew whereit was. Kyle slowly walked beside me as we headed down a damp ally. <br />“Hey, would you just relax,” I sighed, sensing Kyle’s uneasiness. Kyle lookedat me warily. “Ok fine,” he said, “but well you please tell me where in thehell we’re going?” This question was getting old. I was getting tired oftelling him no, but I wanted him to shut up. <br />“If I told you, I’d have to kill you,” I said with a smile. <br />Kyle remained silent, obviously not in the mood for jokes. After another momentof tense, I made one last attempt to ease his mind. <br />”You know, you should really have some faith in me. Besides, have I ever gottenus into real trouble before?” <br />“Yes, “Kyle replied finally cracking a smile, “and I was usually the one to getus out of it. Or, did you forget that?” <br />“A minor detail,” I said, “that’s beside the point anyway.” <br />“Whatever,” Kyle laughed. <br />We walked in silence for quite some time. Soon, we stood in front a rusty metaldoor, which was embedded into a grimy ally wall. I signaled for Kyle to standback as I approached the door. Giving the door a rhythmic Knock, I Stepped backa few inches and waited. Moments later, a thin wooden board slid open. The eyesthat peered at me from behind the opening looked bright and black in themoonlight, even though they were really brown. <br />“Hey Kevin,” I said, giving him a casual smile. <br />“Hey Justin, what’s up?” Kevin replied, “Haven’t seen you around lately.”<br />“Yeah, I know,” I answered nonchalantly, “I’ve been a little preoccupied.” <br />There was a slight pause in our conversation. During which, I noticed thatKevin’s eyes drifted away from mine. Following his gaze, I saw that he waslooking suspiciously at Kyle. <br />“Who’s this guy? “ Kevin asked in a rough tone. <br />“He’s with me, “I reassured him. <br />“Can we trust him though? “, Kevin fired back. <br />“Come on, Kevin, “I replied rolling my eyes, feeling slightly annoyed, “would Ibring anyone who was untrustworthy? “ <br />“Well I guess not, “he replied slowly. <br />“Let us in then “<br />Slowly, Kevin opened the door. As we walked into the dark entryway, Kevin’seyes still followed Kyle suspiciously. As the heavy wooden door closed behindus, It became pitch black all around us. After a moment of complete silence,Kyle tugged on my arm. <br />“Are you sure this place is OK? “he asked nervously. <br />“Of course it is, “I replied confidently, “ I come here all the time. Don’tworry, everything will be fine.” <br />As I listened to the pounding base of the music beyond the door seemed to matchthe pounding of my own heart. <br />“Am I doing the right thing by bringing him here?” I thought to myself. <br />My heart told me not, but I could think of no better way than this. Gatheringmy courage, I opened the door and walked in with Kyle following close behind. <br />I can only imagine Kyle’s reaction when we stepped into the club. He must havebeen in shock. Aside from the mind numbing music that screamed all around us,strobe lights and neon lights blindly flickered above us. <br />As I led Kyle through the crowd of dark clad strangers with tattoos andcountless piercings, my guilt hung over me like the cigarette smoke circulatingin the air. Kyle did not seem to notice any of this however. I doubt he noticedanything but noticed but the strange environment that he found himself in. Iwatched with mounting guilt as Kyle’s gleaming eyes as they darted this way andthat. It looked as if he was trying to absorb everything all at once. <br />When I just couldn’t take any more, I excused myself, yelling” I’m going to getsome beer!” Kyle must not have heard me because he continued to stare intospace hypnotically. Seeing that I wasn’t going to get an answer, I slowly beganpushing my way through the crowds. <br />As I inch my way towards the bar, more guilt-fueled questions pop into my mind.<br />What are you doing? Why did you bring Kyle here? Do you really think he’llstick around once he finds out you’re a thief? <br />These questions swirled around in my mind like a tornado. My mind was racing sofast that I felt dizzy. I felt as if I was spinning wildly out of control,unable to stop. Then suddenly, someone began to call me. The voice soundedfamiliar, but it also seemed to be echoing from far away. At first, my brainfailed to register who was speaking. After a few moments, however, the cloud ofconfusion began to lift. It took a minute for me to get refocused, but Irealized who was calling me .The sweet velvety voice belonged to a woman whowas standing behind the bar. Her name was Andorra, and she was easily one ofthe most beautiful women I had ever known <br />“Justin…,” she called repeatedly, “are you OK, Justin?” <br />I tried to speak, but I couldn’t. My words were stuck in my throat. I tried tomake some sort of sound, anything to let her know that I heard her, but nothingwould come out. All I could do was stare at her. <br />Even though, the club was dark, the red, orange and yellow lights illuminatedmost of her features. Everything about Andorra had a gothic quality to it. Herdeep brown eyes held a mysterious knowledge within them, as if she knewsomething you didn’t. Her long, black lace dress fit perfectly over her shapelybody, and trailed gracefully behind as she walked. Andorra’s face was coveredwith black makeup I didn’t usually find dark makeup attractive on a woman, butshe wore it well. The mascara around her eyes accentuated the mystery that theyalready held, and her lipstick made her lips glimmer in the light, which madethem irresistibly kissable, I could’ve looked at her all night, but she broughtme back me to earth. <br /><!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br /><!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">“Justin, earthcalling Justin,” she called, “Are you gonna order something or what?” <br />I suddenly realized that Andorra was waiting for me to respond. <br />“Oh hi, Andorra…Sorry,” I said quickly, trying to sound cool, “I’ll have apitcher of Bud Light.” <br />I watched as Andorra pulled a pitcher down from the shelf behind her. Heroversized bracelets clinked together as she moved. A second later Andorrahanded me the pitcher. <br />“Here you go sweetie,” she called with a smile <br />I yelled my thanks, and began to weave my way back to the table. On the wayback, the angel and devil inside of me began to wage war with each other. Youhave to tell him, you have to! My angel had a good point, but my devil’s ideawas just as tempting. You don’t have to tell him what you really are. Hedoesn’t have to know. Ignorance is bliss after all. <br />I weighed each option carefully. On one hand, telling Kyle the truth could ruinour friendship. He just got here. If I tell him what I’ve became, he mightsplit on me again. On the other hand however, I had always confided in him.Maybe he could help me. He knows me better than anyone after all. If I justexplain things and how desperate I’ve been, he’ll forgive me. My angel likedthis idea. Yes, yes, he’ll forgive you. Just he honest. My devil just laughed.Yeah right! <br />Both choices appealed to me, but which one to pick? As I approached the table,the answer became clear to me. Kyle was still sitting there, looking as if hewas lost in Disney World. I didn’t want to tell him, but I couldn’t let Kylethink that this was just another cool night club. My angel had won. <br />I slid into the booth, and pour the beer. He must have heard me because hearound and smiled. <br />“This place is great!” he yelled <br />Yea, great,” I yelled back, handing him a beer. <br />We toasted to our renewed friendship and drank wordlessly. I drifted into myown thoughts once again. Yea, you’d better drink to friendship because youwon’t have it for long. He deserved the truth, but how? Oh screw it! I’ll justwing it, and hope everything comes out OK. I cleared my throat and began. <br />“Kyle, I gotta tell you something,” I yelled. <br />“What is it?” he yelled back. <br />“I. . .” <br />While searching for the right words, my eyes began to wander around the club.My gaze was casual. I wasn’t looking at anything or anyone in particular. I wassimply trying to avoid Kyle’s eyes, fearing their judgment. Looking over Kyle’shead, I saw something that made my breath was sudden caught in my throat.Through the smoky haze, I could see Tate standing at the bar, talking toAndorra. The lights above the bar were not overly bright, but they allowed meto see his sharp eyes. They flashed like burning coal. I could see that he wasangry by his sudden and jerky movements. I hope Andorra doesn’t tell him I’mhere! <br />I had been avoiding Tate for weeks. He knew that I had new information aboutCatherine to give him, but Kyle’s sudden reappearance had thrown everything offkilter. <br />I watched him carefully, praying that he wouldn’t come this way. My prayerswent unanswered however, because Tate began coming towards us. I began topanic. I didn’t want Kyle and Tate to meet yet. It wasn’t time, but what shouldI do? I had to think fast. <br />“Justin?” <br />Kyle’s call suddenly brought me back to reality, and I realized that Kyle wasstill waiting for me to speak. Just then, it came to me. <br />“Do you want to get out of here?” I shouted. <br />Kyle nodded in assent, and without a second thought, I bolted out the door. Wewalked home in silence. Both of us seemed lost in thought. Kyle was probably stillabsorbing everything. I was thinking about the same thing, only in a differentway. Instead of being in awe, I kept thinking about what would have happened ifTate had found us. I had pretty good idea, in fact. <br />I knew Tate better than he knew himself; I also knew how he would react. If hehad met Kyle this way, Tate would become jealous. He hated anything that tookthe spotlight away from him. His jealousy would then give way to anger, and hewould then retaliate in some way. I didn’t even want to think about what wouldhappen then. What I needed was time. <br />“Thanks for the good time, “Kyle said, giving me a pat on the back as we camehome. <br />I didn’t say anything. I just stood frozen in the doorway, looking at myapartment. As my eyes scanned the apartment, I realized just how bare and darkit really was. Slowly, it occurred to me that my apartment seemed to be areflection of my life. The walls were a cloudy off-white color. They remindedme of fog that now hid wrong and right from me. My black couch was oldtattered. It reminded me of how tired and worn I felt inside. The next thing Inoticed was just how dimly lit the place was. I laughed inside as it dawned onme that my emotions worked just like the lights: I could turn them on and offat will. At last, my eyes fell upon my putrid orange carpeting. It was asstained and rotted as my soul. <br />“Hey man, are you ok?” <br />Kyle suddenly pulled out of my daze. I almost forgot that he was there His waslooking at me with concerned eyes, and his hand was resting gently on myshoulder. It only took a moment for my confusion to lift. <br />“Yea, yea, I’m fine. I just feel a little weird. Maybe I’m coming withsomething” <br />“Well, stay away from me,” Kyle laughed, backing away slightly. Then with ayawn, Kyle added, “Well, I don’t know about you, I’m going to take a shower andgo to bed. I’m beat.” <br />We said goodnight, and as Kyle headed towards the bathroom, I turned to mycomputer. I opened my e-mail program, began to read my messages. <br />The first one was from a company entitled <i>InfoTech</i>.They were a newly developed investment firm that catered to high profileclients. They wanted to be certain that they’re clients’ information wasprotected, so they wanted Justin to break into they’re network and fix anysecurity leaks that he might find. <br />The second message was from the company that I currently worked for, <i>survware:</i> a company that developedsoftware for corporations and small businesses. They hired me to debug anddeglitch their latest firewall and anti-virus programs. The e-mail wasinquiring about my progress, and to send my finding. <br />My third and final message made my stomach lurch. It was from Tate, and just byreading the subject heading, I knew that he was pissed at me. <br />To: <!--[if supportFields]><span style='font-weight:normal'><spanstyle='mso-element:field-begin'></span><spanstyle='mso-spacerun:yes'> </span>Maskedman@aol.com" <spanstyle='mso-element:field-separator'></span></span><![endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink">Maskedman@aol.com</span><!--[if supportFields]><spanstyle='font-weight:normal'><span style='mso-element:field-end'></span></span><![endif]--> From: <!--[if supportFields]><spanstyle='font-weight:normal'><span style='mso-element:field-begin'></span>Darkman@aol.com"<span style='mso-element:field-separator'></span></span><![endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink">Darkman@aol.com</span><!--[if supportFields]><spanstyle='font-weight:normal'><span style='mso-element:field-end'></span></span><![endif]--> <br />Subject: Where in the hell are you! <br />Hey Justin, where the hell are you? I got your e-mail saying you foundsomething for me, but you disappeared on me. What’s up with you? <br />Darkman <br />After reading Tate’s message, I leaned back and tried to catch my breath.Putting my hands over my face, a slow and heavy sigh escaped from my lips. Ihad to do something. I was getting in way too deep. I still wanted to protect.Maybe I could even uncover some good in him, but at what cost? At the cost ofCatherine’s safety or even her life? I couldn’t risk that. I cared about hertoo much. The damage had already been done, however. Tate had her screen name,and who knows what Catherine had told him? All I could really do was act as a protectiveshield. Or was there more to be done? <br />Like a flash of lighting, it suddenly hit me. Occasionally Catherine sent meforwards like jokes or poems that she wrote. She also sent them to all of herfriends and family including Jody, her friend and caregiver. <br />Maybe if I e-mailed Jody, warning her about Tate, she could look out forCatherine. It was worth a shot anyway. Opening my e-mail, I quickly located oneof the forwards I had saved. Jody’s name was one of the first listed. Clickingon it, I quickly began to compose my warning: <br />To: PrincessJody<!--[if supportFields]><span style='font-weight:normal'><spanstyle='mso-element:field-begin'></span> PrincessJody@aol.com" <spanstyle='mso-element:field-separator'></span></span><![endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink">PrincessJody@aol.com</span><!--[if supportFields]><spanstyle='font-weight:normal'><span style='mso-element:field-end'></span></span><![endif]-->@earthlink.net<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> From: Maskedman@aol.com<br />Subject: <i>Watch over Catherine <br />Jody, <br />You don’t know me, and please don’t delete this. I’m writing you to warn youabout a dangerous situation I know that you are not Catherine’s keeper, but youare friend, so she might listen to you. Catherine has been in contact with avery dangerous man whose name is Tate. He is obsessed with her, and he has thepotential to ruin her life, or to even cause her physical harm. <br />This is not a hoax, nor am I trying to scare you. I am just a concerned friend,so please watch over her. <br />A concerned friend </i><br />Just as I was about to press send, I heard Kyle come into the room. <br />“Well goodnight. I’m going to hit the sack.” <br />“You tired,” I asked, looking up. <br />“Yeah, it’s sort of been sort of been a long day,” he said heading to thecouch. <br />“Well, I have some work to do yet. Will that keep you up? <br />“Nah, I’ll just pull the covers over my head. Just put it on mute if you startchatting with somebody, ok?” <br />“Ok. Goodnight, “I said turning back to my screen. <br />“Night,” Kyle yawned. <br />Moments later, Kyle began to snore softly, leaving me no more reasons toprocrastinate. Letting out a deep sigh, I gave myself up to my work, spendingmost of the night writing and e-mailing reports. <br /><br /> Chapter Nine <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> Catherine<br /><br />It was just about seven in the morning, and the colors from the rising sun werebeautiful. They seemed to decorate the cotton candy clouds with brilliant pinkand orange colors. It was chilly morning: chilly enough for a fleece and jeansanyway. <br />I was sitting on my porch with coffee and a book, listening to serenity of thewaves as they gently lapped upon the shore. <br />This was my time to relax before the day began It was my time to sit alone withmy thoughts. It was also my time to listen for God’s voice, and to ask Him whatHe wants of me. Sighing deeply, I allowed myself to drift into contented andpeaceful thought. I was suddenly startled by the creaking of the screen door. <br />“Phone for you,” Jody said, standing over my shoulder. <br />I sighed with annoyance. <br />“Don’t people know not to bug me before nine,” I grumbled, yanking the phonefrom her hand. <br />“Well, it’s your publisher or your agent,” She said, walking away <br />“Well, whoever it is needs to be shot,” I mumbled. <br />Sighing, I put the phone to my ear, and said hello with all the politeness Icould muster. The cherry voice that answered was unmistakable. <br />“Hey baby doll, what’s up?” <br />As always, a smile crossed my face when I heard Ryan’s voice. <br />“Hey choir boy. This is a surprise, “I said, relieved that it wasn’t a businesscall. <br />“Yeah, just thought I’d check in,” he replied in a casual but loving tone. <br />“That’s sweet. So, how’s life treating you?” <br />“Fine…” <br />There was a short pause, during which it seemed that Ryan was trying to collecthis thoughts. Then, the silence was broken. <br />“That’s actually why I’m calling,” he said slowly. <br />I was confused. I thought he had called to chat. It was his recreation periodafter all. I began to run though different reasons in my head, but I didn’t towait long to hear Ryan’s story <br />“You’d better sit down for this,” he said stupidly <br />“Ha ha,” I answered sarcastically <br />“Sorry, I had to” he said, “I have big news and I want you to be prepared.” <br />“I‘m prepared already,” I fired back impatiently,” so spill it.” <br />“Well,” he said slowly as if he were choosing his words carefully,” you knowhow last I called I was on my way to The Sons Of Mary?” <br />The slowness with which Ryan was speaking made me nervous and suspicious.Usually when he spoke like this, it meant that he had bad news. I really didn’tthe rest of his story. However, I didn’t want to be rude, so I braced myself. <br />“Yea…” <br />“That part was true,” he continued,” but I was just going there for orientation“ <br />“Ok and…” I said, urging him to get the point. <br />“And now, I have a few days before I have to move in, so I was wondering if Ican come and visit. After all, you won't see me for a while wants my trainingbegins." <br />“Let me think about it.” <br />Even though my answer yes, I decided to have a little fun and leave himhanging, allowing him to think that I was truly debating it. After asuspenseful silence, Ryan’s spoke again, sounding a desperate. Just the effectthat I was going for. <br />“Listen, I know you’re busy with the new book about to come out and everything,but I'm sure you can spare one few days for your one and only brother.”<br />His last few words sounded as if he was almost pleading. I thought about endingthis game I had started, but I was having too much fun. <br />“I’d really appreciate it, Katie,” he added <br />A smile crept across my face as I thought of what to say <br />“Well, as you know, I have a very busy schedule,” I said importantly. I thenbegan to list my seemingly important tasks. <br />“Let’s see… I have to take Prince Ritz to the groomers. You know how gets if hedoesn’t receive weekly treatments. Then there are my daily trips to Starbucks.You know how I need my latté’ fix. Oh yes, and I do have to make my weeklytrips to Boarders. With my habitual reading, I constantly have to restock mylibrary. My weekly visit to mall takes me at least three hours. I’m always beinginvited to one social function or another. Therefore, my wardrobe constantlyhas to be updated. You can’t expect me to where the same dress and shoes toeverything can you? You have no idea how hard it is to be me….pause...I justdon’t know if squeeze you in.” <br />My voice was filled with sarcasm, and I couldn’t help laughing at my owncleverness. <br />A deep sigh echoed over the line, and I could just picture Ryan rolling hiseyes. <br />“You’re a real brat, you know that,” he said at last with a chuckle. <br />“I know,” I replied, “but teasing you is just so much fun.” <br />“So, can I come or not?” he asked, sounding a little more serious. <br />“Of course you can,” I said excitedly. <br />“Great, it’ll be fun,” he replied, echoing my excitement. <br />A short pause followed, which Ryan soon broke by asking me for another favor. <br />“Hey, do you mind if I someone with me to help lift and stuff? <br />“Oh Ryan,” I said trying to sound hurt, “you don’t want my help? I’ve beenworking out.” <br />“Ok,” he said, copying my sarcasm, “you can help move the stereo.” <br />“Ummm…Let me get back to you on that.” <br />“That’s what I thought.” <br />I suddenly realized that I had just agreed to let Ryan bring a completestranger into my home. Ryan always had good judgment when it came to makingfriends, but I still had my apprehensions. <br />“So, who is this person you’re bringing with you,” I asked, trying to soundcasual, “your new roommate?” <br />“No, but it’s a friend.” <br />“Oh, that narrows it right down then,” I sighed, mentally going through hisendless list of friends. <br />“It’s someone we both know,” he said in a hinting tone.<br />That helped a little but not much. Since Ryan and I have been glued at the hipsince childhood, we had many of the same friends, so began going down the list.<br />“Suzie?” I asked, recalling one of our friends from school. <br />“Nope,” Ryan replied, apparently enjoying this little guessing game. <br />Ok, strike one. Moving down the list… It took a minute for another face toflash though my mind, but suddenly another face appeared. <br />“Matt, “I stated matter of factly, remembering Ryan’s partner in crime. He andMatt were well known for the pranks they pulled. <br />“Strike two,” he fired back. <br /><i>Darn, I’m usually so good at this! Inormally get it on the first or second try I’ll try one more time. Then I’llask for a hint. <br /></i>Within seconds another face popped into my head. It was the rosy cheeryface of my former priest, Fr. Douglas Malone. He played an important role inRyan’s life and in his spiritual development. He was one of Ryan’s closestfriends, his mentor, and his inspiration for entering the priesthood. <br />“Father Malone, “I shouted certain that I was right. <br />“Nope, wrong again.” Ryan answered with a sigh. <br />I was shocked, utterly shocked. I was sure that if Ryan were to pick anyone tohelp him get settled, it would be would be Fr. Malone. I had to have anexplanation for this. <br />“Why not Fr. Malone?” I asked shocked and a little disappointed. Before Ryancould answer however, I continued ranting. <br />“I mean he’s one of your closest friends, and he was reason you wanted tobecome a priest. You said so yourself. Now, that you’re actually moving intothe seminary, you don’t want him there to help you get acclimated? What’s wrongwith you?” <br />When I had finished ranting, I realized that I was breathing quite heavily. Ialso hadn't realized how upset I sounded until Ryan up to spoke again. <br />"Easy Katie, calm down," Ryan said in getting concerned tone,"why are you with getting a so upset?” <br />I took a few deep breaths before answering. My voice sounded a lot softer whenthe spoke again. <br />“ I’m sorry, Ryan, “ I answered apologetically, “ It’s just that I reallywanted to see Fr. Malone again. I really miss him. “ <br />“ I know, Ryan said softly with a sigh, “ I did want him to help me, but he hadto go on a mandatory retreat. He really wanted to come but he thought it wouldbe best if someone else came with me. <br />“Who?“ I asked impatiently. <br />"Guess," Ryan said again. <br />I could tell that he was enjoying this, but I wasn't. I was tired of guessing,and I decided to tell him so. <br />"Come on, Ryan," I whined, "I'm tired of guessing! Will you justtell me already?" <br />I heard laughter on the other line, which meant no. <br />"Nope, sorry," he said with a chuckle, "you still have to guess,but I'll give you a hint. It's a relative." <br />I was a little miffed that Ryan still wouldn't tell me, but I decided to playalong a little bit longer. After naming short pause, I started going down therelative list. <br />"Aunt Mary," I said, naming one of my dad's many sisters. <br />"No, she had to work," Ryan answered quickly. <br />I suddenly realized that due to work and family, none of my aunts and uncleswould have the money or time to help him move. That only left me with one otheroption. <br />"That only leaves…" my stomach began to churn just thinking about it.For a moment, I left the sentence unfinished. <i>She can't be coming now. I don't have the time or the energy to put upwith her! What was he thinking!</i> <br />"Is it mom...?” <br />I allowed my words to come out slowly taking deep breaths in order calm thebutterflies fluttering in my stomach. <br />"Ding, ding, ding!," was my answer. <br />"But Ryan," I asked pleadingly, " why now, why her!" <br />"Because, I won't see her for a long time, so by bringing her I can visitboth of you and the same time. Besides, she really wants to see you, and if I'mnot mistaken, you two are long overdue for a visit. " <br />A loud groan of dread echoed from my and the line. Ryan responded to my groanwith a sigh as he spoke. <br />"Come on Katie, she's not that bad!" <br />"Oh yeah right," I fired back quickly, "she still thinks thatI'm hurting for money, and that I can’t take care of myself!" <br />“She’s only trying to look out for you,” Ryan reminded me kindly, “after all;she devoted most of her life to you. It must be hard for her to let go. Youcan’t expect it to happen overnight, Katie.” <br />I paused for a moment, realizing that I had never considered what my mothermust be going through. <br />Ryan’s right. I shouldn’t have judged her so harshly. I’ve only been thinkingof myself. Maybe we could reconnect while she’s here. <br />“I guess you're right,” I said finally, "it might be fun." <br />"Great", Ryan said enthusiastically, "we'll see you soon. Loveyou." <br />"Love you too," I said quickly <br />I was just about to hang up when I realized that Ryan hadn't told me when theymight arrive. <br />"Ryan, wait” I called hoping that he was still on the line, and luckily hewas. <br />"Yeah," he asked. <br />"When do you guys think you'll be here?" <br />"Umm, around five or so I think," he answered. <br />"OK thanks! Bye!" <br />After I hung up the phone, I just sat there trying to absorb what I had justagreed to. I couldn't wait to see Ryan and to help him get settled. However,seeing my mother was quite different story. <br />Even though I had long since proven my ability to live independently whilemaintaining a successful career, my mother still treated me as if I was deardefenseless child. <br />The moment she walks through the door, she'll say "Catharine, dear, youlook so thin and pale. You're not taking care of yourself properly!" <br />These and other nagging comment whirled around in my head like a raging tornado,and my head began to swim, causing me to become dizzy. <br />I knew that I had to calm myself down in order to start thinking clearly.Spinning in circles with my chair often helps me to relieve stress, so that’s Idid. As soon as I stopped, I let out a scream. It wasn’t just a scream offrustration, but also a scream of pain. I hadn’t realized that while spinning,I had moved closer to the porch railing. Therefore, when I stopped, my footcollided with railing. <br />When I did this, Jody came out running. <br />"Katie," she cried, running to the doorway, "are you allright?" <br />"Yes," I answered, embarrassed by my own stupidity <br />"What happened?" Jody asked sounding a little concerned. <br />My hands ached as I slowly turned my chair around to face her. <br />"I hit my foot on the railing." <br />"How’d you do that?" she asked bending over to examine my foot. <br />"Well," I began, trying to choose my words carefully, "I wassort of spinning around, not really paying attention, and my foot kind of gotin the way." <br />"I wish you wouldn’t do that,” Jody sighed <br />“It’s how I unwind,” I said, rolling my eyes, “we’ve been over this a milliontimes!” <br />"I know it's how you unwind," Jody sighed, "but more often thannot, you end up hurting yourself. Why can't you just play video games or knitlike normal people?" <br />"You're one to talk," I retorted, "at least I don't change mysocks and million times a day." <br />Jody smiled and sighed,” You’ve got me there." <br />We fell into a moment of silence and then Jody suddenly broke it as she beganexiting the list off my chores of the day. <br />"Well, come on. You have about busy day. You have that conference callwith your publisher Then you have that signing at Book World, and…" <br />I cut her off in mid-sentence. <br />"No time. Cancel everything," I said quickly as I rolled myself intothe house. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">Jody stood in thedoorway, stunned. <br />"Cancel everything," Jody stammered, "but why? You never...," <br />"Ryan's coming," I said abruptly, cutting her off once again as Irolled into the kitchen. Excitement echoedwithin Jody's voice when she spoke again. <br />"Oh, that's great! It'll be wonderful to see him again! I haven't seen himin so long!" <br />She paused for a moment and then asked, "Why is he coming again?" <br />I then realized that I had left that part out. <br />"He has a few days before his training begins, so he's coming for visitbefore he disappears from the world." <br />Jody was clearly happy about this because when I turned to see her reaction,she was smiling from ear to ear. I almost didn't tell her the rest of the newsbecause she looked so happy. However, I knew that not telling her would be justas cruel if not more so. She did have to get the rooms ready after all.Sighing, I began to reveal the news slowly. <br />"He's not coming alone," I added. <br />"Really," she said in a surprised tone,” who else is coming?” <br />I wasn't going to subject her to a guessing game. I wasn't in the mood forgames anymore. Therefore, I decided to just a spill it. <br />"Mom's coming too." <br />I could tell by Jody's response that she now understood my unhappiness. <br />"Oh…," she said slowly as the reality of the situation began to sinkin. <br />“Hence the spinning,” Jody asked as she approached the kitchen. <br />“Hence the spinning,” I repeated while pulling several cookbooks and pans fromthe cabinets. <br />“What are you doing?" Jody asked when she saw me, "you can't behungry already! You just ate!" <br />"It's not for me. It's for them," I explained while flipping throughmy cookbooks. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">Then I paused<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">“Do you think Ishould make lasagna or a stir fry?" <br />Jody sighed before she answered.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> “I think you should…,” but I spoke before shecould finish. <br />“You’re right. I’ll make both. That way they’ll have a choice.” <br />Jody simply sighed in frustration and she began to walk out of the room. Beforeshe left however, I called her again. <br />"Jody, could you please get their rooms ready?" <br />"Which ones?" <br />"The ones upstairs, by the bathroom." <br />"OK," she said, heading down the hall towards the elevator. When Iheard the elevator doors close, I returned to my cooking. <br />Hours passed, but they seemed like years. With each passing minute, I becameeven more nervous. When I get nervous, I become picky and demanding. I had poorJody running here and there as I called out my list of demands. <br />Exhausted, Jody collapsed onto the soft green couch that sat against my livingroom wall. As she breathed a sigh of relief, I examined everything she haddone. I must say that I was quite impressed. Everything was immaculate. She haddone everything that I had asked. I turned around and smiled at Jody. <br />"Thank you Jody. Everything looks wonderful!" <br />"You're welcome," she sighed tiredly. <br />"There's only one more thing that we have to do," I said brightly. <br />"What's that," Jody asked. <br />“I have to change of course.” <br />After thinking for a moment, the perfect outfit came to me. <br />“I think I’ll wear my emerald green dress,” I declared <br />Jody looked shocked when I said this, and she expressed it when she spoke. <br />"Catherine," she said with a sigh, "that's one of your bestevening dresses. Shouldn’t you wear something a little more casual? I mean, it'sjust your family. It's not like we're entertaining the President of the UnitedStates or anything." <br />I knew that she had a point. Maybe I was overreacting. Still, I couldn’t helpfeeling that a visit from my mother was almost like entertaining Miss Piggy. <br />“Listen,” I replied kindly, “maybe I am overreacting just a little bit, but youknow how complicated our relationship is. I have to show her that I’ve donewell, and that I can manage life on my own.” <br />“But, you can’t live on your own,” Jody quickly pointed out,” I think youforget that sometimes.” <br />I sighed heavily and gave Jody an annoyed look. <br />“That’s not what I meant,” I said finally” I just mean that mom still treats melike a child who needs to be cuddled and guided at all time. It’s almost as if sherefuses to acknowledge that I can live a life separate from her!” <br />Jody could see that I upset so she stayed quiet until she saw that I calmeddown a little. Then, as always, she came back as the voice of reason. <br />“Katie,” she replied kindly but firmly, “if what you say is true, then why didyour mother allow you to move away and pursue your dreams?” <br />I didn’t know what to say. Jody’s question had thrown me of guard. She left mespeechless as I desperately search for an answer. Finding none, I shrugged andthrew out this possibly: <br />“I don’t know. Maybe she did it just to see me struggle. Then, she can come torescue, and treat me like the child she thinks I am. “<br />After I finished ranting, I looked up at Jody and saw her face was fixed with astony scowl, and she was glaring at me with fierce and disapproving eyes. Whenshe spoke, her voce had an angry tone to it. <br />“Well, right now, I wouldn’t blame her. I mean, listen to yourself. You’rehaving a fit just because your mother’s coming. If that’s not childish, then Idon’t know what is!” <br />I couldn’t say anything after she finished. Jody had never spoken to me likethis, and her words crushed me like an angry wave. I slumped in my chair andlowered my head. At that moment I felt like a child who was being punished.Although I was trying to prevent any tears from falling, I soon felt onesliding down my face. Jody must have seen this too because she grabbed aKleenex and gently wiped my cheek. Looking up I saw that Jody’s face hadchanged. It was no longer angry, but soft and kind at it usually was. As Jodydried my eyes, she spoke softly, giving my a little hug. <br />“It’ll be all right. You’ll see.” After throwing the tissue away, Judy turnedtowards me with a smile on her face. <br />“Now come on,” she said in a determined tone, “let’s go get you ready.” <br />Taking a deep breath, I followed Jody to the end of the hall where my elevatorwas waiting. Silence filled the air as the elevator carried us to my room. Idon’t know what thoughts were spinning in Jody’s head, but I was busy trying tocalm mine. <br />When the doors slid open, they revealed a beautiful and spacious hallway. Afterall these years, I still couldn’t believe that this house was actually mine. AsI rolled onto the wood paneled floor, I couldn’t help marveling at its simpleelegance. My favorite colors are blue and white. Therefore, most of the housewas decorated with these colors in some way or another. The walls of thishallway were painted in a delicate baby blue with antique crown molding whichwas connected to the plain white ceiling. <br />My bedroom was the first room on right, it was sponge panted with cobalt blueand white. This effect made me feel like I was floating on the lake. My floorwas covered in plush white carpeting, which reminded me of sand on a warmsummer day. <br />It only took a moment for me to find my formal green dress, but when I went tograb it, Jody stopped me. I looked at her with surprise, but before I could sayanything, Jody explained herself. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">“I’ve beenthinking. . . . Maybe you shouldn’t wear the green dress.” <br />I opened my mouth to protest this but before I could speak, Jody stopped me. <br />“Let me finish,” she said, holding her hand up, “you want your mom to thinkeverything’s cool and casual, right?” <br />I nodded slowly, wondering where she was going with this. <br />Well,” she continued, pointing towards the dress, “that dress defiantly doesnot say casual.” <br />I examined the dress and instantly that Jody was right. The dress in questionwas emerald green and was covered with a shimmering beaded design. Victorianlace decorated the hem of the skirt, giving it a classy old fashioned look. Iremember wearing it to an award ceremony a while ago but I hadn’t worn it sincethen. <br />“What do you suggest,” I asked, hoping that she had an idea. <br />“Well, I was thinking . . . . . ,” she said slowly, fumbling through my closet,“of this one.” <br />Jody then pulled something out and turned to show me. She was holding my secondfavorite dress. The sleek silk dress had been delicately hand dyed in twoshades of purple. A beautiful layer of lavender draped itself across my front,which seemed to be floating on little white wisps of circling clouds. Thelavender continued to cascade towards my waist like a waterfall. <br />The waterfall then gracefully spilled into the lake of royal purple that filledmy skirt. <br />“Good choice,” I said with a smile <br />despite my disability and weakness, I had great strength in my legs. Growingup, my mother had insisted on exercising my legs to keep them strong and agile.She always said that the worst thing that I could do was allow my muscles toatrophy. I hated these exercises and they pain they caused, but mom ignored mywhining so I had no choice. <br />When I moved out, I decided to stop doing them completely. That however was amistake, because my legs soon began to ache and stiffen. It was then that Irealized just important those exercises were. Therefore I began doing themagain. <br />Using my regained strength, I pulled myself up using a support bar attached tomy wall. Rising slowly, I felt my feet sinking into the warm softness of thecarpet as I put weight on them. Once I was at my full height, the clock beganto tick Even though I had strength in my legs, I could only stand for a shorttime. After five minutes, my feet began to burn like fire, and I became weakagain <br />Therefore Jody and I had to a system. When I would wear a dress, Jody wouldslip it over my head while I stood. As she slipped the dress over me, I feltthe silk fabric cover me like a refreshing wave. <br />Then Jody would tap my foot, which told me to raise it. She would then quicklyslip on my socks. We would also put my pants on this way, but since I wasn’twearing any tonight, I was able to sit down sooner. With a sigh of relief, Isank back into my chair. Even though my skirt covered my feet, I decided towear a pair of classy but plain white shoes. The last thing to conquer was myhair, and Jody knew actually what to do with it. <br />In no time, Jody’s nimble fingers began to dance within my hair, only pullingslightly. Within minutes my once my plain, loose hair had been woven into anintricate double French braid. She had also sprayed glitter in it to add somesparkle. In addition to that she wove a silk ribbon into the braid that matchedthe dress perfectly. To tie the braids together, Jody used a black velvet hairtie. <br />When the last minute touches were done, we hurried back down. To my surprise,we were greeted by a by a silvery voice. <br />“Katie!” <br />Looking up, I saw my mom and Ryan standing by porch door, smiling at me. <br />“How long have you guys been here? We didn’t here you come in?” <br />“Like I keep telling you, Katie,” mom said smiling, “you need a guard dog. Nota guard cat.” <br />I lowered my gaze from my mother’s face to the black and white bundle of furthat was resting in her arms. There he was. In all his glory, Prince Ritz waslying belly-up, purring contentedly while my mother stroked his head. He onlymoved occasionally as if to say,” Oh, you missed a spot….Yeah right there.” <br />“Well,” I said, laughing, “he’s still in training.” <br />This remark brought a big mocking smirk to Ryan’s face. <br />“In training for what,” he asked,” the big annual Friskies eat off?” <br />At this, Ritz raised his head and glared at Ryan with his piecing green eyes.He then suddenly leapt from my mother’s arms and landed with a plop on thefloor, and smugly walked out the room while his belly jiggled with every step.It probably didn’t help that we laughed at Ritz as he left. <br />After a moment, Ryan was finally to speak through his laughter. <br />“That cat is always good for a laugh.” <br />After the hugs and hellos had been shared, I looked for Ritz. I knew he wasn’ta people cat, but he wasn’t on his sunroom pillow, and I couldn’t hear thetapping of his claws on the hardwood floor. <br />“I wonder where Ritz went.” I said aloud. <br />I wasn’t looking for an answer, but Jody offered one anyway. <br />“Oh don’t worry. He’ll be back when he smells food.” <br />“Dinner!” <br />With all of the excitement, I had forgotten about the lasagna that was stillsitting in the oven. Whirling around, I quickly grabbed a mitt, and opened theoven. Black smoke billowed out as soon as I did this, making me cough. Alongwith the smoke came the bitter smell of burnt food. Once the smoke cleared, Isaw just how bad the damage was. What was once a mouth watering masterpiece wasnow a blackened mound of charcoal. By now everyone was laughing at mymisfortune. Whether my face was flushed from heat or embarrassment, I wasn’tsure, but I had to think fast. <br />“Pizza anyone” <br /><br /> Chapter Ten <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> Tate<br />I sat in my crummy apartment working on my third beer and second cigarette ofthe night. The room had two sources of light: dim yellow light came from twolamps that stood across from each other and the light coming from my monitor.My eyes flickered from the can I was holding to the flickering screen. Thecalming ripple of tiny waves popped out of a flowing stream. Water was the onlything that gave me temporary peace. It also reminded me that some things in theworld still held into innocence. That’s how I thought of Catherine too. <br />Unlike most people, she retained her innocence somehow, letting it show ineverything she did. At that moment, I realized that it was Catherine’s innocencewhich drew me to her so intensely. <br />I was jealous of her, I realized. I was robbed of it as a child by myself-destructive parents. Another thing that I resented about Catherine was thelove that surrounded her. I wanted those things for myself. Maybe by sneakinginto her life, I’ll get to taste love and compassion at last. <br />However, I couldn’t do anything at moment because I was still being punishedfor my stupid mistake. It wasn’t that I had any respect for the law. How couldI since the government concealed information that should be available to thepublic? I couldn’t risk it though. If I got caught again, that meant jail time,which would keep me away from Catherine even longer. Therefore, I was stuckwaiting on Justin’s lazy ass! <br />Justin said that it would only take two weeks to get E-mail and online journalpasswords. That had been four weeks ago, and still nothing! At first, this onlyannoyed me, but now, I was pissed! <br />Getting up from my chair, I stomped across the room and angrily sat down at mycomputer. I watched my screensaver dissolve rapidly, revealing AIM which stillhung open. Justin was online and I quickly sent him an angry message. <br />Darkman555: Where the hell have you been? <br />I tapped my fingers impatiently waiting for his answer. I didn’t have to waitlong. As usual, Justin sent me a sarcastic, smart ass answer. <br />Maskedman: Coming master! Anything you wish master! How may I serve you? <br />Despite my anger, I couldn’t help but laugh as I pictured Justin as Igor,coming to Dracula’s call. <br />Darkman555: All right, all right, but did you get the stuff I asked for? <br />Maskedman: Not yet, but I’m working on it. <br />The anger that was melting away returned with a vengeance, and as my bloodboiled, I typed out the question that raged on in my mind. <br />Darkman555: No! What in the hell have you been doing then? I’m not paying youto sit on your ass all day! <br />I must have hit a nerve, because his next message was an angry one. <br />Maskedman: Listen closely moron! I have more important things to deal withright now than you! Secondly, paid or not, I’m doing this as a favor to you.Are you stupid enough to think that I haven’t been watching every move you makeor tracking every keystroke? Mess with me, and the police will be at your doorquicker than you can say “Catherine.” As for me, I can easily disappear,leaving you to rot in a jail cell. Think about it! <br />I sat stunned for a second. Apparently I underestimated Justin again. My shocksuddenly gave anger as I realized that he was right. In frustration, I slammed myfist painfully on the table. Justin had me cornered! <br />For the rest of the night, I tried to figure out my next move. Everything Ithought of wouldn’t work. We knew each other too well, and mind games onJustin. Justin would block any trick I tried to pull. I had catch him offguard, but how? He was always on his guard with me. All this thinking made myhead heavy and crowed, so I decided to head to The Dark Side to clear it. <br />When I got there, I instantly climbed on a stool and ordered a beer A few momentslater, Andorra handed me my beer, giving me a sexy smile. <br />“Here you go, cutie, “she yelled. <br />Andorra was big but beautiful. Her sparking black eyes were very mysterious,and I liked that. She was like a puzzle waiting to be solved. I usually retunedher flirting games, but tonight, I was too distracted. <br />After taking a sip of my beer, I opened the laptop and inserted a CD into it. Ihad been working on a monitoring program that I hoped to watch Catherine with.As I took another drink, I looked around. <br />The place was busy as usual, and the bright flashing lights placed a mask overevery face. I knew that Justin came almost every night, so he had to be heresomewhere. Just then, it hit me. Ask Andorra. She knew almost everyone in here,and when they showed up. The music was always blasting, so it was nearlyimpossible to talk over it. Still, I had to try. <br />“Andorra…Andorra….Andorra!” <br />After calling her three times, I was about to give up, but I tried again. <br />“Andorra!” <br />This time, she heard me. <br />“Yeah,” she called, leaning over the bar. <br />“Did Justin show up tonight?” <br />“Yeah,” she shouted back, “and he brought someone with him.” <br />This was interesting. Justin was a very private person. If I even tried to geta little personal, he would instantly change the subject. Therefore, I couldn’timagine him having any friends. <br />“Man or women,” I asked, as if it really mattered. <br />“It’s a guy,” she answered, “and he must be new cause I’ve never seem himbefore.” <br />Now I was really interested. Who was this mystery friend, and did he know whatJustin really was? I had to find out. <br />“Where are they?” <br />“They’re sitting in the back.” <br />“Thanks,” I yelled, sliding off the stool. <br />The tables along both sides of wall were taken as usual, but Justin wasn’t atany of them. He’s got to be around here somewhere. Just when I was about togive up, Andorra’s words came back to me. <i>They’rein the back.</i> <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">Of course, whydidn’t I think it before! There was another section to The Dark Side. It was abig half ridden room where people traded secrets and dealt with blackmail. <br />It was harder to see now that I reached the back wall, so I had to feel my wayalong. I felt my way along the wall until I felt a part of it give way. Withjust a little force, I was able to push the wall aside like a door. Duckingslightly, I stepped inside the room. I had never been in this room before, soto me, it was like entering another world. <br />Unlike to noisy and chaotic one that I had just left, the atmosphere of thisroom was subdued and almost eerie. At first, I couldn’t see much of anything.As my eyes adjusted however, I was able to take in my surroundings a littlebetter. <br />The room was dark. The soft glow of table lamps seemed to be the only light. AsI began to work my though the room, my eyes started to roam. At some tables,four or five dark figures were hunched over their laptops, mumbling. Othertables only had two people, and those were the ones that I was scanning. <br />I was nearing the back, something suddenly caught my eye. I saw somethingflicker in the lamplight. Turning my gaze to the right, I saw it: The crucifixthat Justin wore. Bingo! There you are! <br />Across from him sat the guy that Andorra had told me about. Even though Icouldn’t see his face very well, I could tell that this guy was a real downerby the way he sat slumped over the table. I had planned to play it cool, butseeing Justin sitting there like a dummy only made my blood boil again. <br />Without a second thought, I stormed over there. <br />“Where the hell have you been?” I shouted as rage poured though my veins <br />Justin’s eyes filled with shock when he saw me standing there. I watched withgreat satisfaction as Justin’s eyes darted from me to his friend. I couldn’thelp laugh. <i>You’re trapped now, youlittle bastard! <br /></i>When Justin finally spoke, he asked the lamest question. <br />“What are you doing here?” <br />“Looking for you asshole! Where have you been? ” I fired back <br />I saw Justin’s flash with anger, but I didn’t care. <br />“I’m not your slave, Tate!” he angrily stated. <br />As always, a verbal war was starting, but I was ready <br />“You’re right,” I snapped, “You’re not my slave! Slaves don’t get paid!” <br />Suddenly, Justin shot up from his seat. Now we were standing inches from eachother, and his angry, heavy breathing matched mine. His blue eyes were almostblack in this light, buy they flashed like lightening. <br />“Listen, you dumb son of a….” <br />The ring of my cell phone cut him off. <br />“Oh shit,” I mumbled as I looked down at the glowing display. <br />It was my mother, and she usually called for two reasons: Either she had brokenup the latest loser and was kicked out of his place needing a place to stay, orshe needed money to feed her boozing habit. <br />“We’ll finish this later,” I warned before stomping from the room. <br />As I walked home that night, I kept looking down at my glowing phone where mymother’s number still taunted me. <br />Nothing but angry questions and thoughts raged war in my head. At first Imanaged to keep them in my head, but since the words kept pounding against mybrain, I had to let them out. <br />“Great, just great,” I grumbled, “as if I don’t have enough to deal with! Now,I have to deal with HER on top of it all!” <br />Walking through the hallway to my apartment, I prepared myself. Over the years,I had grown numb to her stories and excuses. Every hope that she wasn’t reallythere was shattered when I opened the door. <br />There she was, sitting on my floor with several beer can lying at her feet. Mymother’s head was down with her stringy, greasy hair covering her face. When Ilooked up, a familiar sight met my eyes. My mother’s stuff was all over theplace. <br />“Nice of you to clean up,” I stated, slipping past her <br />My mother’s blonde hair fell back as she looked up, revealing her haggardmascara smudged face. <br />“Don’t start with me,” she shouted, slurring his words, “I don’t need yourshit!” <br />I found the question ironic, and I had to laugh. <br />“Oh yeah, then why do you always show up here?” <br />“Cause, you’re all I got,” she whined pathetically. <br />“Lucky me,” I mumbled, throwing a heap of her clothes off the couch onto thefloor. <br />Suddenly, I felt completely drained of energy. Being with my mother always didthis to me. As I sank into the couch, a heavy angry silence fell over us as weboth wallowed in our own misery. My mother wasted no time in getting anotherbeer and sucked it down as if she were taking in a much needed breath.Meanwhile I closed my eyes and prayed that this was just a nightmare.Unfortunately, when I opened my eyes, she was still there, and I cursed God forit. <br />“So, how long are you staying for this time,” I asked numbly. <br />“Same as usual,” she said quietly. <br />I had to laugh again. We both know how she made her money, but never talkedabout it. It was easy and it was what she was good at, but I was the one whoalways paid for it. Usually, I left my bitter words unsaid, but not this time. <br />“Yeah, you bring the guy here, and then your asses end up wrecking all mystuff!” <br />“I told you last time that I’d be more careful,” she snapped. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">A moment passébefore she spoke again. <br />“Besides, it’s not like all your junk is worth anything.” <br />“Oh no, nothing at all. It’s only how I make a living. That’s all,” I repliedsarcastically. <br />She didn’t make anymore comments, and I knew we were done. For now, at least…. <br />I was now fully exhausted, but I was too wound up to sleep. <br />Sighing heavily, I leaned back and sat there, thinking. A thousand scenariosran through my head, all of them involving damage either to my mother, me or myproperty. <br />Then, like a flash of lightening, the idea came to me. With renewed energy, Ijumped from the couch, and went to my room. After a minute, I emerged from myroom with a packed bad at my side. <br />“Where are you going?” my mother asked weakly. <br />“None of your business,” I snapped, slamming the door behind me. <br />Inside the cab, I let my mind rage as I swore under my breath. The cab wasmaking its way across town to Justin’s. Instead of listening to mother whineand cleaning up her messes, I decided to crash at his place. Besides, I wastired of getting the brush off from him. He couldn’t away from me this time. <br />Justin made a little more money than me, but not much. Justin and I always kepta wall of secrecy between us. For the longest time, we were business partnersand nothing more. Over the years, however, I had grown curious about his past.He had no idea that I knew about the death of his father, sister and his weakmother. <br />One of the many things that I learned about Justin was that he had a heart andmorals. At first, it disgusted me. After all, morals and a heart never had aplace in my life. Later on, I learned to use this to my advantage. <br />Even though Justin was smart and quick, it was easy to attack him. He keptthose he cared about close and protected, and I was sure that mystery guy wasfamily or something. <br />The mumbling of Justin’s T.V. was the only sound. <i>Here we go.</i> With that, I knocked three times. <br /><br /> Chapter Eleven<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> Justin <br />I groaned as I heard the knocks. My day had been excruciating. Kyle’s cominghad thrown me off completely, including my workload. In addition to my fivecurrant assignments, a high profile investment firm which had been ravaged by agroup of hackers who called themselves <i>TheLiberators.</i> <br />Slowly, I pushed myself from the couch, and trudged to the door. Taking a deepbreath I opened the door, thinking I could deal with whatever was behind it.Boy, I was wrong. <br />A hard lump formed in my throat when I saw Tate standing. There. <i>Oh great!</i> He stood there as always withblank black eyes, and a stoic look. <br />“What in the hell are you doing here?” I asked quietly. <br />“Nice to see you too, sweetheart,” he said with a smile. <br />I wasn’t in the mood for this, and I wanted him gone <br />“Well, “I prompted, annoyance rising. <br />“Because I miss you,” Tate answered, enjoying this little game. <br />I sighed, knowing that he wasn’t going to make this easy. <br />“Look Tate,” I said, letting my annoyance show, “I don’t know what you’re up toand I don’t care. I’ve had a bad day, and I don’t need you’re….,” <br />I stopped in mid rant when I noticed that Tate was looking over my shoulder.Turning, I saw Kyle standing there, watching us. <br />I’d forgotten that Kyle was home, but now I remembered. Having come home from amidnight shift, Kyle wanted to go straight to sleep. Unfortunately, the couchwas covered with my work documents and my laptop. I offered to move my stuffbut he said no. <br />Emerging from my room, he now stood there with a questioning look. <br />“What’s going on?” <br />I had to think fast, so I said the first thing that came to mind. <br />“Oh hey,” I said, trying to sound cool, “Kyle, this is Tate. He’s an associateof mine from work. Tate, this is Kyle, an old friend of mine. “ <br />Silence fallowed as they stood looking at each other. Tate spoke first. <br />“So are you from out of town?” <br />Kyle nodded as he answered. <br />“Yea, I am. Justin’s letting me crash here ‘till I find a place of my own.” <br />“What a coincidence,” Tate chimed in, “me too!” <br />“What!” I cried, suddenly pulled from my thoughts. <br />My brain was already fried when Tate slowed up, so I tried to ignore him byretreating into my mind. I was thinking about mundane things like what was onT.V and what to do for dinner. He had just decided on Chinese, when Tate madehis announcement. <br />Now I stood glaring at him, not bothering to hide my surprise. Tate’s eyes boreinto mine. His hard look told me to shut up and go along with it. Normally, Iwouldn’t agree, but given the circumstances, I had to. <br />“Oh yeah. I forgot,” I answered lamely. <br />Still looking for an explanation, Kyle looked at me with questioning eyes. Iwas searching for anything that would help me. When I spotted my papers, theperfect cover story popped into my head. <br />“I’m sorry. I completely forgot to tell you. We’re working on a projecttogether, and we thought that if Tate stayed here, we’d get it done sooner.It’ll only be for a few days.” <br />I don’t know if Kyle bought it. I couldn’t read him now like I could when wewere kids. Maybe all the years of hardship and bitterness had jaded him too.For now though, he seemed fine. <br />“That’s cool,” was all he said. <br />Kyle offered to get us some beers, leaving Tate and I in heavy silence. I wasstill reeling from the surprise visit, wondering just what the hell he was upto. When Kyle was out of earshot, Tate spoke. “We’ll talk later,” he mumbled. <br /><i>Oh, I can’t wait</i>. Every word andthought that I held inside burned like fire. I knew that Tate was starting anew game, and I didn’t want to play. Because the timing wasn’t right however, Iheld my tongue. <br />As I lay in bed night, different thoughts and questions swept through my head,keeping me from sleep. Why did Tate show up now? What does he want? Probably tostir up trouble as usual. <br />Finally, I fell in a fitful sleep, knowing I’d find out later.<br />When I woke up the next morning, everything was quiet. I knew Kyle had alreadyleft for the day. Then I remembered. Tate! I’d almost forgotten about him.Sighing, I laid there for a second, preparing myself. For a minute, I letmyself relax when I didn’t hear anything. <i>Maybehe left</i>! Sadly, my hope was shattered when I heard the clanging of pots. <br />I found him in my cramped kitchen squirming around. <br />“Aw honey,” I cooed sarcastically, “you’re making breakfast! How sweet!” <br />“You wish,” he replied, still fumbling around, “Where’s your coffee? <br />“You make coffee?” I asked, nearly falling over from shock <br />“Yeah, but that’s the extent of my culinary skills,” he admitted. <br />I didn’t say anything else, but I could swear that the smell of bacon waslingering in the air. <br />“I’ll do it,” I offered, seeing that Tate found the coffee and was about tomake it <br />I was only anal about a few things, and coffee was one of them. My coffee hadto be just right. Otherwise I couldn’t drink it. <br />“Hey man, it’s your kitchen,” Tate said as he baked away. <br />Once the coffee was made, I fill two mugs, and brought them to my ricketytable. <br />“Milk or sugar?” I asked, handing Tate his cup. <br />Shaking his head, he took a sip. Two things we have in common. Thievery andstraight caffeine. <br />“Do you think this is what being an old married couple feels like?” Tate askedafter a minute. <br />“How should I know,” I laughed, “and if so, where’s my ring?” <br />“Don’t worry, sweetheart. You’ll get it…Eventually.” <br />I liked this side of Tate It was nice to his lighter side, and to hear playfulbanter instead of threats. Still, I was leery. What game is he playing? I hadto know. <br />“What are you doing here Tate,” I asked point blank. <br />He didn’t say anything, at first, so I just waited. <br />“My mother showed up last night” Tate said finally. <br />Dread echoed in his voice as he said this, which prompted my next question. <br />“So…..this is not a good thing, I take it?” <br />“She an energy sucking vampire, “he said vehemently, slamming his fist in thetable, nearly spilling our coffee. <br /><i>Ok, definite mother issues. Just like me.</i><br />I found myself recalling the past a lot lately, and I kept coming to the sameconclusion. If my mother hadn’t killed herself, I probably wouldn’t be in thismess. <i>Why didn’t she think about me!Didn’t I matter? <br /></i>Yes, I was angry at my own mother for abandoning me, so I knew how he felt,somewhat. <br />“Yea, I kinda know how you feel,” I said, leaving it at that. <br />We didn’t speak for a while, both lost in our own thoughts. I was mercifullypulled out of my memories when Tate spoke up next <br />“So, what’s the deal? Can I stay?” he asked, almost pleading. <br />“Yea, sure” I said, knowing that I’d regret it. <br />“Hey, thanks man,” he sighed, clearly relieved. <br />Suddenly, a single thought flashed through my mind. What about Kyle? I can’tlet Tate get to him! <br />With that in mind, I decided to give Tate a little warning. <br />“You can stay,” I warned, “but if you tell Kyle anything, I will kick yourass!” <br />“Hey man,” he said, “you keep my secrets, so I’ll keep yours.” <br />I should’ve thanked him, but instead I kept quiet, mulling over things in myhead. <br />“So, who’s this Kyle guy?” Tate asked <br />“He’s an old friend from Mississippi, “I answered <br />“Does he know?” he asked, referring to our secret <br />“No,” I said flatly, wishing Tate would shut up <br />“Maybe you tell him,” Tate advised, then fell silent. <br />At the time, I ignored Tate’s words, pushing them down, but they keptresurfacing. <br />Maybe you should tell him. I knew Tate was right. Kyle deserves to know thetruth, but how do I tell him? What will he say? <br />Then my father’s words ran through my head. <br /><i>Sometimes you just need to have faith inother people.<br />Okay dad, I’ll try.</i> <br />Later on, after finishing some work, I decided to give Kyle a call. He pickedup on the second ring. <br />“Hello?” <br />“Hey Kyle,” I answered <br />“Hey, what’s up?” he said cheerfully <br />I hoped my voice sounded calm, because my stomach was filled with knots ofapprehension. <br />“Listen, are you hungry? We could meet for launch.” <br />“Yea sure man,” he said, “my shift was brutal. <br />“Ok great. See ya.” <br />We agreed to meet at a little place by the hospital. As I made my way there, Itried to think of how to explain my double life. <br />Kyle, I have to tell you something…. Or a lot has happened…. Or better yet,Kyle there’s this guy…. <br />All of these sounded extremely lame of course. I continued to wrack my brain untilit swam, but nothing sounded right <br />Standing outside the café, I decided not to say anything about Tate. Why makelife more complicated? <br />The café’ was swimming with people. I checked my watch and saw that it 5:00 onthe dot. Rush hour. Perfect! I had no desire wait in line, but my need forcoffee overrode me. With my coffee in hand, I started my search for Kyle, whichdidn’t take me long. I found him sitting near the back. <br />“Hey,” he said when he saw me. <br />“Hey,” I nodded back, sitting down. <br />My eyes instantly focused on the mouth watering steak and cheese sub that satin front of him. <br />“How in the hell did you get that so quick!” I said gaping at the sub, then atlong food line. <br />“Subway,” he answered, before taking a big, juicy bite. <br /><i>Figures.</i> I tried to distract mygrowling stomach by drinking my coffee. It didn’t work. The caffeine only madethings worse. I tried not to watch Kyle eat but my eyes continued to linger onthe sandwich. Kyle must have noticed because he took a plastic knife andawkwardly cut it in half. He then offered one to me. <br />“No thanks,” I said, putting my hands up. <br />“Take it,” he insisted,” if you don’t, I’ll have to use my napkins to wipe upall the drool.” <br />“Okay, okay,” I laughed, gladly accepting the sandwich.<br />We ate in silence for a while, both enjoying our food. I was beginning to relaxa little, thinking that maybe we could just talk. Finally, Kyle spoke up. <br />“So, why’d you wanna meet with me?” he asked. <br />“Just to chat,” I said, truthfully enough, “we never get to hang out anymore.” <br />“That’s true,” Kyle nodded, “work’s been a bitch lately.” <br />Kyle took another bite, and then sipped his soda. After wiping his mouth, ayawn came out. <br />“Yea,” Kyle sighed, “I need to catch up with another old friend.” <br />“Who?” I asked <br />“Sleep.”, he said simply <br />“Yes,” I pointed out, “but, it would be such a shame to get rid of those darkcircles. They give your face some much needed color.” <br />“Shut up,” he shot back, smiling. <br />“I have an idea,” I said, “Why don’t you try to catch some sleep, and then later,we can rent an action packed no brainer?” <br />Kyle seemed to be considering it for a minute. Then his gaze turned serious. <br />“I have a better idea,” Kyle suggested, “Why don’t you tell me what’s goingon?” <br />“What do you mean?” I asked dumbly <br />“You know actually what I mean,” Kyle sighed, clearly tired but determined,“who’s that guy that barged in last night?” <br /><i>And, there it is</i>. It was the questionthat I both feared and waited for, but I wasn’t ready to answer it. <br />“I’m not gay if that’s what you mean,” I fired back, hoping to throw him off. <br />It didn’t work. <br />“I figured that,” Kyle said, forging ahead,” by the way you looked at him.” <br />Kyle paused, waiting for me to speak, but I couldn’t. My mind was racing,trying to think of anything to stop this conversation. Seeing that it wasuseless, he continued. <br />“You looked like you wanted to kill the guy, so he’s obviously not a friend.” <br />Kyle stopped again, and this time, I managed to say something. <br />“He is an associate of mine.” I said <br />“Ok, so you work with him?” Kyle asked impatiently. <br />I nodded. <br />Kyle broke then. <br />“Come on, Justin,” he demanded, “I told you about Devin to warn you. You couldat least do the same for me! Is he dangerous?” <br />This question hit me like a ton of bricks, and I knew Kyle was right. He hadcome clean with me. It was time that I did the same. But this is different.Tate wouldn’t try to kill me…I hope. <br />“Not to you,” I said at last <br />Kyle seemed to accept that, and thus, the conversation ended. <br />Sleep would not come that night. Instead, every lie, secret, and mistake that Iheld wreaked havoc in my head. Finally, I gave up. Sitting up, I rubbed myeyes, and reached for the only photograph I owned. It was black and white andmy mother stood behind Emily and me with her arms around us protectively. Itraced my finger over our smiling faces as my mind wondered back to that time <br />We had a reason to smile back then. A year before my father died, he bought anold camera. He loved that thing, taking it everywhere, and constantly buggingus with it. <br />After his death, we sold everything that would bring us money, and the camerawas one of them. When I left, this was the only picture that I took with me,the only one mattered. <br />Sighing, I put the picture back, and spoke into the air, praying that my mothercould hear me. <br />“Oh mama,” I whispered, “I wish you would’ve stayed with me! I could really usesome of your advice right about now.” <br />I then told her about Kyle, Tate, and Catherine, not to mention the lies that Iwas keeping from all of them. <br />“I’ve told so many lies that I barely know who I am anymore. Am I a protectivefriend or a vindictive liar?” <br />Closing my eyes, an image formed in my mind. I was back in our little shack,sitting at the old round table. Mama and I were having coffee and talking likewe used to after Emily went to bed. Wiping tears away, I whispered into thedark once more. <br />“Oh, I miss you so much. Wherever you are, I hope you’re happy again.” <br />As I drifted into sleep, I tried to hold on to our shack, to that table, and toMama. <br /><br /> Chapter Twelve <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> Catherine<br /><br /><i>To whom much is given, much is expected.</i>Whenever I think of that scripture passage, my Grandmother always comes tomind. She repeated it whenever I complained about my life. For the longesttime, I hated that saying, but now I understand what she meant. My blessingshave been countless, but so have my obligations. <br />You’d think that since I’m my own boss, I could make time to spend with myfamily, but NO! That’s what I kept grumbling to myself. With all of theexcitement of mom and Ryan’s visit, I completely forgot about The Web ofDeception! It’s due to be released this week! <br />Now, instead of hanging out and catching up as I’d planned, I was going to booksigning, holding conferences, and meeting with Nicholas Shafer, my publisher. <br />My new book had barely hit shelves, and Nick was already pushing for the nextinstallment. Nagging Nick as I have so aptly named him has been my publisherfrom the start. Since then, we have shared a love-hate working relationship anda banter filled and fun loving personal one. Professionally, Nick is a thorn inmy side, always suggesting, correcting, and nit picking. Our personal is a bitmore complicated. <br />Nick is flirtatious by nature, and so am I. At first, we flirted just for funas a way to break the tension that comes from working together. Now, threeyears later, things have changed slightly. Nick is still annoying, but he is nolonger a brotherly figure to me. Instead, I now saw him as a warm,compassionate friend. <br />I will admit that I am attracted to Nick. Who wouldn’t be? With those soft deepcaramel brown eyes, and his infectious smile, Nick is practically irresistible!Unfortunately, attraction’s where it stops. Any woman would be blessed to haveNick’s affections, but I will never be one of them. What makes it worse is thatNick is always telling me how beautiful I am, and I wish he’d stop! I know thathe’s just being nice, and that he doesn’t really think that. How could he? Whowould want someone with below average looks and a varity of medical problems? <br />My fans don’t help much either. As well intentioned as I’m sure they are, theyonly manage to make me feel worse sometimes. I am very grateful to my fans, andto show it, I try to read every letter and e-mail that comes my way. On veryrare occasions, I even get a chance to respond to some of them. <br />For the most part, I enjoy fan mail. The messages often make me smile becausemost of them are aspiring writers seeking advice or just giving encouragement.However, some people send letters which just serve to annoy me. These lettersare filled with sickeningly sweet praise and false admiration. They simplygush, saying how brave and strong I am for dealing with my disability andpursuing my dream in spite of it. I call these pity notes. Most of the time, Ijust shrug them off, chalking their comments up to ignorance. Other times, Ijust want to scream. I’m disabled, not dying, people! Jody is often quick toremind met hat not all people had experience with the disabled. Therefore, theydon’t know any better. I know she’s right, but still it irks me. After all,haven’t we grown as a society? <br />Because of the book release, time with Ryan and mom was hard to come by.Tuesday, instead of seeing a movie with them, I was stuck at home makingconference calls. The next day, I had to do interviews with both People andEntertainment magazine. It was then that I decided that enough was enough. Ineeded a break! <br />“I’m done,” I told Nick when he answered his cell. <br />“What do you mean you’re done?” Nick asked, confused. <br />“I need a break, Nick,” I stated flatly. <br />“But Catherine,” he said sounding surprised,” you can’t. Not now, anyway.” <br />I felt my frustration growing. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">“Why not?” Iasked, sighing loudly <br />“You’ve done this before, Catherine,” he pointed out,” don’t you remember whata book release entails?” <br />Before I could answer, Nick started going down the list. There were publicappearances to be made, more interviews to be held, meet and greets with fans. <br />By the time he was finished, Nick had made my head throb. I could feel thethrill of success crashing down, making me dizzy. I refused to let himoverwhelm me, however. I had to take control of the situation. <br />“Look Nick,” I said forcibly, “My brother is going into the seminary, and Iwon’t see him for a while. Plus, my mother’s here and I’m trying to work on ouralready strained relationship.” <br />A moment of silence elapsed before I drove my last point home. <br />“Besides I’m exhausted.” <br />Having stated my case, I fell silent and waited. Now it was Nick’s turn. Sincethis was a business call, I expected Nick to go pushy publisher mode. When Nickfinally spoke, his words surprised me. <br />His voice was gentle and understanding. <br />“Look Catherine,” Nick said softly, “I completely understand how you feel. Iknow how time with your family is. Especially where Ryan is concerned, but abreak is impossible. <br />“Why,” I snapped, “don’t I deserve a break?” <br />“Of course you do,” Nick replied gently, “but the ball is rolling now. The bookhas been written and published. Now, it needs to be promoted, and who better topromote it than the author?” <br />He was right of course, but I didn’t want to admit it. Mom had warned me yearsago that the fame I craved came with a price. At the time, I simply ignored herthe way I usually did. Time passed, and with it, so did her words. Now however,I was feeling their full weight. Ask and you shall receive. The simple bibleverse rang in my head, taunting me. <br />I caved like he knew I would. <br />“All right,” I groaned, “I’ll do it.” <br />“That’s my girl!” Nick said enthusiastically. <br />“But Nick,” I warned, “After this, I’m done for a while.” <br />“Absolutely,” he agreed. <br />After a short pause, Nick asked me a surprising question. <br />“How long are Ryan and your mom staying?” <br />“Two weeks,” I answered softly, forcing a lump of sadness that had risen backdown. <br />It wasn’t that I was sad for Ryan. On the contrary, I was thrilled that hadfollowed God’s will for him. However, I would miss him terribly. I took aminute to steady myself before speaking again. <br />“He has two weeks before mom has to drive him to Negaunee.” <br />“Ok,” Nick said after a moment of thought, “give me a week of your time, andthen you can rest, ok?” <br />“Ok, Nick. I’ll give you one week of promoting, signing, whatever you need.After that, I get time with my family.” <br />Once again, Nick told me how great I was. Then, he listed all of the thingsthat I had to look forward to during the week. By the end of the conversion, Icould think of one thing. I needed chocolate! Mocha cappuccino, here I come! <br />I knew that time with Ryan and mom would be scarce this coming week. Therefore,I decided to attempt dinner one more time. This time, I watched the oven like ahawk, ensuring that my lasagna came out perfect. With the table set and prayerssaid we all gathered around to eat and visit. I had hoped that the eveningwould go smoothly, but of course, that was asking too much. <br />Just as I was going to pass the salad around, there was a knock on the frontdoor. <br />“Who could that be?” Jody huffed as she went to answer it. <br />“Did we interrupt date night, Katie?” Ryan teased, helping himself to thelasagna. <br />“Not a chance, “I laughed, shaking my head. <br />“Gift for you, Katie,” Jody called as she came back. <br />She was followed by a beautiful but ridiculously large flower arrangement. Thebouquet of lilies and pink roses were practically spilling out of the vase. Atfist glance, it looked the flowers were floating, but when I looked at thefloor, I could see the delivery guy’s feet.. <br />Setting the flowers on the table, the gentleman wiped his face, and smiled atme. <br />“Boy,” he said in a deep and friendly voice, “you have some admirer, miss.” <br />I instantly knew who they were from without looking at the card. Before heleft, the delivery man, who’s name was Michael, asked if he could get autographfor his daughter, Jamie. <br />I didn’t mind, but my mother did. She gave him a dirty look that clearly said,“Do you mind?” <br />“Doesn’t that bother you?” mom asked once the man left. <br />“Doesn’t what bother me,” I asked, playing dumb. <br />“You know what I mean,” she said crossly,” people always bothering you, askingfor autographs?” <br />I shrugged in answer. <br />“Not really. It comes with the territory.” <br />I turned my attention towards my meal, thinking that the subject was closed. Itwasn’t. <br />“Well, it bothers me. It’s as if people think just because you’re famous; wecan stop everything and focus on them.” <br />“Without the fans, there’d be no fame,” I said simply <br />Silence followed my statement, which with mom, meant the subject was dropped.Tension filled the room for a second, and I felt my mind racing, preparing toargue. <br />“This lasagna is very good, Katie,” my mother said. <br />Turning, I saw her scraping her plate. <br />“Why thank you,” I replied with a smile, “it should be. It’s yours after all.” <br />Mom’s eyes widened in surprise when I said this. <br />“You mean you actually listened to me about something?” She asked, shocked, “Ithought you just ignored me.” <br />I shrugged again. <br />“Not always. I listened when it came to food and makeup. You know the importantstuff.” <br />That brought laughter around the table, breaking the ice finally. <br />“Well Katie, my mother laughed, “I’m glad that all my motherly wisdom hasserved you so well.” <br />There was a lull in the conversation, during which, Jody reached for flowers.Before I could stop her, she took the card! <br />“Until tomorrow night,” Jody cooed. <br />I tried to snatch it from her, but she held it out of reach. Oh great! And letthe teasing begin… <br />“What’s tomorrow, Katie,” Ryan asked, mischievously, “Hot date perhaps?” <br />“Hardly!” I scoffed <br />“Then, what’s with the flowers?” my mother asked with a smile. <br /><i>Oh mother, not you too!</i> <br />I was trapped! There was no escaping the torment! <br />“It’s not a date,” I informed them “it’s a fundraiser for the library!” <br />“That still doesn’t explain the flowers,” Ryan probed. <br />“Are you sure being a priest is your calling,” I retorted, “because you’renoisy like a private investigator!” <br />Well, that did it. The next thing I knew Ryan was wearing the wounded puppylook. He knew it always got to me. <br />“I was just curious” He whined giving me that irresistibly cute pouty face. <br />I sighed, shaking my head in defeat. <br />“You’re impossible!” I said, my lips curling into a smile. <br />“Well?” Ryan pried, gesturing to the flowers. <br />“If you must know, they’re from my editor, Nick.” <br />That confession brought an oooohhhh from around the table. I knew at once thatI had made a fatal mistake. <em>God, make them stop! Please just make them stop!</em><i><br /></i>“He sounds very cute too,” Jody added <br />“What do you mean he sounds cute, “my mothers asked,” haven’t you met him yet? <br />“No,” Jody pouted, “Katie won’t let me.” <br />“And why not?” she asked, drilling me with her eyes.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">"He's a verybusy guy," I answered honestly. <br />I didn't tell them the real reason, though. It wasn't that I was ashamed ofJody. It wasn't that at all. I knew that Nick and Jody would hit it offinstantly. That wasn’t the problem. Jody was not only one of my closestfriends, but also my caretaker. If things went sour between Nick and me, Ifeared that she would be caught in the middle. It was a luxury I could notafford. <br />Suddenly, my mother's voice interrupted my thoughts. <br />"What, is Jody not good enough to meet your friends?" she asked. <br />I was getting tired of this conversation. What started out as fun and games wasturning into a witch hunt. Why should I have to explain myself anyway? <br />"Mom," I sighed exasperated, "of course not, but I work withhim. I don't think it's a good idea to mix businesses with pleasure." <br />Well, I regretted that statement as soon as it came out of my mouth. A knowinglook came into Ryan's eyes. <br />"You're hiding," Ryan said, shaking his finger at me. <br />"What do you mean hiding?" I asked innocently, knowing perfectly wellwhat he meant. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">I looked at him,eyes pleading. <i>Oh Ryan, please don'tstart.</i> <br />"You know what I mean," Ryan said, ignoring my eyes, "every timesomeone tries to get close to you, you get scared and push them away." <br />"Ryan, please don't lecture me," I said, trying to remain calm. <br />He shrugged. <br />"I'm only telling the truth." <br />Heavy silence hung in the air for moment. Then, Jody came to the rescue. <br />"Who wants coffee cake?" Jody asked, jumping up from the table. <br />That made everyone smile. <em>Thanks, Jody. </em><i><br /></i>Just as desert was being dished out, my cell phone rang. I let Beethoven'sFifth play a little before answering. <br />"Hello?" <br />Nick's deep and reassuring voice filled my ears. <br />"Hey there," he said casually. <br />The sound of his voice gave me chills, and I really hoped that I wasn't turningred. <br />"Hey," I said, trying to keep the excitement out of my voice. <br />"How's your day going?" He asked. <br />I looked up quickly. They were all staring at me now, straining to hear theconversation. "Um, it's been interesting," I said, smiling. Helaughed at this<i>. Oh, that laugh</i>! Iwished I could bottle it. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">"I know whatyou mean," he said, "my mother's Italian. If she's not pushing foodon me, she's asking if he I've met anyone yet. To be honest, my family's alittle crazy." <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">I looked back atthe ones I loved so much. <br />"You have no idea," I replied. <br />Only silence answered back at the ones me, and for a minute, I thought my callhad been dropped. <br />"Nick?" I called. <br />When Nick spoke again, he sounded nervous.<br /> "Catherine, about tomorrow night...,”<br />Then, he paused, causing my mind to race<i>.Oh no! He's calling to cancel! I just know it!</i> <br />I wanted to stop him before he said it, but I just listened <br />"I was wondering," he continued, "would you like to grab somecoffee with me before the banquet? I mean, we'll have lots of time beforedinner, and I don't want to spend all that time with a fake smile on myface." <br />That made me laugh. I knew exactly what he meant, and I didn't want to wear aplastic smile any longer then I had to. <br />"Sure, coffee would be great." <br />“Ok, great. I'll pick you up around seven then. See you tomorrow night. " <br />I willed my voice to remain calm as I said goodbye. <br />"Ok, see you then, Nick. Have a good night." <br />As I hung up the phone, my heart was beating so fast that I was sure everyonecould hear it. <br />If they did, no one said anything. They did however, comment on the shade of myface. <br />"Why Katie, how strange! It looks as if you've gotten a little sun today.When did it come out, by the way?" <br />"Yeah," my brother smartly added, "you know Katie, you shouldreally use more sun screen. Remember, you've always had very sensitiveskin." <br />Well, they certainly weren't helping. <br />"Shut up," I said playfully, "now listen to me, all ofyou." <br />I uttered this announcement with a sense of dread, knowing full well that itwas going to fall on deaf ears. <br />"Nick is coming here tomorrow night," <br />Jody interrupted me before I could continue. <br />"He is?” She asked, a big smile spreading across her face. <br />"Yes, he is," I sighed heavily. <br />"Oh, goody, "she squealed, clapping her hands with childish delight. <br /><em>Oh Lord, please give me patience!</em> <br />"May I please continue?" I asked, starring at her. <br />Being the drama queen she always was, Jody lowered her eyes like a scoldedchild. <br />"Yes," she mumbled, "go ahead." <br />I cleared my throat and sat straight. <br />"Now, as I was saying. Nick is coming here. We're going for coffee beforethe banquet." <br />I paused and gave them a pleading look. <br />"Please, please don't embarrass me. I'm begging you." <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">Ryan pretended tobe hurt. <br />"Katie, we love you. We would never embarrass you," he said with asmile. <br />"Yeah right," I laughed, "remember my high school graduation.You guys were the loudest in the auditorium. I wanted to die.” <br />“Can’t a family be enthusiastic about their girl graduating from high school? “Ryan asked <br />“Enthusiastic yes, “I said, “Not obnoxiously embarrassing! “ <br />“Well, no one from that school expected you to graduate, “Ryan reminded me, “Sothat was quite an accomplishment. “ <br />“Yes, I know, “I sighed, “The point is please don’t embarrass me. I really likethis guy. “<br />“We noticed, “Jody snickered. <br /><em>This is Hopeless!</em> <br />I looked to my mother for support. <br />“Mom, please,” I said, looking at her with imploring eyes, “make them behave! “<br />“Don’t worry, dear, “she reassured me, patting my hand, “We’ll be our charming,lovable selves when Nick is here. “ <br />“That’s what I’m afraid of. “<br />I spent most of the next day running around like a chicken with its head cutoff. Not only did I have to prepare for my date with Nick, but I also had abook signing at the bookstore downtown. Before I did that however, I needed tospend some time with God. <br />As we’ve gathered on the porch to pray, a lump of sadness arose in my throat.Despite the fact that I had a few more days with them, I knew that time withmom and Ryan was shrinking. During the rosary, I couldn’t help but in thinkabout God’s plan for Ryan and I and how it was taking us in two completelyopposite directions. He was headed for a peaceful, meditative life. I howeverhad to been chosen to lead a public and often worldly one. For a brief moment,I found myself wishing that we were children again, untouched to by the realityof the world. <br />“How about I make us some waffles for breakfast, “he suggested after we hadfinished. <br />“Great idea, “my mother agreed. <br />I, on the other hand was a bit more apprehensive. <br />“Hold on, you want to cook in my kitchen?” I stuttered, “I don’t thank so. “<br />“Why not, “Ryan asked, “consider it my going away gift since I’m leavingtomorrow. Besides, you’ve done so muchfor us, it’s the least I can do. <br />“I know, and I appreciate that, “I assured him, “However, I don’t havecatastrophe insurance.” <br />“Brat! “ Ryan said, kicking my chair playfully. <br />Before I could stop him, Ryan got up, and headed into the house. I gave mom aworried look. “He’ll be fine, “ She said, waving her hand dismissively <br />Just seconds after she said that, there came a loud crash from the kitchen. <br />“Or, maybe not, “she corrected herself. <br />“Sorry, “Ryan called. <br />“I’m going to miss him, “I sighed. <br />“Me too, “mom smiled, reaching for my hand. <br />“I’m proud of you, Katie, “my mother said after a long silence. <br />I turned and looked at her with both surprise and disbelief. <br />“Really I am, “she said, seeing that I didn’t believe her. <br />I didn’t know what to say, and I can tell that she had a lot on her mind so Ijust waited. <br />“I know this may be hard to believe, she continued after taking deep breath,“but I’ve always only had your best interests at heart. “ <br />“I know that, mom…, “I started to say. <br />“Please, “She said, cutting me off, “I need to get this out. “ <br />Tears trickled down my mother’s cheeks she as continued. <br />“When I found out that I was going to have you, I started of making all theseplans, “she said softly. <br />I could tell that whatever mom had to say wasn’t coming out easily so I startedto pray. <br />“However, those plans were for someone who could walk, “mom admitted, pain andguilt clearly evident in her voice. I was speechless. In all of our yearstogether, mom had not once mentioned any of this, and I could tell that doingso now was hurtful but somehow necessary “The day you were born, “she continuedsoftly, “was one of the happiest, most terrifying days of my life. They didn’ttell me until later, but the doctors were having a hard time delivering you.For some reason, you just didn’t want to come out. “ <br />I couldn’t resist my next remark. <br />“Well, can you blame me, “I asked, “Look at the circus I was born into! “ Isaid. <br />That made her laugh a little bit. <br />“Give us some credit, “mom retorted, “at least your life is never boring!” <br />“That’s an understatement, “I mumbled. <br />We were both quiet for a minute, during which, I looked at the water again. Itwas A little rough today, but beautiful. It was a beautiful stormy blue. Hugewhitecaps rose and fell with the waves. Today, the water reminded me of theuncertainty that raged within my own self. <br />When I looked back again, mom was watching me intently, probably wondering whatI was thinking. She looked as if she wanted to continue with her tale, so Istarted to listen again. <br />“After you were born, “she began, calmer now, “the doctors told me that becauseof a lack of oxygen to your brain, you would be severely brain damaged. Theyalso said that it would be better if I put you some place and forgot you evenexisted. “<br />“What did you say? “I asked, even though I had a pretty good idea. <br />Mom gave a little smile, love showing in her eyes. <br />“I said no, of course. How could I turn my back on my own child? “<br />She sighed heavily before continuing. <br />“Everyone in the hospital thought I was crazy. They said that a child with youramount of brain damage would have virtually no quality of life. “<br />She sighed again, heavily as If she was trying to rid herself of an unwantedweight. <br />“I guess I just wanted to protect you from those kind the people,“ she added, “So I tried to mold you into what I want you to be. “ <br />She laughed a little at this statement, and the irony of it. <br />“I thought that would be easy to make you into what I wanted, but the more Itried, the more you fought me. You were very headstrong, even as a little girl.You were determined to be your own person, and nobody, and I mean nobody couldtell you what to do. “<br />Even though her eyes were Tender and her expressions soft, I felt that I Hadhurt my mother somehow by not being what she wanted or expected. I also feltthat it was my turn to say something. <br />Grouping her hand firmly but gently, I looked into my mother’s eyes and spokefrom the heart. <br />“Mom, I’m sorry if I hurt you. I never meant to be so.., “<br />Here, however, she stopped me by holding her hand up. <br />“No, Katie, “she said gently, placing a hand on my cheek, “you didn’t hurt me,sweetie. I’m glad you didn’t listen to me. “<br />She paused for a moment. Then, she gently and lovingly kissed my forehead. <br />“I’m proud of the woman you’ve become. I’m prouder than any mother has a rightto be. Not only do I have a son who is completely devoting his life to God, butI also have a daughter who is using her God given talent to help people.” <br />Now it was my turn to cry. Never before had mom opened up to me like this. Itwas simply overwhelming. I also felt as if a huge weight had bee been liftedfrom my shoulders. The approval that I had so longed for had finally come. Icould see, too that this visit had been good for mom. Relief clearly showed onher face. Mom was finally able to see for herself that I was doing well, andthat I was fully capable of looking after myself. She could finally let go. <br />There was no need for any more words. Everything that needed to be said hadbeen. Now there was peace in our silence instead of tension. I took thisopportunity to thank God for the gift of understanding He had given us. Onequestion kept running through my mind. I write fiction. How exactly is thathelping people? She was clearly mistaken. <br />“Mom, I said, gently “thank you for telling me all those things. I reallyneeded to hear them. Especially now. You’re giving me far too much credit,though. However, I hardly think writing stories qualifies as helping people.” <br />My mother looked at me with surprise <br />“You don’t, do you? “<br />She was pensive for a moment. Then, a bright smile appeared, as if she had justremembered something. <br />“Do you remember The Chronicles of Narnia books? “ <br />I smiled as the warm, almost forgotten memory floated back into my mind.Suddenly, I remembered that time with such clarity. <br />“Of course I do, “I replied, remembering my favorite book series. <br />Whenever life seemed overwhelming, especially during my high school years, Iallowed myself to become lost in the magical world. <br />“They allowed me to escape reality. For a little while, at least.” <br />“Exactly,” my mother pointed out, “and now, you do with the same thing forother people!”<br />She smiled again, eyes twinkling with something I’d never noticed before. Wasthat admiration? <br />“Thanks mom, “I said as we embraced once more. <br />As my mom held me, the anger and resentment that I felt seemed to melt away.Replacing them now were friendship and understanding. Then, without warning, ithappened. My body suddenly went limp, and I felt as is I was being drained ofall energy. My mother pushed me back, concerned. <br />“Are you all right? “She inquired, still supporting me. <br />“Yeah I think so, “I said, weakly. <br />I looked down, and saw myself shaking. A wave of panic washed over me. <i>This can’t be happening! I can’t get sick!Not now!</i> I looked up, and saw that mom had noticed too. Even though I wasalarmed, I tried not to show it. The last thing that I needed was my mother tobecome it worked up again. <br />“I guess I’m a little more tired than I thought. I haven’t been sleeping welllately, “I explained, partially telling the truth. <br />She didn’t buy it, though. My mother knew me too well, despite our differences.To her credit though, she remained calm. <br />“If you’re sure, “she said, even though her eyes had a beseeching look to them.<br />“Yes, “I confirmed, “I am. “ <br />Just then, Ryan called us, announcing that the waffles were ready. I gave mymother quick smile before heading into the house, hoping that she didn’t see myfear. As I turned away, I said a little prayer. <br />“Please Lord; just give me a little more time and strength. Let me make itthrough tonight! “<br />Although the waffles, toast and sausage were wonderful, they only added to myexhaustion. After breakfast, I excused for a nap <br />“Are you all right, baby doll?” Ryan asked <br />“Yes, “I lied, “I just need to rest up for tonight. “ <br />As I turned around in the elevator, I saw mom and Ryan exchange worried looks. <br />Jody joined me a moment later. The instant she saw me, her cheerful expressionvanished <br />“You’re so pale, “Jody exclaimed, “What’s wrong?” <br />“Nothing,” I said, hoping that she’d let it go, “I’m just a little tired,that’s all.” <br />Jody didn’t say anything, but just shook her head and sighed. <br />Although I tried to summon some strength, none came. I was nothing but deadweight, and poor Jody had to practically throw me into bed. Once I wascomfortable, Jody stood there, glaring at me. <br />“You’re getting sick!” she stated, waving an accusing finger at me. <br />“No I’m not,” I answered weakly. <br />I was trying to convince myself of this as well as her. It didn’t work however,because I still felt awful. Plus, Jody knew me too well. <br />“Don’t give me that,” Jody retorted angrily, “whenever you’re like this, itmeans you’re getting sick!” <br />Just then, she turned to leave. <br />“Jody, wait!” I called after her. <br />She stopped in the doorway, and turned around. I could tell that she wasannoyed with me. <br />“What,” she asked somewhat coldly. <br />“Please don’t tell mom or Ryan, “I pleaded,” I don’t want them to worry.” <br />I waited for an answer, but Jody said nothing. Instead, she just left the room.<br />“Here we go,” I sighed, resigned to my fate. Pulling the covers over my head, Iwaited for sleep to come. <br />Sadly, it was not to be. No sooner had I covered myself than Jody returned. <br />“Katie, open up,” she said, tapping me. <br />Thermometer in hand, she stood over me, looking grave. Jody had a way ofswitching from friend to caregiver when it came to my health. I hated that. <br />“I don’t . . . ,” I started to protest. <br />Before I could finish however, I felt hard plastic being shoved under mytongue. <br />“Have a temperature, “I mumbled around the thermometer. <br />“It’s better to be safe then sorry,” Jody gently reminded me in a motherlytone. <br />Since my question had been left unanswered, I decided to ask it again. <br />“You won’t tell them, will you Jody? “ I pleaded. <br />Jody looked at me silently for a moment as if contemplating her answer. <br />“I won’t tell, “she promised, falling silent again. <br />“Oh thank you, Jody,” I cried, relief running through me. <br />My happiness was short lived, however. With her promise, came a condition. <br />“I won’t tell anyone. That is, if you stay in bed and rest.” <br />My heart sank. Jody knew I couldn’t do that. She knew how important thisbanquet was. Not for the new book, but for the library as well. <br />“You know that I can’t do that, Jody,” I sighed, “tonight’s too important.” <br />“It’s not worth forsaking your health! “She argued. <br />Jody was right, of course, but I couldn’t do that to Nick. I made him apromise, and I never break my promises. <br />“Listen,” I said, leveling with her, “I’ll tell you the same thing that I toldNick. After tonight, I’m taking some much needed time off. Tonight will be itfor a while. I swear it. “ <br />Jody only snickered at this. <br />“Yeah right,” she snorted in disbelief, “I’ve heard that before, Katie. Evenwhen you’re on vacation, you never rest! I don’t think you know how!” <br />This debate was only making me feel worse. It was affecting me both physicallyand emotionally. My head felt heavy, as if something was slowly trying to crushit. Emotionally, I felt trapped, unable to escape the microscope that I wasunder. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">“Just let me sleepfor an hour,” I said as my eyes started to get heavy, “maybe I’ll feel betterafter that. Okay?” <br />Jody sighed and nodded reluctantly, bending down to kiss my forehead. <br />“You’re very lucky that I love you, you know that?” <br />“Yes I am,” I smiled. <br />“Don’t forget,” I reminded her, “one hour.” <br />Soon after Jody left, I fell into a heavy and dreamless sleep. <br />It seemed as if I had just fallen asleep when suddenly, I felt someone orsomething shaking me. What or who it was, I did not know. They were trying towake me up, though. Try as I might, I could not pull myself from sleep. Myexhaustion was like an undertow pulling me down. <br />I could hear Jody calling me, telling me to wake up, but I just couldn’t.Finally she stopped and left the room. A second later, I felt cold water beingsplashed upon my face. That single action served to shock my system. Ever soslowly, the fog began to lift. <br />Turning onto my back, I saw Jody standing over me, immense relief etched withinthe lines of her face. <br />“Thank God,” she whispered in a shaky voice, “you scared for me to death!” <br />She stood over me for a moment more, stroking my head. Suddenly, she turned andmarched from the room again. <br />“Where are you going,” I called after her, “I need to get ready!” <br />“I’m calling Dr. Peters, “she answered, returning, phone in hand, “something’snot right with you.” <br />Panic gripped me as I saw that she meant business. I knew that she was right,of course. Despite my nap, I still felt incredibly weak and drained. I alsoknew that if Jody called my doctor, all hell would break loose. Not only wouldmy mother completely overreact, but Dr. Peters would order me to go on animmediate sabbatical. Poor Nick would be left to deal with the mess that all ofthis would cause. All because it was difficult for Jody to wake me up. Icouldn’t let that happen. <br />“Jody, no!” I begged “I’m all right, I swear!” <br />“Oh sure you are, Catherine, “she sarcastically shot back, “never mind that Ialmost couldn’t wake you up!” <br />I sighed heavily and just looked at her. Jody had made her point. Now, it wastime for me to make nine. <br />“Jody, look,” I said desperately, “I agree with you. I’m worried too, but we’renot calling the doctor. Not yet, anyway.” <br />Jody’s reaction didn’t surprise me in the least. <br />“What,” She cried, clearly shocked, “are you serious?” <br />I motioned for Jody to keep her voice down. <br />“Completely,” I answered softly, “Just hear me out. “ <br />Her face relaxed a little, and she crossed her arms, taking a waiting stance <br />I waited a second and tried to calm my own self before continuing. <br />“I am concerned as I’ve said, but I want alert the doctor unless was absolutelyhave to.” <br />Jody was about to argue with me, but I cut her off, already knowing what shewas going to say. <br />“I know that you had a difficult time waking me up, but that could very wellbecause I fighting something off. Or maybe I’m just really, really tired. If wecall the doctor now, it will only send mom into panic mode, which neither of usneed. And for what? So Dr. Peters can run a barrage of useless tests that tellwhat I already know? That I’m just extremely tired and in desperate need of arestful vacation? No thank you! I can think of several other more pleasant,more useful was to spend a thousand dollars!” <br />By the end of my tirade, Jody was holding her hands surrender and smiling Good,I got her to relax a little. <br />“Ok, ok, I give,” she smiled, “so what do you suggest we do?” <br />“Nothing,” I said, “just act normal, and help me get ready.” <br />Jody walked over and touched my arm. <br />“My dear, normal is not possible for us. Besides, being normal is no fun!” <br />“You know I mean, smart Alec!” I laughed, uncovering myself.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> After a quick shower, Jody helped me into asapphire blue cocktail dress. This spaghetti strapped dress was not onlybeautiful but it had a sliming affect. A gift from my mother, it had always hadbeen one of my favorites. <br />“Wow Katie, you look great!” Ryan exclaimed <br />“Thanks Ryan, “I said, feeling suddenly self conscience and excited all atonce. <br /><i>Will Nick like it too? I hope so!</i> Mystomach fluttered thinking about it. Mom, who had been petting a contentedRitz, jumped up and came over. <br />“Oh Catherine, you look absolutely beautiful, “she said, giving me a littlehug. <br />“Thanks mom,” I repeated,” I just hope Nick thinks so.” <br />“He’d be a fool not to,” Jody said, slapping my arm playfully. <br />She crossed the room to the kitchen, calling over her shoulder, “How about somecoffee while we wait for prince charming?” <br />“That’d be great, thanks,” I said casually. <br />Mom, who had been standing beside me, now looked at me, clearly confused. <br />“Coffee?” she said somewhat surprised, “at this hour?” <br />It had long been a rule of mine that I never drank coffee past six in the evening.Otherwise, when mixed with my medication, it made me too jittery to sleep. <br />“It’s only out of pure desperation,” I said quickly,” These fund raiser thingsare so boring that I have to have a whole pot in order to just stay away.” <br />My mother smiled knowingly. <br />“Yes, I know. I’ve attended my fair share.” <br />During the brief lull, my eyes searched for Ritz. I found him lounging lazilyon one of the dinning room chair, one paw hanging down. <br />“Well,” I asked him, “Everybody else has said how nice I look. It’s your turn.”<br />We were all watching him now, waiting for a response. <br />“We’re waiting,” I prompted after a minute. <br />Turning his head slowly, he gave us a look of intense annoyance. You asked forit he seemed to say. Jumping down, he gave us one more dirty look beforestrutting off into the living room, snobbishly twitching his tail. <br />“So, you don’t like dress?” I called, shaking with laughter. <br />Everyone was laughing too. <br />The time seemed to crawl as I waited for Nick to arrive. I kept looking at theclock between sips. I tried to do so inconspicuously, but Ryan must’ve noticed.<br />“Why Katie dear,” Ryan said with a teasing smirk, “are you worried that Mr.Prince Charming won’t show up?” <br />“Oh shut up, you” I said, shooting him a dirty look. <br />“Make me,” Ryan challenged childishly. <br />Unable to think of a good comeback, I just stuck out my tongue, only to haveRyan copy me. <br />“Mommy, make him stop,” I whined weakly. <br />“Cut it out, both of you,” my mother scolded playfully. <br />Turning to me, she added, “It’s unbecoming and you’ll ruin your makeup.” <br />Then, to Ryan she said, “You’re older and you should be more mature.” <br />When she said this, we both burst out laughing. <br />“Ryan, mature?” I asked between fits of laughter, “yeah right! Like that’s evergoing to happen!” <br />“Besides,” Ryan added, “Being mature is no fun. That would mean that I wouldhave to grow up, and I refuse to do that.” <br />“Oh brother “mom muttered, rolling her eyes. <br />Ryan and I looked at each other and laughed again. When we stopped, the threesettled into a comfortable silence. It was mom who finally broke it. <br />“Well, my boy, “she sighed getting up from the chair, “You should finishpacking. I’ll help you in case forget something.” <br />It was then that I remembered. Our time together was growing short. Due to mylate night and Ryan’s early morning, we all agreed to say goodbye tonight. Ryanwould begin his life as a seminarian; mom would go home, and my life would goon as normal. Normal for me, at least. In the back of my mind, however, I hadthis nagging feeling that my life was about to change forever. <br />Ignoring this, I pulled myself back to the present. <br />“W-Wait,” I stammered in protest, “you’re leaving me to wait for Nick b-bym-myself?” <br />“Oh, come on, Katie, “my brother said, heaving a sigh, “Pretend to be a biggirl, at least for tonight anyway.” <br />“Mom,” I whined again. <br />“Cut him some slack, Katie,” she said, “He is leaving tomorrow after all.” <br />“Yea,” Ryan fired back,” so there!” <br />As always, I ignored Ryan whenever he annoyed me. Just when I thought he hadgone, I felt Ryan lovingly slip his arm around me. <br />“Oh, don’t worry little sis. We’ll be back,” he whispered. <br />The malicious tone in his voice filled me with dread. It was a tone that I knewall too well. It meant that he was up to no good. <br />Just then, the doorbell rang. <br />“Nick’s here, you guys,” I called. <br />I waited a second, but no one came. <br />“Guys,” I called again, almost pleading, “Come on guys! Don’t make me do thisby myself!” <br />Still, there was nothing except the sound of thundering heart. <br />“Traitors!” I shouted as the doorbell rang again. <br />Starting for the door, I paused. In the mirror that hung over the fireplace, Isaw my reflection. Outwardly, I looked fine. Calm, composed and beautiful.Inwardly however, I was a nervous wreck. <br /><em>Breathe, Catherine, just breathe!</em> Breathing deeply, I tried to steadymy racing heart as I opened the door. <br />There he stood, like a dream upon my front porch. Nick really did seem likePrince Charming, standing there in a black and white tuxedo. His eyes glowedwarmly in the fading light, illuminating his smile. <br />It was Nick who made the first move. <br />“Wow Catherine,” he said, smiling wider, “you look amazing.” <br />I smiled back, feeling myself grow red. <br />“Why, thank you, Nick,” I said, still blushing, “so do you.” <br />After an awkward moment, I backed up, inviting him in. <br />“Nice place,” Nick said, taking a quick look around, “it feels very homey.” <br />“Thank you,” I said, trying to hide the excitement in my voice. <br />After closing the door, I turned around to find Nick watching me and waiting. <br />“You should have seen it when we first moved in. Decorating was harder than Ithought it would be. I kept changing my mind about things. Jody wanted to killme.” <br />I smiled as the fond memory replayed in my mind. <br />To my surprise, Nick was smiling too. <br />“Where is Jody? I was hoping to meet her tonight. To finally put a face to thevoice that always answers your phone” <br />Until that moment, I had forgotten about Jody, mom and Ryan. Annoyance at theirbehavior resurfaced, but I refused to let it spoil this night. <br />“Well,” I explained, “I had hoped that you’d have more of a welcomingcommittee, but they’ve disappeared on us.” <br />“Not all of them,” Nick said. <br />Confused, I fallowed Nick’s gaze. Ritz had come wandering into the room. <br />“Come to inspect him, have you,” I asked, “or to apologize? “<br />“Well, hello there, pretty kitty, “Nick cooed as he bent down, “what’s yourname? <br />“That’s Ritz,” I volunteered, “Or more aptly Prince Ritz. He’s pretty spoiled.”<br />“I can see that,” Nick said, smiling and petting the cat. <br />“He likes you, “I pointed out as Ritz began his low and contented purring,“that’s unusual.” <br />“Maybe it’s a sign,” Nick said, flashing me a flirtatious smile matching theglint in his eyes. <br /><em>Oh, if only! </em><i><br /></i>“Well, “I said, trying to push the moment from my mind, “we’d better go.Just let me get my wrap” <br />“Here, let me,” Nick offered, getting up and taking it from the coat rack. <br />My heart was warmed be the gesture and I thanked him softly. A warm shivercoursed through my body as he wrapped it around me. <br />After doing this he stood before me, smiling. <em>Lord, if this is a dream,please don’t wake me up!<o:p></o:p></em></div><div style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><em> </em>“Youtruly do look beautiful tonight, Catherine,” Nick said unexpectedly. <br />“Why, thank you sir,” I replied, returning the smile,” shall we venture forth?”<br />“We shall, my lady,” he replied <br />At the door, I paused. <br />“Bye guys. I love you,” I called over my shoulder. <br />Then, just as Nick was about to close the door, a deep voice boomed from thehallway. <br />“Wait!” <br /><em>What on earth?</em> <br />I knew the voce was Ryan’s, but it was deep and commanding, unlike hiskindhearted, lively one. <br />Turning around, we waited as instructed, my nervousness increasing. <br />When Ryan came into the room, it took all the restraint I had not to burst outlaughing. Ryan was dressed in a brown robe, like those of his future order.Around his neck, he wore the old cross of St. Francis that my grandmother hadgiven him as a boy. In his hands, he lovingly carried a large wooden rosary. <br />His face was set like stone, serious and scrutinizing. His eyes gave him away,however. In them, I saw the familiar mischievous twinkle. <br />For a moment, there was only silence between the three of us. <br />“Ryan,” I laughed, unable to contain myself any longer, “what are you doing? “ <br />Ignoring me, he extended one hand to Nick, while putting the other protectivelyon my shoulder. <br />“I am Brother Ryan, “he announced. Then, looking down at me, he quickly added“in more ways than one.” <br />Nick smiled and laughed politely, while I groaned and rolled my eyes, wantingto die. <em>Ok Lord I lied. You can wake me up anytime. Just make him stop!</em><br />My wish was not to be granted however. Instead, things only got worse. <br />Ryan, enjoying himself immensely, gave me a quick wink before continuing hisridiculous charade. <br />“I was just going to say my evening prayers, and I thought I’d introducemyself, and say hi,” <br />“Great,” I said though gritted teeth and with a fake smile,” you have, you did.Now, time to say goodbye” <br />That was a mistake. <br />“Oh,” Ryan said, as his eyes grew wide, while his lips formed a smirk,” I seewhat’s going on. You want to be alone with him.” <br />My face grew bright red at the suggestion and I felt heat rising into mycheeks. I gave Nick an apologetic look. He only smiled and shrugged in reply.“Ok Ryan,” I said at last, “You’ve done your job. I’m thoroughly embarrassednow. I love you, but please go away” <br />Ryan gave a loud, exasperated sigh. <br />“All right, baby doll,” he said, “I’ll go. Before I do though, I’d like toextend a blessing to both of you. May I?” <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">“Sure,” Nickreplied before I could stop him,” why not?” <br />“Katie?” Ryan asked, looking down at me. <br />I shrugged helplessly. Anything to get rid of you! <br />As Nick placed his hand in mine, I felt that familiar pleasant warmth rushthough me. <br />As Ryan rested his hand upon my head, I inhaled deeply and prayed that he wasdone humiliating me. He wasn’t. <br />“Oh Eternal Father,” Ryan prayed earnestly,” please send Your blessing downupon Katie and Nick this night. Please also help Katie keep her purity intact,no matter how strong the temptation may be. In Your name, we ask this. Amen.” <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">“Ryan!”I cried, my mouth hanging open in horror. <br />Quickly, I glanced in Nick’s direction only to see that he too was glowing red.<br /><em>RYAN IS A DEAD MAN! </em><i><br /></i>My seething thoughts were interrupted however as I heard Ryan clearing histhroat. <br />“Well, if you’ll excuse me,” he said, politely, as if he were completelyinnocent,” I really must be turning in. I’ve got a long day with an earlymorning. Nick, it was very nice to meet you. Goodnight sister dear. I’ll missyou.” <br /><i>Not so fast, big brother!</i> <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">“OhRyan,” I called out innocently,” aren’t you forgetting something?” <br />He stopped, just before leaving the room, and gave me a questioning look. <br />“My hug, silly,” I reminded him sweetly,” after all who knows when we’ll get tosee each other again.” <br />As we embraced, I spoke to him sweetly, “You know, Ryan, I don’t think thatI’ve ever been so completely humiliated by another person. My hat goes off toyou, big brother. “<br />“Why thank you, baby doll,” he replied, pleased with himself, “I do try mybest.” <br />Just before we parted, however, I gave him with this thought to ponder. <br />“Just remember Ryan. I don’t get mad. I just get even. “<br />“Bring it on, “he said, baking away. <br />Then, turning to Nick, he smiled. <br />“Watch out, and watch over her, Nick.” <br />“I will,” he promised, causing my heart to sing. <br />“Do you have any more surprises for me?” Nick asked, after Ryan left. <br />I turned my head to see that his face was still red but he was smiling! <br /><i>He thinks this is finny! Thank you, Lord!</i><br />“Not if we leave now,” I said, winking at him. <br />“Departure take two,” Nick joked <br />“More like escape,” I corrected him. <br />We were seconds away from freedom when another voice stopped us. <br />“Oh good, you’re still here!” <br />It was my mother’s voice. <br /><i>Oh Lord, when will this end?</i> <br />“We were just leaving,” I called, a feeling of dread returning. <br />“Oh, that’s all right,” mom said as she came forward all smiles, “I just wantedto meet Nick and get a quick hug goodbye.” <br /><i>This can’t be good.</i> <br />“Another incoming,” I mumbled, which made Nick laugh softly. <br />“So, this must be Nick,” my mom said, beaming as she came in. <br />Shaking his hand, she then smiled at me. <br />“You’re right, Katie. He is gorgeous!” <br />“Mom!” I cried, wanting to die at that moment. <br /><i>Ok, the floor boards can open up andswallow me any time now!</i> <br />“What,” my mother asked, pretending to be obvious to my embarrassment,” I wasonly repeating what you told me!” <br />“She always was shy, this one,” mom explained, placing a loving arm around me. <br />“Not like her brother,” mom continued,” Ryan was always such a little ham.” <br />“Yes,” Nick spoke up quickly, laughing a little, “I had the pleasure of meetinghim just a second ago. He’s quite a character all right.” <br />“Oh you have no idea,” I told him, “That was Ryan on his best behavior.” <br />“Oh Katie,” my mother laughed, giving me a little hug, “you say the most adorablethings sometimes.” <br />She then flashed Nick a smile. “Isn’t she adorable, Nick?” <br />Nick gave my mother that warm, relaxed smile that made everyone fall in lovewith him. <br />“Yes she is, Mrs. Baker,” he replied,” she sure is.” <br />“Mom,” I begged, giving her a pleading look, “would you please stopembarrassing me?” <br />“I’m your mother,” she laughed, “it’s my job. Besides, I have to get my kicksin before I leave.” <br />“Speaking of leaving” Nick said suddenly, “we should do that if we want coffeebefore the banquet.” <br />“Oh that’s right,” my mother said, as if suddenly remembering our date. <br />As we hugged each other goodbye, mom whispered to me. <br />“Hold on to him, Katie. He’s a good man. I can tell.” <br />“I’ll try, “I whispered back, kissing her cheek. <br />Straightening up, she and Nick said their goodbyes. <br />“It was a pleasure to meet you, Nick,” mom said, “You take care of my girlnow.” <br />“The same to you, Mrs. Baker, “he replied, smiling at her, and then, at me, “anddon’t worry. I will. I promise.” <br />“Hey mom, where’s Jody,” I asked, suddenly noticing that she hadn’t come to sayhello. <br />“Oh, well she isn’t feeling good so she went to lie down,” she explained. <br />“What a shame,” I said, although secretly I was relieved <br />I loved Jody like a sister, but I didn’t think that I could take anymoreembarrassment. In truth, I just wanted to be alone with Nick. <br />“I’ll catch her next time,” Nick assured me <br />“Oh, ok,” I said,” Mom, will you tell Jody that I’ll check on her when I getback, please?” <br />“Well do,” she replied with a warm smile,” now you two kids have fun. I loveyou, Sweetie! Call me when you can!” <br />I told her that I loved her too and promised to call as Nick and I finallyleft. <br />As Nick lifted me from my chair to the passenger seat, I felt once again that Iwas dreaming. His arms were so tender, and yet, so strong. I felt that no harmcould come to me as long as I was with him. <br />For the first minutes, we sat in silence, which I didn’t mind at all. I justback and tried to soak in everything. The inside of Nick car was impressive.Clean, black leather covered the seats, which my surprise and delight, werealso heated! Classical music flowed from the satellite radio that softlyserenaded us. However, what I savored most was the scent. The interior smelledof his cologne. It was sweet and spicy, but comforting. It warmed me and as itsurrounded me, I sank into it, relaxing for the first time that night. “Sweetride,” I said after a while, “Corvette?” <br />“Yeah good guess,” Nick said, smiling with pride,” I’ve always wanted one eversince I was a kid. Finally took the leap last year.” <br />I let out an impressed whistle. <br />“I bet it cost a pretty penny too,” I probed half joking, half curious. <br />“Yeah, she sure did,” he sighed happily, patting the dashboard affectionately,“but my baby’s worth it, though” <br />“Oh brother,” I said, rolling my eyes at him,” boys and their toys!” <br />“Oh yeah go ahead and laugh,” Nick teased,” We both know that your justJELOUS!” <br />“Jealous? Jealous of what,” I fired back laughing,” of a metallic gas guzzlerthat will lose its luster and start rusting in a few years? Oh please!”<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">“Denyit all you want, Catherine,” Nick laughed,” but we both know it’s true.” <br />Waiting a moment, I leaned a little closer and softly asked my next question. <br />“I bet your baby even has a name, doesn’t it?” <br />The answer didn’t come right away. It came in stages. He wouldn’t look at me atfirst. Then, from my side view, I saw a smile slowly form. Next soft, slowchuckle came bubbling up from his throat. When he finally did look at me, hischeeks were cherry red. <br />“Angelina,” He mumbled. <br />“What,” I asked, unsure that heard him right,” did you say that you named yourcar Angelina?” <br />Nick smiled and nodded sheepishly. <br />“Yep, I did.” <br />Silence passed between for a moment, while the wheels of thought turned in myhead. <br />“Catherine Baker at a loss for words,” Nick said, snickering at my silence,“now that’s a first.” <br />Shaking my head in reply, I flashed him a knowing smile. <br />“I’m not lost for words,” I said innocently, “just thinking, that’s all.” <br />“I know that I will regret asking this, “Nick said, smiling at me, “but aboutwhat?” <br />“The name Angelina,” I replied thoughtfully,” it’s sexy, provocative, andmysterious. Yep, the name fits.” <br />Nick laughed softly. <br />“Are you surprised?” he asked <br />“Yes,” I answered in a falsely shocked voice, “I never knew this of you.” <br />Just then, Nick did something that truly did surprise me. He gently covered myhand with his. <br />“Catherine, my dear,” he said warmly, “The things you don’t know about me couldfill one of your books.” <br />“Careful,” I warned him jokingly, “that sounds like a challenge.” <br />“Maybe it is,” He said softly. <br />There was a comfortable lull in the conversation, which didn’t last long. Itwas broken by Nick’s soft chuckling. <br />“What’s so funny?” I asked <br />“Nothing” Nick replied, “I was just thinking.” <br />“About what,” I asked <br />“Oh just about the how this is the most interesting date that I have ever had.”<br />I didn’t respond at first. My mind was too busy reeling at the fact that Nickhad called our night out a date! Then I thought about what he said, and how hecalled our date interesting. I knew that he was talking about how both Ryan andmom had acted when they met Nick. <br /><em>Oh no! Did they scare him? </em><i><br /></i>I felt a rush of heat flood my cheeks. <br />“I’m sorry, Nick,” started to say softly, “My mom and Ryan were just…” <br />At that point, Nick stopped me. <o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> “Don’t worry about it, sweetie,”Nick assured me, “It’s all good. Thatjust showed me how much they love you.”<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> I drew a silent breath of relief,feeling myself relax again.<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> “Besides, “he continued with ashrug, “Being the baby of six boys, friendly banter and humiliation were adaily occurrence for me.”<o:p></o:p></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> “Six boys,” I said, laughing inamazement, “Wow, your poor mother!”<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"> <span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Yeah,”Nick said, with a boyish smile,” My brothers and I were brats I’m sure thatthere were many days when mom wanted to pull her hair out. Mom was, and still is, pretty much a saint”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> “Shewould have to be,” I mumbled, “Especially since she had to deal with you on adaily basis.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">That remarkwas met by a playful shove.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> “Well,” he replied rather calmly, “Iguess my unruly days have come back to haunt me.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“How so,” Iasked<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> “Because now,” he explained, matterof factly ,” I have to deal with you. Compared to you, I was a picnic!”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Why, Mr.Shafer,” I said, pretending to shocked by his comment, “Whatever do you mean?”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> “What do I mean?” he asked, “I’lltell you what I mean!”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> He then proceeded to speak in ahigh, squeaky voice that was supposed to represent me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> “<i>Whatare you doing? Leave that alone! It’s part of the story! Don’t change that!Leave that part alone!”<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> I had to laugh because that’sexactly how I sounded when we worked together.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> “Well!” I retorted,” If that’s howyou feel, then I shall just have to take my business elsewhere!”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> “Good luck with that,” Nick laughed,“No one else will put up with you.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> “Well,” I cried, acting insulted,“Now I really know how you feel!”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> “I feel many things, Catherine,”Nick said softly.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> Although this comment confused me, Icouldn’t ignore the warm tingle I felt as he said my name.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Was yourfather around much when you were growing up,” I asked, resuming the topic offamilies.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Yeah,”Nick replied with a casual shrug, “Pop was around when he could be. With eight mouths to feed, he had to work alot, though. Now I’m the one who worksall the time, but I see everybody when I can.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Nicklaughed again then continued. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“We have aHUGE family though, so it’s more like a family reunion when we all gettogether.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> We settled back into a comfortablesilence as Nick turned his attention to the road. I meanwhile, allowed my mind to drift topleasant things.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> I was pulled from my reprieve by hisnext question however.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> “What about your dad? You never mention him. Aren’t the two of youclose?”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I felt asif the wind had been knocked out of me at that moment. I just sat there in frozen shock. All feelings of happiness left me, and werereplaced by hurt. It took a moment, but my brain did start working again. It started racing with questions.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">This is some really cruel joke, right? How can Nick not know that my father’sdead? Doesn’t he watch or read myinterviews?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Thenanother, more alarming thought occurred to me. <i><o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Maybe he really doesn’t know!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Just then,I heard Nick’s voice calling to me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Catherine? Are you all right? Say something.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">There wasconcern in voice. I wanted to answer,but I had to wait for my lips to form the words. When they did come, my voce was almost awhisper.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Yea, I’mfine.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">In thatmoment, I truly looked at Nick, maybe for the first time. This was the man whomI worked the closest with. The one Iteased and joked with all the time. Yet,I began to question if I had ever known him at all.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Nickmust’ve seen the question in my eyes.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Did I saysomething wrong?” he asked, clearly confused.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> I looked into Nick’s eyes and noddedslowly.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> “My father died when I was fiveyears old, Nick,” I said, not bothering to hide the hurt that I felt.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> I sat and watched Nick’s face as herealized his mistake. At first, it helda look of confusion, but soon, it transformed into one of sorrow and deepregret.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> “I’m so sorry, Catherine,” Nick saidsincerely, “I didn’t know.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> I knew that he meant it. Nick never said things he didn’t mean. I knew him to be a very sincere andpassionate person. Still, I could notdeny the hurt that I felt.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Why didn’tyou, Nick,” I asked, my voice quivering just a bit.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Seeing thathe was lost for words, I continued, giving vent to my feelings.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“I mean itspublic knowledge. I talk about it allthe time when I’m asked what it was like growing up without a father. Don’t you watch my interviews? Or at the very least, read them inmagazines?”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Nick satthere, dumbly silent as if he were searching for the right words. Then, in aquiet voice, the words came as he spoke honestly.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“It’s notintentional, I assure you,” he explained,” I work so much that I don’t havetime to sit down and watch television. As for magazines, I read all day long, so that’s the last thing I wantto do when I get home.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Of course! Howcould I be so selfish? </span></i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I wassuddenly filled with shame and embarrassment. I scolded myself for jumping to conclusions. Now it was my turn to apologize.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“I’m sorry,Nick,” I said sheepishly,” I was wrong to jump to conclusions. For a minute there I thought that since youwatch my interviews or read them that I was just…”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I could notbring myself to finish that thought, so I fell silent and waited. Nick must have read my mind because hefinished it for me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Youthought that I just saw you as a job. Away to make fast and easy money,” he added. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> Each word he spoke filled me with a renewedsense of guilt. To hear him speak thewords aloud made it even worse. I foundmyself hoping that Nick couldn’t see my burning cheeks. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Did I just ruin things? Oh, I hope not!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Again, Nickseemed to read my thoughts because he smiled at me. Warmth echoed within his voice and his eyestwinkled as he spoke.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“NoCatherine, that’s not it all. That nothow I feel at all,” he said, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Giddinessand relief flooded through me and I knew that all was forgiven. <i>Thankyou, Lord!<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Just then,we pulled into the parking lot of the café`<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“We’rehere,” Nick announced, <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Thenturning, he gave me a serious look.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Unlessyou’ve changed your mind, that is,” he said kindly.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I thoughtabout giving his a serious answer, but thought better of it. I asked him a question instead.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“If I sayyes, then does that mean we can skip the long boring banquet?”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> Nick knew that I absolutely <i>hated </i>events like this. He did too. For a moment, he seemed to be considering it.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Uh, no,”he answered as he slid from the car, “nice try though.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Thankyou,” I replied<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Perhaps myexhaustion returned because of the chilly night air. Or perhaps it was caused by the emotional carride. Either way, as soon as I exitedthe car, fatigue returned to me. Again Iprayed for God to help me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Please God, not yet! Just give me enough strength to make it though tonight! I’m begging You! </span></i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">As we satwaiting for our coffee, I tried to act normal. Like nothing was wrong. Unfortunately, that was becoming incredibly difficult as the minutescrawled by. My head kept drooping, and my eyelids were heavy, begging me forsleep. I willed myself not to give inhowever, and I prayed that Nick wouldn’t notice.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I must’vedozed off at one point because I suddenly felt as if someone were hittingme. Looking up, I saw that Nick wastrying to get my attention. He waslooking a bit concerned too<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Hey, areyou okay, sweetie?” Nick asked, watchingme carefully.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I noddedand smiled weakly outwardly, but inwardly, I berated myself for slipping. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Nick didn’tseem convinced, however. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“You sure?”he asked, skeptically, “You’ve been kind of quiet and far away ever since wearrived.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Oh sorry,”I said quickly, “I’ve just been thinking, that’s all” <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Nick seemedcontented with that.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Well, allright,” he said, letting the subject drop.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">During thequietness that fallowed, I reached for the coffee which Nick had kindly pouredfor me. That was when things truly beganto unravel. I found that I could barelylift the cup, and my hands shook violently with the effort. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I prayedthat Nick wouldn’t notice, but I wasn’t that fortunate. His eyes grew wide when he saw that I was aboutto spill my coffee. Instantly he reachedfor my cup, preventing disaster. Puttingthe cup down, Nick then placed my trembling hands securely in his and held themthere.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Catherine,why are you shaking so badly,” Nick asked, clearly alarmed.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Oh, it’snothing,” I lied again, “I’m just nervous. I hate public speaking.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> I knew the jig was up by the forceful tone inNick’s voice.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Catherine,look at me!” he commanded.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Reluctantly,I raised my eyes to his. They werefilled with compassion and concern. Theyalso demanded to know the truth.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“I’ve beenyour editor and friend for two years now! I know that you get nervous, but I’ve never seen you shake likethis! Now, at least have the courtesy totell me what’s really going on with you!”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Nick wasright. He deserved at least that much.Before I could get the words out however, I was hit by a sudden and terriblewave of dizziness. I could hear Nickcalling to me, but I could not respond. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I felt asif I was falling into deep well. Nick’svoice faded from my mind while sweet darkness entered it completely until I wasconscience of nothing.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><br /></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Chapter Thirteen<o:p></o:p></span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Tate<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I’m alonein Justin’s apartment surrounded by darkness. The only light in the room is coming from the glow of the computermonitors. The only sound is themechanical gurgle of the computer motors. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">This is theonly time I feel truly alive. In thisdarkness, I am the hunter watching my prey. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Justin andhis weasel of a friend, Kyle were out somewhere. Where, I had no idea nor did I care. Their absence meant temporary unadulteratedaccess to Justin’s computer. A monthago, I wouldn’t have even considered this. Unfortunately, things had changed since then. I didn’t know what it was, but something hadhad changed. I could sense it. Was he developing a moral code? Or did hebetray me somehow? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">These were possibilities that I’dbeen toying with. Either way, I didn’ttrust him anymore. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> I decided to network our computers, linkingthem together. Otherwise, it would takeJustin no time at all to realize I had been on his computer. Doing that would break a sacred trust. A trust that I felt Justin had alreadybroken.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> After establishing the network connection, Iquickly set to work. The first place Idecided to look was in Justin’s e-mail. I was told once that sometimes important information can be found withina person’s e-mail. What I found therefilled me with murderous rage!<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> I was right! Justin had betrayed me! Among hiscontact list was Catherine Baker’s name! She even had her own folder! <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">For amoment, I just stared at the screen in disbelief. At first, my mind was emptyand numb. Then slowly, the roaringbegan. It was soft at first, growinglouder and louder until it was all I could hear! It was the roar of rage! One maddening thought echoed in my head. <i>Whatthe hell!<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Pushing thechair back, I stood up and started to pace furiously. A million thoughts whirled within myhead. <i><o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Justin lied to me! He knew about Catherine allalong! He’s trying to keep her from me!I’ll kill him, I swear! <o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Then, I suddenlystopped pacing as another more reasonable thought entered my mind.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Maybe I’m wrong! Maybe he’s not hiding anything from me. The folder could be holding stuff he’s learned and collected!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">That seemedto be more like Justin’s style. He wassmooth and secretive but not deceitful like me. I began to relax a little and my rage began melt away. Still, I had to be sure.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Sittingdown again, I scooted to the computer again. For a moment, I just stared at the folder. Before I could click on it however, I wasstopped by footsteps and laughter. <i>They’re back. This’ll have to wait.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Noisily,Justin and Kyle stumbled through the door. I could see that only Kyle was visibly drunk.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">With Justinsupporting him, Kyle stumbled forward.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Hey Tate,”Kyle said with slurred speech,” what’s going on? We just came from the coolest club ever! Right, Justin?”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Justingrunted softly as he clumsily deposited Kyle onto the couch. It might have been because he was focused onKyle, but I sensed that Justin was trying to avoid me. A suspicion began to form, but I needed toknow more.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Oh yeah,”I prompted, pretending to care, “Did you meet anybody? Get any digits?”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Withouteven realizing it Justin gave himself away.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Come on,Kyle. Let’s sober you up first,” Justinsaid trying to pull Kyle to his feet.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Jackpot!</span></i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“I’m fine!”Kyle slurred, pushing Justin away. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Nah,” Kylesaid with disappointment, “No digits. The music was too loud for talking. The lights almost blinded me. They swirled all over the place…,”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">At thispoint, I blocked Kyle out. I had heardenough from him to know where they went tonight. Rage burned within me like a fire, but Iforced it down. <i>Just wait…<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Later, whenI was sure that Kyle was passed out, only then did I confront Justin. Silently I waited in the kitchen. Then when he entered, I cornered him. Grabbing his arm, I forced Justin to face meas my eyes bore into his.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“What doyou think you’re doing,” I asked, doing my best to keep my voice down.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“What areyou talking about,” he asked, roughly twisting his arm from my grip.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“You knowexactly what I mean,” I shot back, tilting my head toward the couch where Kyleslept,” with hick boy in there!”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“That’s none of your business,Tate,” Justin growled, piercing me with a back-off look. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Justin started to walk away, but Iblocked his way. I wasn’t going to backoff though. Not anymore.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Guessagain,” I hissed, “When you start bring him into our world, it becomes mybusiness!”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> Justin just stood there giving me a calm coldlook, daring me to keep pushing. <i>Ok buddy, you asked for it!<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Again myanger threatened to boil over, but still I controlled myself.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“I knowthat you’ve been taking to <i>The Dark Side</i>,”I stated angrily.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Justin justshrugged arrogantly in reply.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Yeah,that’s right. So what?” he asked, matching my icy stare.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I couldn’tbelieve it Justin was actually challenging me as if this was some sort of game.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“This isn’ta game, Justin. He doesn’t belong there,and you know it,” I reminded him.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Relax,”Justin said,” Kyle’s harmless.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">He paused,still glaring at me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Besides,”he continued in an icy whisper, “He’s not an underhanded snake like you, Tate.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">All selfrestraint vanished in that moment as Ipinned Justin against the wall. His eyesfilled with shock while mine filled with fiery rage<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Just becareful, Justin,” I quietly warned, “Because this snake has a very poisonousbite”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I releasedJustin and left him standing there as stormed out, slamming the door behind me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">For thenext few hours, I wandered aimlessly around Seattle, not really caring where Iended up. I was too enraged tocare. My mind was too crowed to eventhink straight. The fight with Justin kept playing in my mind. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">When westated our partnership, Justin and I both agreed to leave all personal issuesaside. This was business after all, andgetting personal only complicated things. For a while our arrangementworked. Until recently that is. Then Kyle came into the picture, distractinghim from our purpose of possessing Catherine! <i>What was it about this guy thatthrew Justin so off kilter? </i><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I didn’tknow Kyle’s story, but I knew he had to go, but how? I considered taking care of Kyle myself. Beating him within an inch of his life wouldfeel pretty good. <i>Maybe I should just kill him and get it over with! </i>Although tempting, I quickly shook thatidea loose.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Not onlywas murder way too messy, but I’d have to deal with Justin. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Just thethought of Justin made my blood boil! <i>Who the hell does he think he is, anyway! </i> When I first met Justin, he feared andrespected me because of my skill. I wasin control! Now with Kyle in the mix,Justin suddenly decides to get some balls and stand up to me. The very thought of it made me see red! Thiswas my game and Justin was my pawn! <i>I’ll decide what you do or don’t do, youlittle prick!</i> I needed to regaincontrol of the situation but how?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Again,murder presented itself. <i>Why not kill both of them and be done withit? </i>Again the idea of it wastempting. <i>Then I wouldn’t have to deal either of them! </i>That idea was the most appealing. It was also too easy. I wanted Justin to cower in submission Justin could not be intimidated easily. That much was obvious. I needed to send Justin a message that wouldbe unmistakably clear <i> </i><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Back atJustin’s I found the apartment empty once again. Pacing, I tried to think of something thatwould make the deepest impact. <i>His computer!</i> Facing the couch, I saw it. His precious laptop was just sitting there,taunting me. I was just to grab it whensomething else occurred to me. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I can’t break it. He’ll just get a new one. Heprobably has everything backed up anyway. </span></i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">A wave offrustration washed over me. It waspointless to wreck his computer. Besides, he’d be expecting an attack like this so it was probably adecoy.<i> </i> He wouldn’t be stupid enough to leave thereal one where I could find it.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Collapsinginto a chair, I released a roar of rage and frustration.<i> There has to be something that I can do!<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Scanningthe room, my eyes settled on a small metal waste basket. Suddenly, everything became clear. I was about to send Justin a message thathe’d never forget….<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Mechanically,I got up and started searching for a piece of paper. Finding one on his desk, I turned it over andexamined it. What I found made me laugh. I was holding Justin’s electric bill! Most of the hackers that I knew wouldn’tbother with a dumb thing like this. Especially someone with Justin’s amount of knowledge and skill. Instead, they would find a way to rig it sothat everything’s free of charge. Thenagain, Justin was different. He washonest. Or at least I thought he was.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I was justabout to drop my lighter into the basket when I froze. I had to get my shit together before I litthis place up.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> Rummaging through Justin’s room, I hadgathered all my stuff. I was just aboutto leave when I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. On Justin’s night table, there was somethingsmall and rectangular. It wasinsignificant but something compelled me to take a closer look.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Inchingcloser, I saw it was a photograph. Carefully,I picked it up. The small wooden frameheld a faded black and white picture of a much younger smiling Justin. Standing proudly behind him, Justin’s mothersmiled radiantly. One arm restedlovingly on Justin’s shoulder while the other held his adorable sisterEmily. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">His precious family…</span></i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Justlooking at made me them sick! Justindidn’t deserve happiness or peace! Hedidn’t even deserve the memory of it! <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Standingover the waste basket, I paused. I feltno remorse for what I was about to do. Only cold hate. I wanted to savorthis moment. Pleasure filled me as Irecalled what I had just done. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Holdingthat picture made me realize something. I didn’t hate Justin as a person. How could I really? Like me, hedid what was necessary to survive. Icould hardy blame him for that.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">What Ihated was the fact that at one time, he had known love and innocence. Catherine had that too. She still had it. They had also known acceptance and security.That’s why I hated them. What littlehappiness and peace they had, I would shatter! Starting with Justin’s precious picture…<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Withrelish, I broke the frame over my knee and listened as the shattered piecesfell musically to the ground.<i><o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Looking atthe picture one last time, I spoke to smiling Justin.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Justremember, Justin” I said coldly, “you brought this on yourself, buddy!”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I thenallowed the picture to fall into the basket, followed my lighter. I watched momentarily as the flames firstlicked, then hungrily devoured the picture, warping it beyond recognition.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Outside, Iscouted around for a place to lay low and watch the fireworks.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Findingsome scraggily bushes away from the building, I hunkered down and waited. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Soon peoplecame pouring out. While I enjoyedwatching them run like the pathetic idiots they were, I didn’t reallycare. I was looking for Justin<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">After a fewminutes, I spotted him standing only a few feet from my hiding place. Hick boy was with him too. Both were staring in shock at the blazinginferno.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">This is perfect! And this is only the beginning!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Afterwaiting a moment more, I made my presence known by whistling softly. As Justinturned, our eyes met. At first, therewas confusion in Justin’s eyes, as if he didn’t understand why I was there. Then, his expression slowly changed. It became cold as everything began to sinkin. To confirm it, I stood and took alittle bow. Then with further ado, Idisappeared into the night, leaving Justin to grapple with his new reality. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><br /></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Chapter Fourteen<o:p></o:p></span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Justin<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">This can’t be happening! This just isn’t real! It can’t be! This is just a really bad nightmare! </span></i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Like before, I tried closing my eyes, pushing all of thisaway. Unfortunately, this wasn’t anightmare. This was real and it washappening. Again, just like before, Istood helpless. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I stoodthere, stunned with Kyle at my side, watching my entire life burn away. <i>Howcould this happen again? How can my lifebe turned upside down again?</i> <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I was toostunned to feel any anger or hurt. Theonly thing that I felt was confusion. Along with the why questions echoing within my brain, there was also ahow?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">How could this have possibly happened?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">The answersto all of my questions came at that exact moment. Over the roar and crackle of the flames, Iheard a new sound. It was a whistle,came from behind me. Soft and subtle,but distinct. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Furtherconfusion washed over me when I turned around and saw Tate crouching in thebushes. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">At first, Iwas lost. Everything was happening toofast. My brain just couldn’t process itall. Let alone, why Tate was hiding likea thief. It was at that moment that thetruth came crashing down on me. <i>Becausehe is a thief!</i> <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">This firewas no accident! Tate had started it inmy apartment! One look into Tate’s eyes,and I know it to be true. The danced inthe blazes light with a cold victory. Isuddenly felt cold all over despite the heat from the flames. We just stared at each other for a spiltsecond. In that second, Tate wasundoubtedly savoring my defeat while I was still trying to absorb it all. Then, with a twisted smile, Tate made a tinybow and ran into the night.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Numbly, Iturned back around and stared into the flames. The rest of the night, was like a dream, avery bad dream that I wanted to wake up from. It was as if I was sleep walking with one thought running though mybrain. <i>This isn’t real. This isn’t mylife. </i>Tragically, this was real, andthis was my life. Or at least, what wasleft of it anyway.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I justcouldn’t handle it. Not right now, so Ijust shut down, going deep inside of myself. My life literally was in ashes. Ihad nothing left. Nothing of my liferemained that was left untouched by the chaos that I had invited into it.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Althoughconscience of everything happening around me, I was too numb to care. Kyle must have sensed this because he seemsto take charge of things for me. Kyleeventually led me away from the fire, although neither had any idea of where togo or what to do.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> For a few minutes, Kyle and I walked insilence. I may not have known exactlywhat Kyle was thinking. I however, keptkicking myself for ever getting involved in his twisted games. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">My thoughtswere disrupted when I realized that Kyle was poking me, trying to get myattention.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Hey,” hewas saying, “Are you listening to me?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“What?” Iasked, still dazed.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Kyle sighedheavily and repeated what he’d been trying to say.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“I askedyou if you had a plan, “he said<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">If I had a plan? He’s got to be kidding, right?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Yeah sure,Kyle,” I snapped,”I’m constantly losing everything in a fire! Naturally I have a plan!”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Heavyawkward silence was my only answer, which instantly made me feel bad.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“LookKyle,” I apologized quietly,” I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to blow up like that.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“It’s ok,”he replied,” I understand. You’ve beenthough a lot tonight. First, the fightwith Tate. Then the fire….,”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Wait a minute…<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I stoppedwalking and turned to face Kyle. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“You heardTate and me?” I asked, stunned<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Yep.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“But, youwere asleep,” I said dumbly<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“I wasawake,” he stated flatly<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“How muchdid you hear?” I asked, my voice sounded more edgy then I intended.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Nothingreally,” he said,” Just enough to know that it wasn’t a friendly conversation.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Kyle didn’tsay anything more, but I knew he was waiting for me to explain things. Kyle had always been like that. Even as children, Kyle was always quietlypatient, waiting for me to speak when I had a problem. He deserved the truth. All of it. <i>Soon…<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">We startedwalking again, and after a brief silence, Kyle spoke again.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“All I wassaying before,” He explained,” is that we need some sort of plan. I mean, I realize that everything you ownedis burnt to a crisp, but still…,”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">His wordstrailed off, and Kyle fell silent, as if he was thinking of what to saynext. I knew what he was saying andwhy. Still, I thought it best to let himfinish.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Still,”Kyle continued after a minute, “a hotel and food can eat up your cash prettydamn quick. Hence, the need for a plan.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Kyle didn’tsay anything else. Like always, he waswaiting for me to jump into the conversation. When I didn’t respond, he asked the obvious question <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> “Do have any money in the bank?”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Some,” Imumbled in reply.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Anysavings?” he asked<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I gave the same answer as before. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">Kylelet the matter go after that, for which I was grateful. My brain was too tiredand numb to think clearly anymore. In the silence that reformed between us, Icould feel all of Kyle's unanswered questions swirling around me. Part of mewanted him to ask the obvious one.<em> <o:p></o:p></em></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><em><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">What'sgoing on Justin?<o:p></o:p></span></em></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;"> That wasn't Kyle's way however. He preferredlistening to talking. He always had, even when we were children. Sure, he hadan adventurous streak a mile wide. Underneath that reckless spirit, Kyle was atruly caring person. This of course, made me feel worse about the mess that Idragged him into.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="line-height: 200%;">Soon, our achingfeet brought us to a hotel. We stoodunder a dim yellow light, and just looked at one another. The poor lightingmade Kyle look old beyond his years. Studying him, I was yet again amazed tosee that there was no anger in him. There was only genuine concern in his eyes.Concern that I did not deserve <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Kyle looked towards the entrancethen he turned back to me. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Well," he sighed,"why don't you go get us checked in while I run and get somesupplies."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Ok,", I said, wanting tocrawl under a rock and hide forever. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Kyle started to go then hesitated. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Are you going to be ok?"he asked turning back to me. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"I'll be fine," I assuredhim. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">After watching Kyle disappear intothe night, I mechanically went to check us in. I ignored the starring clerk asI checked in. I guess that couldn't really blame him. I probably looked likedeath worn over. I sure felt like it. After quietly thanking him and telling him about Kyle, I slinked off tothe room.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Opening the door and gazing at mystark surrounding, I felt as if I was stepping into someone else’s life. Heck,I <em>wanted</em> this to be someone else's life. I was still praying that thiswas just one horrific nightmare. This wasn't someone else's life, however. Norwas it a nightmare. I had made my own mess, and now I was wallowing in the mireor it.</span> <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">The reality of it all suddenly camecrashing down on me like a crushing weight, filling me with pure exhaustion. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Collapsing onto one of the hardtwin beds, I closed my eyes awaiting sleep to overtake me. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Sleep did not come, however. When Iclosed eyes, I only saw the hungry flames as they <br />devoured the building. Tate’s black, soulless eyes and his twisted smirk alsohaunted me. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Try as I might, I could not forcethe image from my mind. Tate’s sickening smile just kept getting wider whilehis demented laughter echoed from within my mind. Loud knocking suddenly jarred me from my thoughts. My chest ached. I was breathed heavily, and my heart wasthundering wildly. Wiping cold sweatfrom my face, I slowly crossed the room and opened the door.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Room service,” Kyle announced witha half smile.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">He was holding two Subway bags anda bow of doughnuts under his left arm. His smile was contagious and I couldn’t help but return it, feeling alittle better. Kyle always possessedthat gift of making people feel better, even in the worst of situations.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“You shouldn’t have,” I said,stepping aside to let him in.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Tuna right?” Kyle asked <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Huh,” I asked completely confused.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“You still like tuna fish, don’tyou?” he clarified,” Cause that’s what I got you<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Oh…., I replied, trying to clearthe cobwebs from my head,” Yeah. Yeah, Ido. Thanks, man.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Sure,” he said, handing me thebag,” some things never change.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” I mumbled<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">Kyle gave me a sideways glance when I said that, and held my gazefor a second. It was as he was trying toextract the meaning of my words. Then,giving up, he looked away.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"> I hadn’trealized how hungry I was until I took my first bite. As soon as the coolness of the tuna met mymouth, the need to eat overcame me and I almost devoured the entire sandwich inone bite. Kyle, on the other hand,seemed to be in no rush. In fact, hedidn't seem to be rattled at all.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">We ate in relative silence, which gave me an opportunity tothink for the first time that night. Imeanwhile, tried to think of ways to explain what had occurred tonight and why.</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">"Head's up,” Kyle said suddenly.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">I looked up just in time to see a brown glass bottle comingmy way. Miraculously, I caught just intime.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">"Good catch," Kyle said.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">"What's this?"</span> <span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">I asked dumbly.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">"Desert," Kyle replied with a crooked smile.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">"What about the doughnuts then?" I laughed.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">"That's breakfast," he said.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">"Ok, then" I said, raising the bottle in a toast,and taking a long drink from it.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">The whiskey burned its way through me as it worked its waydown but it felt good. Soon, I felt thedread that had settled over me begin to melt away, replaced by a pleasant fuzzyfeeling.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">We passed the bottle back and forth, laughing as weremembered the good old days and the trouble we got ourselves into and out of.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">Eventually though, we ran out of memories and stoppedlaughing. We sat silently regarding eachother, waiting for the other to speak. When neither of us said anything, I knewthat time had come. It was time for meto tell Kyle everything. I could tellthat he was waiting too. His eyes hadsobered, and he just sat there, watching me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">I tried to search for the words that I had planned to useearlier but the whiskey had carried them away. Groping for words, I racked mybrain, trying to search for the right ones. My memory bank was empty however. The words had left me, and at that moment, so had my courage.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">As Kyle waited, my thoughts were waging war for the millionththe time.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">How can possibly tell Kyle that I'm athief?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"><br /></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"> <i>What doI say to him? Gee Kyle, you wanna knowwhat I'm really do for a living? Why, Ijust invade people's privacy and steel their personal information. It's really nothing. I'm not hurting them, just their sense ofsecurity.<o:p></o:p></i></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"><i>I can't tell him that. He'll hate me, and then I'llhave no one.<o:p></o:p></i></div><div style="line-height: 200%;"><i>Give the guy some credit. He's your best friend, and not to mention,the only family that you have left. You'll just have to trust him and hope that he helps you find a way outof this mess.<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">Kyle's voice suddenlybroke into my thoughts.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">"Justin? Earth calling Justin......,"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">When I looked up, Ifound Kyle's eyes boring into mine.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">“Well, “he asked,"are you going to tell me or not?”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">"Tell youwhat," I asked, hoping that playing dumb would buy me more time.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">Kyle didn't take thebait, however. Instead, he just sighed,giving a disappointed look.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Come on, Justin," Kylesaid in impatiently "give me some credit here. We've been best friends ever since we werekids. We might have lost</span> <span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">touch for awhile but I can tell that something's not right with you. I also have a hunch that tonight was noaccident. "<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Kyle then fixed me with a probingstare.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Do you know how the firestarted, Justin?"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I knew then that it was time forthe truth. I couldn't hold it in anylonger. It was like a sickness that waseating away at my soul. If I didn'tunburden myself now, I would lose my mind.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">A low, almost inhuman groan escapedmy lips. <i> It's now or never.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"You're right," I saidquietly, "I do know something about the fire. Or at least who started it."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Who," Kyle prompted.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"It was Tate," I saidwith a heavy sigh.</span> <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Kyle's eyes grew wide.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"You're kidding," Kylesaid.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">He was quiet for a minute as if hewere considering the prospect.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Isn't Tate your businesspartner or something?"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I nodded silently in reply.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"But why would he dothat?" He asked, clearly confused.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Because I didn't play by therules of the game," I answered, slowly beginning to understand.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I expected Kyle to ask what Imeant, but when he didn't, I decided to plunge ahead.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Remember how much I likedpuzzles and figuring things out when we were kids," I asked, choosing mywords carefully.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Yeah," Kyle said,smiling "you always used to kick my ass when it came to math. Especially story problems. "<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Shaking his head, Kyle chuckled.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Man, I hated that. For a while there, I thought you werecheating the system," he mumbled.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I then inhaled deeply, and for thefirst time since my mother's death, I prayed.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Please Lord,if you still care about me help me to find the right words to explain things toKyle.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"After mama killedherself," I began to explain, "I sort of walked around in adaze. I felt lost.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">I'd been taking care of Emily and mama for so long that Ireally didn't know how to do anything else." <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">Pain and regret from the past threatened to choke me, but Iforced it aside. If I had any hope for a future, I knew I had to let go of tothe past. Or try to, at least.</span> <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">"After I got my GED," I continued, "I startedtaking classes three nights a week at the local community college. At first, I had no idea what I wanted to dowith my life. My roommate at the timewas really into computers.</span> <span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">I think he was a computer programmer or something. Anyway, he suggested that I try working withcomputers. So, I took</span> <span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">his advice, and I was hookedinstantly. To me, computers were justlike puzzles so naturally, I majored in computer science.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Specifically computer programmingsystems development. Basically, Ideveloped programs and systems according to a company's need. I also fixed whateverproblems companies were having with their systems. "<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"So you became obsessed withfixing computers because they were a lot easier than fixing the problems inyour own life," Kyle interjected.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Damn, howdoes he still know me so well after all of these years?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Yep, that's pretty muchit," I answered.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"That still doesn't explainhow you became involved with Tate," Kyle pointed out.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Well, if you would stopinterrupting and let me finish the story, you would know that I'm gettingthere," I said with a sigh of mock exasperation.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Sorry,"Kyle said, dropping head in apology," please continue.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Thankyou" I said.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Taking adeep cleansing breath, I said another silent prayer before continuing with thedarkest part of my tale.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Therewas this small banking and investment firm that I forget the name of but theyhired me to create this anti hacking software in order to protect theirclient's portfolios. Well I worked andworked on this program to try and make it as foolproof as possible, but somehowthese hackers kept getting into the system. The company was getting pretty pissed off and they said that if I didn'tfind a way to fix the problem, I wouldn't get paid. Well, of course I couldn'tlet happen, so I decided to start doing a little hacking of my own."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">At thispoint, I stopped my story and looked the up at Kyle to gauge his reaction sofar. He was completely absorbed in thestory and when I stopped, he quickly the motioned for me to continue.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"WhenI started hacking, it was only to find out how access to the system was beinggained. But, I'll tell you, Kyle thatonce I started, I honestly couldn't stop. It was like this constant high, getting into forbidden areas. It was the pure in thrill of doing it justbecause I could. I became addicted tothe fact that I could get in, take what I wanted and get out without gettingcaught. Of course, there's always thatpossibility but you're so caught up in the game that you don't care about therisks."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I looked upagain, and this time, I saw the faint traces of understanding etched intoKyle's face, which I took to be a good sign.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Anyway,"I went on confidently”</span> <span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Not only was I able to fix the glitches in the firm'snetwork with my new found skill, but I also discovered that it was a quick wayto make money. You see, there aremillions of people, mainly to higher class people who are afraid to get theirhands dirty. "<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Kyle'sexpression suddenly changed, and I could no longer tell what he wasthinking. After a moment of tensesilence, Kyle spoke slowly.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Letme get this straight. Someone hired youto create a fail safe security program but in order to fix its flaws, youdecide to break into the very computers you were supposed to protect."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: 9.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">When Inodded in ascent, he continued, speaking slowly and deliberately.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"In doing so, you got caughtup in the game and in addition you play spy for anyone willing to pay the rightprice.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"That's about it," Iconfirmed.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"That's still doesn't explainhow Tate entered the picture," Kyle said.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Doyou remember that night club that I brought you to?" I asked.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Yeah,sure. <i>The dark side</i>, right?"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Right." I said, feeling my heart race a littlefaster.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Whatabout it?" he asked.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Well...” I said slowly, "let's just say that it's not your average nightclub."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Ikind of already knew that, Justin," Kyle said.</span> <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">When he sawmy look of confusion, he rolled his eyes at me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Comeon, Justin. Dark alleys, secretpasswords. It was pretty obvious that noone was supposed to know about this place."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Ok,point made. Shall I continue?"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">When hedidn't say anything else, I took that as a yes.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"As Iwas saying, The Dark Side is not your average club. It is actually a place for hackers like me tomeet and trade codes, programs and general knowledge. That's where I had my first encounter withthe Tate."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Whydo you say encounter? Kyle asked,"I thought you guys were friends. "<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Wewere never really friends," I explained to him, "it was more like onebig game of chess. Or at least, itstarted out that way. On the night wemet, he instantly started playing mind games with me. I mean, the guy was good. Within a matter of seconds he had found mybaptism record, who my parents were, and even how my dad died. I in turn did the same to him and thus, wespent the rest of the night locked in a virtual battle of wills."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Itwas Tate who called the truce, though. He suggested that we should try working together and helping each outwhenever the need arose."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I decidedto stop there so that Kyle could digest everything I had just told him. We sat in silence for the longest time. Kyle's mind was no doubt reeling from mystory.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Meanwhile,huge waves of relief crashed over me. Finally, the truth was out. Evenif Kyle hated me now, at least he knew everything. Now, it was up to him to decide what to do.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Thatwas quite a story," Kyle said after a while.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I waitedfor him to say more. When he didn'thowever, I began to get nervous.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Saysomething," I insisted.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Likewhat," he asked.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Idon't know," I said, "maybe how I'm lower than scum, and you can'tstand the sight, of me."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Kyle staredat the ground for a moment. Looking upagain, his eyes locked with mine.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"LookJustin," he said with a sigh, "I have no right to judge you. Heaven knows, I've done despicable things inmy lifetime. At least you didn't stealfrom your own mother in order to pay off a gambling debt.”</span> <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I didn'tsay anything to that. I didn't needto. I already knew that Kyle's battlewith gambling had taken it’s a toll on him. In a way Kyle's admission had made me feel a little bit better aboutthis whole thing.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Just then,Kyle's voice interrupted my thoughts.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Thetruth is," Kyle said, "I've got a little confession of my own tomake."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I couldn'tlet him finish, however because I kept hearing my mother's voice in myhead. Her words were nagging at me. <i>Thetruth will set you free, son.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I mentallyargued that I had told the truth, but her voice came again. <i>Not allof it.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I hatedthat her words still haunted me but of course, I knew that she was right.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Holdthat thought because I'm not done," I said.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Whatis it?" Kyle asked when I didn'tsay anything more.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I quicklytold him about Catherine and Tate's sick obsession with her. He didn't show any reaction to the storyuntil I mentioned my part in it.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">At first,Kyle just looked confused, but then, the full weight of the situation camecrashing down on him.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">For a fewmoments afterward, Kyle just sat on the opposite bed staring at me.</span> <span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">A millionthoughts were racing through my head during Kyle's silence<i>. That's it. You've just lost your best friend. You deserve everything that happens to you.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Whydidn't you warn her, Justin?" Kyle asked, breaking the silence.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I don'tknow whether I was just shocked that Kyle was still speaking to me, or becauseI truly didn't know the answer, but I couldn't think of anything to say.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Imean," Kyle a continued without waiting for me to speak, "ifCatherine is truly your friend, and if Tate is as demented as you say he isthen why didn't you warn her?"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Kyle'spiercing eyes sent a sword straight through my heart.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Idon't know why I didn't do anything," I said fumbling over my words.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">My eyesscanned the dirt encrusted floor, desperately searching for a reason for mycowardice.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I had noreason however, so I decided to admit as much.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Ireally don't know why I didn't warn her," I admitted with a heavy sigh,"I just thought that if I waited long enough kept blowing him off, Tatewould eventually forget the whole thing and move on."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Well,that plan worked out really well, didn't it," Kyle retorted.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">His wordsstung but I deserved it, so I didn't say anything.</span> <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Sorryman," Kyle said after a minute "I didn't mean that."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Don'tbe" I replied, shaking my head, "I deserve it."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"No,look dude," he by insisted, "I said that I wasn't going to judge youand I meant it."</span> <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Thanks,man" I said, feeling truly grateful.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">A moment ofsilence passed between us before Kyle spoke again.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Thetruth is" he said, speaking slowly, "I'm kind of relieved that I knowyour whole story now because it'll be easier to tell you mine."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I wassuddenly thrown into confusion<i>. What is he talking about? What could he possibly have to be ashamed of?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"I'vebeen keeping something from you too," Kyle explained when he saw thequestion in my eyes.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I sat andwaited patiently for Kyle's confession, mentally bracing myself for it.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"I'mnot in medical school," he blurted out suddenly.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I satthere, stunned. I didn't know whether tolaugh with relief or to offer my sympathy. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Of course,I opted for sympathy.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Man,I’m sorry, Kyle," I said simply "what happened?"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Nothingreally," Kyle shrugged, "I just couldn't cut it."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I wasn'tsurprised by this news. While I knewKyle to be incredibly smart, he was always more interested in having fun thanstudying. Apparently, that hadn'tchanged.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"So,what do you really do?" I askedhim.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"I'm ahome health aide," he replied.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Really?" I said with genuine interest.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">The truthwas that I truly admired people who chose that line of work. From my experience looking after my mother,it was a completely draining and lonely existence.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Ithink that's great," I told him.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Doyou really think so, Justin," he asked, apparently surprised by my answer.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Yeah,"I said, truthfully, "I could never do that."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I pausedafter I made that statement as an unwelcome image of my mother's lifeless andbloodied body invaded my mind.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Itried it once and look how that turned out," I reminded him.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Thehappiness that was in Kyle's eyes suddenly faded. Sadness and pity replaced it.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"You'renot still blaming yourself, are you?" Kyle asked.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Ofcourse I do!" I said vehemently,"if I had been paying more attention to her, I would have seen it comingand I could have stopped her."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Kylereleased an exasperated sigh but his tone was gentle as he spoke<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Noone saw it coming, Justin. You've got tostop blaming yourself. Your mother madethat choice, not you. It's not yourfault."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">He wasright, of course as always. How manytimes had I told myself that very same thing? No matter how much I tried however, I could not forgive myself. I doubted that I ever would.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Shewasn't your mother, Kyle," I said with my finality. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"That'strue," Kyle mumbled, letting the subject finally drop.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Since bothof us were to keyed up to sleep, Kyle and I spent the rest of the night playingpoker with food from the vending machine.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I was up tofive bags of chips to Kyle's one. Not tomention that two candy bars I had won in the last game. Computers weren't the only thing that I wasgood at. I was also a first class pokershark. Apparently, Kyle had forgotten that little fact, but I was only toohappy to remind him.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Ohman, you won again!" Kyle groanedas we finished another hand.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"That'sright," I gloated, enjoying my victory, "now hand over the goods, myman."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Here,go ahead and take it, cheater," he grumbled, pushing his last chocolatebar my way.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"I'mnot a cheater," I said pretending to be offended, "I'm just thatgood."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Yeah,well you should have tried your luck at the tables instead of messing with thecomputer," he said.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Nah,"I said, biting into a chip, "too risky. You usually get your ass kicked if you get caught at the tables. With computers, you're indivisible. I'd liketo keep my bones intact, thank you."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Goodpoint, Kyle said as we started another game.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Wecontinued like this for while longer, and Kyle even managed to win a hand muchto his amazement and mine.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"So,what's our next move," Kyle asked as he looked over his hand.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Ournext move?" I repeated withsurprise.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Yeah,what's our next move?"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I wasdumbfounded and Kyle must have seen it.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"What?"he asked, "you honestly didn't think you could go anywhere or do anythingwithout me to, did you?"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I was at aloss for words.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Ithought that you....,"I stammered idiotically unable to finish mysentence.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Youthought what?" Kyle insisted.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Well,"I said, fumbling for words, "I thought that once you knew the truth aboutme, you....., "<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"ThatI wouldn't want anything more to do with you?" Kyle said, finishing my sentence for me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I couldonly offer a helpless shrug reply.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Iwouldn't blame you," I said softly.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Comeon, Justin, "I could never do that to you. We're brothers after all,remember?" he said, reminding me our childhood oath by holding up acalloused finger.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I was toooverwhelmed to speak. Just when I hadlost faith in humanity, Kyle came to the rescue, offering a ray of hope.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Besides,"Kyle said with a crooked grin, "I'm sick of this town and you're my rideout of here."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Okthen," I said, my spirits rising, "what did you have in mind?"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Withoutanother word, he got up and walked across the room to retrieve something.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I took thisopportunity to apply to glance at Kyle's now abandoned hand. He had nothing.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Sothat's why you called it quits. You havenothing," I laughed, pointing to his cards.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Plus,I wanted to save some food for myself,” he said with a smile.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Sittingdown, Kyle cleared the playing field, spreading a map out between us.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"I wasthinking that we should try Michigan," Kyle said, planting his finger onthe map.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Michigan?" I asked.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Sure,why not," he said.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Then,looking up, he fixed me with a strange look. "You weren't seriouslythinking about sticking around here, were you?" he questioned.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"WellI....," I said slowly, "I kind of like here but....,"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Ohsure," Kyle cut in, "what's not to like? You've got great music, coffee capital of theworld, great job opportunities and let's not forget a pyromaniac psychopath whois probably out to kill you! You'reright, Justin. Why would you even thinkabout leaving?"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I couldn'thelp it. Maybe it was because I had torelease stress, or because it was actually funny. Wherever the reason, Kyle's last comment mademe laugh.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Allright, all right, Confucius, you win," I managed to say between breaths.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Good,"Kyle said satisfied with himself.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Kylepointed to the map again.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"I saywe head for the Upper Peninsula," he suggested.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Whythere?" I asked.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Kyle shruggednonchalantly but there was a sparkle within his eyes.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Didn'tyou say that Catherine lived up that way?"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Yeah,”I said,” in the Marquette area."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Well,there you go," Kyle said as a mischievous grin spread across his face,"what better reason to go up there. Who knows, maybe you could even be her knight in shining armor."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I felt mycheeks grow warm, I quickly directed my gaze to the floor in order to hide myembarrassment. However, this only encouragedKyle further.</span> <span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Aha, I knew it!," Kyle said triumphantly,"you like her, don't you?"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Kyle'sdeclaration only made me more uncomfortable, and served to remind me thatCatherine and I could never be.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Knightin shining armor?" I asked with a smirk,“Where in the hell did you come up with that one? Read too many romancenovels?"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I expectedKyle to turn red just as I had done. Instead, his expression turned wistful as if he were somewhere else.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"As amatter of fact, yes," he said proudly, turning his attention back to me.Curious now, I leaned forward and waited for him to explain.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Iused to work for an elderly woman," Kyle the explained, "and shesuffered from severe migraines. So, Iused to read to her until they passed."</span> <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Andshe liked romance novels," I guessed<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Yep,"Kyle nodded, "actually some of them weren't half bad."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Itsounds like you're very fond of this woman. If you leave here, won't you miss her?" I asked.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">A sad lookcame into Kyle's eyes as if I had just said something hurtful, which made meregret my question. As quickly as it hadappeared however, his sadness vanished. It was replaced by a peacefulness that I had never seen in Kyle before.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"I'llalways miss her, I suppose. She passedaway last year," he said softly.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"I'msorry, Kyle," I said.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Don'tbe," Kyle replied honestly, "Anna's not suffering anymore. Those migraines that I told you about werecaused by a massive brain tumor. Nowshe's at peace.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Hey,"I said, trying to lighten the mood, "maybe Catherine's looking to hire anotheraide. You would be perfect forher."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Kyle's facelit up with a smile.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Thatwould be great!" he said<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Maybeshe might just need a knight in shining armor, too," Kyle said, giving mea playful shove<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Itwouldn't work out with Catherine and me," I told him firmly, hoping thathe would drop the subject once and for all.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Whynot?" He persisted in that annoyingbrotherly way of his.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Because,"I sighed, "I don't want to complicate her life more than it already is,ok. Everything that I touch seems to fallapart. I'd only end up hurting hersomehow and I refuse to do that. Catherine is one of those rare people that I can truly open up to. Even though we haven't actually met, she'sbeen a really great friend to me. Idon't want to do anything to screw that up."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Youknow what," Kyle said, giving me a knowing look, "everything you saidmight be true but you'll never know if you keep hiding from life."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I groanedinwardly. <i>Why did he always have to be right?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Allright, sensei. When do we leave?"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Now,that's more like it!" Kyle said,clapping me on the shoulder and beaming.</span> <span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Even though we still weren't tired,Kyle and I both decided to try and get a few hours of sleep. Then, after withdrawing money from the bankand grabbing my spare laptop, Kyle and I were ready to hit the road. At thelast minute, Kyle suggested that I get rid of my cell phone. That way Tate would not be able to track usas easily. While I told him that thiswas a good idea and that being the expert, I was surprised that I hadn't thoughtof it, I also knew that it wouldn't take him long to find us again. Someone of Tate's talent and caliber couldeasily find another way.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">As wecruised down the expressway, I found myself battling with my emotions yetagain. On one hand, I felt liberated,ready to start a new life. At the sametime, I couldn't escape the nagging feeling that I was once again runningaway. I also had the sinking feelingthat it was only a matter of time before we were found. When that happened, I knew without a doubtthat the consequences would be fatal.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center; text-indent: .5in;"><br /></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Chapter Fifteen<o:p></o:p></span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Catherine<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I couldn'topen my eyes. It felt as if they werebeing held down by an invisible force. Blinding, painful light flooded my vision when I was finally able to prythem open. Once my eyes had adjusted, Ifound that everything was grey and fuzzy.</span> <span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">A sharp pain shot through my headas I tried to move it. What's wrong withme? I tried to speak but only a weak moan came out. I heard footsteps coming towards my bed. Someone was talking to me. It took me a moment but soon I realized thatthe Nick was standing over me. Warmth spread through me as he took a hold of myhand.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"ThankGod," he whispered as he kissed my forehead, "you had us soworried."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">When Itried to say something, Nick stopped me by gently fingers over my lips.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Shh,"he soothed, "don't try to talk. Just rest for now."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Normally, Iwould've argued with him but I felt completely drained of energy. I did however manage to get at one word out.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Where....,"I asked, my voice coming out as a croak.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Nick'svoice was kind as he spoke to me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"You'rein the hospital," he said, "Do you remember anything thathappened?"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Slowly andpainfully, I shook my head in reply.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">He juststood there for a minute, looking down at me. I could see the concern within his eyes, but there was something elsetoo. Something I could not quiteidentify. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Sighingdeeply, he told me what had happened the night of the banquet. I was mortified.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Nick,I am so sorry," I said, my voice barely a whisper.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Don'teven worry about it," he told me, shaking his head, “who cares about somestupid dinner.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">He stoppeda talking for a minute. In that moment,we just stared at one another. It mayhave been my tired eyes playing tricks on me, but I could have sworn that Nickwas looking at me with something more than friendship within his eyes.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Gently, hestarted to stroke my forehead and I hoped that he could not hear my racingheart.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Theonly thing that matters now is that you're ok," he said sincerely,"now please try to get some rest. I'll be here when you wake up."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">His wordssettled over me like a warm blanket. Smiling, I closed my eyes.</span> <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I wasn'tsure how long I had been asleep for, but looking around after I awoke, I foundthat my room was the empty. I was filledwith a sense of disappointment and loneliness. <i>Where was he? He said that he'd be here when I wokeup. </i>Suddenly, I was ashamed ofmyself. <i>Can you be more of a baby, Catherine? Maybe he just wanted to get some coffee or something.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">With greateffort, I slowly lifted my head and peered into the hallway. Sure enough, I recognized Nick's profilestanding at a distance from my room. Hewas talking to somebody, but whom? Then,I recognized the second person as Jody. Nick was probably telling her that Ididn't remember how I got here. I wasjust about to put my head back down when I noticed a third person. It seemed as if they were speaking in hushedtones. At first, I thought that Jody andNick were talking to a doctor about my condition. Straining to see, I realized that it was nota doctor at all. They were talking toRyan.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">What is he still doing here? He should be at the Sons of Mary by now</span></i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">After amoment, the three of them started heading in my direction. I quickly snuggled back into the pillow andtried to make a look like I just woke up.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Jody wasthe first to rush to my side. Betweensmothering me with kisses, and joyful sobs, she managed to squeeze out asentence.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"OhKatie," she cried,”</span> <span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">You had us so worried! Thank God you're all right, though! "<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">It was Ryanwho came to the rescue.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Easy,Jody," he said, gently pulling her away, "what are you try to do,drown her?"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; tab-stops: 423.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Jodyresponded by turning and giving Ryan a dirty look, which made me laugh. Ryan replied to this by sticking his tongueout and giving her a little shove. Ryanjust stood there for a minute, looking down at me. Suddenly, a smile slowly spread across hisface. "Hello," he said.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; tab-stops: 423.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Hi,"I answered weakly.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; tab-stops: 423.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Youknow," he said shaking his finger at me, "that was quite a trick youplayed, Catherine."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; tab-stops: 423.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">He wasobviously waiting for me to reply, but when I gave him nothing but a confusedlook, he explained himself.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; tab-stops: 423.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Iknow you said that you'd get even with me, but really," he said, wavinghis arms around the room, "isn't this a bit much?</span> <span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Even foryou?"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; tab-stops: 423.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I couldalways count on Ryan for a joke or a wise crack. He usually made them at awkward orinappropriate times. Normally, itannoyed me, but right now, I was grateful. Nick and Jody were acting like I hadjust cheated death or something. Maybe Ihad but all I wanted was for them to act normal. I hated being treated like I was fragile.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; tab-stops: 423.0pt; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Well,"I said, giving him what I hoped passed for a wicked smile, "I have to keepyou on your toes, don't I?"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Well,next time," Jody chimed in, "let us in on the joke, would you?"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"I'lltry," I said.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Alwaysthe drama queen," Ryan snickered, shaking his head at me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Ryan'ssmile vanished suddenly and he once again turned back into the caring bigbrother that I loved and needed.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"We'rejust glad that you're ok," he whispered as he bent down to embrace me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Once Ryanhad straightened back up again, I noticed the clouds that had entered hiseyes. This always happened when he wasconcerned for me. Naturally, I did mybest to console him <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Don'tworry, choir boy, I'll be fine," I assured him. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Iknow you will be," he said, trying to sound confident. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I didn'tbuy it however because as he spoke, a single tear slid down his face. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Ryan,what's the matter?" I questioned, my insides filling with dread.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Before hespoke however, Ryan turned and exchanged looks with Nick and Jody. Glancing intheir direction, I knew that something was definitely not right. Pale anddrawn, both looked like they were going to be sick.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Catherine,"Ryan said, gently taking my hand, "I have something that I need to tellyou."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Before hecould continue however, a booming voice interrupted him, "you certainlydo!"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I knew thatvoice instantly. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">It was thevoice of doctor Stephen Peters, my friend and physician. Doctor Peters and I first met when a friendrecommended to me, saying that he specialized in developmentaldisabilities. At first, I had misgivingsabout meeting him. The last thing that Ineeded was another doctor who over medicated and talked down to me as I didn'tknow my own care.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">DoctorPeters was different though. Instead ofaddressing Jody, who often came with me in order to take notes, he spoke to medirectly. Not only was he personable buthe was also extremely knowledgeable about Cerebral Palsy and Epilepsy.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">From thatday forward, he became my doctor and the father that I'd never known.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Right atthat exact moment however, I wanted nothing more than to hide from him. Ever since he had taken me on as a patient,Doctor Peters had been pushing for me to slow down and reduce stress. Even though he knew the stress of myprofession, he couldn't emphasize enough the importance of rest. Otherwise my seizure activity would increaseand eventually become hazardous. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Knowingthat I was about to receive one of the biggest lectures of my life, I mentallybraced myself.</span> <span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">As doctor Peters marched in, his usually cheery face was setin a scowl<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">.</span> <span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Why,hello doctor Peters," I said in my most innocent voice, "how were theBahamas? I hear that they're lovely thistime of year.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">" My ploy failed to work, however. He was still fuming when he answered me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Youwant to know how my vacation went, huh?" He asked in a surprisingly calm voice, "Do you really want toknow?"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I noddedslowly, knowing that I was going to regret it.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"OkI'll tell you," he replied in a still calm voice, standing at the foot ofmy bed.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Theislands were great," he said,” especially St. Bart's. Mary, my wife, loved it."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">All of thistime doctor Peters had managed to remain calm. As he paused for affect however, his demeanor slowly changed. His breathing seemed more rapid, and his lefteye began to twitch.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Everythingwas fine," he continued, somehow keeping his voice from rising,"until I got back, that is."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">He wasstanding next to my bed so that I could avoid his piercing blue gray eyes.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Imaginemy surprise when I received a phone call saying that Catherine Baker wasadmitted to the hospital three days prior to my arrival home."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">My breathwas suddenly stuck within my throat. <i>Three days? Have I really been here for three whole days?</i><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I couldn'tbelieve it. At that moment, the seriousness of my condition began to sink in.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Will I be ok?" I asked nervously as my heart raced.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Thank heavens,yes." he replied, "but youwere lucky this time."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Relief spread through me and nodoubt to everyone the room. Closing myeyes, I silently thanked God for His mercy.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Why did she collapsethen?" Jody questioned, breakingthe silence.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Exhaustion," doctorPeters announced, "pure and simple.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Doctor Peters had been pacing as hespoke, but now he stopped, spun around and walked back to me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">As he spoke, he addressed everyonein the room, while training his stern gaze directly on me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"As usual," he continued,"she didn't listen."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Our Katie not listen,"Ryan said, his voice dripping with sarcasm, "you're joking."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Ryan, please," I begged,"not now."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Sorry," he mumbled.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Doctor Peters turned around andfaced Ryan. His expression hadn'tchanged, so I thought that he was going to yell some more.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"So you're the Ryan that I'veheard so much about," doctor Peters said, extending his hand.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Yes sir," he replied,shaking it firmly.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"It's a pleasure to finallymeet you. Although, I wish that it couldhave been under more pleasant circumstances," doctor Peters said, fixingme with a hard look, making me wish that I could crawl under a rock.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Same here, Ryan said," AlthoughI am sorry to say that Katie never mentioned you nor did she say anything abouther health.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"That does not surpriseme," the doctor replied curtly.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Hey, come on guys," Nicksaid, coming over to my bedside, "I think we should all go easy on poorCatherine. She's been through a lot andI think that she's learned her lesson.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I gave Nick's hand a gentle squeezeof appreciation. He squeezed it back,casting me a reassuring smile.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"And just whom areyou?" Doctor Peters asked, givingNick a once over.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> "Nick Shafer," he said, holding outhis hand.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">When doctorPeters continued to scrutinize him, Nick offered more of an explanation.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"I'm afriend of Catherine's," he said.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">The doctorseemed to accept this and continued speaking.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Be that asit may, Nick," he went on in an authoritative tone, "Catherine stillignored my medical advice. This isexactly what I was trying to avoid."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I startedto protest but I was silenced before I could even get a word out.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Howmany times have I warned you to avoid physical and emotional stress? He asked.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Amillion," I answered meekly, feeling like a child with each passingminute.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"That'sright," he retorted, "I warned you that if you did not allow yourbody to rest and recuperate consistently, then it would eventually shutdown."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Yes,I know," I said dryly, "I'm lucky be alive. Now, can we please move on?"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">They wereall looking at me in stunned silence.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I instantlyregretted my words, and told them as much.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"I'm sorryyou guys," I apologized tearfully, "I didn't mean to sound ungratefulor anything. I know that I messed up,and I'm also sorry for worrying everyone. I just don't like being treated like a child."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Then,turning my gaze towards doctor Peters, I addressed him.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"I amtruly sorry, doctor Peters. I shouldhave listened to you. Will you forgiveme?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Hisexpression softened and familiar warmth returned to his eyes.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Walkingover to me, Doctor Peters covered my hand with his and spoke softly.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"There'sno need for that, my dear. In fact, itis I who must apologize. I am supposedto uphold a professional demeanor with my patients at all times."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Here hestopped, and it looked as if he was trying to regain composure.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Butyou," he continued in a shaky voice,” somehow captured my heart. Mary and I were never able to have children,and in a way, you've become like a daughter to me. I know that I speak for everyone here when Isay that we couldn't bare it if anything happened to you."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I was toooverwhelmed to speak and for a moment, I just let my tears fall.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"> <span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Enough of this!" Doctor Peters almost shouted, breaking thepeaceful hush that had fallen over the room<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Startled,we all looked at him with surprise and confusion.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"That'senough visiting for one day," he clarified in a softer tone,"Catherine needs her rest if she's going to be released tomorrow."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I couldn'tbelieve my ears.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Really,"I asked hopefully, "are you sure?"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Idon't see why not," he answered, "on two conditions."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I had afeeling that I wouldn't like what was coming but what could I do?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Suchas," I asked wearily.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"One,you go on sabbatical for two months. This means no interviews, book signings or anything related to the bookbusiness."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Evenwriting?" I pressed, fearfully.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Youcan write," the corrected, "after all perfecting ones craft is anever ending task and you wouldn't want you to become rusty."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">A smilesuddenly crossed his lips, filling me with absolute dread.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Mysecond condition is for Jody." heannounced.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">At thesound of her name, Jody perked up.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Iwant you and Nick here to watch over Catherine. She obviously does not know her limits."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Oh great! Justwhat I need, sentinels.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Jody noddedwordlessly and Nick just winked at me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I offeredhim a weak smile in return and sighed.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Oh well. Atleast I'll get to spend more time with Nick.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">DoctorPeters’ voice broke into my musings.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Allright people," it's time to go. Catherine needs her rest.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I groanedin protest. Despite my exhaustion, Ididn't want to be left alone. For aslong as I can remember, I had hated hospitals. Especially at night. I couldn't explain my fear, but hospitalsjust creped me out! Mom had always saidthat my fear was a combination of early childhood trauma and too many scarymovies.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Arealization suddenly hit me, and I was now filled with a new fear.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Did mom know any of this?</span></i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> If so, I was in for a bigger lecture thandoctor Peters gave me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Ryan, doesmom know that I'm in the hospital," I asked anxiously.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"No,"he answered solemnly.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Somethingin the tone of his voice just wasn't right. It was as if he was trying to hide a deeper truth behind hisanswer. The look upon his face onlyserved to confirm my suspicions. A maskof pain covered his face. I knew then,without a doubt that something was wrong. Was he having second thoughts about the monastic life? It was so unlike him to hide something forme. I was usually the first to knowabout anything that was going on in his life. <i>Well, he'll eventually tell me.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">DoctorPeters broke into my thoughts again.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Catherine,"he said turning his attention to me, "I'll be in first thing to check onyou and I'll give you the release papers myself."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Then, hespoke the three people that made up my entourage.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Mr.Shaffer, Ryan. It was a pleasure tofinally meet both of you."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">He thenturned to Jody.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Keepan eye on her, young lady." he said in a friendly tone, “I will becalling.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Just beforedoctor Peters left the room, he stopped and spun around on his heels.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“I justhave one more question for you Catherine, "he said" and its veryimportant. "<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">By the lookon his face and the tone of his voice, I thought that this was another medicalquestion.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Whatis it," I asked.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">It took hima minute to answer as if he were thinking of the best way to phrase hisquestion. Therefore, I just waitedpatiently.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"IsMarie going to live or die?"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Instead ofgiving a reply, I'd just stared at him dumbly, completely caught offguard. When I didn't answer, he decidedto explain<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“I'm onlyasking for my wife, of course, "he stated awkwardly," she’s on pinsand needles not knowing if Marie will be able to fight back.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">When Irealized what he was asking, it took everything I had not to the laughhysterically. Doctor Peters was ofcourse referring to the heroine of my latest novel, The <i>Web of Deception</i> which was due to come out this week. Of course now, the release would have to bepostponed.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">As awriter, I'm quite used to questions of this sort from devoted fans. I did not however expect one of those fans tobe an elderly Physician. I looked over at Nick, who was also struggling not tolaugh. I very much doubted that it washis wife who was seeking answers Iwould however, keep my hunches to myself. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Why,doctor," I said with mock surprise, "you of all people should knowthat dead men tell no tales."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Pleasetell me," he pleaded, "it would mean so much to Mary. She's been sick, you know."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I almostchoked laughter as he said that, but I still managed to keep myself in check.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"I amvery sorry," I said doing my best not to laugh, "sick or not, shewill just have to wait like everyone else."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Dejected,doctor Peters turned around, and without a word, he left the room. Only then did Nick and I allow ourselves tolaugh until tears ran down our faces.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Thatman never gives up does he?" Nick asked after he had caught this breath. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"No,"I answered, trying to compose myself, "he doesn't. It never gets old though."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Whatdo you mean he never gives up," Ryan asked, obviously confused.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Its alittle game they play," Jody explained.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Yeah,"Nick said, "he's always trying to get a sneak peak of Catherine's booksbefore they come out."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"DoctorPeters is a good man and an excellent Physician," I told my brother,"but he has the patience of a two year old. Honestly, his wife is a saint.".<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Thenyou two must be perfect for one another." Ryan teased as he elbowed me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I gave hisarm a playful slap.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Watchit, buddy," I warned, "don't make me write about you in my nextbook!"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Oh,"Ryan groaned mockingly, "what are you going to say? That I wear socks with sandals?"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"All rightyou two," Jody chided as she walked towards us, "break it up."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Then, intrue Jody fashion, she began to tuck me in.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">To mostpeople this would be annoying. To thehowever, Jody's mothering was a comfort. Especially at times when I was sick, like now.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Getsome rest now," Jody said as she kissed me goodnight, "and we'll seeyou in the morning."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Ryancan you stay with me?" I asked,hoping that I didn't sound too desperate.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Anunderstanding smile came to his lips. Hemore than anyone, knew the depth of my fear.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Surething, baby doll," he replied.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Nickhappily agreed to take Jody home.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Don'tforget to tell Ritz that I'm ok," I told Jody before they left, "he'sprobably worried."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“The onlything that cat ever worries about is his stomach,” Jody retorted with a laugh,”but I’ll pass it on.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Later thatnight, I awoke with a start. In thedarkness, my mind raced. <i>Where am I? </i>Then it all came back me. Iwas in the hospital, having been admitted for exhaustion. Having reestablished this, I tried to stillmy racing heart. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">The strangeand unnerving dream that I had kept filtering though my mind. In the dream, my mother was calling me but Icouldn’t find her. Her voice soundedpeaceful and content, but it also was becoming softer and softer until it eventuallydied away. She was gone.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">What did it mean? <o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I neverusually thought about my dreams. Mygrandmother always said that dreams were the opposite of reality. I tended to believe this too. This dream was different however. It had left me feeling unsettled, as ifsomething had changed.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I lookedover at Ryan’s cot and was relieved to find that I hadn’t disturbed his sleep. In fact, his soft snoring filled me with asense of peace and comfort. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">It took mequite a while to fall asleep but when I did, I slept fitfully and my dreamswere unsettling.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I awoke thenext morning to an empty room. I knewRyan wouldn’t have left, so I took this opportunity to wipe the cobwebs from mymind. Physically I felt fine aside fromfeeling a little weak. Emotionally, Istill felt uneasy. I continued to havedreams about my mother. The last one wasnot troubling but peaceful. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Mom and Iwere sitting on my porch, drinking coffee and looking at the roaring water.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Isn’tGod’s creation beautiful?” mom asked me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Yes it is,”I agreed<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Then,taking my hands in hers, mom looked at me with blue eyes that radiated withlove.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Alwaysremember that I love you, my darling girl,” she said speaking softly, “God andI will always be here.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I wanted toask why she was telling me this, but I couldn’t speak through my tears. Closing my eyes, I took a few deepbreaths. When I opened them again, momwas gone. Instead of feeling distressedlike in my previous dream. I felt the warmth of love within my soul.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Ryansuddenly appeared at the door, knocking softly and pulling me from my thoughts.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“I’mawake,” I announced with a yawn.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“I bringgifts,” Ryan said as walked into the room. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">My eyestraveled to his hands where I saw two Styrofoam cups. My spirits suddenly soared.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Arethose…,” I started to ask.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Ryan smiledand nodded.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; tab-stops: 1.25in; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Two Frenchvanilla cappuccinos,” he said as he walking toward me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; tab-stops: 1.25in; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Thankyou,” I said as he carefully handed one to me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; tab-stops: 1.25in; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I just heldthe cup for a while, allowing its warmth to seep into me.<o:p></o:p></span></